A great idea(?)

Hello!

I bet you're all fed up with me by now :cer_eek:
But I got this idea and I really want to know what you people think about it. Oh, well, and I might need your help with this, too.

Here's the idea:

*No Title Yet*

Thursday evening: A 19-year-old girl, Vicki Bauer, is reported to have gone missing. Vicki lives with her parents and grandma but hasn't been seen since Tuesday. All newspapers have her picture on their front page and police starts looking for her.

Saturday noon: A shriek is heard in the city of Veilstone around noon. Townspeople presume the shriek came from the headquarters of Team Galactic, a company that is well known for the cheap and environment-friendly energy it sells. People rush to the building to find a young woman (this is Vicki, obviously) lying in the ground and bleeding next to the wall. Seeing how there isn't any glass in the ground and only the windows of 7th and 8th floors above her are open, they assume she has fallen from the window of the 7th floor and died. But she is, in fact, alive. When she gets in the hospital, the doctors recognise the uncoscious girl.

A week after: Vicki wakes up. She has only suffered minor damage to her brain and internal organs, but three of her ribs, her jaw, and her hip are broken. She learns that a young man called Jarus (a member of Team Galactic) is being accused of kidnapping and trying to kill her, because his office was just above the place where Vicki was found and his wondow was open at that time. Also, it seems that she was unnaturally relaxed while she fell, which could olny be because of drugs, alcohol or, well, being uncoscious. So, the police assume someone threw her out. Vici has a severe amnesia, and she remembers only one thing after turning 17: she jumped from that window herself. She can't remember why she did it, but she is sure she did it herself. Jarus is innocent, and Vicki tries to tell that to the police. Obviously, they don't believe her, as she doesn't have any recollection of anything else that happened. Moreover, as far as Vicki's family and the police know, she doesn't have a motive to kill herself.

Vicki can't let an innocent man go to jail (or could he get executed for a kidnapping and an attempted murder? We don't have a death penalty here in Finland, so I don't know a lot about it) for years because of her, so she has to find out why she jumped and present the evidence to the police before it's too late. She doesn't see herself as a person that would try to kill herself, but she is worried that remembering what happened might drive her to try suicide again.
Besides, how can she find out what happened when she can't walk or talk properly (remember, broken jaw and hip)?

Jarus, of course, isn't what he seems like. The official documents say that he is in charge of monitoring abnormalities in Team Galactic's power generators that are spread trough Sinnoh. That is, in fact, the truth, but he doesn't do it for the sake of the safety of Sinnoh citizens like he claims to the authorities. He does it to keep track of Dialga, the legendary time guardian.

After hearing this, Vicki gets an idea. What if she was to travel to the past to see what really happened to her..?



I can tell you more about the galactic generators if you want :cer_laugh:

What do you think?

Also, I have another question. There are two options:
1) Vicki was depressed and shocked and indeed jumped to kill herself (a good place to ruin the whole thing with unnecessary angst and such)
2) Vicki did jump herself, but she didn't mean to kill herself: something that she did not expect happened and made the situation lethal (might get a tad farfetched, don't you think?)

I've already decided on one of these, but I want to know which one seems better to you. A depressed, self-destructive Vicki or reckless, unlucky Vicki?

Also, if anyone has anything to say about death penalty, I'm all ears. I'm going to do some research on the subject anyway, but information from "real people" is always... well, it's... a lot more fun to read, for one.

Oh no. Not you again! (I'm kidding, heh.)

Anyway, this sounds pretty good.

I don't know about anywhere else, but here in America attempted murder usually nets you death or a long, long time in jail.

I personally like the 'reckless and unlucky' thing, because if she's all angsty she could turn into a Sue of some sort (or just be a pain to read about). This does sound interesting, and please tell me if you do end up writing it - I would probably follow. ^^

Hmmmm...if you're doing something that includes timetravel, you could say that she had to jump to stop the space-time continuum unravelling or something science-fictiony like that. Really, if you include time-travel, you can do anything you want...

For the death penalty, it depends on which culture you want to base the law system of Sinnoh on. That'll be more helpful in determining how Jarus will be punished.

As for Vicki's personality, the reckless unlucky personality would read better. Writing depressed characters that don't get on readers' nerves with their constant whining is a skill, pretty much. *gestures to the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer* Plus, it would make the revelation of why she jumped more exciting, if she didn't do it just to kill herself. You could do this big huge thing with various situations where jumping out a window unconscious was her only option. You can set your mind running, coming up with situations for Vicki to get caught in. Have fun with that. XD

Well, the death penalty thing depends (as everyone's said) on what you base it on. Here in Australia, there isn't any capital punishment, just a bunch of years in jail.

