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Old August 23rd, 2012 (10:54 AM). Edited August 27th, 2012 by Pokemon_Trainer_Danny.
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    I decided to start a Pokémon fan fiction. It's about a boy that lives in AzAlea Town, who always dreamed of training Pokémon. For some reason though, his mother won't let him... This is a somewhat dark story for my standards, I never wrote anything like this before. Comments would be appreciated!

    Anywho, here goes:

    Rated E for 'Everyone'

    Chapter 01 -
    I Got the Message!

    Goldenrod City, a happening city. A metropolis where people and trainers come to battle gym leader Whitney, to catch Pokémon in the Pokémon Park, or to buy flowers from the flower shop. Goldenrod City is without a doubt the largest city in all of Johto. It is so large, that it's easy to get lost.

    A boy cycled down the busy streets. He was on an errand for his mother back in Azelea Town. He needed to collect a parcel from the Poké Mart, but it was wrongly delivered to Goldenrod. He asked around to a couple of people so he might reach the Poké Mart eventually. He saw someone walking by, that looked like a little kid.

    "Hey, can you maybe tell me were the Poké Mart... Ahh!" the boy shook.
    "Snnnubbull!!" the Pokémon roared.
    "Foolish boy, don't you know Pokémon don't speak English?" a woman said.

    That woman was probably Snubbull's trainer. The boy apologized to her, and asked her where the Poké Mart was.

    "Why, that's just around the corner! Just over there." she pointed.

    The boy gasped as he entered the Poké Mart. It was so much bigger than the Mart he used to visit back in Azalea Town. He walked to his right, to one of the checkout girls. She sounded kind of tired.

    "Good afternoon, kid, how may I help you?"
    "Ermm, hi my name is Arthur Tamer, I came here to collect a parcel that was wrongly delivered here?"
    "Ah yes. You're from Azalea Town?"
    "Yes. This parcel is for my mother... I don't get how this was delivered to Goldenrod though."

    Arthur received the parcel from the checkout girl, and was about to exit the Poké Mart. However, a display caught his eye. All kinds of different Poké balls were placed neatly on the shelf. It has always been Arthur's dream to raise Pokémon. He didn't own a Pokémon yet, but he had some money with him...

    "Excuse me ma'am," Arthur asked to the checkout girl. "How much does a Poké ball costs?"
    "They cost f200 each."
    "Sweet! Then I'll have one of those too!"

    Arthur exited the Poké Mart with a smile on his face. He got on his mountain bike and drove out of the city, into Ilex Forest.

    Ilex Forest was a large forest, where trees grew really thickly together. At some places one couldn't even spot the sky anymore because of the trees. There was a neat bicycle trail placed by construction workers that connected Goldenrod and Azalea with each other. At some points of the road, there were still construction crew and numerous Graveler working on building crossings. Arthur stopped for a while to watch the people and Pokémon work.

    Arthur loved to see how people and Pokémon were able to work together so well. A guy ran to the group of workers. He looked worried.

    "My niece! I lost my niece somewhere in the forest!" he yelled. "Please, help me find her!! Who knows what might have happened to her...!"

    It was that moment when Arthur decided to continue cycling home. What could he have done to help the guy?

    After a few minutes the trail came to an end, and Arthur had reached Azalea Town. He cycled to his home. He got off of his bicycle, and placed it against the home's side.

    "I'm home!" Arthur called as he opened the door. He caressed their pet Pokémon Growlithe over the head.
    "Arthur! There you are! Have you got the parcel?" Arthur's mom asked.
    "I have, just wait until I got it out of the bag, alright!?"

    Arthur's mom noticed a sense of impatience and aggravation in his voice. As if he was hiding something from her. She asked Arthur if there was anything else inside that bag, instead of the parcel.

    "What? No, of course not mom! W-why would you think that...?"

    Arthur dropped the bag accidentally, and a Poké ball rolled over the floor.

    "You bought a Pokéball!?" Arthur's mother said. "Hunny, those things are expensive!"

    Arthur didn't say anything.

    "Those things cost f200 a piece! That's all you had with you!"
    "I was saving it for Poké balls, mom! You know I want to become a Pokémon trainer!"
    "A beginning trainer gets his first Pokémon from professor Elm in New Bark Town, everybody knows that! How are you going to start a journey with only one Poké ball?"

    Arthur kept quiet again. His mother sat down next to him.

