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  #1    
Old 2 Weeks Ago (11:57 PM).
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Miningsilver Miningsilver is offline
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    Hello people! Mining here. I enjoy writing and have actually yet to put any writings of mine to the public. So I decided to redo a story of mine that only made it half-way. So, enjoy my story of the game, Terraria.
    One thing to note, italics represent a character's thoughts.

    Survive Terraria

    Prologue:

    A long time ago, in a world unknown. Two great beings descended upon the land. They were impossible to describe and spoke a language that none could possibly understand. The two great beings, though untranslatable, appeared to be angered and were fighting. The land was ruined as they battled, one summoned four great moons, bringing along their inhabitants to aid in the fight. The other brought its own aid at the cost of drastically altering the land. Three portions of the land transformed, each in a unique and different way.

    One portion of the land turned dark purple, tainted by evil the land fell apart as anything within its grasp withered and died. Over time, the land came to be called ‘The Corruption’ due to its warped nature. The second portion of land was also tainted, not by evil, but by hatred. The land turned crimson red, and monstrous abominations appeared from the horrifying caverns. The land came to be known as ‘The Crimson’ due to its burning color. The last portion of the land, along with the others, changed as well. But, instead of becoming an evil, dark land, it came to be a peaceful land, filled with bright colors and rainbows. The land eventually disappeared, but was still known of through folklore as ‘The Hallow’ due to its blanched nature.

    The battle however came to a swift end as the being with the moons destroyed the other. All hope seemed lost as the defeated being split into multiple parts, along with the new lands being either pushed back, or decimated entirely. But then… four heroes appeared!

    Each hero wore special armors, taken from the moons, and they sent back each moon with a specially made pillar. With each moon gone, the great being descended upon the four and went to fight them itself. The four heroes fought valiantly, sending powerful minions to aid in the fight, shooting the being with pin-point precision, casting strong spells from the heavens, and swinging swords with great might. The battle though, seemed lost. While the heroes were powerful, they simply could not stand up to the being’s might. Through a last-ditch effort, each hero sealed away the being with a stone tablet, using nearly all of their power. Then, for readiness of the future, each took a special item to call upon four more heroes in the future. Each item represented a hero and their biggest strength. The Warrior chose an ancient sword, battle worn but not ready to break. The Mage chose an aged book filled with ancient text. The Ranger chose a well-crafted bow that would shoot perfectly straight. Lastly, The Summoner chose an antique staff filled with life energy. Then, the heroes shot the items to space before they warped away to lands unknown, before they too, vanished. They left behind a few choice words that would be hidden for ages, telling of four more heroes that would appear and bring an end to the being, whom they called ‘The Moon Lord’.

    This tale was passed down by inhabitants of the land, it came to be common knowledge in the land that the day was horrendous, and that it should never happen again. So, time went on, with the words hidden by time. Four heroes will appear, but they can only seize their destiny if they survive the land, called ‘Terraria’.
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    1. Have fun!
    2. Be interesting!
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      #2    
    Old 1 Week Ago (10:44 PM).
    Vragon's Avatar
    Vragon Vragon is offline
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    I will admit, I'm not too familiar with the Terraria lore/story, but so far you've set up a neat legend. Though, one thing before I begin,
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Miningsilver View Post
    A long time ago, in a world unknown. Two great beings descended upon the land. They were impossible to describe and spoke a language that none could possibly understand. The two great beings, though untranslatable, appeared to be angered and were fighting.
    Pardon the Xenoblade Chronicles fan in my reminisce flashbacks of a time when there were two powerful beings, the Bionis and the Mecho- slap from character of my creation with the purpose of getting to the point

    Ahem, anyways I like the setup you have. It's loresk (pardon the "non-existing" word that is for "Lore like"). What I'm curious about is the people in this world and the parts they play. I can safely assume these "four" heroes were with the being that died and therefore had to protect either (the inhabitants which I assume sided with the dead being, or keep from themselves getting caught up in the collateral damage).

    I do wonder something about the legend though. Why didn't the heroes seal the being first so they wouldn't disappear? Then perhaps they might have had time to destroy the being...unless it can't be destroyed through the sealing. I'm curious also if this legend passed down is the "total" truth or all the heroes will need as exposition.

    Course, since this is a legend I won't press for some info (mysterious and all), but I am curious about these supposed "successors". I'm also curious as to what dangers will be in the lands that these new heroes will have to go through and what enemies (even allies of the Being with the moons). Overall, good start and I wonder where you'll go from here.
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      #3    
    Old 1 Week Ago (11:00 PM). Edited 1 Week Ago by Miningsilver.
    Miningsilver's Avatar
    Miningsilver Miningsilver is offline
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      Hi Vragon! Thank you for checking out my writing and feedback on it!

