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  #3626    
Old April 18th, 2013 (11:22 AM).
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Kanzler Kanzler is offline
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I had a friend write to me that he thought he was gay before. We stopped talking for 3 years after >.< But when I started to speak with him again, he told me it was just a phase. Do these things happen?

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  #3627    
Old April 18th, 2013 (12:06 PM).
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Yeah, they do. Especially when you're going through puberty and/or if you've been raised in such a way that you didn't learn or talk much about sexuality so that you won't necessarily have the frame of reference that you might ideally have.

Lots of people think they might be gay because they really are gay, or bi, or even trans, but then decide they'd rather live as straight or at least tell people they're straight, and maybe that's how they really feel. (I'm of the camp that thinks sexuality can be fluid for some people, but that's another topic.) And plenty of people go through feeling like they might be gay because they might have strong feelings for one particular person or another, not necessarily sexual or romantic, but strong enough that they wonder if there's something else at work.
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  #3628    
Old April 18th, 2013 (12:15 PM).
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I just hope he made the right decision ._. But then again it is high school, and everything happens during high school.
  #3629    
Old April 18th, 2013 (5:21 PM).
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Nakuzami Nakuzami is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlahISuck View Post
What's it like dating someone older? or younger? I can't imagine myself doing either.
Lolololololol
yeah, well, it's nothing big, in my opinion. It's maturity that matters; not age. Well, personally. LEGALLY age still matters. xD Too big a difference can seem odd . . . and obviously dating someone too young is just really freaking creepy. By that I mean <13, and that's if there's less than a four year difference between you. A) because it just seems odd for a twenty-year-old to date a thirteen-year-old, and B) it's kinda illegal in most places. However, if we take minors out of the equation (but I am one, so it's somewhat hard to do in my personal cases xD) then . . . well, the difference doesn't matter at all. Just maturity.
And even then that can be worked around in some cases. xD

As for the whole smell topic . . . UM, I actually understand this question completely. And it can certainly get some odd answers . . . like most people here say, they don't like the smell of sweaty people. When it comes to guys, or, more specifically, my guy . . . I kind of enjoy the smell of sweat. It's odd, but hey, whatever.
When it comes to girls? Normally they smell good, but that's typically artificial. And I'm kind of not shoving my face into the armpits of every female I see.

@FenrirDarkWolf - Regardless, I think it's good to get such things out in the open. Sometimes we need an outside mind to help us be objective. And sometimes it takes someone outside of the equation to find it's solution. So, while it can be a bit . . . um, rude, I guess, for someone to tell others that, it can be helpful. And, honestly, if it's one family member telling others, and they're genuinely trying to be helpful, I think that's . . . somewhat more okay than in other cases, if you know what I mean?
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  #3630    
Old April 18th, 2013 (5:25 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nakuzami View Post
@FenrirDarkWolf - Regardless, I think it's good to get such things out in the open. Sometimes we need an outside mind to help us be objective. And sometimes it takes someone outside of the equation to find it's solution. So, while it can be a bit . . . um, rude, I guess, for someone to tell others that, it can be helpful. And, honestly, if it's one family member telling others, and they're genuinely trying to be helpful, I think that's . . . somewhat more okay than in other cases, if you know what I mean?
I tend to be really Machiavellian about this. If they tell someone and it turns for the better, I'd say they made really good judgement and they should be praised. But if they tell someone and it turns for the worse, I would want to smack them. I don't really care about what they do, just as long as they can bring into the world the result they intended.
  #3631    
Old April 18th, 2013 (7:04 PM).
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Inkblots Inkblots is offline
     
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    *pokes head in* Hello! May I join in?

    I am aromantic asexual. Hopefully I don't step on any toes by joining, I know there's still a lot of controversy about whether asexuals who aren't bi-, homo-, or pan- romantic should be able to call themselves "queer". I myself am still struggling with whether I feel right joining in under the queer umbrella, as it's only been a couple of years since I discovered asexuality and realized that this is what I am.

    Actually, I think that might relate somewhat to a question I saw above about whether or not being gay can be a "phase." I - and many asexuals - for the longest time assumed that because I didn't feel any kind of attraction to guys, ever, not even once, that I MUST be gay. I never came out as gay, partly because I was afraid of getting the "you're too young to know what you want" speech, and partly because, even though I knew I definitely wasn't straight, and it always felt wrong when I said I was straight, I had also never felt any kind of attraction to girls, and this confused me quite a bit.
      #3632    
    Old April 18th, 2013 (7:14 PM).
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    Kanzler Kanzler is offline
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    Don't ever feel pressured to decide whether you fit under a label or not. That's the opinion other people hold of you and you'll always find people with differing opinions. Personally, I consider asexuality to be a sexual minority and that suffices for you to be called queer. If others decide to exclude you then that's their ignorance and their loss.