    "Arthur, I know you have a dream... but... I won't let you, not yet..." tears filled her eyes, as her voice started to crack.

    "Alright mom, I got the message. I'll go back to Goldenrod and sell the Poké ball again." Arthur walked through the front door and slammed it shut. His mother was left with the parcel, crying on the couch.
    Pain is only temporary, giving up lasts forever.
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    Old August 25th, 2012 (3:38 AM).
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    It's nice and clear, I like it! Though you have mispelled Azalea as 'Azelea' town quite a few times. xD Keep it up, I'm curious as to what's up with the guy who's searching for his niece.

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    Old August 27th, 2012 (7:36 AM). Edited August 30th, 2012 by Pokemon_Trainer_Danny.
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    Pokemon_Trainer_Danny Pokemon_Trainer_Danny is offline
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      Chapter 02 -
      One Boy Versus Ilex Forest

      Arthur got on his bicycle, and raced out of town. It wasn't the first time his mother forbid him to start a Pokémon journey. This time, his frustration got the best of him. “Stupid mom... So many times I help her out with the house, can't I get anything for it...?” he thought. He was overrun with feelings. He reached Ilex Forest.

      I drove all the way to Goldenrod for her, for Pete's sake...!” Arthur kept on.

      Arthur was already halfway through Ilex Forest. He reached a crossroad and a direction sign. He stopped there, and parked his bicycle. He looked at the sign. It read:

      ^, Goldenrod City | <, reserve (WARNING: WILD POKÉMON PRESENCE)

      Arthur turned to his left and looked down the path. The path went quite deep into the forest. First he took a couple of steps down the path. “Mom won't let me go on my journey? Too bad for her, then. I'll go on one anyway...!” Arthur said in himself. He ran back to his bicycle and cycled off to the reserve.

      Arthur cycled slowly across the path. He had never been in this part of Ilex Forest. It was like he discovered a whole new world. The path ended at a piece of water. It was somewhat large, but not really large enough to be called a lake. Numerous Wingull and Pelipper flew over the water, maybe hunting for Remoraid jumping above the water. Arthur cycled around the water, and reached a field of tall grass.

      Well... I'm going to catch my first Pokémon. Whether my mom likes it or not.” Arthur said to himself.

      He stationed his bicycle, and grabbed a stick. Armed only with said stick, Arthur set foot into the tall grass. It wasn't long before he encountered his first Pokémon. He encountered a female Nidoran.

      “A Nidoran! There's something you don't see here everyday!” he cheered.

      Arthur got into a wrestling-like stance. The Nidoran awaited carefully on Arthur's first move. “You're mine, Nidoran!” Arthur called as he dived towards Nidoran, but the Nidoran quickly jumped out of the way. “Geez, that's quick...!” Arthur said as he got up. The Nidoran took a couple of steps backwards, as it quietly let out a high-pitched nervous moan. Arthur decided to follow up with the same tactic. He timed his jump, and went for the attack. He jumped right on time, and grabbed hold of the startled Nidoran. In a last defensive attempt, Nidoran decided to use Bite, and bit Arthur firmly on the cheek. A scream was heard throughout the whole forest.

      “WOOO-AAAAAHH!!” flocks of Pidgey and Taillow flew up from the trees.

      The Nidoran fled in the tall grass. Arthur was left behind lying on the ground with a hurt cheek and a damaged ego. He stood up, and looked around in an attempt to spot the Nidoran again. No, it appeared to be really gone.

      The day went by, but Arthur just couldn't manage to catch a Pokémon. He was chased down and pecked by a Murkrow, he was webbed up a few times by Caterpie, and he had to dodge a Hyper Beam once while getting away from an angry Gyarados...

      “...What was I thinking, pitching into a Gyarados with only a stick!?” Arthur panted behind a tree.

      The he heard a cry coming from a small distance away. He couldn't recognize it from a Pokémon; it must have been from a person. A little girl even. Arthur jumped onto his bicycle, and headed into the direction the cry came from.

      “No! Anyone, help me!” the voice sounded terrified. Arthur stopped at a bush. The voice clearly came from behind the bushes where he stopped next to.

      “Please!! Anyone!” the girl screamed.

