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[Pokémon] Four Journeys

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 19
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 20
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 21
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 22
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 23
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 24
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 25
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 26
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 27
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 28
Spoiler:
 

Cavespider_17

Charlie
79
Posts
6
Years
  • Age 29
  • U.K
  • Seen Feb 5, 2024
Chapter 1- Review
Spoiler:

Summary:
֎ Overall the story seemed to make mostly logical sense, however, my question about Oak's memory is still important in regard to canon.
֎ Grammatically, as it went on the grammar mistakes were more or less far and few between, however, I would check through your semi-colon and conjunctive usage.
֎ Plot wise, the story is so far reasonably true to canon/parallel in regards to the anime, with some extended sections, which does add to the overall interest created in the text.

֎ In regards to new paragraphs, I would add an extra space between each, as it currently is quite hard to detect when a new paragraph has been started.
 
Last edited:

Cavespider_17

Charlie
79
Posts
6
Years
  • Age 29
  • U.K
  • Seen Feb 5, 2024
Chapter 28- Review

Spoiler:


Chapter 28
Although there also a bit different.
Should be "they're"
Chapter 28
even though according to our records they haven't known each other very well
This sentence comes across quite awkwardly. I would reword it.

Chapter 28
going on there."
Should be "going on there?"


Summary:
֎ Overall the short interaction between the characters
֎ Some grammar mistakes, particularly with shortened words.
֎ Logic wise, everything made sense and functioned.
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 29
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 30
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 31
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 32
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 33
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 34
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 35
Spoiler:
 

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
146
Posts
11
Years
Chapter 36
Spoiler:
 
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