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  #3201    
Old November 11th, 2012 (5:07 PM).
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    Well to talk about myself, hmm.

    Well I recently came out as Trans, I have had a mental battle with gender and I eventually came to terms with who I am after a good year or so. I did originally come out as trans back in February, but there was too much stuff going on at the time, I just ended up rejecting it all. While I'm not ashamed of being trans, I am afraid of some of the things I could end up dealing with such as not being able to pass (voice being the big one) or not being able to find romance due to me being trans*. I really wish I could just "womanize" myself and have a voice and apperence that matches to what I want.

    I wish society wasn't such a butt about this kind of stuff. :x
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      #3202    
    Old November 12th, 2012 (4:22 AM).
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    I'm not turned off by trans, I wish society wouldn't portray thdm as weird, that's just unfair.
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      #3203    
    Old November 12th, 2012 (6:47 AM). Edited November 12th, 2012 by Shining Raichu.
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    Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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    Welcome, QueenMadz! It's great to meet you :D

    Also thank you to everybody else who posted nice things about my coming out story since I last posted, it means a lot to me

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Destructor
    I'm freaking terrified. I want to come out and just tell my family to get it over with. I'd rather live with their hate for who I am than live in fear that they might find out. I have planned to do it tonight, which is probobly a bad time, but I don't care. I will be posting tomorrow to say how it goes, but right now I'm so scared it's making me sick to my stomach and pale.
    If there's one thing I've learned recently, it's that living in fear is the worst thing you can do. But if you're going to come out (and there's a strong chance I'm already too late to give you this advice, but I'm going to persevere just in case I'm not) then you have to make sure you do it right.

    Firstly, don't do it with everybody at once. Get one person on their own at a time and do it one on one. This does prolong the horrifying experience, but it makes each session a lot less pressure-packed. If everybody reacts badly, then you don't want them all in the same room at the same time.

    Find the person who you believe is most likely to be accepting of the news, and start with them. Be it a sibling or one of your parents, it doesn't matter. Give them a little time to absorb, and then if they don't react too badly, you know you have at least a bit of support behind you for the next person you tell. Also, if any of your friends know that you're gay, let them know that you're going to tell your family and that if it goes badly, you might need to spend the night at their place.

    The amount of people who actually get kicked out for being gay is dramatically decreasing, so I'm not personally too worried about that, but you know your family better than I do so I'd go with your own gut on that one. I think the fact that they already think you're gay and haven't kicked you out is a good indication that they won't even when they do have it confirmed.

    You did mention before that they were abusing you about this. Could you maybe elaborate on that if it's not too painful to talk about?

    Also good luck. Let us know how it goes/went

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by QueenMadz
    Well I recently came out as Trans, I have had a mental battle with gender and I eventually came to terms with who I am after a good year or so. I did originally come out as trans back in February, but there was too much stuff going on at the time, I just ended up rejecting it all. While I'm not ashamed of being trans, I am afraid of some of the things I could end up dealing with such as not being able to pass (voice being the big one) or not being able to find romance due to me being trans*. I really wish I could just "womanize" myself and have a voice and apperence that matches to what I want.
    I'm glad you've gotten to a place where you're happy with yourself . When you came out to other people, how did they react? Did you meet much resistance? I imagine it's worse than coming out as gay because it generally means an even tougher road than gay people generally face.
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      #3204    
    Old November 12th, 2012 (7:49 AM).
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      I agree. It seems like people are much more accepting of gays then trans. Congrats on coming out though Andy! And welcome to the group, Destructor!
        #3205    
      Old November 12th, 2012 (11:12 PM).
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      FreakyLocz14 FreakyLocz14 is offline
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      Is it transphobic to say "You've failed as a parent if your son thinks he's a girl"?
        #3206    
      Old November 12th, 2012 (11:47 PM).
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      I'd assume it would be. How would you feel if someone asked you that?
        #3207    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (12:11 AM).
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      Patatas Fritas Patatas Fritas is offline
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      It's incredibly Transphobic, considering parenting skills have nothing to do with a persons gender identity, I hope no one would ever say that. And other than being transphobic and incorrect, it's rude to insult someone's parenting skills.
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        #3208    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (12:31 AM).
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      I would call it less Transphobic, and more ignorant. I mean, it makes them sound stupid, but phobia is fear, and they sound more just uneducated than afraid. If someone ever said that to me, I'd tell them to sit down and they would be educated on the matter. Then if they reacted badly, and did spout hate, I would call them Transphobic and annoying. -w-
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        #3209    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (12:46 AM).
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      My mom said the same thing about herself when I came out to her. I wouldn't say it's any kind of phobic though, it's just stupid.
        #3210    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (2:26 AM).
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      Impo Impo is offline
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      guys there's the most adorable short film on youtube it's in another language (brazil i think) but it's still completely adorable

