Advertiser Content

Pokémon He who is Merely a Rumour Page 20

Started by Citrinin June 27th, 2009 12:26 AM
  • 30015 views
  • 484 replies
Age 26
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen January 8th, 2013
Posted April 30th, 2012
1,031 posts
10.6 Years
Anyway, Calvin and HWIMAR had one secret, offshore bank account. It contained about twenty mil, and a safe-deposit box.
Should be "one secret, an offshore bank account".

That's all I could find. Great chapter, I'm liking Manfred a lot. Also, I hope you haven't forgotten any ideas you had for the story since the accident XD Get well soon.

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.

Age 23
Male
New Zealand
Seen August 2nd, 2010
Posted July 19th, 2010
2,778 posts
10.4 Years
I took a few days off for rest, and I'm really glad I did. :) I feel so much better, and I'm ready to provide the responses that you guys deserve. ;D

That was a fantastic chapter in terms of character development of Manfred and Liam.
Thanks. ^^

I'm alternated between my favorite between Cicero and Manfred. You just make it so hard to like both of them.
Heh, this happens to me on some TV shows or books; I can't figure out who I like more. XD; They both have some darkness, but they are both relatively likeable as well.

I kind of like the way that Manfred basically toyed with Liam to admit that he loved Charlotte. The fact that he knew made it priceless forcing Liam to speak verbally.
Manfred's incredibly manipulative, but he wouldn't call it that, and he certainly doesn't see it as a negative trait. ;P

Now about the main issue at hand; actually two rather. The Golden Swirl was very interesting concept, one that I wouldn't have thought of honestly. I didn't think it could be in the financial realm of things.
It all comes down to money, before the advent of psychic powers. XD;

Clever. About the Vile Vial. It seems like it can be pretty dangerous in the terms of a gamble. Something that I find interesting. Could it be something in the future that has things stirring.
The foundations for Part III are being laid... ;D

Lol, I bet that he is referring to Bevan's insatiable desire to kill things? XD
Who's referring to that? o.o;

Lol Liam he always knows what to say in the situation, whether serious or not.
Indeed he does. XD

Hey Cit, how’s it going? I’ve read up to the first Bridge (though I call them Extras) and part 1 of HWIMAR is just so bloody fantastic.
Thanks. ^__^

Will Bevan get a full team of 6 Pokémon?
You'll see. ;P

Oh, this one’s more important, though – Is Evan Cyrus in disguise?
No. :P

If he’s not, however, please do tell what happened to the TG leader... All you really said was that Giratina threw him off Spear Pillar; there was nothing to indicate that he’d fallen unconscious, or died, or whatever.
You might find that out, but ultimately, it's not important to the story. Luckily, I plan to answer openly and honestly any questions you'll have after the epilogue, so if it hasn't been revealed by the end, you can find out afterwards. But it really doesn't have any bearing on future plot.

Keep getting well, my friend, keep getting well.
Thank you. ^^

By any chance, is Iserno the evolved form of Issely?
Yep. ^_^

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Are you serious, Cit? You made Bevan evil?! How could you?!
Uhh, you must like violence, Cit. Why? What was the point of having Bevan order Tyranitar kill the innocent man?

More to the point, I want you to make Bevan GOOD again. Perhaps he could see the ghost of his mother who encourages him to believe in the Light of the world...
Alright, I suppose I can explain this. I will preface this by noting that by the end, circumstances surrounding Bevan will be... different. I never initially planned for Bevan to be evil, but it evolved. The only way I could pull him into a mode capable of fighting in battle was to have him get over his status. Now, to do that perfectly, I thought, would be too unrealistic. So I had him try to sacrifice emotion. This was an opportunity too good to pass up: Manfred, a man tied to the Event, Cyrus, and Giratina, sees a youth with enormous potential try to give up emotion. Foolishly, he goes in to stop him, but Bevan's still-rebellious nature leads him to push back. It sort of fell into place.

But I think to see Bevan purely as evil would be overly simplistic. There is a great pain beneath that mercenary exterior.