      Quote:
      Pardon the Xenoblade Chronicles fan in my reminisce flashbacks of a time when there were two powerful beings, the Bionis and the Mecho- slap from character of my creation with the purpose of getting to the point
      Now that you mention that... Yeah, I can see some resemblance to Xenoblade! I guess either it stuck in my head too well or most legends begin with the same kind of premise?

      Quote:
      Ahem, anyways I like the setup you have. It's loresk (pardon the "non-existing" word that is for "Lore like"). What I'm curious about is the people in this world and the parts they play. I can safely assume these "four" heroes were with the being that died and therefore had to protect either (the inhabitants which I assume sided with the dead being, or keep from themselves getting caught up in the collateral damage).
      I'm glad to see that I've captivated you're interest! Hopefully that, as we go along, the world can be as fleshed out and lively as possible with it's rich history!

      Quote:
      I do wonder something about the legend though. Why didn't the heroes seal the being first so they wouldn't disappear? Then perhaps they might have had time to destroy the being...unless it can't be destroyed through the sealing. I'm curious also if this legend passed down is the "total" truth or all the heroes will need as exposition.
      Writer's secret :P

      Quote:
      Course, since this is a legend I won't press for some info (mysterious and all), but I am curious about these supposed "successors". I'm also curious as to what dangers will be in the lands that these new heroes will have to go through and what enemies (even allies of the Being with the moons). Overall, good start and I wonder where you'll go from here.
      I'm glad to see that you're curious what will be brought to the table! Hopefully the next chapter will be just as interesting!

      Speaking of the next chapter, it should be coming out soon!
      __________________
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      ---
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      1. Have fun!
      2. Be interesting!
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        #4    
      Old 1 Week Ago (9:07 PM). Edited 1 Week Ago by Miningsilver.
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      Miningsilver Miningsilver is offline
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        After a quick proof-reading, chapter 1 is ready!

        Chapter 1 – A Normal Day

        3rd Period – English 10 (Sierra)

        Gray carpeted floors sat underneath the weighted desks and chairs holding a number of students and their supplies. A tall, business-like man stood at the front of the room, writing notes on the whiteboard. A majority of the students were either working or chatting with their friends, not paying attention. In the middle of the class, unlike the rest of the students, sat a girl. Her dyed green hair flowed down to her waist, held together by orange hairbands. Her pale complexion seemed to reflect her sky-blue shirt, highlighted by the purple heart in the center. Her legs were crossed, tightening her jeans that appeared to have seen better days. She fixed her ponytail back to her side as she tapped the pencil gripped in her right hand. Her emerald eyes seemed to ignore the paper in front of her, lost in their own world.

        Another day ‘nother class. English ain’t bad but… it kinda feels like it’s missin somethin, a little flare. Oooh, but after lunch is history! Oh shoot! Uh, grammar!

        The girl snapped to attention. “Next on the list is: commas, colons, and semicolons. Read over what’s on the board and work on the handout.” As the teacher droned, the girl once more drifted her eyes around.

        Huh, even the teacher seems pretty bored today. Oh well, I’ll just finish the assignment… Hopef’lly.

        Thus, she regained focus and began writing on the page. Beginning with putting her name on the top. ‘Sierra’.


        3rd Period – Algebra 2 (Chase)

        In another class in the neighboring hall, there sat the juniors, hard at work. The class seemed a little more energetic as they went about solving and explaining problems. There, at the front of the class, sat a young man. He brushed his charcoal hair to the side as he anxiously wrote down notes with the pen held in his left hand. His chocolate eyes focused on the task at hand as he straightened out the cuffs of his plain grey shirt.

        “Chase!” The teacher called out.

        “Yes‽” The young man, now known as Chase, had a brief moment of shock before quickly replying.

        “Care to help give a review on the absolute value?”

        “Yes… Absolute value is when a number is given by its distance instead of value. For example, the absolute value of negative 3 is 3, but the absolute value of 3 is still 3. One thing of note is that, in a graph, depending on where you set the absolute value, the graphed line will always stay on one side.” Chase started.

        “Good enough. Thank you.” The teacher quickly cut him off, satisfied enough with the unfinished answer. Chase was obviously irritated as he silently sighed before getting back to work.

        Another question? You know, I wouldn’t mind just focusing on my own work, instead of repeating the same thing over and over. Ugh. Lunch is soon, thankfully.


