Writer's Lounge Need advice? Want to give advice? Come on in and share ideas with your fellow writers. Just remember, all fics go in the main forum.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old March 17th, 2007 (8:33 PM).
Matt Silver's Avatar
Matt Silver Matt Silver is offline
Who Do You Think?
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Location: Where Giving Up Is Not An Option
    Age: 25
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Adamant
    Posts: 947

    Btw, I'm pretty sure it's cool to post it here since it's only a preview:
    Hey ya'll, I'm writing a new fic that is kinda a journey with some (hopefully) original ideas incorporated. I thought I'd post up a preview a.k.a. the Prologue and I'd like you guys to give the preview a read- hopefully to make you want to read it when I'm done!

    Enjoy:
    _______________________________________
    Prologue: Destiny of the Children

    Central City’s St. Twelves Hospital would be the talk of all of Kinra for the next few days. For the fifth time in November, 2005, a baby was kidnapped in Paediatrics’ Marshall Hendrix Wing.

    An agent of the infamous Shade Syndicate, an underground movement of activists (Though some would call them terrorists) wearing all black who have been waging political warfare against the government for unknown reasons in recent years, had snuck into the Marshall Hendrix Wing and into the Nursery, home of about twenty babies born in the past three days.

    His name was Mike Twain, the son of a “peace-pushing fascist”, as stated by the press, who easily got access to the Nursery, having charmed the nurse in charge with his handsome features, including dark green eyes and jet-black hair, and a certain accent that was hard to trace, maybe a little British.

    Escaping with a crying baby in his arms was the hard part of this endeavour, but Mike Twain had delivered Zachary James Ramsey, born November 24th 2005, to his employers deep underground base in Ester City, just east of Central City.

    Unfortunately for Mike Twain, the Central City Police Department caught him two weeks later as he came back for another baby. After five days of interrogation, he was offered a deal by the stocky and dark skinned Lt. Cal Cullen, who had been promised a medal by Mayor Jennings.

    The idea to plant a wire and a GPS locater on Mike was executed and the raid of a secret lab was successful, as all the babies from this lab and others like it had been returned to their parents. No questions asked about what Shade Syndicate were doing to their children were asked, or at least, none were answered.

    This story centres around three of these children:

    Zach Ramsey lives in Swift City with his mother 14 years later, his 15th birthday coming up soon, and is eager to begin his Pokémon Journey through Kinra (Taking the Gym Badge Challenge path 1 of 3) in two months…

    Ally Hendrix was another child taken from Central City by Mike Twain a few months before Zach was and is now living in Sevenate City with her father, having recovered from a terrible boating accident and about to start her Contest Quest in two months…

    Nat Sellings lives in Lanna Islands, just south of Kinra, and is one of the youngest archaeologists of his time, having graduated a year ago. While other kids his age can’t wait to begin journeys, he plans to stay home and continue studying the Yarra Tombs when two men dressed in black come to kill him…

    But, on the same year the children would be going on their Pokémon Journeys, Shade Syndicate would make their move to retrieve their experiments and take what is theirs- special “changes” mixed in with the children’s DNA…
    ______________________________________
    Hope you like. Be sure to give a little review or suggestions on making it dunno, better?

    Reply With Quote

    Relevant Advertising!

      #2    
    Old March 19th, 2007 (9:06 AM).
    Light_Azumarill's Avatar
    Light_Azumarill Light_Azumarill is offline
    Danny Phantom!
       
      Join Date: Jun 2005
      Location: Wherever my brain is.
      Age: 32
      Gender:
      Nature: Gentle
      Posts: 1,712

      My brain kept reading 'Mike Twain' as 'Mark Twain'. XD

      I think it sounds good so far. I mean, I don't think I've ever heard of babies being taken from hospitals in a fic before. Though, DNA changes have been used to death, so just try and be careful with that area or you'll be heading into the land of cliche! Just keep it interesting, make sure the characters feel real and not cookie-cutter, and don't make the pokemon mindless. Then it should be okay. ^-^ Good luck!

      __________________

      Reply With Quote
        #3    
      Old March 19th, 2007 (9:06 PM).
      Matt Silver's Avatar
      Matt Silver Matt Silver is offline
      Who Do You Think?
         
        Join Date: Oct 2005
        Location: Where Giving Up Is Not An Option
        Age: 25
        Gender: Male
        Nature: Adamant
        Posts: 947

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Light_Azumarill View Post
        My brain kept reading 'Mike Twain' as 'Mark Twain'. XD

        I think it sounds good so far. I mean, I don't think I've ever heard of babies being taken from hospitals in a fic before. Though, DNA changes have been used to death, so just try and be careful with that area or you'll be heading into the land of cliche! Just keep it interesting, make sure the characters feel real and not cookie-cutter, and don't make the pokemon mindless. Then it should be okay. ^-^ Good luck!

        Thanks. Could you please elaborate on other fics with DNA changes so I can see how my plan is different?

        Reply With Quote
          #4    
        Old March 20th, 2007 (8:21 AM).
        Frostweaver's Avatar
        Frostweaver Frostweaver is offline
        Ancient + Prehistoric
           
          Join Date: Sep 2003
          Location: Canada
          Age: 28
          Gender: Male
          Nature: Calm
          Posts: 8,246

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Matt Silver View Post
          Thanks. Could you please elaborate on other fics with DNA changes so I can see how my plan is different?

          Believe everything written by Mack Foxx so far in the forum (sp on his username though >>; sorry) got something related to crazy scientist or DNA alternation...