Should be "one secret, an offshore bank account".
Oh no; I didn't mean it as one secret, and that is an offshore bank account, but a bank account that is both secret and offshore". :x

Great chapter, I'm liking Manfred a lot. Also, I hope you haven't forgotten any ideas you had for the story since the accident XD Get well soon.
Luckily I still remember the direction of the story. XD; And, I have several chapters ahead of the current one already written, sitting in a file on my computer. XD;
~
Non-binary
Seen August 13th, 2014
Posted April 14th, 2011
329 posts
10.3 Years
Well, Citrinin, I had no idea a new chapter was up *looks outraged* :P

Can't reeally be bothered reviewing it because i'm tired azz from being sick all week, but I liked it, i liked the way Liam and Manfred's characters evolved towards each other and whatnot.

That's about all I'm gonna say so yeah, Good Chapter.

Feign

Clain

Canada
Seen March 21st, 2011
Posted March 12th, 2011
4,299 posts
10.9 Years


Who's referring to that? o.o;
“Thanks for the info, Captain Obvious,” Liam said abrasively. “He’s been terrorisin’ the underground for the last two years.

Liam in that case XD Okay well he doesn't directly say it, but I wouldn't put it past Bevan for doing as such. XD

I'm having a bit of difficulty imagining Liam's accent though, I mean, it might be just as easy to say they're all NZ ones, but on several occasions you've had the n' stuff. For some reason I think of him having a bit of an American southerner accent, but at times, he speaks quite eloquently to a bit educated.

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.

Age 23
Male
New Zealand
Seen August 2nd, 2010
Posted July 19th, 2010
2,778 posts
10.4 Years
If I recall correctly, I described his speaking style in his debut chapter as intermittently eloquent and slang-ridden (or something to that effect). XD; Nonetheless, I always imagine him having a rather light American Southerner accent for no particular reason other than to go against his aristocratic upbringing. (The only other person whose accent I imagine is Manfred's - obviously German. Everyone else, it's just easier to think of as NZer. XD;)
~

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.

Age 23
Male
New Zealand
Seen August 2nd, 2010
Posted July 19th, 2010
2,778 posts
10.4 Years
I'm currently dipping from the pot of already-finished chapters on my computer without giving anything back. XD; I don't want to make you wait for too long, though. :D

By the way, I don't think I've ever said this before, but you guys are really the best audience a reader could hope for. Seriously. You're loyal, helpful, and you think about what I'm doing on a deep level. You have no idea how happy I still get when I see another review. :3 (And it's different than the kind you get at the start. At the start, you're happy to see a review by virtue of it being a review. At this stage in the game, it's the quality of your reviews that really gets me excited and keeps me going.)

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Walking Nightmare
Crash.

The metallic trapdoor, previously concealed by twigs and mud, was smashed open by the explosion of Electrode. Three figures in black cloaks stood over the door, and about five-hundred men in camouflage circled the area.

“Incapacitate, don’t kill,” said one cold voice. Bevan’s.

He stood back, and motioned downwards. About a hundred soldiers stormed down the basement in two lines, each holding a large automatic gun in front of them. It was anything but silent: this was an assault front. Few of the soldiers were expected to survive.

There was another exit, one that led into the underground caves. It was there that the fleeing Knife members would be met by an ambush of Cloaks and Unit 6 agents. Bevan had managed to do what nobody before him had done: find a Knife Base.

After the soldiers had infiltrated, Bevan, with the two other Cloaks at his side, walked down, each pulling out a Pokéball.

*

“So, what exactly is this ‘Vile Vial’?” Cicero was curious, and Manfred happened to be in his laboratory.

Manfred smiled. “It’s far worse than anything you’ve made.”

Cicero muttered to himself darkly, “I rather doubt it.”

“Well, we could talk about that if you’d prefer,” whispered Manfred.

Cicero shook his head. “I’d rather not.”

“The vial, then,” said Manfred, shrugging. “It oozed out of the ground after the Event. One of the oddities that it caused.”

