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Old October 4th, 2018 (3:30 PM).
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Anything you hated about your parents? That you wish you could have changed?

I wish I could change my dad, the first 10 years of my life. I barely saw him, he worked so many hours a day. Then he started staying him, I learned who he truly was. Well what he became at least. A yelling, anger filled, control freak. His way or no other way. It is horrible.
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Old October 5th, 2018 (6:48 AM).
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    Originally Posted by FlameChrome View Post
    Anything you hated about your parents? That you wish you could have changed?

    I wish I could change my dad, the first 10 years of my life. I barely saw him, he worked so many hours a day. Then he started staying him, I learned who he truly was. Well what he became at least. A yelling, anger filled, control freak. His way or no other way. It is horrible.
    Unfortunately a life of hard work and long hours can change a person. Sorry you're having a hard time
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    Old October 5th, 2018 (8:19 AM).
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    I said him instead of home lol.

    Thanks hands
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    Old October 6th, 2018 (7:07 AM).
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    He honestly treats me like a kid sometimes. He has me a bedtime, which im sure some has at my age. Then again i don't go anywhere so no curfew. He has also banned me from games on my computer and tablet, being on social media and chatrooms, playing online with others, using my phone in the house, any type of violent game, and maybe some others i forgot about.
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    Old October 9th, 2018 (2:07 AM).
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    I was saying Boo-urns
       
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      He honestly treats me like a kid sometimes. He has me a bedtime, which im sure some has at my age. Then again i don't go anywhere so no curfew. He has also banned me from games on my computer and tablet, being on social media and chatrooms, playing online with others, using my phone in the house, any type of violent game, and maybe some others i forgot about.
      Honestly, its not really my place to say and if I'm overstepping the mark then I apologise but it kinda seems like he's trying to make up for time he lost via work. It'd explain the treating you like a kid stuff. He likely realises you'll be 18 sooner than later and he'll realistically have no outward control of your life anymore and that's likely a scary prospect for a man who's barely participated because of work commitments.

      Maybe try talking to him about it. Tell him you appreciate he probably feels like he has missed out on your childhood and that it's ok to be upset by that but you aren't a child anymore. Thank him for the sacrificed hours to ensure you guys had a secure financial situation. His behaviour isn't right but it seems like there's a lot of underlying stuff that's causing it
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      Old October 9th, 2018 (6:36 AM).
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      i wish both of my parents were there for me more while i was growing up. instead they just argued and screamed a lot at each other because they were both too focused on fixing their toxic and damaged marriage (that was too far gone to fix at this point even by the time i was born). i feel like if they focused more on me and not on fixing their broken marriage, i wouldnt have grown up with all the trauma that i did.

      i hate when people yell at me or even slightly raise their voice. seeing how my mom and dad acted towards each other has made me sort of pick up those habits and i have a somewhat bad temper towards certain people (though i tend not to show it unless im close to you bc i have to contain myself).

      idk. seeing how my parents were towards each other and how they treated each other.. the resulting trauma from it gave me a lot of bad habits and a certain lifestyle (that im not getting into). but.. i dunno. this is all very vague i apologize.

      i just wish my parents were there for me growing up. i wish my dad didnt ignore the signs i showed of having autism. i wish my mom would've pushed him more to get me evaluated but because my dad was very adamant on me not having it, i never got evaluated.

      idk i have a lot of issues.
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      Old October 9th, 2018 (1:06 PM).
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      Honestly, its not really my place to say and if I'm overstepping the mark then I apologise but it kinda seems like he's trying to make up for time he lost via work. It'd explain the treating you like a kid stuff. He likely realises you'll be 18 sooner than later and he'll realistically have no outward control of your life anymore and that's likely a scary prospect for a man who's barely participated because of work commitments.

