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Fire Eagle's Pokemon Story (PG-13)

*FireEagle DeWitt Jr*

The Beginning Trainer
15
Posts
15
Years
Chapter One: Psyduck!? I Choose You!?

Fire Eagle was wide awake when it was 10:00PM because he was watching a Pokemon television show about the Elite Four. On the television show, it was a Pokemon trainer battling the Elite Four champion. Fire Eagle was so happy because he was about to pick his starter Pokemon when he wakes up in the morning. The time was 11:00PM and the television show ended. His great aunt came in his room and saw him watching the television.

"Are you happy for tomorrow?" said his great aunt.
"Yeah I am happy for tomorrow, I should find if there's another Pokemon show on tonight," said Fire Eagle.

Fire Eagle flipped through the channels and saw Professor Oak talking about the different Pokemon that he could choose from and that was from Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle. Fire Eagle watched the television show and read from a Pokemon guide that the first gym leader was a rock type leader so he knew that he had a mind of the Squirtle if it was still there. He opened his cell phone and set the time to 6:00AM and he went to bed at 12:00AM.

His alarm turned on and when Fire Eagle woke up, it was 6:00AM. He got up, got his clothes out of the closet, and walked into the bathroom. He turned on the water and he took a shower. Fire Eagle washed his body and his hair and after that. It was 6:30AM and he knew that he was starting to be late so he got dressed and walked out the front door. He started to run on the long mile road to Professor Oaks laboratory and when he got there, he saw alot of people gathering around.

"Hello there and welcome to the Pokemon laboratory," said Professor Oak. "My name is Professor Oak and if you let me see your Pokemon trainer card, I will let you see the different species of Pokemon to choose from."

Fire Eagle was patiently waiting for his turn to pick a Pokemon and then when it was his turn, there was only one Pokemon left to choose from and that was Psyduck. He had to choose it because it was the last Pokemon left so he chose it and Professor Oak gave him five pokeballs and a pokedex. Fire Eagle was worried because he knew that Psyduck can be a dumb duck to begin with, but he was also satisfied because it was going to evolve into a Golduck some time.

"I see that you have a Psyduck," said Donny.
"Yeah I do," said Fire Eagle. "I see that you have an Oddish."
"Yeah, it's pretty gay that I have an Oddish, but it'll do," said Donny.
"Do you want to come with me on my Pokemon adventure?" asked Fire Eagle.
"Sure, why not," said Donny.

Donny was Fire Eagle's cousin and he knew alot more Pokemon information then he did. Donny was also a year older then Fire Eagle. They started to walk to Route One, but they stopped and though of having a Pokemon battler to see who chose the best Pokemon out of the two of them and then when the battle started, they brought out their Pokemon to battle each other.

"Use Absorb Oddish!" exclaimed Donny.
Use Scratch Psyduck!" exclaimed Fire Eagle.

Oddish just stood there while Psyduck wobbled to it with its claws up in the air. Oddish absorbed some of the health what Psyduck had while it scratched Oddish in the blue body.

"Use Absorb again Oddish!" exclaimed Donny.
"Use Scratch again Psyduck!" exclaimed Fire Eagle.

Oddish stood there again and aborbed Psyducks health while Psyduck scratched Oddish again. Psyduck was really weak and so was Oddish and both Donny and Fire Eagle knew that it was going to be the last of them. When both Oddish and Psyduck took their last blow to each other, Psyduck surprisingly missed Oddish because it stumbled on the ground and it fainted. Donny was the winner and they admitted that he and Fire Eagle had a good Pokemon battle.

"That was a good battle your Psyduck had," said Donny.
"Yeah it was a good one, your Oddish would of lost if it wasn't for Psyduck stumbling," said Fire Eagle.
"Doubt it, I bet that next time we battle each other again, Psyduck will still lose," said Donny.
"Alright, we'll see when he enter Viridian City," said Fire Eagle.

Fire Eagle and Donny started to walk to Route One, which was a half mile away from their house. They also argued about which Pokemon would be greater between Oddish and Psyduck. When they were in Route One, they both spotted a wild Pidgey so they raced to catch it first. Donny was there at the wild Pidgey first, but it flew away so Donny wouldn't catch it. Fire Eagle laughed because Donny didn't catch it because it flew away.

Fire Eagle and Donny were still walking along Route One and then Fire Eagle spotted a wild Rattata so he started to creep towards the wild Rattata. Donny made a noise to make the wild Rattata run away and when that happened, Fire Eagle punched Donny on the shoulder. Fire Eagle and Donny still walked along Route One talking to each other and swearing at each other also because they didn't catch a Pokemon.

"You punk!" exclaimed Fire Eagle.
"How am I a punk?" asked Donny.
"Your a punk because you let my uncaught Rattata go away," said Fire Eagle.
"Well you did the same thing to me," said Donny.
"No I didn't, I barely moved," said Fire Eagle.
"Yeah you did, you ran towards the wild Pidgey," said Donny.
"Yeah, you did too," said Fire Eagle.

Both Fire Eagle and Donny were arguing at each other and when they stopped, they were in Viridian City.

to be continued...
 

Scales

Man of Infinite Jest
1,719
Posts
17
Years
It sounds plenty interesting so far. Though I do believe you are taking things rather quickly now with little detail to describe the situation. You just had the protagonist go from watching a TV show to going into Viridian city in only a few paragraphs. You may want to take things a little more slowly and describe things a bit more, rather then just devote your entire story to plotline

EDIT: Plus, many of your sentances are very short with a lack of commas.

Donny was Fire Eagle's cousin and he knew alot more Pokemon information then he did. Donny was also a year older then Fire Eagle.

You could have merged these sentences together rather then have two.

Psyduck was really weak and so was Oddish and both Donny and Fire Eagle knew that it was going to be the last of them

This sentence is a run on. It just keeps going on and on without end. You could split this one in two rather then have one large dominant sentence.

Mostly work on your sentence structure and detailing, you'll be fine
 
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