      Arthur hesitated after hearing the cry from a Sandshrew. Was this girl attacked by it? Could she possibly be the niece of that guy that hysterically ran to the construction workers a while ago? Anyway, Arthur couldn't let that Sandshrew attack that girl. He had been beaten up quite a lot today, so why not this time as well? With that thought in his head, he got a stick and a rock, and he ran through the bushes, towards the Sandshrew. Arthur swung his stick around, knocking Sandshrew back and off its feet. Arthur took this moment to speak to the girl.

      “What are you doing here? Can't you see it's dangerous?”
      “I-I dunno! I lost my uncle, and... I don't know where to g-go!”

      The Sandshrew got back on its feet, and curled itself up into a ball.

      “Look out!!” the girl yelled.

      Arthur was hit in his back by the Sandshrew's Rollout attack. He was thrown on the ground. “Uuhhhng...” he moaned, stretching his back. The wild Sandshrew stopped rolling, and stood up normally.


      It sounded as if the Sandshrew was making fun of Arthur. It was just mocking him. Arthur was getting angry.

      “Stop laughing at me!” he yelled, rushing towards the Sandshrew with the stick.

      Sandshrew curled itself up again, moments before Arthur could hit Sandshrew. With all of his strength, Arthur hit the clenched Sandshrew. The result however, was a broken stick, and Arthur's arm feeling sore. Sandshrew spun over the ground, leaving a large sand trail behind it. He was charging a massive Rollout attack.

      “Oh no, not again!” Arthur shouted as he run off, Sandshrew following him closely.
      “Run!! Run as fast as you can!!” the girl yelled.

      Arthur ran circles in panic, hoping the Sandshrew would grow tired sooner than he would. After a while, he noticed the Sandshrew slowing down. “It's working! He's getting tired...!” he throught. The Sandshrew stopped rolling. It panted heavily, and couldn't stay on its feet. He fell over on the ground, and surrendered. Arthur managed to defeat it.

      “I'm not throwing my chances away to catch you!” Arthur said, and he threw his only Poké ball.

      The Poké ball captured the Sandshrew, but shook heavily subsequently. Arthur turned his back on the Poké ball, and crossed his fingers. If this didn't work, he was going to have to explain a great deal to his mother. After a heart-pounding minute, the Sandshrew stopped fighting, and the Poké ball beeped. Arthur had caught his first Pokémon.

      “...I... caught it...” “I caught my first Pokémon...!” He cheered.

      Arthur retrieved the Poké ball, and turned to the little girl. The little girl thanked him a lot for rescuing her. “Um... well done on catching Sandshrew...” She said.

      “Thank you... What's your name?” Arthur asked.
      “Okay, Natalie... I think I've seen your uncle in the forest. He is looking for you.”

      With the bicycle at hand, Arthur walked with Natalie towards the crossroad. Graveler cries were heard softly.

      “Pretty big chance he's still with the construction workers!” Arthur said to Natalie.

      The two went further onto the cycling road, to where the Graveler cries came from. Natalie's uncle was looking with a few workers and Graveler from the construction team. Natalie's uncle noticed Arthur and Natalie quickly.

      “Natalie! There you are! Oh thank God!” the man said.
      “Uncle!” Natalie cried as she jumped in his arms.
      “Oh don't you ever run off again by yourself...!”

      Arthur smiled, and turned away. He was just about to get on his bicycle, as he was called by Natalie's uncle.

      “Did you find her? I don't know how I can thank you enough...”
      “It's nothing, everything worked out just fine.”

      Arthur cycled off. Back towards Azalea town. Natalie and her uncle walked off the other way, hand in hand. Natalie looked over her shoulder with sparkles in her eyes.

      Arthur... I want to be just like him...” She fantasized.
      Pain is only temporary, giving up lasts forever.
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      Old August 29th, 2012 (7:30 AM). Edited August 30th, 2012 by Pokemon_Trainer_Danny.
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      Pokemon_Trainer_Danny Pokemon_Trainer_Danny is offline
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        Chapter 03 –
        Prepare for Trouble...

        Arthur was nearing the forest exit. He was cycling somewhat faster than normal, and didn't notice two men and a woman entering the forest on the same trail as Arthur. He was unable to break, and knocked over one of the men, falling of his bicycle in the process.

        “Ouch! Stupid kid! Watch where you're going, will you?” he snarled.
        “Yeah, you're lucky we have business to attend to!” the woman of the group said.
        “Hey buddy, this is a bicycle trail! You weren't even supposed to be here!” Arthur snarled back.
        “What!? Why, I oughta...” the guy Arthur hit said with a clenched fist.
        “Leave him alone, Darren. We're on a mission, remember...?” the woman said.