    All the while though, there is some fluidity in sexual and gender identity and people change over time. So whatever happens, it might be a phase? I mean this only that it's a possibility, and the important thing is not to focus on questions of identity too much. There's no point questioning yourself if you aren't going to find an answer and you, as an individual, don't really need an answer - only society and other people need answers.
      #3633    
    Old April 18th, 2013 (7:36 PM). Edited April 18th, 2013 by Inkblots.
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    Inkblots Inkblots is offline
       
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      Thank you ^_^

      I never felt pressured to label myself, just kind of awkward, because I didn't have the words to describe the way I felt, and didn't have the confidence when I was a teenager to tell people that I just wasn't attracted to ANYONE, because well, that was just weird (now, I don't really give a damn if people think I'm weird). I'm no longer struggling with my identity in terms of orientation, I basically knew within minutes of reading about it that hey, this is me. When I came out, it was the first time I was able to give myself a "label" (for lack of a better word) that didn't feel weird to say. Right now, like I said, it's just whether I consider myself queer or not that I'm still trying to figure out. I'm not overly concerned about it though - if an LGBTQ group wants to include me, I'm cool with that. If they don't, I'm fine being an ally. And if, eventually, there's some kind of collective agreement that aces will have their own group, I'm good with that too. As long as no one's trying to tell me my orientation doesn't exist, I'm happy, haha :)
        #3634    
      Old April 18th, 2013 (7:52 PM).
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      FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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        Y'know, I often considered myself to asexual for a time...
        And, I think I still kinda am, in a sense, because, I'm normally not attracted to people, and I'm really still not. It's weird, because, whenever I do feel attracted to someone, it's either gender...
        I think my mate just kinda wormed his way into my heart, and I love him for that, because, no one else has been able to do that before...

        Does this make any sense at all?
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          #3635    
        Old April 18th, 2013 (7:59 PM).
        Kanzler's Avatar
        Kanzler Kanzler is offline
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        I'm not normally attracted to people either, but I don't consider myself asexual :P Okay that is kind of a lie - I can be easily distracted by assets, but I'm very rarely attracted to someone in that way. If that makes sense and it's fair for me to differentiate between the two.

        @Fenrir

        I just realized what you posted. Dude! Aren't you ecstatic about being intimate with your boyfriend? I can't even say the same myself :S
          #3636    
        Old April 18th, 2013 (8:43 PM).
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        FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by BlahISuck View Post
          @Fenrir

          I just realized what you posted. Dude! Aren't you ecstatic about being intimate with your boyfriend? I can't even say the same myself :S
          Well, it's a little hard to be intimate with him when I'm technically not legal, and he's a few states away from me.
          Though, we hope to get the latter fixed sometime soon....
          Hopefully.
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            #3637    
          Old April 18th, 2013 (8:45 PM). Edited April 18th, 2013 by Inkblots.
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          Inkblots Inkblots is offline
             
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            There is also grey-ace/greysexual or demi-sexual, which might be an appropriate description for you? Grey-ace/greysexual meaning it's very rare that you experience sexual attraction, and demi-sexual meaning that you don't feel sexual attraction until after developing a strong emotional attachment.

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by BlahISuck View Post
            I'm not normally attracted to people either, but I don't consider myself asexual :P Okay that is kind of a lie - I can be easily distracted by assets, but I'm very rarely attracted to someone in that way. If that makes sense and it's fair for me to differentiate between the two.
            I think I understand what you're saying...? I always have to explain to people that if I say someone is "beautiful" or "cute", I don't mean that I find them attractive, I just think they're beautiful the way a sunset is beautiful, or cute the way a puppy is cute (although more often, when it comes to being cute, I'm referring to personality rather than looks). Is it something like that for you? Or am I way off the mark, lol.
              #3638    
            Old April 18th, 2013 (8:51 PM).
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              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
              There is also grey-ace/greysexual or demi-sexual, which might be an appropriate description for you? Grey-ace/greysexual meaning it's very rare that you experience sexual attraction, and demi-sexual meaning that you don't feel sexual attraction until after developing a strong emotional attachment.
              That seems to fit me more, especially the latter, because, unless I've grown a strong emotional bond with someone, like how me and my boyfriend did, I don't actually like their body.
              See, this also happened before, with one of my female friends...

