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Old August 24th, 2009 (8:51 PM).
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Feign Feign is offline
Join Date: Dec 2008
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Originally Posted by Cнαяcнιc View Post
Pokémon – Project Victory

Rated PG-13

This Fan-Fiction will contain some swearing / violence and mature themes. If you are offended by any of the above then feel free to read, just don’t say I didn’t warn you.


Action – Adventure – Journey – Romance – Horror


The night was silent, and the shining stars twinkled brightly over the cold dark planet (might be too general or too "zoomed out"), not a single person could be seen wandering through the lonely streets, nor could a single Pokémon be seen flying across or racing through. Houses stood tall but all seemed empty, not a single light glowing through a clear glass window, nobody would dare switch on a light, nobody would dare draw attention to their home, not in these dark times. Not as the world stood still, frozen in a grip of fear. The only thing that people could do now was pray. Pray that somebody could save them, pray that one of the neighbouring regions would come to their aid and light up the dark world once more, restore the peace and harmony that for a short while filled the world, the sense of tranquility that the world had grown to love, the sense of tranquility that only occurred while Giovanni, Archie and Cyrus, leaders of the three most fierce gangs, seemed to vanish from existence, the sense of tranquility that was quickly shattered when the three leaders returned. To regain control of their gangs and begin: Project Victory. (run-on sentence)

As the city continued to tremble silently in the cold, empty night, a creature watched, far away, from a nearby hill, standing tall in the pure light from the pearl Moon, it took one step forward, and the clanking of chains could be heard behind it, as the creature continued to travel towards the chilling city, it wore a dark cloak with a black hood, and lifted the hood over its head, sighing, as its three fingers on each hand gripped the thin material and pulled it over its feline shaped head, even with the black cloak, which was used to disguise the unique appearance, nothing could hide the long purple tail which dragged along the grassy floor behind it, it turned around, startled, focusing its sharp, cold eyes, on what seemed to be a faint pink glow which hovered above the bright green grass. (one big huge sentence)

The weak light which began to grow stronger and brighter, soon began to form into a strange shape, the first creature smirked slightly, and lowered its hood from its head, the blinding bright light did not seem to hurt his unique curved eyes, once the second creature formed fully, the bright light began to fade around it, and a creature with pale pink skin, similar to that of the first, was left behind, floating effortlessly in the silent starlit night, it had bright blue eyes, more friendly than that of the first, and had a long pink tail, and the body which resembled a mouse, except it floated above its two legs, similar to how a human would stand. (another run on sentence)

The first creature bowed its head in respect, and began to speak in a cold chilling voice which seemed to echo through the mind of the creature which was being spoken too, its mouth did not move as it spoke but it waved its hands in a fashion which looked to be like witchcraft, this seemed to allow it speak, however the creature was in fact, telepathic.

It turned to the city and stood tall, “Finally, you have arrived. I have spent far too long watching these empty streets, unable to intervene. Stood here, hiding in the darkness of this lifeless hill, because I dare not approach those who hold the world in a grip of fear.”

The second creature leaned forward and flew towards the first, before spinning in a circle; it was childlike and had a much less intimidating presence to it, “Do not blame yourself, my brother.” The second creature said, in a soothing feminine voice, “With the power of Project Victory, you could not risk your life, trying to help the city below. Imagine if they captured you? Then what would happen? They would freeze your heart with the power of their machinery and make you become their slave, and with you, one of the most powerful beings to live, a slave to them.” It said sighing, “Well, the prophecy would no longer be able to be fulfilled, and all hope would be lost for this world.”

The first creature nodded, “You are right, my sister. But still, I fear that it is now far too late to save this world now. Everything ends, eventually. It may take billions of years, it may take seconds, but in the end, everything ends, it is fate, it is destiny... And although we may be able to postpone it, I fear it will still seek us out. I fear that this year, will be the year that the world as we know and love, will come to an end and perish in sheer fury of fire and ice.”
Aside from some problems with run-on sentences, your descriptions, and overall set up, are well laid out. If I'd make a guess, I'd say it was Mew and Arceus speaking?
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