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Old July 9th, 2012 (5:11 AM).
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CrumbledCandyWrapper CrumbledCandyWrapper is offline
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    Pokemon Horrid-White Nuzlocke

    Nuzlocke of Pokemon White

    Chapter One: You Call That an Introduction?


    "I'm not doing it ..." an angry voice mused through gritted teeth.

    "...You have to..." his friend replied, calmly fixing small glasses back onto his face.

    Their third companion merely looked on, not wanting to interfere with the ensuing argument. But, then again, who would?

    "I'm NOT going through that with them!" the first boy said again, this time yelling.

    His friend sighed, rolling his eyes to his bright orange haired friend. "You have to, Henry ..." he continued. "What kind of person retells a story and neglects to account for one of the most important parts of it?"

    To this, Henry scoffed, a vein of frustration throbbing wildly on his forehead as he reached around his person, finally emerging with one single Pokeball.

    "There's nothing important about all of that!" He began wagging the red and white sphere repeatedly in the others face. "See this?" He shook the Pokeball once more. "This is the only thing they need to know so far about what's currently going on!"

    "Well then how do you expect anyone to know who we ARE?! You're just going to forget all about that part?" the other asked flailing his hands around as he spoke.

    "Simple!" Henry answered, as he started pointing. "I'm Henry. You're Chen, Cheren's younger brother," he moved away from Chen and towards the girl silently leaning against
    a tree. "And that's Bebe, Bianca's cousin from Hoenn ... plus they already KNEW that!!"

    Now it was Chen's turn to scoff. "If all of that wasn't important," he started as he tilted his head tauntingly. "The how'd you expect them to know who we are?"

    Henry was taken back by the question, but he wasn't too sure why. Anybody could see that the three people in this area where newbies, who'd just started their journey not too long ago. And who would really need to be told that these three went to school together until they all turned 11 and were then sent out to explore the Pokemon world? No one needed to have that explained to them... right?

    Henry sure seemed to think so, because he was the one keeping this debate going.

    "Because it wouldn't have been necessary!" He snapped back. "I already pretty much introduced you two, Chen!" He placed the Pokeball back onto his black waist holder. "And besides, who cares about all that boring beginners stuff anyways?

    All the long tutorials and boring lectures and the same old boring 'Are you a boy or a girl?' joke! That's all so stupid! So why don't I just cut out the ol' middleman and start explaining things from the good part?"

    Chen's brow furrowed. "Because, Henry, your idea of 'the good part' is having us start all the way from Route 1!"

    Henry and Chen began to butt heads.

    "And what's so wrong with THAT, huh!? We still get to the start of our journey, nothing's told too fast or too slow-and if it is-everyone gets caught up in the end ... eventually!!"

    "Ugh!" Chen wretched dryly. "That's so lazy! Who'd listen to a story like that if you're just gonna skip all the parts YOU don't feel like telling?!"

    "You know who would, Chen? I would! Because it's clear that whoever's telling the story is an innovator. Someone who clearly looks at the bigger picture, and not all those boring details like YOU do!"

    "What the heck is that supposed to--?"

    "--And if whoever's telling that story has an audience, then he's clearly not just telling it to some noob who wouldn't even understand what he was talking about in the first place!"

    Chen, realizing there is absolutely NO way to get through to him, removed his forehead and his shadowy gaze from Henrys.

    "Forget it!" He yelled throwing his arms up. He started walking towards Bebe. "I'm done with you! If that's how you want to tell the story, fine! Just don't expect us to condone it if you do!"

    Hearing this, Bebe finally, but quietly, spoke up.

    "Uhm, well Chen... I actually agree with Henry ..."

    Chen was baffled. "What?!" he yelled. "Bebe, are you serious? How could you agree wight that?"

    "Well's just that ... uh ... well Henry sort of has a point ... whoever he's talking to would more than likely ... uh ... have a pretty general knowledge of what he was talking about...
    Otherwise ... well... there'd be no point in listening, because Henry would just be repeating something they already know..."

    "...Unbelievable..." Chen gasped.

    "Haha!" Henry laughed. "Well how do ya' like that?!"

    You could almost feel the ground quake under Chen's audible growls and snarling, most of which was aimed at Henry.

    "Quiet, you over ripened Cheri Berry!" he yelled.

    However, he was defeated, no point in arguing two-on-one, right? So, he simply walked off a little further away from the two, standing a few feet from a tree, with his arms folded and an embarrassed scowl.

    "Hmph! 'Overripened' he says -- I'll give you an overripened..." Henry muttered through clenched teeth. "...and what he so upset about, anyways!? Is he mad I didn't talk about his stupid battle against Bebe? ..."