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Wav5KjBHbI&feature=youtu.be

      It's so cute that I had eye crinkles I don't know how to embed it but you need subtitles which can be turned on by clicking the second box on the bottom right of the video (only on browsers)

      sorry for straying from the conversation feel free to ignore me
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        #3211    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (3:16 AM).
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      LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
         
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Impo View Post
        guys there's the most adorable short film on youtube it's in another language (brazil i think) but it's still completely adorable

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Wav5KjBHbI&feature=youtu.be

        It's so cute that I had eye crinkles I don't know how to embed it but you need subtitles which can be turned on by clicking the second box on the bottom right of the video (only on browsers)

        sorry for straying from the conversation feel free to ignore me
        You're right, that really is an adorable short film I wish things would work like that in real life...

        Anyway, to add up to the "phobia" talk, I never understood why the hatred towards homosexuals, and in this case, transsexuals, is called a "phobia". No-one is scared, they're just idiotic jerks!
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          #3212    
        Old November 13th, 2012 (3:41 AM). Edited November 13th, 2012 by Zet.
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        Clinically speaking; phobia is fear, but non-clinical it can be negative attitudes. Some people can actually be afraid of homosexuals, while others can also be afraid of heterosexuals.
          #3213    
        Old November 13th, 2012 (11:38 AM).
        Destructor Destructor is offline
           
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          Well, I came out to mom.

          I went up to mom and said I had to tell her something to which she said alright. I asked her to sit down and when she said asked why, I told her it was something really important. Her reply "Well, it's about time" I guessed she just knew what I was going to tell her. So, she sat down and I explained everything from when I first figured out I was gay until the other dayand she had a smile on the whole time. Inside I was so happy, I actually thought I got her wrong the whole time. When I was done, she stood up and gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to hide from her and that she figured but didn't want to jump to the conclusion just in case. I felt like I was going to cry I was so happy and then....

          "But still, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Are you punishing me for something? Do you hate me?"

          I tried to explain to her that it's just who I am but...

          "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't. I understand I failed as a parent and I understand I raised some kind of creature and I can accept that, though I don't have to live with it"

          And so here I am, on my laptop, at my grandparents place where they, much to my surprise, accepted me for who I am and still seem to love me. Mom hates and wants nothing to do with me now.
            #3214    
          Old November 13th, 2012 (11:43 AM).
          Patatas Fritas's Avatar
          Patatas Fritas Patatas Fritas is offline
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          Oh my gosh, I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it is. I'm so glad your grandparents are so accepting, I'm so so sorry. I really hope she's comes around, this must be a major shock too her, sure, she might have had an inkling before but facing the reality must be difficult. It shouldn't be, but it is. For the time being let her cool down I suppose and stay with your grandparents, maybe they'll try and talk some sense into her...

          I'm sure she still loves you, you're still her child, after all.
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            #3215    
          Old November 13th, 2012 (12:22 PM).
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          Being a parent must really warp your mind in ways I can't wrap my own mind around. Why do so many parents see their children as reflections of their own worth, and on top of that why do so many of them see having gay or trans kids as a bad thing? They need to realize that their kids are people in their own right, that they can and do make decisions about their lives and that there are somethings which are out of anyone's control - parent or child.
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            #3216    
          Old November 13th, 2012 (12:44 PM).
          Retro Bug Retro Bug is offline
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Impo View Post
          guys there's the most adorable short film on youtube it's in another language (brazil i think) but it's still completely adorable

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Wav5KjBHbI&feature=youtu.be

          It's so cute that I had eye crinkles I don't know how to embed it but you need subtitles which can be turned on by clicking the second box on the bottom right of the video (only on browsers)

          sorry for straying from the conversation feel free to ignore me
          I watched this short before it had subtitles and I managed to get the jest of it with my 4 years of Spanish coming in handy. Anyway, I still think it's a really cute short film and there should definitely be a part two. You can't just leave it like that!