And I'll prefer the unlucky and reckless Vicki to the angsty one. Angsy doesn't mix with me, but that's just me. :\

Of the two, my guess is that the reckless, unlucky one will give you more room to write an interesting story. It will certainly make the desire to perform a time-travel adventure more plausible (a depressed one is more likely to be defeatist about it), and the unlucky aspect is likely to give you many exciting twists to the adventure.

However, if you are very confident about your skill as a writer, the depressed character is certainly an option. The idea of a depressed character going through an emotional journey for helping someone she's never met could become a very deep and great story, but would be very difficult to pull off.

I suppose the law system in Sinnoh would resemble the law system on Japan a lot. In that case, Jarus could not receive a death penalty for a mere kidnapping and an attempted murder. I don't know whether I should still make him endangered to get one. It'd be a lot more dramatic and now that I think of it, it would add an interesting twist to the thing. That "interesting twist" would only be a minor detail, but I feel like adding it.
Well, maybe the authorities in Sinnoh are a bit uptight after having to deal with a bunch of clowns (this bunch being Team Galactic) for many years. They wan't to get rid of the group, so they have a tendencty to convict members of said team too harshly. In the public eye, TG is merely a nice little energy company, but the police know... Something like that.

As for Vicki's personality, I had thought I'd make her reckless and unlucky, and you convinced me that my choice was indeed a good one. I'll start working on the details, then, and write this after I finish my previous fic. That shouldn't take long, though.

Also I have some other questions:
1) Which is a better name, Vicki, or the one I originally thought about, Vici?
2) Should Vicki's parents have a role in this? Would you want to know about her parents? Should they just be dead or something or is that too much of a cliché?
3) When the series of events that lead Vicki to jump out of the window is unveiled, should I do it with flashbacks or just let her learn about the events from people who know what happened? I can't decide...
4) If you read this fic, would you want to know what galactic generators are and how they work? I feel like explaning them a bit further in the fic, but I fear it's too sci-fi for my readers :<
5) Should Vicki have Pokémon? I'm thinking she might have one, but I'm not sure whether give her a full set or leave her just with that one.
The one would probably be an Aerodactyl or a Kabuto. She has a thing for fossils, you know...

I know these are questions I have to answer myself. I will (and, in some cases, already have) answer them myself, but I want to know what other people think... To give me confidence, mostly.

Thanks for helping me, folks. I appreciate it!

1) Which is a better name, Vicki, or the one I originally thought about, Vici?
Possibly her true name could be Vicki, but she writes her name as "Vici", showing a determination for originality?

2) Should Vicki's parents have a role in this? Would you want to know about her parents? Should they just be dead or something or is that too much of a cliché?
Dead parents would fit in with the depressed scene - less so with reckless and unlucky. You could pursue two routes here: generally protective and disapproving parents, which would allow you to set up obstacles for Vic(k)i, or ones that encouraged her risk-taking, which could give her companions that had an interesting combination of fun-loving and age-induced wisdom.

3) When the series of events that lead Vicki to jump out of the window is unveiled, should I do it with flashbacks or just let her learn about the events from people who know what happened? I can't decide...
People. It allows you to introduce new, important characters and also gives you room to set up many subquests for finding information from lots of varied characters.

4) If you read this fic, would you want to know what galactic generators are and how they work? I feel like explaning them a bit further in the fic, but I fear it's too sci-fi for my readers :<
I would, provided it did not detract from the story. As long as you kept it as a subplot and was not intrusive to the main plot, it would be good.

5) Should Vicki have Pokémon? I'm thinking she might have one, but I'm not sure whether give her a full set or leave her just with that one.
Start with one or two, so as not to overwhelm the reader with too many characters. Since training/collecting is not the main part of the story, don't focus on catching new ones, but maybe catch one or two along the story. Since you are writing this for a pokemon fanbase, but is not a heavily pokemon-based storyline, you'll have to maintain a careful balance between too much pokemon and not enough.

Good luck. :)

Well, that depends on where the Pokemon are at the time of the incident. If they're at home, sure, but if they were at the base, do NOT give her an Aero. Otherwise she could fly awaaaaaaayyy....

Right. Uh, give her a pet...uh...Lileep. xD

Hmmm

Interesting. I personally prefer the depressed character it always leaves room for a good story behind it where recklessness is always kind of "just a dumb kid" kind of thing. I do like the basis of the story though (even though I thought you were just using names of peoplke and places from pokemon and not actually having pokemon in it until u mentioned dialga lol)

I think you have a very good idea, but the suspense isn't really there. Just feels like it's lacking at the moment, but this isn't the actual fic so I'll keep my mouth shut. >.>


1) Which is a better name, Vicki, or the one I originally thought about, Vici?