    His eyes trailed off from Chen and glanced over at Bebe, who walked with Chen to try and calm him down. "Whatever! I'll tell the story my way and he just better deal with it!"

    He looked back down at his wrist, at the rectangular machine he'd been talking into the whole time. The woman looking back at him looked young and full of life, but was much older than Henry and his friends. They'd been talking to each other through the newer model of the XTransciever, the newest communication device of its model-and a graduation present for Henry before he set off on his journey.

    With a small giggle the woman spoke. "..I take it you three are getting along well?"

    "Huh?" Henry shot up, snapping back to life at the joke. "Ah, dont worry about him, Mom. He's probably still sore about our battle from earlier this morning ... uh... How's my room, by the way?"

    From the screen, Henry saw his mother look off and give a heavy sigh, probably remembering the damages from inside his bedroom.

    "It's fine, Henry ..." she lied. That room was a wreck and they both knew it. "Thankfully nothing was broken up but a few cracks in tables and such. But I'll have that all fixed in time..."

    Henry sighed in relief, he thought it'd be worse than how she explained it since there was a whole full-scale Pokemon up there not just an hour ago. "That's great, Mom! Maybe it'll be fixed before--"

    "--But that still doesn't mean I'm letting you three off the hook for wrecking it like that! You're all lucky the Professor needed to see you or I would have dealt with you all then!"

    Henry flinched and looked away, trying not to show his reaction, or what he thought would have been in store hadn't the Professor called in when she did.

    "Uh... yeah... Heh Heh ..." Henry laughed. "Sorry about that ..."

    "Yeah sure... it's alright, I guess. You're all Trainers now, I'm sure you were just anxious. Now you all hurry on to Accumula Town, Professor Juniper is waiting on you three."

    "Sure thing! Talk to you later, Mom! Bye!"

    With that he hung up the XTransciever, and turned to face Chen and Bebe, who was still going off for no reason.

    "Come on, you guys! We don't want to keep the Professor waiting too much longer!" Henry called.

    Chen squabbled on, but listened anyway. He quieted down once he stood side-by-side with the two. They both, Henry and Chen, started to step onto Route 1, heading towards Accumula. Then, Bebe had an idea, and stopped them cold before speaking ...


    Okay so my first chapter was longer than I'd hoped, so I shortened it a tiny bit. I decided to leave it at that for now, and make chapter 2 a little longer when I post he next part.

    Please Read and Review and tell me if you like my new setup so far. I'm following the story of the game, just with newer characters (because I hate the old ones ).

    As for describing the characters, I'll do a WAY better job of that come the next part, as all of this was on purpose. So yea until next time!
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    Old July 9th, 2012 (11:14 AM).
    silverexorcist's Avatar
    silverexorcist silverexorcist is offline
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      The dialgue is very engaging. The character's personalities are well-defined and very different from one another. Personally, though I find the names to a bit unimaginative considering how similar they are to the original names. (Cheren>Chen/Bebe>Bianca) If I were a parent, or uncle, I doubt I would give my child the same name as their brother or cousin. And the way it's written is a little strange. They're casually breaking the 3rd wall during their argument. Amusing as it is, it does get a little confusing when reading, especially if you're following the original storyline.
      An avid writer, willing to join any worthwhile creative writing effort. For the Gs: Google, Games, and Gallade!!!
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      Old July 9th, 2012 (11:31 AM).
      CrumbledCandyWrapper's Avatar
      CrumbledCandyWrapper CrumbledCandyWrapper is offline
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        Originally Posted by silverexorcist View Post
        The dialgue is very engaging. The character's personalities are well-defined and very different from one another. Personally, though I find the names to a bit unimaginative considering how similar they are to the original names. (Cheren>Chen/Bebe>Bianca) If I were a parent, or uncle, I doubt I would give my child the same name as their brother or cousin. And the way it's written is a little strange. They're casually breaking the 3rd wall during their argument. Amusing as it is, it does get a little confusing when reading, especially if you're following the original storyline.
        @silverexorcist ; Yeah, I completely understand where you're coming from. The names are unimaginative yes, and it does get a little confusing at first I know. But rest assured, I've definitely put all of these factors into consideration when I was making this fic... Well, besides the name part, but the "newer" characters I've added get their own special personalities come later in the story.

        All I can ask of you is to bear with these first few chapters, and thank you in advance for reading and reviewing.

