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  #3551    
Old April 8th, 2013 (8:13 PM). Edited April 8th, 2013 by Alice.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
It's kind of weird if you think about it - homosexuality is often seen as unnatural and like it makes no sense whatsoever, but a homosexual's porn habits make a lot more instant sense than a straight person's do.
I've always preferred either guy/guy or girl/girl, not a fan of straight porn at all... I guess that makes sense, being bisexual?


I've always thought of gay couples as having much more pure/innocent relationships, because I have they have to overcome all these extra challenges to be together, and so their love must be much stronger than a straight person who can just go bang whoever they want without having to worry about it. I'm sure that's not really true in the real world, but I can dream can't I?
  #3552    
Old April 8th, 2013 (8:32 PM).
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    I think it's times like this I'm pretty sure my family won't mind that I'm bi, even though I really haven't came out to them yet...

    The thing I'm most scared of is telling them I have a boyfriend already, and the bigger thing is distance, and age difference.
    He lives in Pennsylvania, and I like in Texas, and he's 19, and I'm 15.
    And, it scares the hell out of me to say this. I talked to a friend earlier, and she said to tell them that I have one, but not mention the age, because, that's my biggest fear, is that we'll be separated...

    i.e.
    @PhantomX0990: I sorta know what you're going through, but sorta don't at the same time.
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      #3553    
    Old April 8th, 2013 (9:20 PM). Edited April 8th, 2013 by Rai.
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    Rai Rai is offline
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by QuilavaKing View Post
      I've always thought of gay couples as having much more pure/innocent relationships, because I have they have to overcome all these extra challenges to be together.
      I agree completely. Do you know how hard it is for a gay couple to adopt? They have to do so much in order to get a child, unlike straight couples who can have a child whenever they want.

      @PhantomX0990

      I am sorry your parents aren't very supportive. But if you truly want to be with this woman, you are going to have to let them know. That is why I came out to my mom- I knew I wanted to be with women and I didn't want to hide that from her. It was worth it in the end- I have a girlfriend that I have been dating for 3 and half years. Everyone in my family knows and they really like her. Even if you are scared of how they will react, it will be a big weight off of your shoulders, especially if you want to have a long term relationship with this woman.

      I think your mom will be able to accept it. If she could put her insecurities aside for her friend, then she will be able to do the same for you, her daughter. I think the idea of having her Facebook friend ease her into it would be very helpful. It would make it less shocking to your mom and you would also have someone else on your side. But first you need to make sure you can trust and rely on her.

      And you won't regret it. Even if your family does not react well at first, it will be worth it in the end. You will feel revealed and like there is less on your plate. The anxiety beforehand is the worst- believe me, I know, but once you go through with it, you will feel much better.
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        #3554    
      Old April 9th, 2013 (8:57 AM).
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by QuilavaKing View Post
      I've always thought of gay couples as having much more pure/innocent relationships, because I have they have to overcome all these extra challenges to be together, and so their love must be much stronger than a straight person who can just go bang whoever they want without having to worry about it. I'm sure that's not really true in the real world, but I can dream can't I?
      ... unless you live in San Francisco. No, I mean it. My friend who lived there for a while has told me a whole lot about some of the things that go on there when you know where to go and who to talk to. Like bars that have a weekly underwear night.

      But I know what you mean. When you're talking about a loving, committed relationship then it's harder.

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 View Post
      *snip*
      You have to live your own life. You can't live your life for them. It's sad that your mom wanted a lot of kids and couldn't have a lot, but that can't be changed. It's sad that you were raised by parents who you couldn't come out to, but that can be changed. You can't just become straight. It's your life, and a rather personal part of your life so no one should be making you feel bad for who you love. Not your family, and not you yourself by worrying that they'll take it badly. I don't know how much your family means to you, but I think it's better to risk their anger and hatred by being who you are and standing up for who you love than to hide it.
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        #3555    
      Old April 9th, 2013 (12:58 PM).
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      Rebel Rebel Rebel Rebel is offline
         
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        Talking about porn on a Pokémon forum. Because why the hell not? :P

        @PhantomX0990: Very sorry to hear about your situation. As I've said before, if your mom really loves you, she'll accept you for who you are even if they don't agree with it. In a perfect world we could be free to be ourselves without anyone batting an eye, but this isn't a perfect world and with some people, tolerance is the best you can hope for. In the end, you're just going to have to get it over with and deal with the consequences. Whatever happens, I'm sure you'll feel a lot better after getting everything out in the open. You have to live your own life and do what makes you happy, and if anyone objects then it's their problem. And congratulations on finding someone, I hope you have a long and happy relationship.
          #3556    
        Old April 9th, 2013 (2:43 PM).
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        Barrels Barrels is offline
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        @ PhantomX0990...