      Maybe try talking to him about it. Tell him you appreciate he probably feels like he has missed out on your childhood and that it's ok to be upset by that but you aren't a child anymore. Thank him for the sacrificed hours to ensure you guys had a secure financial situation. His behaviour isn't right but it seems like there's a lot of underlying stuff that's causing it
      I understand, and i would. But my dad is a firey ball of anger, and yells about everything. Would you still wanna talk to him? Plus he just almost got us into accident almost because of the dog, he brought the dog because he thought the dog would spread his flea stuff all over the place. But he knew that the dog never listens and end up speading it in the truck also. Eventually he his the dog, after slamming the brake, and once we got into the driveway. Hes like get the psyduck out, to the dog. Said it several time, and i responded with i have to open the door first. Then he psyducking yelled at me!
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      Old October 9th, 2018 (1:07 PM).
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      That was a bit of built up anger and trying to stress relieve, so sorry if any of that was rude.
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      Old October 11th, 2018 (8:22 AM).
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      My mom is pretty stubborn and isn't really open to changing the way she treats me. There are times where she'll get really rude and insult me, and every time I've tried to talk about the way she treats me, it turns into a huge argument where she outright refuses to change her behavior because "she's the parent so she can say whatever she wants to me." It's very frustrating.
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      Old October 11th, 2018 (12:16 PM).
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      My mom is pretty stubborn and isn't really open to changing the way she treats me. There are times where she'll get really rude and insult me, and every time I've tried to talk about the way she treats me, it turns into a huge argument where she outright refuses to change her behavior because "she's the parent so she can say whatever she wants to me." It's very frustrating.
      I might not call my thing similar, but im just afraid to even speak to my dad about anything due to his constant yelling about everything. Even when im just talking to him normally.
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      Old October 12th, 2018 (6:08 PM). Edited October 12th, 2018 by Marth.
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      My dad wasn't the best when I was young, he hardly showed me any love and was very selfish. I can sense that he's trying to make up for it by offering to pay for things for me, but honestly, just spending time with him and having a loving relationship is what I want.

      My mom is very naive, and doesn't really do her own research and form her own opinions. Basically she's a bit flaky? It's frustrating but like it's not the worst.

      My step father is chronically ill and has a lot of mental problems, he always talks about how he wants to kill himself as he feels like burden to us, and honestly I just want him to be happy, he used to be a very loving and kind person but has recently really degraded, I just want him back y'know? Also he's really bigoted, like it's bad, he needs to let go of his past which is a major factor.

      I haven't had much communication with my step mom, but she cares for and loves my dad, and they have a good relationship, so I'm happy she's there for him.
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      Old October 12th, 2018 (6:26 PM).
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      My dad passed away, I was young and my memories are limited. I do remember him being carried on a stretcher. I also do remember the funeral.

      My mother did the work of 2 parents, she was gone most of the time and I was mostly allowed to do my own things. Especially while I was in grades 6-8, when she first started working again, it was mostly all day shifts.
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      Old October 12th, 2018 (9:31 PM). Edited October 12th, 2018 by Fairy.
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      My relationship with both my parents was very complex. I have no doubt that they loved me, but the older I get the more I realize that my parents weren’t really prepared to be parents, you know? I know they did the best they could with the tools they had, and lord knows I didn’t make it easy for them in my adolescence, but there were many points in my life where I was either forced to be the adult in the household or simply didn’t feel safe.

      My mother was a violent alcoholic prone to depressive episodes that spanned months. She’d often not pay the bills for extended periods of time, lash out with drunken delusional thoughts, conceive these complicated schemes to manipulate and threaten my father using me, and had this bizarre, misplaced jealously of me. She died when I was 19 and if there’s anything I could change it would be psyducking anything to have her back.

      My father had similar chemical dependencies and was the source of my overwhelming fear of men. He was an intolerant, unemployed drunk with a quick temper who I always theorized resented me. After the divorce, and when I finally grew up enough to understand how complex the situation was, we were able to communicate. He worked hard, got sober, and made up for all the lost time. My dad is my best friend and my biggest advocate. If I could change anything it would be to re-evaluate my own juvenile opinions and realize what a good man he was sooner.