          Chibi's "The Legendarian Chronicles" (you can find this fanfic in our very own fanfiction archive!) got DNA alternation involved, but that does not happen until well into the novel. It's one of, if not, the best fanfics that use DNA alternation, yet doesn't kill itself through this overused plot device.

          Quest of a Legend by Dragonfree got a brief mention of DNA alternation and cloning practices by one of the early gym leaders. However, it's (up to my point of reading) a rather minor plot devices. But, it's there.

          Light Azumarill is very true on how it's overused to death... every "scentific approach" to Pokemon world is screwing with the DNA, usually by the Rockets/"bad guys." Add "DNA gives Pokemon talking ablity"/"uber darn strong Pokemon" to the DNA idea, and you got yourself the stereotypical yet craptastical Pokemon Science Fiction.

          The fact that Mewtwo and Deoxys are "Genetic/DNA Pokemon" got everyone on some science high that involves these theories... not to mention, supposedly it gives the author some aura of superiority when they throw in those college terms in a fanfic for 15 year olds. ; Frankly, if I see a laboratory with the word "DNA" somewhere in the first chapter of the fanfic, it better be darn good right off the bat, or I'll just avoid it like plague.

          (Next to the Original Trainer idea, Scientific Catastrophe is the runner up for the most cheesy and difficult to manage plot devices ever, on par with the Alternate Universe High School Romance)

          EDIT: Indeed, Mark Twain and Mike Twain are so similar in name that it's not even funny... I was all expecting Mike to just smash the audience with pure cynical comments and dooms the world or something, while happily burns the nearby church down and captures a Farfetch'd only to roast it alive for a good meal.

          Reply With Quote
            #5    
          Old March 20th, 2007 (9:17 AM).
          Light_Azumarill's Avatar
          Light_Azumarill Light_Azumarill is offline
          Danny Phantom!
             
            Join Date: Jun 2005
            Location: Wherever my brain is.
            Age: 32
            Gender:
            Nature: Gentle
            Posts: 1,712

            Everything that Frostweaver said = truth!

            I just want to add that if you end up making Pokemon/human hybrids in some manner, I would be careful with how strong you make their powers. A lot of fics with Pokemorphs end up making their powers far too God-like and perfectly controllable. If I suddenly had a power that allowed me to expel electricity, I'd probably end up accidentally frying something/someone. XD

            __________________

            Reply With Quote
              #6    
            Old March 20th, 2007 (8:43 PM). Edited March 20th, 2007 by Matt Silver.
            Matt Silver's Avatar
            Matt Silver Matt Silver is offline
            Who Do You Think?
               
              Join Date: Oct 2005
              Location: Where Giving Up Is Not An Option
              Age: 25
              Gender: Male
              Nature: Adamant
              Posts: 947

              No I'm actually planning the kids have

              Spoiler:
              Special Abilities triggered by traumatic events (You know, self healing, telekinisis to name a few- but no god-like figures)

              nothing like pokemon/human hybrids or Pokemorphs, which i disgust.

              And i'll think of a new name instead of Mike Twain (Who's Mark Twain though?)

              Reply With Quote
                #7    
              Old March 21st, 2007 (4:10 AM).
              Fallen Angel_Messiah Of Black Roses's Avatar
              Fallen Angel_Messiah Of Black Roses Fallen Angel_Messiah Of Black Roses is offline
              The one you hate to love. :P
                 
                Join Date: Oct 2005
                Location: In my basement, playing D&D
                Age: 23
                Gender:
                Nature: Lonely
                Posts: 1,615

                Mark Twain is a Writer/Poet, he was the authour of Huckleberry Fin and many more

                Reply With Quote
                  #8    
                Old March 21st, 2007 (11:54 AM).
                Scarlet Weather's Avatar
                Scarlet Weather Scarlet Weather is offline
                The Game is Afoot!
                   
                  Join Date: Oct 2006
                  Location: In a House
                  Nature: Lax
                  Posts: 1,826

                  Many more indeed. Tom Sawyer, Life on the Missisippi, Roughing It... They're all by Mark Twain. He's practically my favorite author of short stories. He was known for being quite cynical, and had a very dim view, unfortunately, of churches, mostly because of the hypocrisy of certain church-goers. (I might kick myself for saying this, but..) You're probably not from America or you'd know about him. He's a pretty well-known author over here.

                  __________________


                  x x x x

                  Reply With Quote
                    #9    
                  Old March 21st, 2007 (8:04 PM).
                  Frostweaver's Avatar
                  Frostweaver Frostweaver is offline
                  Ancient + Prehistoric
                     
                    Join Date: Sep 2003
                    Location: Canada
                    Age: 28
                    Gender: Male
                    Nature: Calm
                    Posts: 8,246

                    Mark Twain is more like cynical of everything including life itself... Somehow I fell asleep every time trying to read Huckleberry Fin XD; (Maybe it's the darn accent >>)... Eh, didn't really like his writing. I do believe that along with the churches, Twain also picks on optimistic writers *very intensively.* You'll always find Twain's quotes in those "quotation webpages" but at least half of his quotes is a satire of an, motivational/inspiring/optimistic existing one, usually turning its meaning to be completely opposite.

                    Reply With Quote
                    Reply
                    Quick Reply

                    Sponsored Links
                    Thread Tools

                    Posting Rules
                    You may not post new threads
                    You may not post replies
                    You may not post attachments
                    You may not edit your posts

                    BB code is On
                    Smilies are On
                    [IMG] code is On
                    HTML code is Off

                    Forum Jump


                    All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:22 AM.