“Oddities is hardly the word to describe them.”

For about a week after the Event had occurred, strange things had happened. They were almost like glitches of the world: the adverse effects of the Distortion World meeting with Earth. Most of them were one-off events: a cliff suddenly collapsing, or a tsunami with know precipitating earthquake.

“In any case, my grandfather saw the Pokémon lapping it up. They were desperate for water, you see. Of course, it tasted so foul that they spat it out after it touched their tongue. And that tiny bit of the liquid would cause them to become incredibly powerful. So, he scooped up the small puddle and placed it in a vial, so that no man could ever exploit its potential.”

“And...?”

“It got passed down from him to my father, and my father to me. And then, Augury stole it.”

“So... what exactly happened to these Pokémon?”

“He saw two Pokémon take it. The first was a Pidgeot, who spat it out immediately and... it became horrible. It roared in pain, and flew off, splitting a tree trunk as it flew through it. He was scared, and tried thought of it as a bad dream. Then an Ambipom came, and swallowed it too quickly.”

“I’m finding this hard to believe. Why would they drink such a liquid? Even if desperate for water, they should know that it’s not.”

“The urge to drink it, is... Giratina couldn’t explain it fully, either,” said Manfred woefully. At the mention of Giratina, Cicero sceptically snorted, which Manfred ignored. “Giratina said that it was simply a piece of his world flying into our world. It was sufficiently big that it maintained its structure, mixing with our own world, probably with some dangerous microscopic organisms and some rainwater. In contrast, the tiny bits that flew through would simply go off at random, causing the collapsing cliffs and spontaneous combustions.

“When you see it, you feel like it’s water. We have the good sense to know it’s not, but every time you see it, you just seem to feel, so strongly, like you’re looking at water.”

“What effect does it have on humans? Do we know?”

“Death,” said Manfred darkly. “My father... succumbed to temptation. He was essentially our village elder, and liked power. Power beyond his power over people. So, he took a drop. Just a drop. Blood poured out of every orifice while he convulsed in his chamber.”

“I-I’m sorry.” Even as he said this, he got the feeling that Manfred wasn’t being completely honest.

Manfred waved it off. “He was a good man, but a foolish one.”

“...The Ambipom, what happened to it?”

“He had a full gulp of it. According to my grandfather, he had about a third of the puddle, so that gives us an indication of what the stuff in the Vile Vial can do now. He became hideous. His body darkened, he enlarged a little bit, and he roared with power. It took forty bullets in the head from my grandfather before it collapsed. If it wasn’t in the painful transformation stages, my grandfather wouldn’t have had the time to kill the beast. It was then that he gathered the liquid and placed it in what is now known as the Vile Vial. And he stored it away, so that no Pokémon would ever have to suffer like Ambipom did, and no man would ever try to use it to his advantage.”

“Admirable.”

“Of course, his attempt was in vain. And now, with the Vile Vial out there. And on top of that Calv-”

“Calv?”

“No, I’ve said too much already. Dagger probably won’t like you knowing about the vial. Ask him if you’re interested.”

*

Bevan walked calmly through the halls of Knife Base 2. All around him, chaos was ensuing. Knife members were being knocked out, although many were fighting back. Sparks of lightning and bursts of fire met the roar of bullets. In some places, Pokémon fought Pokémon, particularly where the Cloaks were involved.

Bevan released the Pokéball in his hand. “Froscra,” the emergent creature murmured. Froscra was an ice and psychic type, and deceptively powerful. It was white, furry, and ball-shaped, with a diameter of approximately two feet. Protruding from its back was a large, whip-like tail, spiked at the end. Its face consisted simply of three wide, glowing eyes in the form of a triangle, and a wide mouth consisting of innumerable sharp fangs.

A Knife member in the distance spotted this, and ordered his Quilava forward.

“Frostbite,” ordered Bevan coldly.

Froscra released its mouth, sending a stream of black frost to surround the oncoming Quilava, enveloping it, and leaving it coated in a thick layer of ice.

