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  #4076    
Old August 2nd, 2013 (1:06 AM).
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    Well my first time of being outed, I guess it had to happen...

    To copy and paste from the empty closets thread:

    I'm going to try and explain this the best I can and if you need any further insight into something just let me know.

    So today I figured out I was outed. K is my friend that knows I'm gay(Female), H is my friend that I've been outed to(Male).

    K and H are currently 'going out' with each other and I guess this is what lead to me being outed. This morning we were mucking around as usual and H said 'CF' which is what set off the alarm bells. 'CF' is the initials of someone I like and he quickly tried to cover it as 'capture the flag without the 't'' but luckily I knew better. I pulled K away and said "Did you tell him?" and she said "Yes" I still can't believe it. I trusted her and she betrayed my trust. I told her this and she got on the defensive. She said that I wouldn't be reacting like this if we were 'true friends' and I said that has nothing to do with it since she betrayed my trust. I haven't talked to H about this yet but I guess I'll have to eventually. It's even worse because I was starting to come out but now I feel like I sprint jumped back into the closet. Now I regret telling her because probably 90% of my coming outs are going to be her fault. It's even worse that I told her to I like and now H knows. I think I might have to lie and say that I don't like CF because I think H is going to go tell my other friends and get both me and CF embarrassed...

    Help???
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      #4077    
    Old August 2nd, 2013 (8:39 AM).
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TéaQQ View Post
    *snip*
    It's always hard coming to terms with things when you feel like you can't talk about them with anyone. We all get worried that people won't accept us and it holds us back from making those connections to good and understanding people who can support us. I'm glad you're feeling better and have the opportunity to talk with a therapist.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GreatTornado View Post
    Well my first time of being outed, I guess it had to happen...

    To copy and paste from the empty closets thread:

    I'm going to try and explain this the best I can and if you need any further insight into something just let me know.

    So today I figured out I was outed. K is my friend that knows I'm gay(Female), H is my friend that I've been outed to(Male).

    K and H are currently 'going out' with each other and I guess this is what lead to me being outed. This morning we were mucking around as usual and H said 'CF' which is what set off the alarm bells. 'CF' is the initials of someone I like and he quickly tried to cover it as 'capture the flag without the 't'' but luckily I knew better. I pulled K away and said "Did you tell him?" and she said "Yes" I still can't believe it. I trusted her and she betrayed my trust. I told her this and she got on the defensive. She said that I wouldn't be reacting like this if we were 'true friends' and I said that has nothing to do with it since she betrayed my trust. I haven't talked to H about this yet but I guess I'll have to eventually. It's even worse because I was starting to come out but now I feel like I sprint jumped back into the closet. Now I regret telling her because probably 90% of my coming outs are going to be her fault. It's even worse that I told her to I like and now H knows. I think I might have to lie and say that I don't like CF because I think H is going to go tell my other friends and get both me and CF embarrassed...

    Help???
    My initial reaction to your story is to think that you shouldn't lie. It's not going to feel good to think that someone else has control over you like that. What I mean is, you can't change what's already happened, so maybe you should embrace it. Be the one who comes out to people instead of letting other people do it for you, possibly under circumstances that you'd rather not see.

    Of course, this isn't just coming out, but admitting that you like someone so that complicates things. But, you know, there's nothing to be ashamed of in being gay and liking someone. Maybe you can talk with H and get him to understand that this is your thing to do and that he should be a good friend and let you do that when you're ready.
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      #4078    
    Old August 4th, 2013 (6:15 AM).
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    To my mind, if H's initial reaction to you being gay was to subtly tease you about the guy you like rather than 'ew omg he's a ******", then your problem isn't as big as you think it is. K definitely did the wrong thing by telling H, but you know what? This is going to happen. When you're a teenager, you can't afford to tell anybody your juicy secrets, because no matter how much you trust someone, there's one fact you can trust more than any of them:

    Teenage girls are gossipy *****es.

    Scarf's advice is right, I think. If you're not ready to take the step and come out to everybody, then you should talk to H. Teenage boys aren't quite so bad with secret keeping in my experience. If you make it clear to him that this is terrifying for you and his discretion is really important, hopefully he'll be receptive enough and he might even make K shut her big mouth too.

