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[OOC] Persona: Frequency

Started by Loki March 7th, 2009 5:45 PM
  • 1365 views
  • 24 replies

Loki

x

Tokyo, Japan
Seen November 25th, 2018
Posted July 14th, 2016
6,846 posts
14 Years

Persona: Frequency



Hey guys, this'll be our little OOC thread from now own.

Main Thread


Characters



1. Channing Pitt
2. Hibiki Kohaku
3. Sayuu Etou
4. Midori Hoshiko
5. Arata Nakamura



Post any problems or questions you have here!



Updates



March 7th

Okay guys.
So we have some... issues. :|

Okay. We have a LOT of issues. <_<

I'd like to apologize to everyone for the confusion, and for accepting characters that weren't acceptable.


Let's start with ÄgàmêñÐmØÑ.

First of all, there's a lot of things that just don't work with your character at all, and show that you have a very strong weakness in understanding of Japanese culture. Either that, or your weak understanding in just how much Persona follows your typical Japanese school.

1. If you're not wearing the proper uniform, you are sent home- or perhaps given a spare to change into for the day, if it's a one-time-thing. You would not be allowed to prance around school wearing what Midori is. Please fix this.
2. Her attitude would probably get her expelled in a heartbeat. We do not flick teachers on the forehead at school- whether we are in Japan, or America.
3. I think that you should refrain from bunnying other people's characters for the time being- NPC or anything of the sort, because I don't think you really understand Mr. Shimotsuki's disposition at all. By "straight-to-the-point", I would conjecture that he would immediately throw Midori out of the classroom without arguing with her or saying anything at all. I'd ask you to try to observe a character throughout a few posts before using them to your own disposal.
4. Both Luke and I think that you have huge potential. However, you need to re-read your posts before you post them from now on, and think about them from the perspective of someone who doesn't know what you're imagining, because I frankly had no idea what happened in your post without re-reading it at least three times. xD;
5. Your quantity is perfect, but bring up the quality a notch. You move from each sentence extremely quickly, and the transition is awkward. You're not building fluid sentences, and it's not enjoyable to read your posts right now.

Hopefully these problems can be addressed, hopefully, before your next post.




Next, Gummy. Yeah Gummy you too. D: We really only have one major problem, but when I say major I mean like... major. o_o and I can't believe we missed it, since it was NOT something we should have missed.

1. You're going to have to choose a different character. :|
Like... we were hoping you'd be able to switch to a character from Japanese descent. D: Hoping is kind of understating it, but, yeah, you'll have to switch it up.

2. Um, two things just really puzzled me about your post. Why are there so many Chinese people in a Japanese school? D: Like, what was really enigmatic was Vanessa Tan.
First, Vanessa is an American name. Second, Tan is a Chinese surname.
And then the Chinese math teacher....
As much as I love Chinese people, you need to let them go for this RP.

The first problem will need to be addressed before you post next as well. The Chinese people is just a personal annoyance that I had to throw out there. xD;

Loki

x

Tokyo, Japan
Seen November 25th, 2018
Posted July 14th, 2016
6,846 posts
14 Years
Yeah, the first one is major, as it pretty much requires me to redo my entire sign up and first post (might as well delete that other one, no?). *sigh* This really put a damper on my night, but I'll get to it...
Yeah sorry. D:

You don't have to do it all right away, since you won't have to post until Chibi-chan and Luke and I have posted again.

Again, sorry about this. >_<

ANARCHit3cht

Call me Archie!

Seen December 25th, 2018
Posted November 26th, 2018
2,146 posts
11 Years
Okay. Thanks for telling me what was wrong, I'll re-write it. You have my word that the next posts will all be better, and have more thought into them. Sorry.

Oh, by the way, the "Main Thread" link doesn't work.

One question, it pertains to number five of my errors:
You move from each sentence extremely quickly, and the transition is awkward. You're not building fluid sentences, and it's not enjoyable to read your posts right now.
Could you please explain this? Because I have a feeling I might do it again if I have not really had it explained.

Loki

x

Tokyo, Japan
Seen November 25th, 2018
Posted July 14th, 2016
6,846 posts
14 Years
Okay. Thanks for telling me what was wrong, I'll re-write it. You have my word that the next posts will all be better, and have more thought into them. Sorry.

Oh, by the way, the "Main Thread" link doesn't work.

One question, it pertains to number five of my errors:

Could you please explain this? Because I have a feeling I might do it again if I have not really had it explained.
That's quite fine, improvement is more than enough to make up for all of it. :>

And... the link doesn't work?! DDD: [/I'll look into it in just a second...]

Hmm....
Well, I'd give you specific examples, but I think you deleted your post, and for some reason I can't see them. [/I'm probably set in member mode, if we ever integrated that.]

But anyway, the problem, if I recall correctly, is that your sentences are kind of like fragments. They're all kind of detatched. You don't connect things that can be connected. Like, you don't use conjustions. So all your sentences feel short. As if they're random and unrelated.

^ Like that. It just feels like.... if we used the metaphor that driving a car is like how you write a post, your car is coming to way too many full stops way too many times. Your passenger isn't going to enjoy himself. xD; And when you move from place to place, everything seems to happen right away without anyone saying it happened. A probably extreme suggestion is if I showed my character talking to someone at the door, and then the next moment he talks, he's sitting in his desk. Like, nobody tells the reader that he walked over from the door to his desk, y'know?

Loki

x

Tokyo, Japan
Seen November 25th, 2018
Posted July 14th, 2016
6,846 posts
14 Years
Agamendmon: Edit the personality of Midori? That's fine, she's your character. xD
And it's neither the green and yellow nor the red and black one. Those are merely customizations for Yukiko and Chie- jackets over their usual uniforms. That's fine, by the way, if you wanted like a jacket. But having a totally different uniform isn't okay. xD;

Loki

x

Tokyo, Japan
Seen November 25th, 2018
Posted July 14th, 2016
6,846 posts
14 Years
Agamendmon:

100X BETTER.

In my opinion anyway. xD You went a little too in-depth, but let's ignore that for now, since this is MUCH better than your last post, and makes SO much more sense to me. |D You'll get the hang of how much you need to put down later on in the RP, but GOOD JOB GOOD JOB GOOD JOB. [/happyhappy] Keep it up! >:D

Anyway, I just read your sign-up's history, and other than getting a good laugh from the witchcraft (LOL!), it was good, but I just wanted to mention...

You do know that 250 yen is about $2.50 US Dollars? D:
And that 800 yen is about $8.00?

I dunno, that just kind of struck me as funny. xD; With yen, to estimate the relative amount, move your decimal over to the left two times to get how much your amount in yen would add up to in US Dollars.


IMPROVEMENT THOUGH, KUDOS TO YOU. :D

I'm sure Hibiki will probably think Midori is a crazy stalker soon enough. xD;

Loki

x

Tokyo, Japan
Seen November 25th, 2018
Posted July 14th, 2016
6,846 posts
14 Years
Oh, no sorry with the character list I messed up because I thought Chibi's character's first name was Etou. (Which was weird.)

Kohaku is Hibiki's surname too, so Midori wasn't the only one. I'll go ahead and switch 'em both around though.

Channing and Jelani's names came before their surnames, because they're american, and I just messed up on Sayuu. Does that make sense? xD;
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