        I dunno if it helps much, but... we're all rootin' for ya, hard as we can! Like little rainbow-coloured plants. ;) Or a cheerleading squad! Yeah, an international cheerleading squad. *pumps pom-poms* The human pyramid might be a bit difficult when half the squad are on different continents, but whatevs, we'll work something out. ;)

        Which is all to say, you're brilliant, I really hope your friend helps you, and you are being incredibly brave. Chin up, we all think you're awesome. :D
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          #3557    
        Old April 9th, 2013 (2:45 PM).
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 View Post
        *reads response*

        Oh geez, what in the world did I start?

        ANYWAYS IGNORING BLUSH INDUCING DISCUSSIONS

        I am freaking the **** out. Like. I'm twitching. Seriously. Freaking. Complete like, anxiety hooplah and a 'holy****holy****' mantra.

        So... I've been very open here, which is great and all. Real life? Well, I keep myself to myself usually and don't bring things up.

        You might remember me mentioning that I've been dating this amazing woman who I am totally twitterpated with. It's been months now... and honestly, I can see this being a very long term thing. I mean, I'm not being all crazy and stuff, but honestly, barring something pretty nasty happening or something, I can really see myself in the long run with her. It's been four, almost five, months, which is already in and of itself a fairly decent amount of time.

        And I've been keeping it secret that entire time save for my few select friends. They've been awesome about it, even the ones I was nervous about.

        But family is another story. My parents... yeah.

        First, my father. He has a temper. A very strong temper, one that I had issues with growing up and is the reason I was more than happy to quit college and move out at eighteen. He is very against anything, I repeat ANYTHING having to do with LGBT. They have a very nice lesbian couple living across the street. Very nice people. The things he says about them though... I think I have scars on my tongue from biting it.

        My mother... knows. Or at least she should know that I am not exactly straight. I think most people here know my 'coming out story'; if it could be called that. She is in denial. Has been for years. She will not speak of it. Worst part is... she loves kids. She wanted a big family, but she had cancer and could not have more kids, leaving her with just me. She's always ranting about how much she wants grandchildren. She even goes to joke that I should just 'find a guy' and then she'd take care of the child. I'm not joking. Yes, I see it's wrong too, but there's a sadness to it. Thing is... it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world for a same sex couple to have kids... at least I'm pretty sure biology doesn't work like that. I think this is what would devestate her the most. (Yes I know there are other ways, but you know what I'm talking about.)

        My grandma I know would be sad, but she wouldn't hold it against me. (I seriously love my gran)

        My mom is the one I'm most terrified of. Her best friend recently came out in a rather... different fashion. Her husband cheated on her with her sister. She has three kids. They divorced. Shortly after the divorce and getting a life again she came out. My mother had a fit. She said it felt gross to talk to her, and that she almost didn't want to anymore. And 'prayed' for her non stop.

        But for some reason, my mom pulled through. She and this friend have known each other since I was four. She said she wasn't going to give up one of her oldest friends for something like that. Which is promising.

        But I want a pair of ears for advice. So I messaged this friend of my mother's on facebook. Not telling her what was going on, but to tell her I had to tell her something, that must be kept between us at all costs. Perhaps this friend can ease my mom into the idea, or help her out. I know my mom values her as a friend, as a sister, so this might be a way to help make the steps to finally telling her the straight up truth.

        Either way. It's wrong to keep my girlfriend in the dark from the rest of my life, and it's going to come out. I'm just trying to set up a process. If this friend of my mom blabs now, I'm possibly ruined. (I mean my mom knows, but her state of denial is like she's wearing rose colored contacts that were lasered into her eyeballs, I swear.)

        I'm crossing my fingers and hoping trust prevails. **** please let me not regret making this step. It's like pretty much my relationship with my small family unit is being held over a fire. Either this woman can be trusted, or not, or she refuses to with hold info and I have to find a way to tell them myself.

        Either way I'm twitchy.
        Good luck. Seriously, all the luck in the world to you please.