    Let us know how it goes!
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      #4079    
    Old August 6th, 2013 (10:05 PM).
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      I've perhaps analyzed my sexuality a bit more than the average person--I think most people in the queer community tend to. It's easier to think of sexual orientation as straight, gay, or bisexual, but it's so much more complicated than that. To make it simple, I usually just save people the hassle and say that I'm a lesbian and be done with it. It's quick and easy, but not always completely accurate. It's pretty accurate, but I fall somewhere in the middle, honestly. I lean heavily toward women, but I'm open-minded enough to know when that rare guy catches my eye. I was only saying that I don't think that I'm far from the norm on this. If people are being brutally honest with themselves, they would realize through some introspection that they're not completely what they identify as. That being said, I'm not saying that a straight person should go having sex with a random person of the same sex. Hell, you don't even have to do anything with any small attraction you may have because that's just it: it's small. Not all attractions are created equal. Just because you find that guy down the hall cute, doesn't invalidate your vivid lust for that girl you work with. I guess I don't understand this idea that you can only be one extreme at a time.
        #4080    
      Old August 7th, 2013 (11:48 AM).
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      I agree that introspection is good, but I also like and encourage people to read and learn about human sexuality so that you can learn about all kinds of people, about attraction and relationships and how the body works. All that good stuff and more.
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        #4081    
      Old August 7th, 2013 (1:40 PM).
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      Can someone explain to me how a polygamist relationship works?
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        #4082    
      Old August 7th, 2013 (2:03 PM).
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Insomniac View Post
      Can someone explain to me how a polygamist relationship works?
      I've always have the opinion of "it doesn't," but that's just my point of view I have no idea how people can maintain them and keep themselves and their partner/s happy all at once.
        #4083    
      Old August 7th, 2013 (3:51 PM).
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        I dumped, who is now, my ex, after he was like, "we should have a three-way relationship with this other guy". Of whom, I had never met. After doing so, he pursued this guy, well, kid, he was a minor! ...and they broke up after a week. They don't work. Much of the time it is indicative that the first coupling, of which branches into a trio+, is the root of the issue. It's like wanting to move on, but at the same time wanting to rekindle or fix a relationship. For me, it's a no can do. However, it may be the case that three people, of whom, didn't have any established pairings prior somehow simultaneously fall in love. I am not sure on this, so I cannot say either way if these are legitimate relationships, or in other words are balanced, stable, and lasting. What I can speak to, is that some of these relationships are founded on failed couplings, but that is not saying much.

        I am all sorts of jealous and possessive with that sort of thing, and I prefer a partner that wouldn't even consider a polyamorus relationship to be an option.

        The trick is, when trying to figure out what someone wants is to let them tell you first! It's probably the best filtering tool of dating for those who want to be in control of the dating life.

        Example, you want to find a connection with someone you could potentially marry and have kids with. This is a very common must have for daters generally. Don't tell your date that before you ask the question. At this point, the date doesn't even know what your preference is, and thus you might be able to get from him or her a more honest answer. Make sure you don't give any hints, or implant some red herrings, until the date has answered the questioned sufficiently. For instance, ask, "so, are ya looking to have a bit of fun and enjoy your youth in this relationship, I mean, if you haven't noticed, there are a lot of different fish in sea; or are you looking for something more along the lines of a conventional commitment, with marriage, the kids, the golden retriever, and that whole thing?" It gives a bit of misleading hint that you might want a short-term relationship, when really you want the latter. If the date chooses the latter, you have a decent perception of what the date actual wants, simply not trying to appease you. I mean, don't use this for every little detail, just the few must-haves, especially the ultimate desired outcome of the relationship. This works for me all of the time, but sadly, it usually affirms incompatibility most of the time.

        Anyway, this can save you a lot of time if you, let's say don't want a polyamorous relationship. And that's tonight's tip from the cynical and unseasoned bachelor!
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          #4084    
        Old August 9th, 2013 (2:13 PM).
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by SwiftSign View Post
        I've always have the opinion of "it doesn't," but that's just my point of view :P I have no idea how people can maintain them and keep themselves and their partner/s happy all at once.
        That's how my opinion generally is.. When I hear "polygamist" I usually kind of cringe because it just does NOT make sense to me how you can commit to so much.
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          #4085    
        Old August 10th, 2013 (10:04 PM).
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          Totally joining! My name's Erika (hence the username) and I am a pansexual. I always knew that I was what you would call "gender blind" in that if I know a person well enough I may become attracted to them regardless of their gender or what they identify as.. My attraction is always leaning on personality, if there is a person I don't find myself attracted to at first they may win me over with their personality and who they are as a person.. vice versa, there may be someone I am initially attracted to who turns out to have traits I intensely dislike I will immediately lose all attraction towards them.