I think it looks more eye-pleasing to write "Vicki". "Vici", just... looks really, really weird. Just a personal preference.


2) Should Vicki's parents have a role in this? Would you want to know about her parents? Should they just be dead or something or is that too much of a cliché?

Dead, no. Seen that one too many times. It would be better if they were alive, to provide like an obstacle for Vicki to get past. Because after an attempt on their daughter's life, Vicki's parents are not just going to let her snoop around and leave the house whenever she wants to.

3) When the series of events that lead Vicki to jump out of the window is unveiled, should I do it with flashbacks or just let her learn about the events from people who know what happened? I can't decide...

People. Because people are interesting, and have all sorts of personalities. You might have a shady guy who isn't willing to tell the entire truth because someone paid him off, or because his own life is being threatened, etc. Or you might have the over-exaggerating and dramatic old lady, from whom you can't distinguish fact from fiction. Or maybe the little girl who is afraid to speak to anyone, and always watches Vicki from far away, wide-eyed, like she's scared of something.

The possibilities are endless. 8D

4) If you read this fic, would you want to know what galactic generators are and how they work? I feel like explaining them a bit further in the fic, but I fear it's too sci-fi for my readers :<

Yes, but only go into serious detail if its relevant to the plot.

5) Should Vicki have Pokémon? I'm thinking she might have one, but I'm not sure whether give her a full set or leave her just with that one.

A full set might be a bit much. Four at the maximum, I think. And they should all be unique. *nods*

One might be a little too.... meh. I mean, for some reason in fanfiction, I see this a lot. The trainer has only one, or all six. While it's entirely plausible, it doesn't make for a very good fiction just focusing on the reaction and emotions of just one partner. Pokemon are, after all, a team, and they have to work together. And sometimes going into their different and conflicting personalities make for very juicy stuff. (i.e, the haughty Crobat who thinks he's the star of the team, versus the worrisome Flygon who's almost like the mother-figure).

The one would probably be an Aerodactyl or a Kabuto. She has a thing for fossils, you know...

In that case, I vote Aero. :D



I tried to give as much feedback as I could... I look forward to the story. :)


Oh, by the way, I prefer the unlucky Vicki. emoVicki just... er, doesn't make for a good story. I find most depressing characters whine a lot, and I'd rather that not happen to your main character.

I mean, you could still have the reckless and unlucky Vicki with the dark background. Everyone goes through dark times at some point or another. She doesn't have to be emo or depressed to feel pain.

So, this far I've gathered that dead parents are a no-no, she should not have only one Pokémon, the story will be unveiled by talking to people and her name should indeed be Vicki.

I think it looks more eye-pleasing to write "Vicki". "Vici", just... looks really, really weird. Just a personal preference.

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I wrote it Vici at first, but thein I thought it looked weird. The only reason I would want to go back to Vici is because it's so much easier to write :laugh: I have a bad habit of writing ck the other way round very often. So, I guess people will be spotting a lot of Vikcis from this fic when I write it...

You might have a shady guy who isn't willing to tell the entire truth because someone paid him off, or because his own life is being threatened, etc. Or you might have the over-exaggerating and dramatic old lady, from whom you can't distinguish fact from fiction. Or maybe the little girl who is afraid to speak to anyone, and always watches Vicki from far away, wide-eyed, like she's scared of something.

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Have you, by any chance, ever played Ace Attorney? :D Maybe I should do something like that for my story, let Vicki press the people who know about her past a bit to get more information out of them and maybe, in a way, even blackmail them!

And sometimes going into their different and conflicting personalities make for very juicy stuff.

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You probably haven't read it, but my first fanfic, Journey to Isle of Jade, has a Pichu and a Rapidash that fight all the time :laugh: the Rapidash is a rather arrogant, snobbish and rational hypocrit and the Pichu is an emotional, compassionate and hyper-active feller who always picks fights. They really like each other, but they fight all the time, and I like thier scenes the best in the whole fic.
So, I know what you mean, and I might give Vicki two or three Pokémon to team up with.

I don't know whether to make her catch new ones, though, seeing as she might not be very interested in collecting new critters when she has a man's life in her hands.

In that case, I vote Aero.

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Me, too. But it would be a bit deformed, smaller than Aerodactyls normally are. And as for her other Pokémon, I have this irresistable urge to give her a Skitty :laugh: But Skitty is not even remotely fossile-ish... So, I guess she'll have a Cranidos, an Aerodactyl and a Kabutops, maybe. I don't know yet.