“Flame wheel!”

“Psybeam,” said Bevan, taking his eyes off the battle.

Quilava moved, cracking the ice with his heat, before being blasted backwards by Psybeam, left confused and attacking itself with its own flames.

The Knife member, with a look of shock on his face, reached for another Pokéball, but it was too late. Bevan simply pointed to the trainer. Once again, Froscra’s eyes lit up, releasing a twisting beam of psychic energy, knocking the Knife member unconscious. Perfect for later capture.

This is too easy, thought Bevan arrogantly. After all, when you can predict someone’s next move by flicking through their most recent thoughts, battle is no challenge.

He beckoned his Pokémon forward, ready to destroy this hideout.

*

An hour later, every enemy was either dead, unconscious, or, in the case of two, free. Bevan strode through the wreckage. He turned when he saw a door. He recognised it: it was the metallic door leading to the hackers’ room. He looked around. Empty.

Empty of life, anyway. The large computer, that allowed supposedly untraceable connections to other Knife bases, stood in the room. It was logged on: evidently, the hackers had fled the room when they heard the storming boots of the military.

He fiddled around with a few of the button until he came to the communication application. On the screen, it offered to allow him to find a certain member. He input ‘Dagger’. Suddenly, a large series of commands rushed through the screen, displaying numbers and letters (interestingly enough, only from A-F) that made no sense to him.

Eventually, a large screen popped up: he saw into the communications room of Knife Base 2 (not that he knew that was what it was, and even if he did, it would have been no use to him). The hacker at the other end looked up from the computer, and almost fell off his chair when he realised just who was at the other end.

“Ah, so you know who I am,” said Bevan, hunched over the large control panel. “I was wondering whether Dagger might be available.”

“Y-yes... a-a-alright.”

The timid hacker rushed out of the room, screaming at the top of his lungs, “Dagger! It’s Emerit!”

A few seconds later, the fully concealed, but ever so familiar body of Dagger walked into the room. He was calm, and a hint of reminiscence was evident in his eyes.

“Ah, Bevan. We’ve lost touch.”

Bevan didn’t smile. “Knife Base 9 has been captured.”

“Yes, we’ve realised that for a while,” said Dagger smugly. “We didn’t send reinforcements, because, well... you made that impossible. I’m impressed. Rex would have been too arrogant to bring in the sheer numbers of the military.”

At the mention of Rex, Bevan’s face twitched ever so slightly, betraying a sliver of anger. Even three years later, Bevan had not fully purged himself of emotion.

“Why did you demand to speak with me, Bevan? You can’t trace my location. It would take years to unravel the encryption sequence.”

Bevan shrugged. “I’d guessed as much. Otherwise you would have disconnected. In any case, I’ve come to show you this.” He lifted up a photograph. It was of a man, shackled and starved. He was pale: on the brink of death, but not quite there.

Dagger recoiled at seeing it.

“Ah, so the omniscient Dagger doesn’t even know the whereabouts of his own father,” cooed Bevan cruelly.

“Turn it off!” ordered Dagger. Dagger realised what he was trying to do: scare him. There was no bargain, no ransom, for the other side were cleverer than that. It was simply a mechanism of fear. Augury’s usual, personal tactics.

“No!”

It was Charlotte’s voice. This time, it was Bevan who recoiled, although only slightly. Charlotte walked tentatively into the vision of the camera.

“B-Bevan... what are you doing?”

“Leave the room,” said Bevan, looking away from Charlotte. Dagger nodded, and motioned for the hackers to do the same. Dagger knew that Bevan still had an emotional connection with Charlotte, and he trusted Charlotte to exploit it. But that was not possible if there were others in the room.

Charlotte leaned into the monitor, her eyes watering. “Bevan... Look at you...”

Bevan stared at her, his mouth curling down at the edges. “I... I...”

“What, Bevan? You had no choice?”

Bevan glared at her. “As a matter of fact, I didn’t, Charlotte. Augury caught me.”