          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Destructor View Post
          Well, I came out to mom.

          I went up to mom and said I had to tell her something to which she said alright. I asked her to sit down and when she said asked why, I told her it was something really important. Her reply "Well, it's about time" I guessed she just knew what I was going to tell her. So, she sat down and I explained everything from when I first figured out I was gay until the other dayand she had a smile on the whole time. Inside I was so happy, I actually thought I got her wrong the whole time. When I was done, she stood up and gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to hide from her and that she figured but didn't want to jump to the conclusion just in case. I felt like I was going to cry I was so happy and then....

          "But still, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Are you punishing me for something? Do you hate me?"

          I tried to explain to her that it's just who I am but...

          "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't. I understand I failed as a parent and I understand I raised some kind of creature and I can accept that, though I don't have to live with it"

          And so here I am, on my laptop, at my grandparents place where they, much to my surprise, accepted me for who I am and still seem to love me. Mom hates and wants nothing to do with me now.
          Sigh. I do hope that you mom comes around but at least you have your grandparents. Like Kawaii says I'm sure sure still loves you but she's just doing what all parents do and blaming herself for something she couldn't control. Are you planning on coming out to anyone else?
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            #3217    
          Old November 13th, 2012 (2:31 PM).
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            Destructor, I'm so sorry :'( You were very brave for coming out, that's for sure. And I'm really glad that your grandparents accept you for who you are. At least you have some sort of support.

            I just really hope that your mother calms down, and thinks about this... I mean, she's blaming herself for something that shouldn't be blamed on anyone at all (You were born that way, and there is NOTHING wrong with being gay)!
            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Retro Bug View Post
            I watched this short before it had subtitles and I managed to get the jest of it with my 4 years of Spanish coming in handy. Anyway, I still think it's a really cute short film and there should definitely be a part two. You can't just leave it like that!
            Yeah, I'd really like to see part 2, too :D
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              #3218    
            Old November 13th, 2012 (4:07 PM).
            Destructor Destructor is offline
               
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              Well, I think I won't have to come out to anybody else. Mom will probobly tell everybody, and those who she doesn't tell my grandparents will have to in order to explain why I'm staying with them instead.

              I don't think my mom will ever understand. She's a, and please forgive the langaue, manipulative, controlling, bossy, self-absorbed, hateful little ***** with a God-like complex.
                #3219    
              Old November 13th, 2012 (8:11 PM).
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              U.Flame U.Flame is offline
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              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Destructor View Post

              I don't think my mom will ever understand. She's a, and please forgive the langaue, manipulative, controlling, bossy, self-absorbed, hateful little ***** with a God-like complex.
              Oh God that sounds just like my dad. Only he's secretly manipulative not openly bossy, but still just as bad because he can turn anyone against you. I can sympathize with you there. I hope you have an open-minded relative like my awesome mom.
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              Hacks I've worked on in the past:
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              Been super busy with work, life, and laptop problems. Hopefully I can get back into it soon, I fear I'm already rusty. Meanwhile I'm considering writing some of my hacks as a series of fanfics.

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                #3220    
              Old November 13th, 2012 (11:07 PM).
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              Zet Zet is offline
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              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Destructor View Post
              Well, I came out to mom.

              I went up to mom and said I had to tell her something to which she said alright. I asked her to sit down and when she said asked why, I told her it was something really important. Her reply "Well, it's about time" I guessed she just knew what I was going to tell her. So, she sat down and I explained everything from when I first figured out I was gay until the other dayand she had a smile on the whole time. Inside I was so happy, I actually thought I got her wrong the whole time. When I was done, she stood up and gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to hide from her and that she figured but didn't want to jump to the conclusion just in case. I felt like I was going to cry I was so happy and then....

              "But still, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Are you punishing me for something? Do you hate me?"

              I tried to explain to her that it's just who I am but...

              "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't. I understand I failed as a parent and I understand I raised some kind of creature and I can accept that, though I don't have to live with it"

              And so here I am, on my laptop, at my grandparents place where they, much to my surprise, accepted me for who I am and still seem to love me. Mom hates and wants nothing to do with me now.
              Talk about a roller coaster of a story. First it starts out slow with a bit of worry, and then it goes up to happiness and acceptance... and then comes crashing down with how she reacts.