Well, fossils are hard to come by, so it's entirely plausible that even though she loves fossil Pokemon, she only has managed to catch one.

An-chan said:

Have you, by any chance, ever played Ace Attorney? :D Maybe I should do something like that for my story, let Vicki press the people who know about her past a bit to get more information out of them and maybe, in a way, even blackmail them!

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Nope. I've just watched too much Pushing daisies, Shark, and CSI. XD

An-chan said:

In the public eye, TG is merely a nice little energy company, but the police know... Something like that.

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A nice little energy company that kidnaps Bunearies, Clefairies, and old bike shop owners? Hmm...

1) Which is a better name, Vicki, or the one I originally thought about, Vici?

Vicki. 'Vici' sounds like a name for Italian males.


2) Should Vicki's parents have a role in this? Would you want to know about her parents? Should they just be dead or something or is that too much of a cliché?

I speak from an American standpoint, but maybe Vicki's parents could have moved to Hoenn or someplace. Then they wouldn't be dead, but they wouldn't be breathing down her neck, either.

3) When the series of events that lead Vicki to jump out of the window is unveiled, should I do it with flashbacks or just let her learn about the events from people who know what happened? I can't decide...

People, hands down.

People all have different viewpoints of what happened, and that makes for some interesting interactions. Like a batty old lady with a Makuhita in her purse or something! Flashbacks are just too... blah. People are much more fun to read and write.

4) If you read this fic, would you want to know what galactic generators are and how they work? I feel like explaining them a bit further in the fic, but I fear it's too sci-fi for my readers :<

I'd want to have basic knowledge of the things, but not much more than that.

5) Should Vicki have Pokémon? I'm thinking she might have one, but I'm not sure whether give her a full set or leave her just with that one.

Four, probably. Definitely a Flying-type, like the Aerodactyl mentioned below, and maybe a Surfer? A full-blown team of six might not be the best idea, and three just isn't enough. Four or five will do.

The one would probably be an Aerodactyl or a Kabuto. She has a thing for fossils, you know...

An Aerodactyl, definitely. But don't name it Aero - everyone and their batty old grandmother names their Aerodactyls Aero. Name it... Damien. Or something like that.

Ooh, blackmail.

Maybe she could send letters in the mail to witnesses? You said yourself she can't wlk or speak, but she can write. And she could ride on a Pokémon to get around. Like an Arcanine or something.

I don't think riding a Pokémon with a broken hip is something you'd want to do :D I'm thinking of a waaay different approach here, but I don't really want to spoil anything so I'm not telling you guys :P

And no way am I going to name the Aerodactyl Aero. Maybe I could give her a finnish air-related name, like Ilmatar... Or then just some random name, like Raoul. But I really think that Aerodactyl should be a female, because the species is so overall male-looking. It'd be boring if it was a male. What do you think about the name Ilmatar? :laugh:

A nice little energy company that kidnaps Bunearies, Clefairies, and old bike shop owners? Hmm...

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Practically this happens many years after the events of DPPt. I'll mention Cyrus, but he's no longer officialy in charge of TG's businesses. I'm thinking commander Jupiter would be a nice candidate for the new leader. Commander Mars is Jarus's mother, just so you know. They're all in their twenties in the games, I guess, and Jarus is 22 years old. That makes commander Mars and the other original TG members about forty years old or so. So, several decades have passed and people have forgotten about the stuff TG used to do. They really are just a plain energy company now, or so people think. Heck, I think even many TG members think so!

They don't kidnap Clefairies and bike shop owners anymore :<

I'm also having slight difficulties trying to decide how "bad" Jarus is. You know, if he's too good, then why is he co-operating with the not-so-good deeds of TG? Besides, if he's a perfectly moral and fine young feller, then saving him becomes a bit dull, don't you think?
Then, in the other hand, he can't be evil. He's a humoristic and fairly friendly guy, but if he's evil and Vicki knows it, then maybe she shouldn't save him. Also, it would make an awful end to my fic:

"AHAHAHA you saved me, you stupid girl! Now I'm going to DESTROY TEH WORLD!!!" yelled Jarus and pushed a button that made the whole Sinnoh explode except for the bubble he was in. He laughed until he was tired of laughing and then started to create the world again when no-one disturbed him.
The end.

I mean, he's not some crazy Cyrus-copy. I should find a balanced state between too evil and too good-guy. I shall work on this.

I'm finishing my other fic first, anyway, but I really hope that won't take too long. Or, maybe I could write the prologue for this fic sometime soon. Yeah. I think I'll do that.