      It may not always feel like it, but parents love you. Give it time.
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      Old October 13th, 2018 (4:37 AM).
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      Basically, i feel part of it could be my teen brain, but hes 50 some years old and is basically got a retired brain, so it doesnt help.

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      My dad passed away, I was young and my memories are limited. I do remember him being carried on a stretcher. I also do remember the funeral.

      My mother did the work of 2 parents, she was gone most of the time and I was mostly allowed to do my own things. Especially while I was in grades 6-8, when she first started working again, it was mostly all day shifts.
      Sorry for your early loss.
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      Old October 24th, 2018 (9:48 AM).
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        As wonderful as my mother is, I am often frustrated by how easily she dismisses things that happen to me. Every time I want to tell her about bullying she says, “you perceived it.” Even if there’s evidence on my favor she still refuses to admit it. I think she does this because doesn’t want to think her son is still being picked on. It’s a tough realization to deal with but it’s important to acknowledge it so the person can still feel supported.
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        Old October 24th, 2018 (11:57 AM).
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        As wonderful as my mother is, I am often frustrated by how easily she dismisses things that happen to me. Every time I want to tell her about bullying she says, “you perceived it.” Even if there’s evidence on my favor she still refuses to admit it. I think she does this because doesn’t want to think her son is still being picked on. It’s a tough realization to deal with but it’s important to acknowledge it so the person can still feel supported.
        here is my opinion, i do agree, parents shouldnt be too passive or dismisses things easily. But there is a line where too nit picky and dont care at all is the far outside of it. The line is where they care, they help, but dont command too much from you and dont give too much of an attitude to you. I could have said that better but yeah
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        Old October 24th, 2018 (5:50 PM). Edited October 24th, 2018 by strangerhypno.
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          My parents are good people, responsible and caring. Taught me some morals at least so I wouldn't grow up to be a complete excuse of a person. They did drive me crazy at times and yelled a lot though which is normal I guess. But I'm over that as that's just unimportant compared to all the good they did for me.

          Most of the problems I had were not of my parents but of my very callous and immoral aunt and uncle and their spoiled kids, even comparable to the Dursleys from Harry Potter lol. I am very grateful I didn't become an orphan, god knows what my life would have been like with those guys.
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          Old October 24th, 2018 (10:16 PM). Edited October 24th, 2018 by colours.
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          My relationship with my mother is an interesting one. So far, it's okay, but we used to have our moments where we used to argue with each other far more than necessary (which is to say, at all). Nowdays I feel like we have much bigger things in our lives to worry and concern ourselves over than petty arguments, and I've gotten much better myself at avoiding them.

          Regardless of all of that, she has done a lot for me in my life despite her own struggles so I give her a lot of credit for that. I think since both of our lives are in a similar position, we've had to rely on each other more than ever and I think that helps the relationship a bit.

          As far as my father goes... I haven't spoken to him in years. There was a time where we used to get along amazingly when I was a kid, but as I grew up, things changed. My father's prorities changed and both of our lives started to head in different directions. I am not angry at him for this, however. I've long made peace with his life decisions, as disagreeable as most of them are. I've accepted that at the end of the day, he is a grown adult that is free to make whatever decisions he pleases and ever since I've crossed the path into adulthood, it's been a gradual change from a man who once spoiled me during my whole childhood and teenage years to a figure who's barely present at all in my life.

