Original Story Feedback

I was wandering if someone could give me some feedback on my story I have been working on? Just your personal opinions on the story itself, its concepts, the characters...and even nitty gritty details if you feel necessary. I've been feeling a little defeated with my writing lately so I have been on and off but im hoping what I have written is headed in the right direction.

www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php

Psssh, your link there isn't working. This should be it, then?

Anyways, hey sorry to hear you're feeling a bit defeated with your writing there. I'll be honest, I've been very busy following other fics in other sites, real life, and my own story that I'm practically swamped. I can't promise you anything, but I might try to read and comment on a few chapters when I can spare some time. Also I should mention that usually the forum doesn't allow for threads asking for feedback, so this is a gentle warning here.

In the meantime, why don't you check out/comment on some fics here? I know a lot of other folks feeling the same way due to lack of feedback here, so you leaving a comment will make someone's day. =)

Thank you! and I am sorry about posting this here then. I was unaware. Should've probably read the rules better lol. Also I would definitely appreciate anything you could offer! Means a lot. These links should work.

Chapter 1-12
Chapter 13-23