              But it's good to hear that your grandparents took you in because they love and accept you.
                #3221    
              Old November 13th, 2012 (11:18 PM).
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              TornZero TornZero is offline
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                That sounds exactly like my mother, though the God complex is replaced with a pity-seeking complex. I'm really hoping yours comes to light soon, Destructor.

                Speaking of parents, I waited until my mother went on a trip to finally wear some nail polish (plain white) and try to curb a horrible nail-biting habit I had. That started last Friday, and it — combined with filing what was left into a nice evenness — worked extremely well. I haven't chewed on them since. Meanwhile, band-aids and other methods did absolutely nothing for me when I tried them. This brought me to believe it was out of compulsive grooming instead of anxiety, and I stand behind it; my stress has not loosened its grip on me in just five days.

                She saw my nails an hour or so ago and demanded I take the polish off (after initially thinking I used white-out of all things), taking the absolute utmost care in clarifying that "I am a guy; it [nail-biting] happens."

                Needless to say, it pissed me off pretty well, especially since I'm over 18 and able to make my own decisions, including over my own physical and mental health. Not to mention I know multiple girls that chew their own nails.
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                  #3222    
                Old November 14th, 2012 (6:40 AM).
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                  Oh wow, I am so sorry for you destuctor It will all turn out all right though...
                    #3223    
                  Old November 14th, 2012 (3:23 PM).
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                  Esper Esper is offline
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                  It's kind of funny how grandparents can be the complete opposite of what you would expect. At least what I would expect, which is that they'd be older and less accepting. Now, sometimes they are. I've got one grandparent who's kind of a racist and pretty intolerant of most everything. Then I also have a grandparent who used to rent part of her house out to a gay couple since at least the 70s.

                  Destructor, I hope you can reconcile with your mom (by which I mean I hope she grows a heart and gets over herself), and that you can stay with your grandparents as long as you need to.

                  TornZero, I feel for you. (But get some better nail polish colors!)
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                    #3224    
                  Old November 15th, 2012 (3:46 AM). Edited November 15th, 2012 by Aeon.
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                  Aeon Aeon is offline
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                  So after a little bit of lurking I'd like to join.

                  I'm a pansexual, and I'm trying to conclude on my gender identity (it's been a matter of debate to myself for the past six years.) I'm out to everyone about my orientation (my 'tale' is boring in comparison to others), but only two people are aware of my gender issues.
                    #3225    
                  Old November 15th, 2012 (5:03 AM).
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                  Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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                  Welcome, Aeon! You're in very good company :D

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Destructor
                  Well, I came out to mom.

                  I went up to mom and said I had to tell her something to which she said alright. I asked her to sit down and when she said asked why, I told her it was something really important. Her reply "Well, it's about time" I guessed she just knew what I was going to tell her. So, she sat down and I explained everything from when I first figured out I was gay until the other dayand she had a smile on the whole time. Inside I was so happy, I actually thought I got her wrong the whole time. When I was done, she stood up and gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to hide from her and that she figured but didn't want to jump to the conclusion just in case. I felt like I was going to cry I was so happy and then....

                  "But still, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Are you punishing me for something? Do you hate me?"

                  I tried to explain to her that it's just who I am but...

                  "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't. I understand I failed as a parent and I understand I raised some kind of creature and I can accept that, though I don't have to live with it"

                  And so here I am, on my laptop, at my grandparents place where they, much to my surprise, accepted me for who I am and still seem to love me. Mom hates and wants nothing to do with me now.
                  I... what. I don't... understand. How... what? She hugged you and accepted you and told you you don't have to hide things from her and then... she didn't anymore? Did she have an aneurysm?

                  In any case, I'm so sorry this happened to you . The good news is you seem to have amazing grandparents and thank goodness for that. And I know this will seem hollow now, while you're sitting there feeling like your own family hates you for something out of your control, but this is a good thing. You're on the other side of it, the hard part is well and truly over and now you can start living rather than existing in fear. You were scared of how your family would react and... well, now you know. And what you also know is that you have a place with people who do love you unconditionally, no matter who you are. You have a place, you're not going to be homeless. You have stability now in a way that you didn't before. Because you have people who love you and no more secrets that put that at risk.

                  You, my friend, are going to be just fine
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