          Pansexuality has been the term I found most fit me, however I'm still exploring things and I'm not going to be completely stuck with one label.. that's all part of growing up isn't it?
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            #4086    
          Old August 11th, 2013 (3:23 PM).
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          Welcome to the club Erika :p

          Pansexual does seem to be the right term there, but I guess the saying here is who needs labels?

          I like to simplify things by calling myself simply lesbian but I do have preferences. I'd rather just be "lesbian" though so yeah.
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            #4087    
          Old August 11th, 2013 (6:58 PM).
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            I haven't actually asked to join yet... May I?
              #4088    
            Old August 11th, 2013 (8:07 PM).
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              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Insomniac View Post
              Welcome to the club Erika :p

              Pansexual does seem to be the right term there, but I guess the saying here is who needs labels?

              I like to simplify things by calling myself simply lesbian but I do have preferences. I'd rather just be "lesbian" though so yeah.
              Thanks for the welcome, it's nice to meetcha! That's true, labels are sometimes unnecessary

              And yes, following up on what Psycho Yuffie said do we request to join the club or just, post lol?
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                #4089    
              Old August 11th, 2013 (9:34 PM). Edited August 11th, 2013 by Entermaid.
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                So, I have a fun little question to ask everyone.

                Do any of you have friends that deviate from "straight" that act like it is their duty to remind everyone around him or her of their sexuality?!? (Being a bit flip here, I know!)

                This has always been one of my pet peeves. Allowing sexuality to domineer one's life and personality. And no, this is not a jab at outgoing flamboyant gay men who are being themselves, or anything of that sort; it's often assumed that's what I am referencing so I be taking a preemptive strike :p ...Rather, it is when a person has to make a quip or commentary about an unrelated topic and apply to how they are gay, bi, ect. frequently. Or, act super paranoid that everyone is committing a hate crime against him or her ( Some people don't know what a 'hate crime' actually is!) Or have twenty rainbow flags in their room, whether we are talking shirts, hats, or flags. Isn't one or two enough.

                I just see LGBT people creating an identity on being a sexual minority, when yeah, it's a part of them, but it is not a substantial quality that should play a heavy hand in manifesting the person that they evolve into as they age.

                Along with this topic, I often think of "pride". I don't think that LGBT people should be ashamed nor take pride in being a sexual minority. though, the case can be made for the many hardships they have overcome as opposed to let victimize them. The same should apply to any biological or innate quality; being born with a trait doesn't mean you owe yourself a congratulations. However, how we address our biological traits is a different matter. For a few friends, and MANY acquaintances, there seems to be the notion that dancing topless in booty shorts as they overly sexualize the quality of being a sexual minority, is a good representation of themselves, as well as other sexual minorities that belong to that group.

                I would much rather see a pride group that depicted LGBT people as the ordinary people we are. Though, certainly we can stick with 'Pride', a translation of self-acceptance would establish a less defiant and flashy tone, of which conveys counter-culture. In reality, we should be conveying an integration of those who are sexual minorities with the rest of the population. Though LGBT people have not been embraced by the general public up until recently, there needs to be a push away from segregating and alienating the gay community from the rest of the world.

                I would love to see a pride parade in which there is dignity as opposed to self-degradation. Everyone wearing clothes, first off! They can still have sparkle or shine, but strutting around in ones underwear is nothing to be proud of, it's like, "hey we are proud that we are sexualized and promiscuous!". Rather, highlight the LGBT parents, whom are always upstaged by the loudest and raunchiest floats. Have LGBT people walking with their own parents. Have newly weds or partners walking hand-in-hand down the street. Feature the many organizations that help with HIV and AIDS treatment and awareness and Homeless LGBT Youth Organizations. Feature politicians and advocates of substantive policies that affects the lives of those who are LGBT. Class-up the drag queens, have them look like a million bucks - not hoochie mama's. Feature transgender people, who have undergone countless therapies and portray them as ordinary people who are trying to feel "normal", rather than make them feel uncomfortable around the sexualize atmosphere.