        And so the three walked off. Arthur examined them when they did. He noted a red 'R' on the back of their jackets. Without thinking about it too much, Arthur wiped the dust off of his clothes, and picked up his bicycle. He exited the forest.

        Arrived in Azalea, Arthur noticed strange black vans parked on various places. The vans were marked with a large red 'R' on their sides. Just like the people back in Ilex Forest had on their jackets. Now it struck Arthur. It was a familiar mark to Arthur. He remembered hearing a lot about that mark at school back in Violet City. He couldn't quite place his finger on it, though.

        He walked his bicycle through the streets as he spotted various men and women dressed in black walking the streets, just like the ones in Ilex Forest. Arthur overheard various conversations about a rare Pokémon being somewhere in this area. “A rare Pokémon?” Arthur thought.

        He approached his home. His mother was standing on the porch, together with two men in black. Arthur's mother was having an argument with the two men.

        “I'm not giving you anything!” she yelled.
        “Miss, don't make it any more complicated than it already is...” on of the men begun.
        “...Yeah ma'am, we've been ordered by the boss to collect every Pokémon in town.” the other supplemented. “That includes your Growlithe.”

        Arthur got off of his bike, and dropped it on the ground. “Hey! Keep your hands off of my mother!” he ordered. The men looked over their shoulders simultaneously, then faced each other.

        “Go talk to the boy, I'll take care of his mother.” the man on the left said.
        “No!! Go easy on my boy!” Arthur's mom cried.

        The man approached Arthur slowly, holding out his hands before him. He attempted to assure Arthur that he wasn't about to hurt him, Arthur just needed to stay out of this. Arthur ignored his words completely.

        “Eat me! What are you guys doing here anyway?” Arthur asked.
        “Excuse me, kid!? You show some nerve having such a mouth against Team Rocket!”

        Now Arthur remembered. Team Rocket is an organization of thieves and bandits, determined to own every Pokémon in the world, even if they were to take them from their trainers. And now they've invaded Azalea Town.

        “Oh yeah!? Well, you show some nerve harassing my mother! You have no business at all here, get the heck out of this town!!” Arthur angrily shouted.
        “That's enough, boy.” The Team Rocket member grabbed a Poké ball from his pocket.

        Arthur gasped. Perhaps it was better to keep quiet this time. “Me and my big mouth...” he thought. The Rocket member threw the Poké ball, and a Zubat emerged. It let out a painfully high-pitched scream. Arthur's mother turned hysterical. Was he going to use Pokémon to attack her son?

        “You brutes!! He's only a kid, don't hurt him!!”

        Oh yeah? Well you're in for a surprise, buster!” Arthur thought, with a grin on his face. He went for his back pocket. The Rocket member smirked slightly. “Come on, boy, show me what you got!” “What is he doing?” Arthur's mother thought.

        “Sandshrew! I choose you!” Arthur called, and threw his Poké ball.
        “Sssandshreww!” Sandshrew said.

        Arthur's mother's eyes widened. “He... he used the Poké ball for...” She couldn't even finish her thoughts. She needed to sit down for a minute. The other Rocket member meddled with Arthur and his fellow member.

        “Sandshrew are pretty tough. You think you got this?” he asked to his battling colleague.
        “Are you kidding me? Sandshrew is a ground-type Pokémon! He can't hit my Zubat!”
        “Sandshrew! Use Sand Attack!” Arthur called.

        Sandshrew let out a screech, and wiped his tail over the ground with enough force to create a big sand cloud. Zubat dodged the entire cloud with ease, simply flying over it. Instead, it hit the two Rocket members. They covered their faces.

        *cough* *cough* You see? Zubat hasn't got a scratch!” he coughed.

        Zubat kept flying around in circles over the sand cloud. It may not have hit Zubat, but it shrouded Sandshrew entirely, making it difficult to spot him. Meanwhile, more people noticed the battle, and formed a crowd watching on a safe distance. The Rocket member had a plan.

        “Zubat! Find him using Supersonic!”

        Zubat faced the sand cloud, and let out an obnoxious screech. The sound waves hit something, and returned to Zubat. It knew that it had found Arthur's Sandshrew. It screeched excited. “Alright! Fly in there and use Bite!” Zubat rushed lightning-quick in the sand cloud. Arthur gasped. Moments later, Sandshrew's cry was heard in the cloud. The crowd gasped.

