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  #1    
Old May 3rd, 2010 (12:25 PM).
123BOOM 123BOOM is offline
Lilith|Samael|Lucifer
     
    Join Date: May 2010
    Location: The Sanitarium
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Careful
    Posts: 12
    Story
    I slowly opened my bedroom door. The goal was to keep quiet. If my parents caught me I was as good as dead. I tiptoed down the stairs, avoiding the squeaky one. Now I was half- way there. I was in the dining room. I picked up chairs to move them out of my way. Now I could enter the game room. It was time to play some awesome video games. But what was this? In the far corner of the room there was a dusty old game that looked like an arcade game from the 70's or 80's. I reached into the pocket of my pj's to see if I had any spare quarters. I had only one. I looked closer at the game. It had a big blue "25 Cents" on the side. I guess I'll try it, I thought. "Savage" it said on the side. It had a built in keyboard and a joystick on the side. I was about to insert the quarter when I heard "Young Francis, shouldn't you be in bed?" I cursed under my breath. It was one of our butlers.
    "Yes," I said "I was just on my way."
    "Ok, young master Francis."
    It was good our old butler caught me instead of one of the younger ones. I think that that butler had been alive since the age of the dinosaurs. As he walked off I pretended to walk into the dining room. As soon as he was out of sight I ran back. I inserted the quarter. The screen lit up. The graphics were horrible. There were two stick figures. A box was at the bottom. Out of the speakers I heard "Type a command for P1." On the keyboard I typed "Shake Hands with P2". Then I heard "Type a command for P2". I wrote "Punch P1 in the face". Then it happened. P1 tried to shake hands and P2 punched him in the face. I looked at the bottom of the screen. It said "Players: P1 P2 P3" Who Is P3? I thought. Then I heard "Type a command for P3" I typed "Stab yourself until you die". Then I got up. What's going on? I thought. I had no control over myself. I grabbed a knife and started to stab myself. I tried to scream but my mouth stayed shut.

    Note: The next morning Francis' parents could not find Francis. They didn't find a game named savage anywhere either. Sadly, Francis was never seen again.
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      #2    
    Old May 3rd, 2010 (3:10 PM).
    Scales's Avatar
    Scales Scales is offline
    Man of Infinite Jest
       
      Join Date: Dec 2006
      Location: From whose bourn No traveller returns,
      Age: 25
      Gender: Male
      Nature: Impish
      Posts: 1,722
      Disturbing, but not "life changing". It resembles more a story one would write when they broke up, and required something to vent with.

      Also, who is Francis?
        #3    
      Old May 3rd, 2010 (3:15 PM).
      123BOOM 123BOOM is offline
      Lilith|Samael|Lucifer
         
        Join Date: May 2010
        Location: The Sanitarium
        Gender: Male
        Nature: Careful
        Posts: 12
        francis is the fictional main character
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          #4    
        Old May 3rd, 2010 (3:18 PM).
        Scales's Avatar
        Scales Scales is offline
        Man of Infinite Jest
           
          Join Date: Dec 2006
          Location: From whose bourn No traveller returns,
          Age: 25
          Gender: Male
          Nature: Impish
          Posts: 1,722
          Quote:
          Originally Posted by 123BOOM View Post
          francis is the fictional main character
          Well it might be good to place that somewhere in there and not remind us in a post script.
            #5    
          Old May 4th, 2010 (6:11 PM).
          ANARCHit3cht ANARCHit3cht is offline
          Call me Archie!
             
            Join Date: Sep 2008
            Posts: 2,142
            Also. you could add a lot more detail. Look for the red :)

            Quote:
            Then I got up. ]Got up? Where did Francis go? What did he see on his way? What's going on? I thought. I had no control over myself. I grabbed a knifeWhat kind of knife? A steak knife? A butter knife? A plastic one? and started to stab myself. Where did he stab himself? How many times, how fast?
             

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