        I am currently fretting over whether or not I should do the same thing (tell my family) but it seems like your mom already knows so that's a head start I guess.
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          #3558    
        Old April 9th, 2013 (3:18 PM).
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          I have told exactly one person in my family that I was bisexual.
          She explained to me something I already know that, everyone's just a little bit bi, in that, you see a nice looking girl and be like, "Damn! She fine!" and then you see a nice looking guy, "Mmmhmm!" And then be we got into one of our weird talks.
          You all understand?
          Anyway, I didn't tell her anymore of the juicy bits like my boyfriend.
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            #3559    
          Old April 9th, 2013 (3:22 PM).
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by FenrirDarkWolf View Post
          I have told exactly one person in my family that I was bisexual.
          She explained to me something I already know that, everyone's just a little bit bi, in that, you see a nice looking girl and be like, "Damn! She fine!" and then you see a nice looking guy, "Mmmhmm!" And then be we got into one of our weird talks.
          You all understand?
          Anyway, I didn't tell her anymore of the juicy bits like my boyfriend.
          It's kinda like when I tell a new friend I'm lesbian. They usually say something like 'wait so girls are attractive to you?' "yep" 'soo you like girls.' "yep" 'how bout that one' "not necessarily all girls" 'or that one' "um" and they just point out girls because they assume I think every dang girl is cute. At least that's the kind of weird talk I get.
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            #3560    
          Old April 9th, 2013 (3:30 PM).
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          FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Insomniac View Post
            It's kinda like when I tell a new friend I'm lesbian. They usually say something like 'wait so girls are attractive to you?' "yep" 'soo you like girls.' "yep" 'how bout that one' "not necessarily all girls" 'or that one' "um" and they just point out girls because they assume I think every dang girl is cute. At least that's the kind of weird talk I get.
            Nahh, my weird talk with my grandma is like looking in Wikipedia or TV Tropes.
            We start on one topic, then we get to another, then another, then another.
            Like, we started on the TV, then something, then, I asked her how she was since she just got out of the hospital, and, we got to the female reproductive system, then it went to my love life, and then my mom showed up and it all went crazy from there!
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              #3561    
            Old April 9th, 2013 (5:20 PM).
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Radio Rebel View Post


            Talking about porn on a Pokémon forum. Because why the hell not? :P
            Believe me, it's not the first time. It's actually been a fairly popular topic around these parts. lol
              #3562    
            Old April 9th, 2013 (7:38 PM). Edited April 9th, 2013 by Somniac.
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            I guess I should probably sign up to this, to be honest I had no idea this thread existed until I found it just now.

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Insomniac View Post
            It's kinda like when I tell a new friend I'm lesbian. They usually say something like 'wait so girls are attractive to you?' "yep" 'soo you like girls.' "yep" 'how bout that one' "not necessarily all girls" 'or that one' "um" and they just point out girls because they assume I think every dang girl is cute. At least that's the kind of weird talk I get.
            I've had that exact same talk, during high-school I told my best friend I was lesbian [at the time I thought I was, turns out i'm bi though - Boy did that whole situation confuse me.]

            When I told her she basically named every girl in out year saying 'What about ___, do you think she's cute?'

            Apart from her and a select few others, everyone else just tried to bully me, but hey; kids are *******s right?

            Nowadays if someone asks me my sexuality I just say i'm greedy and can't choose

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by QuilavaKing View Post
            I've always preferred either guy/guy or girl/girl, not a fan of straight porn at all... I guess that makes sense, being bisexual?


            I've always thought of gay couples as having much more pure/innocent relationships, because I have they have to overcome all these extra challenges to be together, and so their love must be much stronger than a straight person who can just go bang whoever they want without having to worry about it. I'm sure that's not really true in the real world, but I can dream can't I?
            Actually, banging anyone you want without having to worry about it is the best part about being bi.
            That makes me sound like a bad person. I'm completely monogamous, I swear.

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 View Post

            But family is another story. My parents... yeah.

            First, my father. He has a temper. A very strong temper, one that I had issues with growing up and is the reason I was more than happy to quit college and move out at eighteen. He is very against anything, I repeat ANYTHING having to do with LGBT. They have a very nice lesbian couple living across the street. Very nice people. The things he says about them though... I think I have scars on my tongue from biting it.

            My mother... knows. Or at least she should know that I am not exactly straight. I think most people here know my 'coming out story'; if it could be called that. She is in denial. Has been for years. She will not speak of it. Worst part is... she loves kids. She wanted a big family, but she had cancer and could not have more kids, leaving her with just me. She's always ranting about how much she wants grandchildren. She even goes to joke that I should just 'find a guy' and then she'd take care of the child. I'm not joking. Yes, I see it's wrong too, but there's a sadness to it. Thing is... it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world for a same sex couple to have kids... at least I'm pretty sure biology doesn't work like that. I think this is what would devestate her the most. (Yes I know there are other ways, but you know what I'm talking about.)
            I know what your going through. My father was/is incredibly 'outspoken' [to put it nicely] or bigoted to put it accurately. He basically called me scum and threw me out when I came out to my parents, and I haven't spoken to him properly in a few years.