        “Sandshrew! Get away from there!!” Arthur called in a desperate attempt to save Sandshrew.

        Sandshrew scurried out of the cloud on all four of his legs, with Zubat closing in on him. Zubat's speed was obviously superior to Sandshrew's. “Use Scratch as soon as Zubat's close enough!” Arthur said. While running on all fours, Sandshrew dived in the air. Zubat hung above Sanshrew and was about to put its fangs in Sandshrew's skin once more. Sandshrew turned around in the air, facing Zubat. With a mighty swipe from his claws, Sandshrew managed to hit Zubat out of the air. The crowd cheered. Arthur smiled.

        “Get up, Zubat. I'm NOT gonna lose this!” The Rocket member said.
        “Oh, yes you will.” The other member said.

        Zubat crawled up, and flapped its wings. It levitated slowly off the ground. “Now, Sandshrew, chase Zubat down with Rollout!!” Arthur ordered, and Sanshrew acted accordingly. Sandshrew curled up into a ball, and charged his Rollout attack.

        “What the heck this that Sandshrew doing?” one of the Rocket members said.
        “Oh darn, I think I know exactly what it's going to do! Zubat!! Quick Attack! NOW!!”

        In the blink of an eye, Zubat flew towards Sandshrew, who was curled up, ready to attack. Quick as Zubat may be, it wasn't fast enough to hit Sandshrew before he bouldered towards Zubat. On it's own instinct, Zubat flew up higher in an order to dodge the move, only to be scratched by Sandshrew's rough skin. It felt like a cheese slicer had rubbed against Zubat's stomach. Zubat collapsed towards the ground, and fainted. The people applauded Arthur and Sandshrew, and the Rocket members were jeered at at the same time. The Rocket member called back Zubat.

        “By Giovanni... He beat us!” the member said.
        “Just you wait, kid... We'll be back.” the members ran away.
        “And stay out!” Arthur yelled.

        Arthur turned to his mother. She kept quiet at first. Arthur stuttered.

        “Mom... I-I...”
        “Don't say anything...” his mother interrupted. “I know enough.”

        Sandshrew watched the two speak to each other.

        “...You spend all your money on a single Poké ball, you go back to the Poké mart to sell it, probably getting back half the money you lost on it, but you catch a Pokémon instead?”
        “...” Arthur murmured a bit in himself unintelligibly.
        “Your money-managing skills are horrid, you put yourself in danger by facing Team Rocket, and probably by catching that Pokémon without having one yourself, and...”

        Sandshrew covered his eyes in embarrassment. Arthur's mother noticed that. “but...” she tried to continue to reprimand Arthur for his actions.

        “...but in the end, you and Sandshrew protected us from those gangsters.” she smiled.

        Arthur looked up surprised. The people cheered and applauded. It sounded: “You go, Arthur!” “Our saviour!” “That Sandshrew is so cool!”

        “Sssandshrew!” Sanshrew said, looking at Arthur.

        Arthur crouched down to Sandshrew's level. Sandshrew smiled friendly, and closed his eyes. Arthur winked Sandshrew back.


        So, that was the third chapter. I liked writing down the battle between Sandshrew and Zubat, I think it turned out quite well. If you guys have any comments/critique about my story so far, fire away! I would love to hear from you!
        Pain is only temporary, giving up lasts forever.
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        Old September 1st, 2012 (5:05 AM).
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        Pokemon_Trainer_Danny Pokemon_Trainer_Danny is offline
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          Chapter 04 –
          A Person to Look Up to!

          The Rockets were not driven out of Azalea Town yet. Arthur only managed to beat one of them. Numerous Rocket members emerged from the vans, and stormed towards Arthur and Sandshrew. “You shouldn’t have meddled with us, kid!” one of the members said. They all grabbed a Poké ball from their belt, and threw them on the ground. Various Zubat, Grimer, and Koffing exited their Poké balls, all eager to teach Arthur’s Sandshrew a lesson.

          “Koffing, use Smog!” yelled various Rocket members to their owned Koffings.

          Sandshrew curled himself up in order to ward off the poisonous gas produced by the group of Koffings. Arthur ordered Sandshrew to use Rollout. Sandshrew rolled out of the smog cloud, and went for the group of Koffing. A Grimer crawled in between Sandshrew and the Koffing though, and took the hit. Withstanding Sandshrew’s Rollout proved to be tough for Grimer, but soon Sandshrew’s move decreased in strength and Grimer managed to overpower him.