“So you survived. How many did you kill to ensure your life stayed in this world? How could you be so selfish?”

“Every action is selfish,” said Bevan, annoyed.

“Sir -” a Cloak walked into the communication room at Bevan’s end. Bevan waved him away. “Await my orders outside.”

“‘Every action is selfish’?” questioned Charlotte, angry. “Did Augury teach you that?”

Bevan looked away. “It doesn’t matter who taught me. Even acts done to satisfy others are only done so chemicals are released in our brains to make the individual happy that he helped someone.”

“I... I called you Bevan earlier. I was wrong. You’re not the Bevan I knew. Perhaps I should call you what everyone else does: Emerit. You’re more like your father than the boy I met three years ago. The Bevan I knew wouldn’t try to reduce kindness to chemical formulas. He’d know who deserved it and who didn’t. Now you... there’s no person who receives any kindness or mercy from you.”

Bevan breathed heavily. For so long, he had suppressed his emotion, and here was Charlotte, exposing it. And yet, she was like a drug. Even though he knew he should walk away, he maintained the line of communication.

“And how do you think that affects me, Charlotte? Do you know what it’s like living as a monster?”

“Get out, then,” Charlotte implored. Now, tears were streaming down her face.

“That’s not possible. What I’ve become... there’s no going back. I cannot feel anymore. The Bevan you knew is dead.”

“You’re feeling now! You don’t even realise it, Bevan!”

“Perhaps, but this is a temporary phase, Charlotte. Temporary. When I walk out that door, the fire burning in my blood will extinguish! And I will kill. Again, and again, and again. I’m too deep. And even if I could escape the prison that I built, I’ll never, never escape Augury’s grasp.” As he said this, his eyes prickled with passion. He took a deep breath. “If I break down my own cage, I’ll simply fall into the spikes below.”

“Then fall! I’d rather mourn your death than see you like this.”

Bevan shook his head. “Nothing is worse than oblivion. This is an unfulfilled existence, but an existence nonetheless.”

Charlotte shook her head. “For three years, I’ve been hoping that you had a modicum of humanity left in you. A shred of decency. I’ve been lying to myself.” With that, Charlotte ran out of the room.

Tears of rage streaming down his face, Bevan mashed the escape button, closing the window.

*

“But... that doesn’t explain why Calvin Shore was kept alive,” said Cicero. He had just been told of the role of Calvin Shore played in securing the money. And the vial. Dagger had agreed, albeit reluctantly, to tell Cicero the whole story. After all, Cicero already possessed a great deal of secrets. One more couldn’t hurt.

“No, it doesn’t,” said Dagger. “Astonishing how many people don’t pick up on this fact. If anything, it gives incentive for Augury to end Shore’s life.”

“What haven’t you told me? What use is Calvin Shore to Augury?”

“He’s Liam’s father.”
~

Sgt Shock

Goldsmith

Age 28
Male
Rokkenjima
Seen May 19th, 2014
Posted November 7th, 2013
385 posts
10.4 Years
Before anyone else (anyone other than Citrinin) reads this post. Read the chapter. I DON'T want to spoiler you from this one.

MY GOD! That chapter was probably the most emotional stirring chapter thus far. I just want to cry on several cases throughout. I knew Charlotte's and Bevan's reunion was going to be soul wrenching but nothing like that. "Every action is selfish" My heart lunged out of my chest when I read that part then he explained his reasoning. I was basically shivering. Amazing quotes throughout the chapter.

“If I break down my own cage, I’ll simply fall into the spikes below.”
“Then fall! I’d rather mourn your death than see you like this.”

All of my emotional barrier crumbled with that quote. I was already on the brink of emotional combustion and then you throw something like that at me.

Next, I didn't expect Augury to have Dagger's father hostage. It hit me hard. I was like whoa. I can imagine Dagger looking at the picture thunder-shocked.

Final thing. Why didn't I see that coming with Liam's father? I can't put two plus two together properly in your story. Normally I can see when these things are coming. You broke my precognition function. Thanks, Citrinin.

