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Old March 7th, 2009 (1:18 PM).
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper Misheard Whisper is offline
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Well, it's been a while since I churned out one of these comedy drabbles. Yes, it's a bit OOC, but otherwise it wouldn't be funny.

Galactic Blues

“Are you imbeciles trying to tell me that you messed up...again?” Cyrus asked, his voice wavering slightly as he fought to retain control. Mars and Jupiter nodded unhappily.

“Really, you two, it’s not that hard,” said Cyrus with a dangerous smile, coming around the desk to stand behind them. “I would think that you two would be capable of such a simple operation, wouldn’t you?” he asked, slinging a friendly arm around each of their shoulders.

“Yes, boss,” they mumbled shamefacedly.

“So tell me,” Cyrus continued conversationally. “What went wrong, exactly?”

“It was her fault!” burst out Mars suddenly, pointing an accusing finger at her companion. “I told her she had the wrong item, but she didn’t listen to me!”

“I didn’t listen?” Jupiter said indignantly. “You were the one that-”

“Enough.” Cyrus cut them off sharply. “You are dismissed. Get out of my office. Next time, I’ll send Saturn to buy the yoghurt.”
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Old March 7th, 2009 (3:27 PM).
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill bobandbill is online now
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Heh, not bad. Got a laugh out of me, that. Now I'm wondering what 'wrong item' they actually did get... and what flavour of yogurt Cyrus wanted as well. XD

However, I'd say that maybe the punchline could have had more set up - some more build-up to make it seem more that Jupitar and Mars had messed up something more serious and all. Would have possibly added a bit more for the punchline then, methinks, but otherwise not bad at all - short but sweet. And everyone knows a successful criminal team needs their yogurt!
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Old March 8th, 2009 (3:21 PM).
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Giratina ♀ Giratina ♀ is offline
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    This successfully got a laugh out of me.

    I'd disagree with bobandbill's claim that the punchline should have been a little more set up; I would probably think that you were lurking on it for too long and let my mind wander a bit, thus slaughtering the punchline altogether. Apparently, Team Galactic are yogurt addicts too. =O
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