          I think my parents have changed me both for better and worse. I give credit where credit is due and they have been there when it matters, but they are flawed individuals that progressively got more flawed as I grew up. But alas, that is how it goes.
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          Old December 27th, 2018 (11:33 AM).
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          my mom is 42, shes getting older, and seems to be ignoring me a lot. Its like I dont exist to her sometimes. My dad gets even worse, he acts like I cant have a say in anything, im like wtf?!?! I gave him a not one night and the next day he talks to me about how i wouldnt be able to do anything without him telling me to do it, like example he used, in the morning before school. Within 15 minutes of when I wake up, not fully awaken yet, he tells me to get dressed. So his logic is wacked because im there trying to wake up and im always acting like ima barf, if I wanna show him I can do stuff, like in the morning for example, I have to get everything done as soon as I wake up, like wth. He also stated something about what kids control the parents and crap, nothing in the note said about doing that, it was just me trying to have a say and explain things. He grounded me a week before christmas, then my mom ungrounded me for the holidays on Sunday, before christmas, and im barely on the xbox and hes like you are on all day, you are on all morning, you need to take breaks, you need to get lunch. Like um, I have been taking breaks, today i just got on about 10 or 11 am and it was 2 pm when he told me to get off and said i been on it all morning. I honestly dont know how to go about it anymore, because this is honestly getting old.
          Since October of last year, my mom has been looking at places to move to, so we can get away from him but she hasnt actually found a good place yet.
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          Old December 27th, 2018 (8:07 PM).
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          It’s funny (and a bit disheartening), I looked back to see if I commented in this thread. Lo and behold, not only did I do exactly that, but I could also write exactly the same thing now that I did before. I think I’m getting to the point in my life where I’ve stopped caring about anything my mom says to me. It seems like every other word that comes out of her mouth is either to criticize me unnecessarily or insult me under the guise of a joke. Any time I call her out on it, she calls me sensitive or says I’m disrespecting her. It’s getting exhausting and I wish she would just stop. I’m worried it’s gonna become an issue again, either because we’ll have another huge fight or I’m gonna start being rude right back. I wish she’d realized that I’m not a child, and I wouldn’t be living with her if I could afford to be on my own.
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          Old December 28th, 2018 (3:36 AM).
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          I used to harbour a lot of resentment towards my parents, but as I've grown older a lot of that has faded to an extent. Growing up, my parents have always believed in academic excellence - whilst this is not to the same extent as other Asian families, it was one that I felt resentful towards when I was younger because I would spend hours at tutoring - up to 6 or 7 hours at tutoring on Saturday and 4 hours on Sunday which was my weekends for at least 5 years or so. I was also pushed to achieve the best grades possible and whilst I think my parents meant well, it created a lot of stress and anxiety for me also when my parents would lose their temper because my results hadn't met their expectations etc. It did help me to become more hardworking and driven for certain, but it has also created a lot of unnecessary stress which I feel like could have been avoided to some extent.

          Also my parents generally have always been short-tempered and I feel like that partially contributes to why I hate people raising their voice. Maybe subconsciously it reminds me of them yelling but I've always had a low tolerance for people who sound annoyed or are talking above a reasonable volume.

          I feel like also to some extent, my parents have promoted us hiding strong emotions in our household. Our family doesn't openly talk about issues such as mental health and my dad in particular, seems strongly against the idea of discussing it. I feel like part of the reason is that he doesn't believe in such issues existing. Also in regard to fighting back in terms of arguments etc. it has always been pointless to try to argue back with my parents, and I've had to learn to just conceal any anger and keep calm in those instances. So I guess in a sense that led to me very unhealthily coping with things like negative emotions etc. yikes