                We should not be proud or highlight the fact that we are attracted to the same sex and that we share our hot bodies with each other. That is essentially all I got out of the one and only pride event I will ever go to. I just felt completely let down, and downright embarrassed by the portrayal. And, this affects how others will judge me; these groups should be more responsible with how they conduct pride events and really analyze how their actions affect LGBT people.

                Rant, rant, rant. I know. I usually keep these opinions to myself for obvious reason; I thought that this would be a good group to open this dialogue with. Also, welcome new members
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                  #4090    
                Old August 12th, 2013 (4:58 AM).
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                Hi Erika and Yuffie! You don't need permission to join, someone will add you to the list as soon as they can but until then just post and chat and tell us about yourselves!

                Fenneking, I kind of agree with what you're saying. People at pride often treat it as a party, an excuse to misbehave, and forget that they are (technically) representing a lot of people. Often it is a small segment of gay/bi/whatever people that the general public remember, and sadly some people adhere to stereotypes very well.

                As to people who play up their sexuality, it's really a huge annoyance (and definite turn off). I feel that there's a lot of fakery, you only have to look at the gay community and notice 'straight-acting', and I have no doubt there are people who do the complete opposite and act far camper than they actually are.

                Idk if it's people liking the attention, but it's not something specific to homo/bisexuals. Straight people constantly re-affirm their sexuality, since a lot still think it is disgusting to be viewed as anything different.
                  #4091    
                Old August 12th, 2013 (11:51 AM).
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                ErikaInRainbowCity ErikaInRainbowCity is offline
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                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by SwiftSign View Post
                  Hi Erika and Yuffie! You don't need permission to join, someone will add you to the list as soon as they can but until then just post and chat and tell us about yourselves!

                  Fenneking, I kind of agree with what you're saying. People at pride often treat it as a party, an excuse to misbehave, and forget that they are (technically) representing a lot of people. Often it is a small segment of gay/bi/whatever people that the general public remember, and sadly some people adhere to stereotypes very well.

                  As to people who play up their sexuality, it's really a huge annoyance (and definite turn off). I feel that there's a lot of fakery, you only have to look at the gay community and notice 'straight-acting', and I have no doubt there are people who do the complete opposite and act far camper than they actually are.

                  Idk if it's people liking the attention, but it's not something specific to homo/bisexuals. Straight people constantly re-affirm their sexuality, since a lot still think it is disgusting to be viewed as anything different.
                  Ok thanks for clearing that up

                  I completely agree with that statement, I can't tell you the number of nice girls I met who constantly feel the need to reaffirm their sexual orientation by not only stereotyping their own actions but CONSTANLY talking about how attracted they are to women to the point where they're acting like a female version of Charlie Sheen. Which, hey, if you wanna have fun that's great! I'm not that type of person and I won't be considering you for a long-term relationship and it's a huge turn off. It's like they feel the need to advertize their love the same-sex to the point where instead of saying "I think women are attractive." they become really vulgar which I don't think gives the LGBTQ+ community a good name.
                  I hope I'm not rubbing anybody the wrong way I don't mean to start any arguments this is just my opinion!

                  And I tried to be as vague as I could on the sexual attraction thing since I know PC is pretty strict on what you say when you discuss things like that so I hope I didn't break any rules!
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                    #4092    
                  Old August 13th, 2013 (11:46 AM).
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                  Erika, as long as you stay clear of describing actual sex you'll probably be ok here! Discussing attraction/crushes is perfectly fine! .
                    #4093    
                  Old August 13th, 2013 (11:48 AM).
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                  Psycho Yuffie Psycho Yuffie is offline
                     
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                    Quote:
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                    Erika, as long as you stay clear of describing actual sex you'll probably be ok here! Discussing attraction/crushes is perfectly fine! .
                    Awesome! Ellen Page is hot.
                      #4094    
                    Old August 13th, 2013 (12:03 PM).
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                    Quote:
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                    Awesome! Ellen Page is hot.
                    She's awesome in X-Men, and Whip It was on TV recently.