Anyway, fantastic chapter. I don't want to bore you with anymore of this review. lol.

Oh, I can speak for the lot of us saying that you make it so we are loyal. You're a fantastic author and you just keep us coming back for more. We are all happy to see that you're okay. :)

"To me, jumping out into the rainy sky on a mad night is nothing more than a bit of fun to go with a drink." -Kinzo

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.

Age 23
Male
New Zealand
Seen August 2nd, 2010
Posted July 19th, 2010
2,778 posts
10.4 Years
MY GOD! That chapter was probably the most emotional stirring chapter thus far. I just want to cry on several cases throughout. I knew Charlotte's and Bevan's reunion was going to be soul wrenching but nothing like that. "Every action is selfish" My heart lunged out of my chest when I read that part then he explained his reasoning. I was basically shivering. Amazing quotes throughout the chapter.
Indeed, this was emotional; moreso than most of my other chapters. I vaguely remember when I was writing it (about a month ago, I guess) that I needed to make Bevan human again, without making his character doing a complete 180. The jury's out on whether I was successful. XD;

All of my emotional barrier crumbled with that quote. I was already on the brink of emotional combustion and then you throw something like that at me.
Heh, I liked that one as well. ^^; But it essentially summed up Charlotte's feelings: she'd rather he said no to Augury and was killed, than have said yes and was saved.

Next, I didn't expect Augury to have Dagger's father hostage. It hit me hard. I was like whoa. I can imagine Dagger looking at the picture thunder-shocked.
Ultimately, it comes down to that line in Chapter 16. How much of your family would you sacrifice? Family and its importance is a strong theme in this story, and you'll often see that it is used as a weapon.

Final thing. Why didn't I see that coming with Liam's father? I can't put two plus two together properly in your story. Normally I can see when these things are coming. You broke my precognition function. Thanks, Citrinin.
Just keep it in the back of your mind for now. It's one of those things that isn't going to be mentioned for a while, and then its importance in the greater scheme of things is going to hit you. ;)

Anyway, fantastic chapter. I don't want to bore you with anymore of this review. lol.
Reviews never bore me. :)

Oh, I can speak for the lot of us saying that you make it so we are loyal. You're a fantastic author and you just keep us coming back for more. We are all happy to see that you're okay.
Thanks. :'D
~

Feign

Clain

Canada
Seen March 21st, 2011
Posted March 12th, 2011
4,299 posts
10.9 Years
For about a week after the Event had occurred, strange things had happened.

Might be better to say "strange things had begun to happen".

or a tsunami with know precipitating earthquake.

? Oo

He input ‘Dagger’

inputted? perhaps (it seems like a word as it is not showing red on firefox XD

Dun dun dun! Poor Liam, now his father? :S

I'm kind of with Charlotte here, Bevan should just die. XD

It is interesting though that he believes there is nothing worse than death (a la Voldemort? XD).

Lol, you sure know how to play out your Cicero/Manfred scenes XD

You could do some kind of comedy one shot with them XD (assuming they survive after all of this), or perhaps even just a crack fic...

Will then ending be a bit like Romeo and Juliet where Charlotte manages to kill (or is asked to be killed by Bevan), and she in turn takes her own life?

Otherwise, I loved the chapter. Interestingly enough, though it isn't as descriptive, the battle scene did seem realistic. Perhaps if anything it is my over active imagination though. XD

walasaka

Dark-type Trainer

Male
Austria
Seen April 11th, 2014
Posted December 5th, 2009
56 posts
10.8 Years
Just lost a few hours of my life reading this - but I did so willingly!

Very, very well written. I think you could have waited a bit longer to reveal Augury (how'd you pronounce that anyway?) as his father. That way, you could have had a Vader-style "Bevan, I am your father" moment :)

The writing is good, and the story excellent. Keep it up!

My fanfics:
Remembering the Horror. Read the adventures of an old veteran of the war against Team Rocket


And said Veteran's original trip through Kanto...
Rise of a Ranger
Advertiser Content