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        Old July 18th, 2012 (9:18 AM).
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        CrumbledCandyWrapper CrumbledCandyWrapper is offline
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          Chapter Two: The First Rule of Nuzlocke


          Chen, Bebe and Henry all stood along the horizon line that led onto Route One. Chen, about as eager as ever, was just about to head into a big sprint and dash on towards Accumula. Bebe stopped him as her soft voice spoke up.

          "Uhm, hey ... you guys?" she murmured.

          "Hm? Yeah what is it, Bebe?" Henry replied.

          "I just... I just think it'd be a good idea if we all started on our journeys ... and walked on Route 1 together..."

          Chen and Henry, letting go of their anger from earlier and confirming it with a nod, smiled at Bebe's idea.

          "Yeah, come on, Henry! Sounds like a plan, huh?"

          Henry nodded his response and they both began to equally align themselves with Bebe. Chen stood on her right, and Henry filed in on her left.

          "Okay, Chen!" he said. "Count us off!"

          "Right! We'll jump in the grass on three ..." Everyone began to brace themselves. "One... Two..." Their legs buckled as they awaited the third number to come. "THREE!"

          With one strong jolt and the momentum they'd all gained from one another, they each landed nicely onto Route One, commemorating the start of their Pokemon journey's. They looked outward into the lush vastness of the area and its wildlife. Route 1 was short, sure-you could see the tops of buildings from Accumula only a few treks away-but nonetheless the area was something they wanted to take in. Blades of grass and the petals of sunflower flew through the lukewarm summer breeze, and the salty smell of ocean water blew past them from the oceans edge close-by. Bebe was awestruck; she didn't know what she was feeling, but she knew it was a calm and nice feeling that she enjoyed.

          "Wow... It's so nice out today!" she sang.

          "Yeah ..." Chen response came out breathlessly. "Everything is so peaceful out here ..."

          "Just think you guys ... Starting today, this is what it's going to be like. Just us, and our Pokemon, making new friends ... Isn't it amazing?"

          Chen and Henry exchanged looks with a smile, excited about the thought. Then, Henry reached over and pulled out his Pokeball once more.

          "Go! Pokeball!" he yelled as he tossed it into the air.

          With a sparkling flash of white, his new Pokemon stretched itself out in front of them.

          His Pokemon, Tepig, flared his nostrils with a heated snort, and sat on the ball of his spiralling black tail. "Wow," he said. "It sure does get cramped inside that Pokeball, let me tell 'ya!"

          At this Henry scratched his head and looked amongst his companions. "That's gonna take some getting used to..."

          Chen laughed and unlatched his Pokeball as well. "It's all a part of the Nuzlocke, Henry! Go, Pokeball!"

          Then, in a second flash of white, Chen's ocean-blue otter-like Pokemon gave a small cooing chirp and shyly pranced over to her Trainer.

          Henry lamented as it did so, holding his nose up in a disgruntled, unpleasant gesture. "I still think that thing is disturbingly hideous ..." he wretched.

          His Tepig began snickering audibly at his Trainer's words, snorts of flame slightly pouring out as he did. Chen's Oshawott, embarrassed, hid herself further behind Chen, letting his tall legs hide her from Henry and his blunt observations.

          "Ah! See what you do, jerk! You've gone and upset my Pokemon!"

          Henry simply shrugged and looked at Bebe expectantly.

          "Well?" he said gesturing his now empty Pokeball in a tossing motion, as if calling out another Pokemon.

          "Oh! ...uh...okay ..." Bebe replied, catching on. "Er, go Pokeball!"

          Now they were all accounted for; Tepig, Oshawott, and Snivy, Bebe's starter Pokemon. As with all Pokemon Trainers under the Nuzlocke, they each received their Pokemon as rewards for making it through the Trainer's School and getting their permits from their local Professor-who in their case was Professor Juniper of Nuvema Town.

          "Oh! Uhm... Speaking of Nuzlocke, Chen ... the three of us... we... never actually named any of our Pokemon ..." Bebe pointed out.

          "Crud, she's right! How could we forget the very first rule of Nuzlocke?!" Chen yelled beating himself over the head with Oshawott's Pokeball.

          "Calm down, Chen, we can still do it! Haven't broken any rules yet!" Henry said assuring himself as well. He bent down to eye-level with with his Pokemon, who in return playfully mocked his Trainer's face. Henry laughed at this, as did Tepig, who couldn't seem to keep a straight face during his joking. "Well, let's see now... What should your name be?"

          He gave it a little thought as Tepig began playfully bouncing on his rubbery tail. "I should try something crazy, like ... 'Killer'!" Tepid gave a disapproving look to Henry. "...No? ...Hmm...Oh! How 'bout 'Thrasher'!?" Yeah you like that one?" Another disapproving look.