        Lunch (Amity)

        Soon, the bell rings and every class head’s out of their rooms, and gather at the cafeteria. Quickly, everyone disperses and sits down in various locations within the school. Amongst the many people was one girl that looked around, seemingly unsure of where to go. Her pale blue eyes scanned the area, hoping to find a place to sit, but everywhere appeared taken. Sighing, she walked along, her dark pink hair flowing behind her, with her purple jacket following close behind.

        There’s a lot more people here than I realized… I would love to find one to chat with but… they all seem too preoccupied with their own friends. And there’s nowhere to sit!

        Over the banter of all the students, a voice called out. “Hey! You!’

        “Huh?” The girl stopped in her tracks and looked around before making eye contact with a boy.

        “Yeah, you, have a seat!” He motioned her over, his ocean colored jacket dragged along with the motion.

        She walked over and sat down next to him at one of the windows that peered to the school’s track and field. She messed with her teal scarf to ease some tension.

        “Hey, nice to meet ya! I saw you looking for a spot, so, I called ya over!” His bright blond hair seemed to characterize his overly excited attitude.

        “Umm. Thanks, uh…”

        “Meyer! And you’re…?”

        “Amity.”

        “Nice ta meet ya Amity! Hey, why don’t we chat for a bit?” He offered.

        “Oh! Of course!”

        He seems pretty nice actually! But, I don’t see anyone he was talking to in particular… Maybe he just wanted someone to talk with? Oh well, works for me!
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        ---
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        1. Have fun!
        2. Be interesting!
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          #5    
        Old 1 Week Ago (6:00 AM).
        Vragon's Avatar
        Vragon Vragon is offline
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        So it's time to meet our characters, eh. Well the initial read this chapter was fine and stuff. We delved into instance of the students in class and got to see some of their personality. Some things I do wanna bring up though.
        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Miningsilver View Post
        Huh, even the teacher seems pretty bored today. Oh well, I’ll just finish the assignment… Hopef’lly.

        Thus, she regained focus and began writing on the page. Beginning with putting her name on the top. ‘Sierra’.
        I believe it was earlier in her dialogue that she mentioned needing to focus, but I won't pet peeve that area. What I will bring up is the kinda odd transition. Usually with linkers there some sort of action that goes with it, "I fell off the ladder, thus I broke my hand." In this we have dialogue (that doesn't focus on her needing to focus) and the latter part of her regaining her focus. I honestly think that the "thus" part would work better after the dialogue bit of her telling herself to focus.

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Miningsilver View Post
        “Yes‽” The young man, seemingly named Chase, had a brief moment of shock before quickly replying.
        flustered easily, isn't he. But of course what exactly do you mean by "seemingly". I mean, sure his name is Chase apparently, and when it comes to names you're either it or not. This is more of a nitpick I'll admit. Also, kudos on the interbang.

        Personally in the conversation Meyer and Amity, I would have like to see ... well more dialogue. The other 2 characters got a bit more focus and while Amity got some spotlight, poor Meyer didn't really get much. But mainly, that the dialogue here is a bit short for an introduction to the next two characters (Unless Meyer isn't in which case I still think the dialogue is short)

        All in all, good chapter, we met some characters that you've painted well, their personalities are already apparent and school is bugging all four, heh. I wish you well.
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          #6    
        Old 1 Week Ago (10:28 PM).
        Miningsilver's Avatar
        Miningsilver Miningsilver is offline
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Vragon View Post
          I believe it was earlier in her dialogue that she mentioned needing to focus, but I won't pet peeve that area. What I will bring up is the kinda odd transition. Usually with linkers there some sort of action that goes with it, "I fell off the ladder, thus I broke my hand." In this we have dialogue (that doesn't focus on her needing to focus) and the latter part of her regaining her focus. I honestly think that the "thus" part would work better after the dialogue bit of her telling herself to focus.
          I can see what you mean. I have adjusted it so it can hopefully seem to flow better. It seems that I have an issue with repeating words for different things!

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Vragon View Post
          flustered easily, isn't he. But of course what exactly do you mean by "seemingly". I mean, sure his name is Chase apparently, and when it comes to names you're either it or not. This is more of a nitpick I'll admit. Also, kudos on the interbang.
          Again, I can see where confusion may come from. Apparently I like using the word... apparently! Adjusted for better flow. Also, on the interrobang, I had a beta reader point out that it should be there, I actually didn't know it was a thing! So kudos to them!

