Fan Fiction and Writing Have a story you want to share? Or in the mood to sit back and read one, instead? Then come hang out here!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old December 1st, 2012 (6:49 PM).
Khawill's Avatar
Khawill Khawill is offline
Swaggins
  • Silver Tier
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: The Cave of Hymns
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Nature: Brave
Posts: 1,559
I'll try my hand at poetry, especially since this section is so... Empty

Things

I always think about things
They plague my mind
Do other people suffer from thoughts?

I doubt it
Because no matter how I wrap my mind around it,
Thoughts are dangerous things.

Sometimes I say I'm unique
But then my thoughts tell me otherwise
It saddens me

Sometimes I say I'm smart
But then my thoughts tell me otherwise
And people follow

I don't say there is something wrong with me
I don't think I'm crazy
They do though

I talk about who likes me
I say someone, I think no one
Now I think about who is right

I think about why
I think about who
Who is me

Am I the one who thinks?
Am I the one who says?
Nobody can answer me.
__________________
College Bound, Mentally Sound.

Frio & Elise || Jayce & Jayce 2
Reply With Quote

Relevant Advertising!

  #2    
Old December 1st, 2012 (10:36 PM).
Freak A's Avatar
Freak A Freak A is offline
Back !!!
     
    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Nature: Bold
    Posts: 302
    Insightful. To say the least, really insightful. Marking the double minded-ness that we all face and the lack of confidence everyone goes through (maybe you should've named it confidence ).

    What i don't seem to be a particular fan of is however the form, though you structured it pretty well, some lines do seem to be kind of extra. A suggestion would be that you look into the Italian (Petrarch-an) sonnets because this could have easily been made into a really good sonnet with the octave surrounding the theme of thoughts which moves into self-doubt in the sestet.

    Just a suggestion though, your poem even without structure is well written.
    __________________
    If you aint doin anythin you could view my blog: twinkietalks.blogspot.com


    and I LIKE PEANUTS !!!!!
    Reply With Quote
      #3    
    Old December 1st, 2012 (11:00 PM).
    Khawill's Avatar
    Khawill Khawill is offline
    Swaggins
    • Silver Tier
     
    Join Date: Aug 2012
    Location: The Cave of Hymns
    Age: 21
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Brave
    Posts: 1,559
    Well I never took poetry classes and such in highschool, and this is my first thought out poem. To be honest I really don't know how to define a poem because I looked up different types (because I previously thought poems were just rhyming) and saw free verse and haiku (which don't always rhyme) so I'm not too knowledgeable on the subject.

    Thank you for the compliment and feedback too. I had several ideas throughout the day, but when I was at work, this was the one I thought of.

    Edit* I'll try to do more poems, maybe one weekly. They don't take as long to write as a fic and I can churn ideas away from the computer without forgetting them so it wouldn't be too farfetched of me.
    __________________
    College Bound, Mentally Sound.

    Frio & Elise || Jayce & Jayce 2
    Reply With Quote
      #4    
    Old December 10th, 2012 (6:41 PM).
    Khawill's Avatar
    Khawill Khawill is offline
    Swaggins
    • Silver Tier
     
    Join Date: Aug 2012
    Location: The Cave of Hymns
    Age: 21
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Brave
    Posts: 1,559
    Tad late I suppose, those poems are hard to compose.

    People (I think this is classified as a Rap, though I didn't do a chorus or write it like music)
    I can never figure out why there are cliques
    The ones that are full of spoiled chics
    And other such kids
    I suppose it is something kept under lids
    A secret so well hid
    That even I can't get in
    Are they hiding their acceptance?
    Am I unworthy of their presence?
    I was told not to think in terms of others
    Told to speak in terms of myself and a lover
    Though what lover is there for an outcast?
    A simple social reject who could never outlast
    A conversation with a person of opposite sex
    And even the solace I find in this text
    Is dilluded by the dissipointment
    Of my appointments
    With therapists
    who wish
    To see
    what is wrong with me.
    Well maybe someone could tell me,
    because all I see
    Is a life where my enemies
    Outnumbers my friendly company
    where the people I am used to
    Are lost to a world where the good is sailed through
    And overshadowed by the evil.
    Reply With Quote
    Reply
    Quick Reply

    Sponsored Links
    Thread Tools

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Minimum Characters Per Post: 25

    Forum Jump


    All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:03 AM.