Roleplay Casting Lounge about in Out-Of-Character discussions linked to individual roleplays. This is the best place to find existing roleplays to join, or create the sign-up thread for a roleplay of your own!
New threads in this forum are to be approved by a moderator before they are displayed.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old November 25th, 2006 (8:34 PM). Edited November 25th, 2006 by Đ a r κ.
Đ a r κ's Avatar
Đ a r κ Đ a r κ is offline
Love Intent
     
    Join Date: Nov 2006
    Location: Tampa Fl
    Age: 23
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Quirky
    Posts: 814
    Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Đ a r κ
    Here is the plot but I want the plot to be longer so please give me some ideas on what I could add and what I could get rid of.

    ~Plot~
    Over two thousand years ago, Omi, Raimundo, Clay and Kimiko fought in a battle against evil that determined the destiny of the earth and during this battle, master fung had died of old age and of a heart attack. After days and days of fighting and using their elemental powers, the battle was won by the four monks. Then as the monks grew older, they started to lose their elements, and their Wudai weapons started getting out of control. Soon it got to the point where the monks died along with the elements, and their weapons left to find their new wielders. As time passed, a new evil started rising and causing havoc using the new element of Darkness. What is the element of darkness you ask, well not much is known about it now but most people say that who ever has that element can control shadows then walk into them and come out somewhere different. The user of this element could also transport others into a shadow of perpetual darkness, which is what he did to wuya when she apposed him. This person with the element of darkness is trying to take over the world and his name is Luke Torom. Soon the Wudai weapons and the elements then found their new masters that would be destined to save the world. As for the Shen Gong Wu, they spread throughout the world in new places awaiting their new users, and as for Dojo, he had been locked in the secret volt at the old Temple for one thousand years waiting for someone to set him free.
    __________________
    L i g h t

    Credit Goes To: t w e n t y - t w o . :]

    A War Lies Upon The Horizon...Gather Your Heroes & Take Your Places. We're Fighting For The World. Poison/Us

    Relevant Advertising!

      #2    
    Old November 25th, 2006 (9:29 PM).
    Loki's Avatar
    Loki Loki is offline
    x
    • Gold Tier
     
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Location: Tokyo, Japan
    Nature: Calm
    Posts: 6,872
    1) I suggest you capitalize things like, 'Shen Gong Wu', 'Kimiko' and spell 'Wudai' correctly, and capitalize that too.

    2) Put more detail into what this 'evil organization' is.

    3) Uh...spell-checker.

    4) This is just kind of something you're supposed to do, but after you end your sentence with a period, you put a space before starting the new sentence. Like so. See? Spaces! Yeah, it makes the whole thing look a little neater.

    5) You don't want to get rid of anything. >.< That'll make it shorter then it already is. xD You might want to describe what's going on with past characters, like if Dojo, Master Fung, and Wuya are still around. (Forgive me if I'm being narrow minded, I haven't watched any of the more recent episodes)

    6) You may want to describe the new element of Darkness.

    There's a lot more, but we'll see what happens with just that.
      #3    
    Old November 26th, 2006 (1:35 PM). Edited November 26th, 2006 by Đ a r κ.
    Đ a r κ's Avatar
    Đ a r κ Đ a r κ is offline
    Love Intent
       
      Join Date: Nov 2006
      Location: Tampa Fl
      Age: 23
      Gender: Male
      Nature: Quirky
      Posts: 814
      Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Đ a r κ
      Ok I edited it, but doesn't really matter since you will be locking this for the new rp helper thing you made but until then I could still use some ideas.
      __________________
      L i g h t

      Credit Goes To: t w e n t y - t w o . :]

      A War Lies Upon The Horizon...Gather Your Heroes & Take Your Places. We're Fighting For The World. Poison/Us
        #4    
      Old November 26th, 2006 (2:28 PM).
      Loki's Avatar
      Loki Loki is offline
      x
      • Gold Tier
       
      Join Date: Aug 2005
      Location: Tokyo, Japan
      Nature: Calm
      Posts: 6,872
      No, I'm only locking new ones.