          Grimer wrapped its goo-like matter around Sandshrew, engulfing Sandshrew entirely. Sandshrew tried to scratch his way out of the Grimer, but Grimer only laughed as if it were tickled. It was like Sandshrew was trapped in a gelatin pudding. How heavily Sandhrew may shook, he couldn’t manage to free himself out of the Grimer’s substance.

          “Mannnectric!” a Pokémon cry was heard in the distance.

          On that moment, an enormous blast of thunder hit every attacking Pokémon at once, fainting all of them instantly. The Grimer was struck as well, weakening it sharply. Sandshrew managed to claw his way out of Grimer’s body. Arthur looked around.

          “What… was that?” he said.

          A Manectric landed in front of Arthur’s mother. She smiled relieved. She had an idea whose Manectric it was. The Manectric growled towards the Rocket members, who retreated their Pokémon. They looked around for a trainer. Then they spotted a man in the distance. He walked towards the event, without saying anything.

          “Marcus… You’re here!” Arthur’s mother said.

          Arthur looked at Marcus. Who is this guy? And how does his mother know him? Marcus walked to Arthur’s mother. He stroked her hair, towards the back of her head. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” he asked her. “Sweetheart?? What the heck!?” Arthur thought. Arthur’s mother nodded. Marcus turned toward the Rocket members.

          “Team Rocket… you have no business here. Leave, before I make you.” He said with a loud, strict voice.

          Not a sound was heard after Marcus spoke, only the sound of the breeze that softly soared throughout Azalea. The Rockets where obviously intimidated, his Manectric defeated all of their Pokémon with a single devastating electrical attack. A car entered the avenue. The Rocket members made place for the car to stop. The door opened, and another man stepped out of the vehicle. He stepped towards the group. The Rocket members stepped aside, and let him walk through. He wasn’t wearing a cap, like most Rocket members did. He wore shades, and a small earpiece. He was obviously a higher-up in Team Rocket.

          “A Manectric? I never seen one of those in Johto…” he said.
          “You’re different than other Rockets, are you? Are you their leader?” Marcus grunted.
          “Close. I’m a Rocket Admin. These Rockets answer to me.”
          “Heh. Then I’ll kick your scrawny butt back to where you came from, together with your grunts!” Marcus grinned. His Manectric growled simultaneously.
          “You’re making a big mistake.” The Rocket Admin said with a glare.

          The Admin got his Poké ball ready. Marcus ordered Manectric in battle. Manectric let out a cry and jumped forward. “Heh… Clobber him, Onix.” The Admin said, as he calmly tossed his Poké ball. A towering Pokémon emerged. Manectric stepped back of intimidation. “Oh, that’s bad.” Marcus said in himself. His Manectric was a strong Pokémon, but the rock Pokémon Onix had a major type advantage over him. They weren’t about back down though.

          “Manectric! Use Shock Wave!” ordered Marcus.

          Manectric roared, and as he did, a wave of electricity was shot from his maw towards Onix. It struck the giant rock Pokémon, but it obviously didn’t do a lot. The Admin grinned. “What a fool…” he thought. Marcus clenched his teeth. Arthur’s mother looked worried. Marcus looked at her from his shoulder. He winked, assuring her that he had it under control. He turned towards Manectric.

          “Charge yourself up using Charge!” Marcus called.

          Sparks surrounded Manectric’s body. The Admin nodded disapprovingly. He decided to let Onix sit his turn out.

          “Use Shock Wave once more, Manectric! Fry it!!”

          Manectric let out a mighty roar, which started a thunderstorm. An enormous thunderclap struck Manectric, which caused it to become even more powerful. “That’s more like it…” Marcus said. Arthur and Sandshrew couldn’t look away from the spectacle. Manectric shot another wave of electricity at Onix, this wave being three times the size as the previous one. Onix’s eyes widened. The gigantic Shock Wave attack hit Onix full on.

          Onix let out a screech in pain. The pumped up Manectric managed to do the impossible; it damaged an Onix using only an electric-type move. “What!? How did he…” The Admin thought. The Shock Wave ended with an explosion. Onix continued to let out cries of pain. When the smoke dissolved, it became visible that Onix had burn marks all over its body. It hung over, obviously struggling to stay up. Onix lost its patience. The Admin noticed that.