              I'm weird okay, all this labels stuff, it confuses me.
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                #3639    
              Old April 18th, 2013 (8:56 PM).
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              Kanzler Kanzler is offline
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              Yes and no. I'm a bit of a horndog see, so I don't think anything I say could be taken seriously anymore XDDD No, but I am able to recognize aesthetic value of both a person's physical appearance, and their style, of either sexes - that's a rather academic way of putting it. I think you hit the mark whenever I'm not a horndog. Which is more often than you might expect :P

              Quote:
              Well, it's a little hard to be intimate with him when I'm technically not legal, and he's a few states away from me.
              Though, we hope to get the latter fixed sometime soon....
              Hopefully.
              Oh, goodness that makes you jailbait doesn't it XD Yeah labels are useful until they are useless, and then they are just extremely useless.
                #3640    
              Old April 18th, 2013 (9:13 PM).
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              FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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                Quote:
                Originally Posted by BlahISuck View Post
                Oh, goodness that makes you jailbait doesn't it XD Yeah labels are useful until they are useless, and then they are just extremely useless.
                You're the second person to call me that!
                According to Texas State Laws, I'm only jailbait until I'm 17! >.<
                But it doesn't matter! It would be completely consensual anyway. ;)

                I don't like labels anymore, all that matters is I'm a guy, and I'm dating a guy I happily and proudly call my boyfriend.
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                  #3641    
                Old April 18th, 2013 (9:48 PM).
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                Ledgetheorc Ledgetheorc is offline
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                  Bumrushing the conversation! Hello there! I'm a Homobear. Figured I'd put my name in the pool here since it seems the thread is alive and well. Herro all!

                  Mini-blurb - I'm a happily mated bear, having been out since early High School (Which I graduated from in 2008, So, I'll let you adjust my age accordingly). See my Intro post for more info.

                  Either way, I do pledge my assistance in any seeking to ask me questions or anything. Here I am. Joining the fray. . ..

                  Rawr.
                    #3642    
                  Old April 18th, 2013 (10:16 PM).
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                  Its just my opinion, naturally but personally I think anyone is welcome to join this thread even if they consider themselves entirely heterosexual. If someone simply holds curiosity for something which they have never encountered then we should all be happy to assist them in anything they would like to know. Many people don't know their sexuality and it can help to talk to people from all different 'camps' of the spectrum.

                  That said, if there's anything anyone would like to know i'd be happy to do my best to explain.
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                    #3643    
                  Old April 18th, 2013 (11:18 PM).
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                    I would love love loveee to join this group <3

                    I personally don't really believe in prescribing to a single label, especially for something as fluid and diverse as sexuality but I will try to describe myself. What I know as far as sexual attraction is that I like women. A lot. And since I am one myself and I don't find men sexually attractive, that makes me homosexual I guess. I am however romantically attracted to men though, which I somewhat accredit to society and the whole Disney "prince charming" scenario. My relationship with men still seem to seem a lot smoother than those with women though, so I am still unsure of a lot of things.
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                      #3644    
                    Old April 19th, 2013 (7:12 AM).
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                    Inkblots Inkblots is offline
                       
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                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by BlahISuck View Post
                      Yeah labels are useful until they are useless, and then they are just extremely useless.
                      Could not agree more, haha XD Especially when you get into some of the more complex sexualities, like SylphyStarr, where sexual attraction and romantic attraction don't necessarily match up.

                      Personally, I've always felt like such labels are really only useful when you aren't currently in a relationship, if only to let other people know in a succinct way who you might potentially be interested in, or not interested in. Once you're in a relationship, it's not so important anymore, in my opinion (though I don't think there's anything wrong with continuing to label oneself while in a relationship, as it can be important both to one's sense of identity, and to dispelling misconceptions about those labels, e.g., when a bi person finds a partner, and so many people who don't seem to understand what bi means then assume they have "chosen a team" and are now gay or straight).
                        #3645    
                      Old April 19th, 2013 (9:42 AM).
                      Melody Melody is offline
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                        Quote:
                        Originally Posted by SylphyStarr View Post
                        I would love love loveee to join this group <3

                        I personally don't really believe in prescribing to a single label, especially for something as fluid and diverse as sexuality but I will try to describe myself. What I know as far as sexual attraction is that I like women. A lot. And since I am one myself and I don't find men sexually attractive, that makes me homosexual I guess. I am however romantically attracted to men though, which I somewhat accredit to society and the whole Disney "prince charming" scenario. My relationship with men still seem to seem a lot smoother than those with women though, so I am still unsure of a lot of things.
                        I agree. As someone who is pretty blurry in both sexuality and gender, I definitely don't like to put labels on anything. As a matter of fact, I try to stick with the broader descriptors when trying to explain myself to others, so they don't put me into some tiny box and then get upset when my behavior is too broad for that box.

                        Quote:
                        Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
                        Could not agree more, haha XD Especially when you get into some of the more complex sexualities, like SylphyStarr, where sexual attraction and romantic attraction don't necessarily match up.