          "Come on, boss!" Tepig called out as he tapped his front paws on Henry's forehead. "You've gotta have something better for me than 'Killer'! What's next, 'Executioner'? 'Death Star'? 'Undertaker'? Gimme something to work with here!"

          Henry nodded, last thing he wanted to do is upset his new Pokemon. Chen and Bebe gave him expectant looks as he pondered his next query. "Okay ... Okay, let me think ...His about something simple?"

          Tepig snorted. "Okay, let's give it a try. What did you have in mind, boss?"

          "How does ... 'Pauly' sound?"

          Chen and the others watched Pauly ardently, hoping Henry had just found the right name for him.

          Tepig's head turned slightly to the side as he considered the latest attempt. "Hmmm ... 'Pauly', huh?" After prancing back and forth for a while, Tepig's face soon lit up. "I like it! Let's go with that one!"

          Henry was ecstatic. "Yes! Alright, from now on, your name is Pauly! Pauly the Tepig!"

          Tepig gave a playful snort and soon began to glow in a faint orange color matching that of his fur. After a few seconds, his body began to float in the air, and Tepig began to flail around in response.

          "Hey! Hey!" Henry yelled as he ran over and worriedly grabbed the Fire-type. "You guys, what's happening to Pauly?"

          Don't worry about it Henry, Pauly's fine ... he's just being acknowledged by the Nuzlocke." Chen answered as he affixed his frames back onto his face. "That glow'll fade and Pauly would've just floated back down in a few more more seconds..." his glare became ardent. "Didn't you learn about this in 3rd-year in school?"

          Embarrassed, Henry let Pauly go, watching as he gently floated back down to the ground as Chen had said.

          'I uh...haha ... I might've skipped that part once or twice ..."

          "Unbelievable..." Chen said disappointedly.

          "Uhm... well I guess I should name you now, Snivy." Bebe said, thinking carefully.

          "Go for it, toots ..." Snivy replied. "I'm good with whatever, just don't name me nothin' too 'girly', capichè?"

          "Uh! Uhm ... okay...How about, Slips?"

          Snivy pondered this for a moment, considering the look and feel once he'd evolved and might've needed another title. However, seeing that the name covered all three of its stages, Snivy happily jumped onto her Trainers shoulder and nodded.

          "Hm! Not bad, kid! I like it!" He said as he patted Bebe's dull blonde, short bob.

          Finally, after Snivy's acknowledgment, came time for Chen to name his Oshawott.

          "Soooo ..." Henry playfully goaded. "What're you gonna name her, huh?"

          "Quiet, you! I'm thinking ..."

          Oshawott quietly spoke up. "Uhm, it's okay, Master Chen ... you don't have to name me... I'll just... uh... I can just be your unofficial Pokemon and-- Ah!"

          Oshawott was cut off wheb Chen gently picked her up and held her in his arms.

          "Stop talking like that, will you?" Chen said softly. "You don't have to go and belittle yourself like that. If you're gonna be with us, that means we're friends, and I wouldn't be with a friend who didn't have a name!"

          As much as Henry didn't like the Water-type in her current state, he couldn't help but crack a smile at Chen and his Pokemon. Bebe smiled along too, while Pauly and Slips decided to wrestle around. This Tepig definitely had a playful and rowdy nature. Maybe he liked fighting around others like this?

          Oshawott smiled and giggled as Chen held her so lovingly.

          "Okay, now lemme see..." Chen said as he eyed his Pokemon. "You're a girl, and Oshawott's just way too long to pronounce when I'm training you. Soooo ... how about we just cut it short and call you Osha?"

          Oshawott beamed at the name, automatically agreeing despite it being unimaginative and thought of more quickly than the others.

          "Real creative, Chen ..." Henry joked.

          Bebe gave a tiny giggle. "I like it, Chen; and the name really suits you Osha! Congratulations!" she said.

          "Yeah, I like it too!" Slips agreed. "Simple and to the point..."

          "Oh! Uhm ... thank you!" Osha chimed as Chen caught her after her acknowledgment.

          It was then that Henry remembered the task at hand. "Come on guys, we should get going. There's people waiting for us up at Accumula remember?"

          "Yeah, okay..." Chen said, maneuvering. Osha over his shoulder as he spoke. "Bebe, let's go. We should hurry ..."

          Bebe held Snivy up to her chest and walked up with Chen. "See you later, Henry! Make sure you catch a new Pokemon before you meet us up there!"

          Pauly and Henry watched them walk off and got confused. "Why would they walk off by themselves if we have to meet Juniper together?"...


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