          “Angry, Onix? Use that, and put it all in an Earthquake!” The Admin ordered Onix.

          An enraged Onix moved its head up in the air, and let out a thunderous roar. Its tail slowly moved from the ground. After using such a powerful move, Manectric could only manage to take a step backwards. Onix threw its tail down to the ground. The heavy tail smashed in the ground, leaving a giant crater. The ground shook and cracked heavily, even damaging some buildings. Manectric couldn’t stay on its paws, and fell on its side. The ground cracked around Manectric, and launched Manectric up in the air.

          “Manectric! No!!” Marcus yelled.

          Before Manectric could recover itself in the air, Onix closed in. Onix hit Manectric with a mighty swing of its tail. Manectric was thrown to the ground. Manectric was unable to fight any further.

          “I’m done playing, buddy. Now, about your Manectric…” The Admin said.

          The Rocket Admin was interrupted by static in his earpiece. A female voice was heard on the other side of the conversation.

          Nigel! Drop what you’re doing in Azalea, and get over here in Ilex Forest!
          “In a minute, I’m about to steal a Manectric from some guy.”
          I think we can beat that, Nigel… We found what we’re looking for. It seems to be a legendary Pokémon…

          The Rocket Admin gasped quietly. He called back his Onix. Without saying anything, he turned around and walked to his car. The other Rocket members looked at him. “We’re heading for the forest.” Nigel said, and stepped inside his car. He drove off, and with him went most of the Rocket members in Azalea Town. Marcus called back Manectric. He stepped to Arthur’s mother.

          “Thank you so much, Marcus…” she said.
          “It’s nothing, Angela.”
          “Who is this guy? Why have I never seen him before?” Arthur asked his mother.

          His mother and Marcus looked at Arthur. Sandshrew cocked his head sideward. Marcus looked at Arthur’s mother.

          “Angela?” Marcus said.
          “D-don’t worry, Marcus. Arthur… Come inside… There’s something you need to know.”
          Pain is only temporary, giving up lasts forever.
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          Old September 1st, 2012 (8:40 AM).
          DarkIceForever's Avatar
          DarkIceForever DarkIceForever is offline
            Join Date: Dec 2011
            Location: California
            Gender: Female
            Nature: Adamant
            Posts: 117
            Ahem, first review in a while. Hello there!

            So, let's cut the chit-chat and get on with why I'm here.

            The story itself has a lack of discription were it matters the most. The emotional parts. I can't help but feel a bit dry and wanting more after I read:
            Arthur kept quiet again. His mother sat down next to him.

            "Arthur, I know you have a dream... but... I won't let you, not yet..." tears filled her eyes, as her voice started to crack.

            "Alright mom, I got the message. I'll go back to Goldenrod and sell the Poké ball again." Arthur walked through the front door and slammed it shut. His mother was left with the parcel, crying on the couch.

            Arthur got off of his bike, and dropped it on the ground. “Hey! Keep your hands off of my mother!” he ordered. The men looked over their shoulders simultaneously, then faced each other.

            “Go talk to the boy, I'll take care of his mother.” the man on the left said.
            “No!! Go easy on my boy!” Arthur's mom cried.
            The writing is really straightforward. It wish there was more discription in the writing. I really want to get inside of the head of these characters and it's really hard to do that when you're writing is 'point A to point B' in some sense. It's fine to diverge from the actual events a little bit to write about the character's thoughs and feelings.

            Why doesn't mom want Arthur to train? Why didn't you tell us? If you didn't include it, do you want it to be a mystery?

            Your first Chapter is important, you should tell us a lot, you should tell us why its important. Don't keep it secret, you don't have too. Maybe you just forgot.

            Keep in mind 'Mom' is a person too. Her feelings are important. It feels like I'm watching a story unfold from a distance other than being engadged with these characters. When you watch a good movie you really feel for the characters. It's the same for a story. I want to be endaged, I want to know more, and read more that has reasonable siginificance to an event.

            That's the only problem I've had with the story. The chapters could have been a lot better, which, saddens me because I really felt like I had some sort of connection with the main character. I liked him, and I felt for him. I probably would have loved your story if there was more discription. Hopefully you can improve.

            Well that's it for now, I'll review on request, if you want. I'll reply to any concerns you may have too.

            See ya!
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