                        Personally, I've always felt like such labels are really only useful when you aren't currently in a relationship, if only to let other people know in a succinct way who you might potentially be interested in, or not interested in. Once you're in a relationship, it's not so important anymore, in my opinion (though I don't think there's anything wrong with continuing to label oneself while in a relationship, as it can be important both to one's sense of identity, and to dispelling misconceptions about those labels, e.g., when a bi person finds a partner, and so many people who don't seem to understand what bi means then assume they have "chosen a team" and are now gay or straight).
                        Labels are unfortunately a necessity of our language, since most of the time either we or the receiver of our message lacks the time, the will or the patience to partake in a detailed description. Sometimes even our chosen language of conveyance lacks detailed enough descriptors to accurately and succinctly convey exactly what we mean. Other times the receiver has a non-standard or incorrect interpretation of your message, a different meaning assigned to the descriptors being chosen or has some sort of bias towards interpreting your message in an undesirable way. Sometimes they just don't understand the meaning of your descriptors and make an erroneous extrapolation based on what they do know.

                        It gets even more slippery when you fall under the broader spectrum terms, and there's a wider margin for error to exist in interpreting your message. Sometimes we even make the mistake of overgeneralizing for brevity, and this leaves questions unanswered to be filled by speculation which may not be a positive thing.

                        While those of us in this group have our own jargon of classification, it has not yet quite reached maturity nor has it reached the mainstream.
                          #3646    
                        Old April 19th, 2013 (4:55 PM).
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                        Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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                        Quote:
                        Originally Posted by Cassino
                        I believe the question pertains only to natural body odour(s), not manufactured fragrances to which we are not genetically predisposed to react
                        Then that makes no sense to me. I had no idea that there was any difference whatsoever between the natural scent of a man or a woman lol.

                        Quote:
                        Originally Posted by Somniac
                        Its just my opinion, naturally but personally I think anyone is welcome to join this thread even if they consider themselves entirely heterosexual.
                        That's not opinion, that's just simple fact lol - anybody at all is welcome to join the club, it's in the section rules and it would also kind of go against the whole message of unity we're trying to send if we rejected people from the club for being straight :P

                        Also welcome to Ledgetheorc, SylphyStarr and Inkblots!

                        As for Fenrir, I say screw legality. If you're lucky enough to get yourself a hot older guy then you go for it, we should all be so lucky. My friend Alyshia was dating a guy in high school when she was 16 and he was 21. Six years later and they're still together.
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                          #3647    
                        Old April 19th, 2013 (5:01 PM).
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                        FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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                          Quote:
                          Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
                          As for Fenrir, I say screw legality. If you're lucky enough to get yourself a hot older guy then you go for it, we should all be so lucky. My friend Alyshia was dating a guy in high school when she was 16 and he was 21. Six years later and they're still together.
                          Ahh...
                          Wow.
                          I still hate how he lives so far away, and he no way to get here...
                          And, even if he did, where would he live anyway..
                          Theses are the problems...
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                            #3648    
                          Old April 19th, 2013 (6:17 PM).
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                          Ledgetheorc Ledgetheorc is offline
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                            I cannot condone any form of long distance, yes I do believe it has the potential to work, but that chance seems pretty slim (especially from my own experience). There's nothing like meeting someone IRL for the first time without knowing much about them. As for the older bit, as I'm 23, and my mate is 32, best experience of my life. :D Even if I was sperm when he was 9.
                              #3649    
                            Old April 19th, 2013 (6:32 PM).
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                            FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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                              Quote:
                              Originally Posted by Ledgetheorc View Post
                              I cannot condone any form of long distance, yes I do believe it has the potential to work, but that chance seems pretty slim (especially from my own experience). There's nothing like meeting someone IRL for the first time without knowing much about them. As for the older bit, as I'm 23, and my mate is 32, best experience of my life. :D Even if I was sperm when he was 9.
                              Damn it! I know it will work! I will make it work, I'll make it....
                              I know we'll make it work...
                              I know it.
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                                #3650    
                              Old April 19th, 2013 (6:40 PM).
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                              SylphyStarr SylphyStarr is offline
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                                It really can work! My longest and deepest relationship was with someone I meet through mutual friends on facebook. He lived in New Jersey and I am from Wisconsin. We were together for over a year and he visited here twice and I went out there once. It was a really great experience and I am still close with him. Our breakup was not because of the distance at all and he is even planning to come visit again soon sometime.

                                All that being said, it definately isn't easy as a more traditional relationship, but it can be a good fit fit for certain people. I can see why some people look down on long-distance relationships as being wrong or silly but I think that denying someone that you truly connect with the chance to be with you just because of location is even worse.
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