            That said; I do understand his points of view, as I'm his only daughter and he basically has no chance of grand-children if I don't provide them. My mother speaks to me occasionally but she doesn't approve of my choice of partner.

            Luckily my partners family is loverly, accepting and welcoming. I spend a lot of time with them and they've become a more supporting family that my biological one. It seems a horrible situation but I've come to accept it. You should never try to change to please other people, ESPECIALLY family members.

            However, don't be over-eager to flaunt your sexuality if it could cause you harm, a little disgression is easily worth your safety and health.
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              #3563    
            Old April 9th, 2013 (8:53 PM).
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Somniac View Post
            I guess I should probably sign up to this, to be honest I had no idea this thread existed until I found it just now.

            I've had that exact same talk, during high-school I told my best friend I was lesbian [at the time I thought I was, turns out i'm bi though - Boy did that whole situation confuse me.]

            When I told her she basically named every girl in out year saying 'What about ___, do you think she's cute?'

            Apart from her and a select few others, everyone else just tried to bully me, but hey; kids are *******s right?

            Nowadays if someone asks me my sexuality I just say i'm greedy and can't choose
            Ahaha yeah I'm sure all the raptors (lesbians) get the "is shhheeee cute? is shhheee cute? what about her?" talk eventually. :p

            The only difference here is that in HS I am not bullied. People know I'm gay and they don't care, they're pro gay so it's cool.
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              #3564    
            Old April 9th, 2013 (10:28 PM).
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Somniac View Post
            I was lesbian [at the time I thought I was, turns out i'm bi though - Boy did that whole situation confuse me.]
            I did the exact same thing... I thought I must be the only person to come out as gay when I'm really bi, but I guess not, lol. It's usually the other way around. My parents actually still think I'm gay... and it's somehow harder to tell them that I'm not gay than it was to tell them that I am, lol. I feel bad about not telling them though, because I'm sure it would be good news to them, but I just haven't found a good chance.
              #3565    
            Old April 10th, 2013 (2:54 AM).
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            FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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              I think I might be gayer than I thought I was...
              i.e.
              The exact situation you guys were in, but reversed.

              Or maybe I'm just 15, horny, and really wanting my boyfriend with me.
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                #3566    
              Old April 10th, 2013 (11:29 AM).
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              Esper Esper is offline
               
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              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Ausaudriel View Post
              I actually think gay men are in general more promiscuous than average. Comparing my relationships with those of my friends (all of my friends are straight) it seems way easier for me to find guys willing to just have sex. I think it's because men in general are more sexual creatures (or more ruled/controlled by their sexual natures) and so when you take two male sex drives and put them together, well... yeah.

              Can't say much for lesbians though. No idea. All I know, and don't take offense, is my one lesbian friend has a joke about how lesbian women always bring a U-Haul to the second date. :x Lol. Implying that they get attached really quickly and move in together and what not.


              San Francisco is my favorite city in the states. 8) Not because of the gay community (which I'm actually rather distasteful of), but because it's so open and accepting of everything in general. The vibes there are just so great.

              I live in Los Angeles and people here are all about what they can gain from knowing you. It's mostly because of the industry, all of the people moving out here to "make it big" who've heard that it's all about "who you know," so when they meet you they think, "I wonder if he can get me an acting job..." or "I wonder if he knows any producers..." etc. etc.

              San Francisco people were just genuinely nice. It was a refreshing change. I really wanna move there this summer, get the heck out of LA.
              So the full joke goes: What do lesbians bring on a second date? A U-Haul. Then you follow up with: What do gay men bring on a second date? What second date?

              One of my roommates in college dated a girl for a short while and they ended up living together after not very long and then breaking up before the end of the year. They both came from areas of southern California (Kern county and Los Angeles county) where they were from a small town and a strict Asian family respectively so they'd both been in the closet through high school so when they started dating it was all fireworks and lightning and they thought they'd found their soul mates.

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by FenrirDarkWolf View Post
              I think I might be gayer than I thought I was...
              i.e.
              The exact situation you guys were in, but reversed.

