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Dark Legends

The Author

The Hero of Knothole Glade
381
Posts
12
Years

Dark Legends

What happens when the sky grow dark
And the rain of agony floods the land?
What happens when nothing is left
But a hero struggling to stand?

When darkness prevails
And the end draws nigh,
One must stand up
And fight until they die.

These are the days of darkness.
These are the days of tears.
Heroes stand up to fight
With a battle cry everyone hears.

So many may fall,
But few may rise.
These are the Dark Legends
Told through agonised cries.

When the days of war come,
A hero grabs his sword to fight.
With bravery he steps forward
Only to feed his corpse to the night.

Shields gleam by the sunlight
Only to decay with the body of its hero.
There is only moments left until
The population of heroes in zero.

Then a hero may rise,
With courage like none other.
So powerful, yet so humble.
His love is like that of a brother.

So many may fall,
But few may rise.
These are the Dark Legends
Told through agonised cries.

With courage mightier than
Any weapon formed against him,
The hero stands against anything
When circumstances are most grim.

In the darkness
There shines a light.
A light of hope and courage
That shines in the darkest night.

When nothing is left
There is nothing to lose.
In the darkest of these chaotic ages
Light is the only option we may choose.

So many may fall,
But few may rise.
These are the Dark Legends
 Told through agonised cries.
 

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  • Dark Legends [EDIT 1].pdf
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Last edited:
Squirrel

Squirrel

9,535
Posts
12
Years
  • Age 29
  • Seen May 11, 2023
Wow. I love this poem, it's very dramatic and dark whilst also holding out a slither of hope for the world - very well written indeed. I love the ABCB scheme you have going on for the rhyming couplets, it adds a nice rhythm and sense of certainty to the poem. I would recommend perhaps using a few more commas throughout to add some dramatic short-pauses to separate important ideas and emphasize the poem's emotions. A few areas I wasn't sure about:

"Told through agonised cries." = is "agonised" too many syllables here? Maybe a word such as "searing" would fit better.

"With bravery he steps forward" - to me whilst reading and re-reading the poem, this line felt out of rhythm with the rest of the stanza, although I may have been reading it differently than you intended.

"The population of heroes in zero." - I think the word "in" should be "is"?

"So powerful, yet so humble." - this is more of a suggestion, but maybe "and so humble" would emphasize the hero's importance more?

"So many may fall, But few may rise." - this seems to me like bad English, maybe replacing "but" with "whilst" would be better?

Over all a very good poem, I'd love to see more of your work at some point in the future! ^^
 

Palladium

2012 FTW!
270
Posts
12
Years
The Author said:
Dark Legends
What happens when the sky grow dark
And the rain of agony floods the land?
What happens when nothing is left
But a hero struggling to stand?

When darkness prevails
And the end draws nigh,
One must stand up
And fight until they die.

These are the days of darkness.
These are the days of tears.
Heroes stand up to fight
With a battle cry everyone hears.

So many may fall,
But few may rise.
These are the Dark Legends
Told through agonised cries.

When the days of war come,
A hero grabs his sword to fight.
With bravery he steps forward
Only to feed his corpse to the night.

Shields gleam by the sunlight
Only to decay with the body of its hero.
There is only moments left until
The population of heroes in zero.

Then a hero may rise,
With courage like none other.
So powerful, yet so humble.
His love is like that of a brother.

So many may fall,
But few may rise.
These are the Dark Legends
Told through agonised cries.

With courage mightier than
Any weapon formed against him,
The hero stands against anything
When circumstances are most grim.

In the darkness
There shines a light.
A light of hope and courage
That shines in the darkest night.

When nothing is left
There is nothing to lose.
In the darkest of these chaotic ages
Light is the only option we may choose.

So many may fall,
But few may rise.
These are the Dark Legends
 Told through agonised cries.
Click to expand...

Well, I really liked it, specially the unusual rhyming schemes, although I think that some of the lines have flow-breaking words, but nothing screaming. Also noticed a few typos but they were all reported by Alex already, well I liked the theme, and it's pretty much obvious that you're talking about Link, at least I think so, but then again, the theme is a little dark, as you're emphasizing the darkness more than the light, but that works great.

Also, just a heads-up, you could have set the whole poem between one line of code and it would still work :3
 

The Author

The Hero of Knothole Glade
381
Posts
12
Years
Palladium said:


Well, I really liked it, specially the unusual rhyming schemes, although I think that some of the lines have flow-breaking words, but nothing screaming. Also noticed a few typos but they were all reported by Alex already, well I liked the theme, and it's pretty much obvious that you're talking about Link, at least I think so, but then again, the theme is a little dark, as you're emphasizing the darkness more than the light, but that works great.

Also, just a heads-up, you could have set the whole poem between one line of code and it would still work :3
Click to expand...
Actually, It's not Zelda-based at all. But thanks for the review! :P
AlexOzzyCake said:
Wow. I love this poem, it's very dramatic and dark whilst also holding out a slither of hope for the world - very well written indeed. I love the ABCB scheme you have going on for the rhyming couplets, it adds a nice rhythm and sense of certainty to the poem. I would recommend perhaps using a few more commas throughout to add some dramatic short-pauses to separate important ideas and emphasize the poem's emotions. A few areas I wasn't sure about:

"Told through agonised cries." = is "agonised" too many syllables here? Maybe a word such as "searing" would fit better.

"With bravery he steps forward" - to me whilst reading and re-reading the poem, this line felt out of rhythm with the rest of the stanza, although I may have been reading it differently than you intended.

"The population of heroes in zero." - I think the word "in" should be "is"?

"So powerful, yet so humble." - this is more of a suggestion, but maybe "and so humble" would emphasize the hero's importance more?

"So many may fall, But few may rise." - this seems to me like bad English, maybe replacing "but" with "whilst" would be better?

Over all a very good poem, I'd love to see more of your work at some point in the future! ^^
Click to expand...
Thank you! :D I did not edit the post, as I wanted to see peoples' thoughts on the original. However, I did add an extra attachment that has the modifications on it (Dark Legends [EDIT1].pdf).
 
Last edited:

The Author

The Hero of Knothole Glade
381
Posts
12
Years
This is purely conceptual and still contains that MIDI quality we all love :P, but here's a song I've been writing since I was about 10 or 11. It is what inspired the poem.
 

SamuraiGallade

Blademaster
10
Posts
12
Years
  • Seen Feb 25, 2012
Well done. Honestly, there are too few here of my kind (samurai). But hey, a hero is a hero in any form. I just fight for different reasons.
 
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