      Over two thousand years ago, Omi, Raimundo, Clay and Kimiko fought in a battle against evil that determined the destiny of the Earth. During this battle, Master Fung had died of old age, and after days and days of fighting, the battle was won by the four monks. As the monks grew older, they started to lose their elemental power, and their Wudai weapons started getting out of control. Soon it got to the point where the monks died along with the elements, and their weapons left to find new wielders. As time passed, a new evil started rising and causing havoc using the new element of Darkness. What is the element of darkness you ask, well not much is known about it now but most people say that who ever has that element can control shadows, then walk into them and come out somewhere different. The user of this element could also transport others into a shadow of perpetual darkness, which is what he did to Wuya when she opposed him. This person with the element of darkness is trying to take over the world. His name is Luke Torom. Soon the Wudai weapons and the elements then found their new masters that would be destined to save the world, and the Shen Gong Wu? They spread throughout the world in new places awaiting their new users. As for Dojo, he had been locked in the secret vault at the old Temple for one thousand years waiting for someone to set him free.

      (Hahaha, you should add, 'and causing quite the noise' at the end of the last sentence)

      I edited it a bit to make it seem cleaner and smoother. (And I fixed a few capitalization errors) If you don't like it, ignore that, but another thing you might add that could count as the plot is like,

      Fire, Water, Wind, Earth. These elements will band together to fight this new nemesis, and bring peace back to the world!

      Or something filler-ish like that. Because, you still need like, two more lines before it looks okay to me. >.<
        #5    
      Old November 26th, 2006 (2:43 PM).
      Đ a r κ's Avatar
      Đ a r κ Đ a r κ is offline
      Love Intent
         
        Join Date: Nov 2006
        Location: Tampa Fl
        Age: 23
        Gender: Male
        Nature: Quirky
        Posts: 814
        Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Đ a r κ
        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Bijou View Post
        No, I'm only locking new ones.

        Over two thousand years ago, Omi, Raimundo, Clay and Kimiko fought in a battle against evil that determined the destiny of the Earth. During this battle, Master Fung had died of old age, and after days and days of fighting, the battle was won by the four monks. As the monks grew older, they started to lose their elemental power, and their Wudai weapons started getting out of control. Soon it got to the point where the monks died along with the elements, and their weapons left to find new wielders. As time passed, a new evil started rising and causing havoc using the new element of Darkness. What is the element of darkness you ask, well not much is known about it now but most people say that who ever has that element can control shadows, then walk into them and come out somewhere different. The user of this element could also transport others into a shadow of perpetual darkness, which is what he did to Wuya when she opposed him. This person with the element of darkness is trying to take over the world. His name is Luke Torom. Soon the Wudai weapons and the elements then found their new masters that would be destined to save the world, and the Shen Gong Wu? They spread throughout the world in new places awaiting their new users. As for Dojo, he had been locked in the secret vault at the old Temple for one thousand years waiting for someone to set him free. The element of darkness wasn't the only new element, one other element formed which was the element of lightning. With the element of lightning the user can create bolts of lightning out of their hands, and just like the other elements, this one also found it's user. Now that the elements have found their destined user's, they must join together to save the world from eternal darkness.

        (Hahaha, you should add, 'and causing quite the noise' at the end of the last sentence)

        I edited it a bit to make it seem cleaner and smoother. (And I fixed a few capitalization errors) If you don't like it, ignore that, but another thing you might add that could count as the plot is like,

        Fire, Water, Wind, Earth. These elements will band together to fight this new nemesis, and bring peace back to the world!

        Or something filler-ish like that. Because, you still need like, two more lines before it looks okay to me. >.<
        Ok, I edited this to show what I added.Would that be accepted?
        __________________
        L i g h t

        Credit Goes To: t w e n t y - t w o . :]

        A War Lies Upon The Horizon...Gather Your Heroes & Take Your Places. We're Fighting For The World. Poison/Us
          #6    
        Old November 26th, 2006 (3:42 PM).
        Loki's Avatar
        Loki Loki is offline
        x
        • Gold Tier
         
        Join Date: Aug 2005
        Location: Tokyo, Japan
        Nature: Calm
        Posts: 6,872
        Over two thousand years ago, Omi, Raimundo, Clay and Kimiko fought in a battle against evil that determined the destiny of the Earth. During this battle, Master Fung had died of old age, and after days and days of fighting, the battle was won by the four monks. As the monks grew older, they started to lose their elemental power, and their Wudai weapons started getting out of control. Soon it got to the point where the monks died along with the elements, and their weapons left to find new wielders. As time passed, a new evil started rising and causing havoc using the new element of Darkness. What is the element of darkness you ask, well not much is known about it now but most people say that who ever has that element can control shadows, then walk into them and come out somewhere different. The user of this element could also transport others into a shadow of perpetual darkness, which is what he did to Wuya when she opposed him. This person with the element of darkness is trying to take over the world. His name is Luke Torom.