                    There's such a huge variety of films she was in aha. Hard Candy was pretty good, mentally scarring though .

                    I'm sitting here trying to think of current, lesbian actresses and I'm really struggling. Compared to the amount of out, gay actors it's an odd imbalance.
                      #4095    
                    Old August 13th, 2013 (12:57 PM).
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                      Quote:
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                      I'm sitting here trying to think of current, lesbian actresses and I'm really struggling. Compared to the amount of out, gay actors it's an odd imbalance.
                      AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

                      Just sitting in the corner with Ricky Martin c:
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                        #4096    
                      Old August 13th, 2013 (6:16 PM).
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                        Quote:
                        Originally Posted by SwiftSign View Post
                        She's awesome in X-Men, and Whip It was on TV recently.

                        There's such a huge variety of films she was in aha. Hard Candy was pretty good, mentally scarring though .

                        I'm sitting here trying to think of current, lesbian actresses and I'm really struggling. Compared to the amount of out, gay actors it's an odd imbalance.
                        haha, let me think of some without Googling...

                        Portia DeRossi!!! I love her. If I were a lesbian...
                        Jane Lynch - She is a great comedian and dramatic actress.
                        Rosie O'Donnell - She was out before she came out, hah.

                        Lindsay Lohan - she counts as one tenth lesbian?
                        Jodie Foster - She is like counts as half, since she is sort of out?!?!
                        That red-head from Sex in the City doesn't count. "It's a choice."

                        All together, I can only think of 3.6 lesbian actresses.
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                          #4097    
                        Old August 14th, 2013 (9:50 AM).
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                          Quote:
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                          haha, let me think of some without Googling...

                          Portia DeRossi!!! I love her. If I were a lesbian...
                          Jane Lynch - She is a great comedian and dramatic actress.
                          Rosie O'Donnell - She was out before she came out, hah.

                          Lindsay Lohan - she counts as one tenth lesbian?
                          Jodie Foster - She is like counts as half, since she is sort of out?!?!
                          That red-head from Sex in the City doesn't count. "It's a choice."

                          All together, I can only think of 3.6 lesbian actresses.
                          I love Jane Lynch. <3

                          But, yeah, we could use with some more lesbian actresses. Not to mention some trans ones too.
                            #4098    
                          Old August 14th, 2013 (10:10 AM).
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                            Most, if not all trans actresses play a transgender person or a tranny. I have yet to see one be treated like the gender they identify as. Unless you can think of any transgender people who simply play a man or woman.
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                              #4099    
                            Old August 15th, 2013 (2:31 AM).
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                            According to my TV it is Transgender Awareness day! Currently watching an interview about an ex-soldier who is transitioning with the support of his wife .
                              #4100    
                            Old August 15th, 2013 (10:52 PM).
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                            ErikaInRainbowCity ErikaInRainbowCity is offline
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                              Here is a list of lesbian actresses from imdb.. sadly I don't know half of them ;_;
                              There's some that you guys mentioned as well:
                              http://www.imdb.com/list/eisyeLGkASE/


                              Quote:
                              Originally Posted by SwiftSign View Post
                              Erika, as long as you stay clear of describing actual sex you'll probably be ok here! Discussing attraction/crushes is perfectly fine! .

                              Ah ok thanks for clearing that up! I feel so innocent now teehee! (DON'TBEFOOLED) lol.

                              Crushes, hm? Ellen Page is cute.. I was gonna say that I never liked Juno (don't wanna get into that sorry to anyone who enjoys it lol) so I don't know any of her other films but I forgot she was in Inception and I did like her character :3 For me, there's definitely...


                              Kim HyunA from the kpop group 4Minute <3 My god, I cannot tell you how much I love this girl. If you don't listen to kpop I KNOW you should have at least seen the video for Gangnam Style, because she was the red headed girl on the subway. Before I even knew her name I saw that video and was like "OMG who is THAT?!?" lol.

                              But yeah I didn't know it was Transgender Awareness day yesterday, thank you SwiftSign! Sorry I'm late but Happy Transgender Awareness day to anyone who is transgender, an S.O. of a transgender, or a family/friend/any supporter :3 love you all!
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