          My parents have become a lot more mellow and I also do love them in that they do look after me well in other aspects, but those are the biggest things I could think to criticise.
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          Old December 28th, 2018 (6:27 AM).
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          Wouldnt be as bad if he just sat me down and talked to me sometimes instead of just yelling at me then grounding me over the littlest of things. Like my teacher emailed him about me being on my phone and her telling me to get to work many times, she told me that once, maybe twice. Since when does many times mean once or twice? Also shes the kind of teacher who doesnt care if you are on your phone as long as your work gets done. I get my work done and I turn it in. He also has time limits on my stuff, weekends its 2 hours on computer, 1 hour on my console. School nights its one hour on computer, one hour on console. Now the school night one makes sense, i get home about 3 something pm, and go to bed at 9pm, so 6 hours total I am home, so only 4 hours of nothing to do or otherwise not on my stuff. But on weekends i get a total of 3 hours, i usually wake up about 8 am and go to bed at about 10 pm. So thats about 14 hours I am awake, take away 3 hours and im sitting there for 11 hours with barely anything to do. I dont have many friends to go and visit, my dad doesnt want my friends over either due to the house being a mess. Im at the point of just talking to myself and watching TV, but TV is starting to get boring honestly. I can read a book, but everytime I try i can never get into one, I am just not much of a book reader.
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          Old December 28th, 2018 (8:41 AM). Edited December 28th, 2018 by UndertakerFreak1127.
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            Eh, you guys are young still. At 17, you're not even out of the house yet. Wait another 10 years; that's when the resentment really starts to fester – if your parents truly were horrible, that is. From where I'm sitting, having time limits on your electronics and being grounded for what you perceive as trivial matters isn't grounds for calling yourself emotionally scarred just yet.

            I'd trade any of your parental situations for mine, in a nanosecond. Granted, one is in prison, and I live 7,000 km from any family I have on this earth now, but I always wonder what my mental health would be like if the worst thing I could say about my father is that he put limits on my electronics and had a short fuse.
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            Old December 28th, 2018 (12:30 PM).
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            The worst I can say hes done is threatened to punch me, he hasnt actually punched me yet because he knows either I or my mom will call the police or something. He has gotten really close, twice. One time he punched the wall saying it was my face, then another time he was right up in my face asking if I wanted to me punched. I almost said go ahead, I dare you, see where you end up, but I didnt wanna entice him. I probably stated this quite a few times, at least once in this thread, but for those who havent read it yet.
            So earlier, at about 2:14 pm, he decides to tell me to get off my xbox because i been on it all day. One, i didnt get on it until 10:40 am, two i took a break from 12 pm to 1 pm. So I only been on for three hours. Ever since I started trying to get a say in things to him, his logic has gotten worse and worse. Before his logic was actually something that made sense, now he just says things just to say things. Fun fact, he likes to call my eletronics as "s h i t".
            Anyone know how to deal with parents that dont give you a say and makes you feel like someone who is scared to talk to them? I need some advice on how to deal with this.
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            Old December 28th, 2018 (5:09 PM). Edited December 28th, 2018 by Fairy.
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            I think you need to grow up a little more and learn to empathize and articulate. To me, it sounds like they care about you a lot and you take every amount of discipline as abuse. If your dad says you’ve been on the Xbox all day, it’s probably hyperbole, but he sets these limitations because he wants you to succeed. And if he knows you’re on your phone during class, maybe you do need to spend some extra time studying and not online, yeah? This may come as a surprise but well functioning and mindful parents don’t do things completely arbitrarily (yes, there are exceptions).

            No, it’s not okay for him to threaten you. It’s not okay for him to hit you. But it’s not okay for you to be an indignant little smart ass either. This is just an awkward phase for both of you - where you're becoming a young adult with the priorities of a child and he’s trying to parent someone who he perceives should be more self sufficient. When the time comes and you have a more worldly view, you’ll realize what actual abuse is versus what what you’re going through, which seems to me like pretty fair and reasonable parenting highlighted by moments of intense frustration and near physicality because both sides think they’re right. Which isn’t okay, of course, but it takes two, know what I mean?

            If you want advice, I’d say talk to him like a damn human being with honesty and respect. Ask him if it’s a good time, preferably not during conflict, and just outright tell him that you feel scared to tell him anything because your afraid he’ll overreact or get violent. Have a proper father-son sit down and work your muk out like adults. If you start to behave like you’re not a petulant child, he might stop treating you like one.

            I don't mean this to come off as insulting and I really don’t want to pretend like I know anything in detail about your family dynamic. But from everything you’ve said here I think you’re just *young* in mind and spirit. Let your parents do their job.
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