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  #1    
Old May 5th, 2010 (10:09 AM).
Neelh's Avatar
Neelh Neelh is offline
i am so win lol!!1! :P
     
    Join Date: Apr 2010
    Location: England
    Age: 19
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    This is my first fic on this site, and it's also a songfic. I'm quite recognisable on the site I originate from for being a singer for a project and... A writer. So sit back, and enjoy.

    Song is Move along by the All American Rejects.

    Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
    When you fall everyone stands

    The Trainer stared at the azure sky, her red hair rippling out behind her. At her feet, an impatient Cyndaquil stood. Her mind was blank, and all she saw was the cloud that looked slightly like a duck. It was pointless, she knew that, but it was strangely peaceful. She sighed. Her name was Leiah.

    Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
    With the life held in your

    Her brow knotted as a sudden wash of pain flooded over her. Every single time... Ci lost to every other Pokemon, and she could catch none.

    Hands are shaking cold
    These hands are meant to hold

    She realised it was past her bedtime, so she began to walk home, Ci trotting behind her. The Cyndaquil semed tired, so she picked her up. It was then she realised how cold she was. She shivered.

    Speak to me!

    As she got to her village, there was a guy standing there. He had black hair, and a black hoodie. He seemed bored. When she locked eyes with him, he smiled, a little malevolant grin.

    "I was waiting for someone to come." he growled. "You win, you stay alive. You lose..."

    His grin broadened.

    "I'm not a trainer!" she shouted.

    He laughed. "You are."

    When all you gotta keep is stong
    Move along, move along like I know ya do.

    "Ok..." Leiah whispered. In a stronger voice she laughed weakly. "Go on, Ci!"

    The quilava leaped in front of her, and the boy threw a Pokeball. It landed some three metres away from Ci. Emerging from it was...

    ... A Typhlosion.

    And even when your hope is gone
    Move along, move along just to make it through!

    She screamed. At ten, she was petrified of anything more than a Quilava. Even those were big, terrifying monsters. She wanted to run, but you can't run from trainers!

    Or maybe, as Leiah just found out, you could.

    Move along.
    Move along.

    So a day when you've lost yourself completely
    Could be a night when your life ends

    So. She had run. Yesterday seemed like a long time ago. It was hard to belive how cowardly she'd been! She wandered about Goldenrod City, downhearted and avoiding all trainers. Ci quietly trod behind her. She sat on a bench. Alone, with the exception of Ci. That was pretty much it.

    Such a heart that could lead you to deciving
    All the pain held in your

    Her Pokegear rung, but she hung up without even seeing who was calling. It was enough to know she was a failure.

    Hands are shaking cold
    Your hands are mine to hold

    Ci sat in Leiah's lap. She snuggled up to the cold human and tried to communicate with her.

    It wasn't your fault, Leiah. I was scared too. You saved my life.

    She stoked the Pokemon, Ci had no idea.

    When all you gotta keep is stong
    Move along, move along like I know ya do
    And even when your hope is gone
    Move along, move along just to make it through

    Leiah sighed. It was time to get Ci up to standard. She didn't want her to change, so an Everstone was in need. She had one of those.

    "Hold this, girl." she smiled to Ci. The Cyndaquil did so.

    Now it was time to battle. How about an unsuspecting Metapod? It was owned in five seconds. She had to keep it up.

    When every thing is wrong, we move along
    Go on, go on, go on, go on
    When every thing is wrong, we move along
    Along, along, along

    They were moving on now.

    When all you gotta keep is strong
    Move along move along like I know ya do

    But there was one thing that she had to do.

    And even when your hope is gone
    Move along move along

    She locked eyes once more with the boy in the black hoodie. It was time. With all the training that they had got, she was almost fainting with excitement.

    JUST TO MAKE IT THROUGH!

    Unsurprisingly, Ci was on the brink of fainting, but so was the Typhlosion! Just...

    When all you gotta keep is stong
    Move along, move along like I know ya do
    And even when your hope is gone
    Move along, move along just to make it through

    "Ci! Use Tackle!"

    The Typhlosion fainted, and Black Hoodie looked like he was going to do that too.

    "What? I spent years..."

    Move along
    Right back what is wrong
    We move along
    Right back what is wrong

    "We'll meet again, someday." Leiah smiled. "You'll need a bigger team, though."

    He nodded. "Uh huh. Then you'll wish you weren't my rival!"

    "Rivals, now?" she grinned.

    "Yup. By the way, what's your name?" Black Hoodie smiled weakly.

    "Leiah. And you?"

    "Finley."

    We move along.
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      #2    
    Old May 5th, 2010 (10:06 PM).
    Scales's Avatar
    Scales Scales is offline
    Man of Infinite Jest
       
      Join Date: Dec 2006
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      Age: 25
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      I am not too familiar with the concept of a Songfic. Though I personally would have chosen a song with a bit more poetic symbols or diction. Not the generic lesson the All American Rejects placed in Move Along.

      Either way with what is in the fic itself, my biggest recommendation is to add more description, especially toward characters.
        #3    
      Old May 6th, 2010 (7:53 AM).
      Neelh's Avatar
      Neelh Neelh is offline
      i am so win lol!!1! :P
         
        Join Date: Apr 2010
        Location: England
        Age: 19
        Gender: Female
        Nature: Quirky
        Posts: 148
        I know, this was one of my bad ones. I'm better at Bionicle fanfics. I'll have to practice. And if by the slimmest chance in the world someone I know from another forum is reading this, and you'll know who you are, I have a test writer.
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