        Soon the Wudai weapons and the elements then found their new masters that would be destined to save the world, and the Shen Gong Wu? They spread throughout the world in new places awaiting their new users. As for Dojo, he had been locked in the secret vault at the old Temple for one thousand years waiting for someone to set him free. The element of darkness wasn't the only new element, one other element formed which was the element of lightning. With the element of lightning the user can create bolts of lightning out of their hands, and just like the other elements, this one also found it's user. Now that the elements have found their destined user's, they must join together to save the world from eternal darkness.

        Yes, Accepted. xD Mind if you'd reserve a spot for me?
          #7    
        Old November 26th, 2006 (3:43 PM).
        Đ a r κ's Avatar
        Đ a r κ Đ a r κ is offline
        Love Intent
           
          Join Date: Nov 2006
          Location: Tampa Fl
          Age: 23
          Gender: Male
          Nature: Quirky
          Posts: 814
          Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Đ a r κ
          Yesh! And sure, i'll save a spot for you.
          __________________
          L i g h t

          Credit Goes To: t w e n t y - t w o . :]

          A War Lies Upon The Horizon...Gather Your Heroes & Take Your Places. We're Fighting For The World. Poison/Us
            #8    
          Old November 30th, 2006 (11:09 AM).
          Rokuo_Mitarashi's Avatar
          Rokuo_Mitarashi Rokuo_Mitarashi is offline
          Sad face..........
             
            Join Date: Mar 2006
            Location: Konohagakure
            Age: 23
            Nature: Relaxed
            Posts: 69
            Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Rokuo_Mitarashi Send a message via Yahoo to Rokuo_Mitarashi
            Can I have a spot? Xiaolin Showdown is one of my favorite shows! One question, can I pick Thunder as an additional element? A fifth element reveals!
            __________________
            DarkSpines Sonic
            /\ o /\Master of all Dragons and Dogs!!!
            ><My trusty partner Lucario a.k.a Luca!!!
            Sisters:Kylie-chanRavena_Mitarashi
            Twin:l Matt l
            Aunt: Charizard_maa
            Cousins:Uzumaki_Naruto Crystal Walrein
            Pair: Unpaired
            Brother-in-Law:Digital Mage
            Beware of the Dog Powers!!!
              #9    
            Old December 1st, 2006 (9:17 PM).
            Đ a r κ's Avatar
            Đ a r κ Đ a r κ is offline
            Love Intent
               
              Join Date: Nov 2006
              Location: Tampa Fl
              Age: 23
              Gender: Male
              Nature: Quirky
              Posts: 814
              Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Đ a r κ
              As long as your character sheet is good then yea.
              __________________
              L i g h t

              Credit Goes To: t w e n t y - t w o . :]

              A War Lies Upon The Horizon...Gather Your Heroes & Take Your Places. We're Fighting For The World. Poison/Us
                #10    
              Old December 16th, 2006 (6:53 PM).
              ProtrainerEon's Avatar
              ProtrainerEon ProtrainerEon is offline
              Ultimate Trainer
                 
                Join Date: Jun 2006
                Gender:
                Nature: Modest
                Posts: 322
                Send a message via AIM to ProtrainerEon
                Can I be in too? Can "Light" be an element for me if you say yes?
                __________________
                ProtrainerEon

                [PM me for my e-mail!]






                PC Cousin: Hayate
                PC Brother: Banov
                Closed Thread
                Quick Reply

                Sponsored Links
                Thread Tools

                Posting Rules
                You may not post new threads
                You may not post replies
                You may not post attachments
                You may not edit your posts

                BB code is On
                Smilies are On
                [IMG] code is On
                HTML code is Off

                Forum Jump


                All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:15 AM.