              Or maybe I'm just 15, horny, and really wanting my boyfriend with me.
              Well, that happens to a lot of us. Long distance relationships aren't easy.
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                #3567    
              Old April 10th, 2013 (1:48 PM).
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              Legobricks Legobricks is offline
                 
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                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Insomniac View Post
                It's kinda like when I tell a new friend I'm lesbian. They usually say something like 'wait so girls are attractive to you?' "yep" 'soo you like girls.' "yep" 'how bout that one' "not necessarily all girls" 'or that one' "um" and they just point out girls because they assume I think every dang girl is cute. At least that's the kind of weird talk I get.
                I once got "does being asexual mean you're actually bi?".
                The question is actually quite reasonable; in the same way that one isn't necessarily completely hetero/homo/etc., one isn't necessarily completely asexual.


                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Somniac View Post
                Actually, banging anyone you want without having to worry about it is the best part about being bi.
                That makes me sound like a bad person. I'm completely monogamous, I swear.
                Nothing wrong with polyamory, provided the consent of all participants.
                  #3568    
                Old April 10th, 2013 (3:28 PM).
                Melody Melody is offline
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                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Cassino View Post
                  I once got "does being asexual mean you're actually bi?".
                  The question is actually quite reasonable; in the same way that one isn't necessarily completely hetero/homo/etc., one isn't necessarily completely asexual.



                  Nothing wrong with polyamory, provided the consent of all participants.
                  Wow. That's a new one. Confusing Bisexual with Asexual?

                  But bisexuality has some weird and very unfair stereotypes unfortunately...like people jump straight into thinking we're polyamorous, when that couldn't be further from the truth. Same goes for Pansexual too, except you get some even stupider assumptions, sometimes couched as jokes. X3
                    #3569    
                  Old April 10th, 2013 (5:57 PM).
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                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Pachy View Post
                  Wow. That's a new one. Confusing Bisexual with Asexual?

                  But bisexuality has some weird and very unfair stereotypes unfortunately...like people jump straight into thinking we're polyamorous, when that couldn't be further from the truth. Same goes for Pansexual too, except you get some even stupider assumptions, sometimes couched as jokes. X3
                  Speaking of pansexual..

                  I am not trying to offend anyone here, but really, it seems like a lot of people use pansexual when they are bi just to sound more sophisticated.
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                    #3570    
                  Old April 10th, 2013 (6:28 PM). Edited April 10th, 2013 by Melody.
                  Melody Melody is offline
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                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Insomniac View Post
                    Speaking of pansexual..

                    I am not trying to offend anyone here, but really, it seems like a lot of people use pansexual when they are bi just to sound more sophisticated.
                    No. Common misconception. Pansexual is simply accepting of all gender identities, be they binary or not. Bisexual implies that you stick to the binary adhering folks.
                      #3571    
                    Old April 10th, 2013 (8:30 PM).
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                    I thought pansexual was the same as gender blindness, meaning that you have literally no preference of sex or gender. By your definition I would be pansexual... but I think that's actually closer to being polysexual, isn't it?
                      #3572    
                    Old April 11th, 2013 (12:44 AM).
                    Melody Melody is offline
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                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by QuilavaKing View Post
                      I thought pansexual was the same as gender blindness, meaning that you have literally no preference of sex or gender. By your definition I would be pansexual... but I think that's actually closer to being polysexual, isn't it?
                      Basically yes that's what it boils down to in simpler terms.
                        #3573    
                      Old April 11th, 2013 (3:14 AM).
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                      Legobricks Legobricks is offline
                         
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                        Quote:
                        Originally Posted by Pachy View Post
                        Wow. That's a new one. Confusing Bisexual with Asexual?
                        I don't think it was confusing the two, just thinking that liking neither gives me no particular inclination to either sex, ergo if I were sexual I would like both, or perhaps more accurately be pansexual. I had actually pondered this myself before the question came up.
                          #3574    
                        Old April 11th, 2013 (9:36 AM).
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                        Esper Esper is offline
                         
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                        When you move into the territory of "if I were actually..." there's a lot of room for confusion between people. It's already complicated enough sometimes explaining to someone.

                        Reminds me of that video with the infographics I posted a while back. I really liked how it could convey clearly something rather complicated without watering it down.
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                          #3575    
                        Old April 11th, 2013 (10:32 AM).
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                        Kanzler Kanzler is offline
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                        I think the distinctions are a bit too technical and nuanced for most people's needs or understanding. I'm not too sure on this, but they may have started out for academic purposes, because social scientists classify and categorize and identify and stuff. It kinda feels sometimes that there's so much emphasis on getting the label right that in the very act of doing it you're making confusion.

                        I say forget the labels and just do your own thing.
                         

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