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Vragon View Post
          Personally in the conversation Meyer and Amity, I would have like to see ... well more dialogue. The other 2 characters got a bit more focus and while Amity got some spotlight, poor Meyer didn't really get much. But mainly, that the dialogue here is a bit short for an introduction to the next two characters (Unless Meyer isn't in which case I still think the dialogue is short)
          I can see how it could be seen as short. But for here I wanted to at least introduce characters and show off their personality. But I'll keep it in mind if something doesn't go in enough detail! (I think that's the thing I'm looking for!)

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Vragon View Post
          All in all, good chapter, we met some characters that you've painted well, their personalities are already apparent and school is bugging all four, heh. I wish you well.
          Thank you! Hopefully the characters are interesting enough to hold attention! You do well too!

          On another note, I'll be re-reading the next chapter before posting it!
          __________________
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          ---
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          1. Have fun!
          2. Be interesting!
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            #7    
          Old 6 Days Ago (12:11 PM).
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          Miningsilver Miningsilver is offline
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            So, after much reading and self-doubt, the next chapter is ready! Let's get right into it!

            Chapter 2 – Two Friends
            After School – Outside (Meyer)

            “Here, let me get that for ya.” Meyer spoke up over the consistent chattering of students. After a noticeably long day at school, he and Amity met up so they could further their chat from earlier, with Meyer asking most of the questions. He stepped outside and held the door open, allowing Amity through before following along with her.

            “Thank you! You are too kind!” She applauded.

            “Nah, not at all! Say, do you walk home every day?” He asked, noticing her heading straight along the sidewalk and ignoring the cars.

            “Uh huh. It’s not that far actually, it takes me near the forest, so it’s always nice and cool!” She replied, seeming to regain her enthusiasm from earlier in the day.

            “What‽ The… forest? You walk by there every day?” Meyer however, had dropped his enthusiasm with genuine worry, stopping in place. His usually oceanic blue eyes darkening.

            “Huh? Yeah…? Why? What’s wrong with it?” Amity turned around, noticing something was off.

            “Well, that place isn’t exactly famous for its quiet nature…” He explained.

            “Oh…” Amity whispered, taking a glance at the ground and holding her arm. Her bag shifting along with the movement. “But… it’s the only route home.”

            “Well…” Meyer muttered, before contemplating in his head.

            Yeah, there aren’t a lot of routes by foot, and car traffic is horrendous around here… Maybe I should…

            “Why don’t I walk with ya?” He offered.

            “What‽ Just like that?” Her expression shifted, reflecting her words as she held her hand to her mouth.

            “Yeah! It’s for your safety. Plus, I want to get to know ya better!”

            “But, don’t you have a ride to catch?”

            “Eh, not really. The bus won’t notice that I’m not there.”

            “Well… if you say so.”

            Thus, the two began their walk towards Amity’s home. Quickly, they came upon the forest that brought nervousness to Meyer. The usual forest that Amity enjoyed walking by due to the cool air it brought, chilled her spine instead. Anxiety seemed to overtake her as the forest appeared even more shadowed than before.

            “S-so, what’s the deal with the forest?” She brought up the courage to ask.

            “Well, the thing with the forest is that no-one seems to be able to enter it. I heard that any who have tried, either walk back out even though they went straight, or they run out, rambling about some creepy tree or something that watched them.” Meyer explained, almost without thought, though he quickly regretted this as Amity began clinging to his jacket sleeve. “Ah! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have gone on like that… Umm, how about a change of topic‽”

            “O-oh… Um, s-sure…” She stammered.

            Meyer reached into the messenger bag resting on his waist, he fumbled about in it before finally revealing a book that he had difficulty lifting. But once he rested it in his arms, it seemed much lighter. He brushed off the front of it from its age, revealing the book’s title to be…

            An incomprehensible mess.

            “Whoa! What is that?” Amity quickly forgot her fears as she was bewildered by the book.

            “It’s a book that my family has had for a long time. My grandpa said that he found it under a bench he sat on at school. He couldn’t find the owner so he just took it in. I take it with me ‘cause it feels enchanting to me.” He explained. He opened the book to reveal that the whole thing was written in incomprehensible writing.

            It feels almost magical, like it wants me to read it… Amity…?

            “You know… I feel like I’ve seen that writing somewhere before… Actually, hold on one second.” The girl in question appeared entranced in the book before quickly reaching into her own bag on her back. Both students stopped as she brought her bag to the ground and dug through it, before eventually pulling out what appeared to be three sticks that were stronger than wood.

            “And that is…?” Meyer shared Amity’s earlier curiosity as she pieced the sticks together to make a staff with a cloudy glass ball in the top of it.

            “See this spot here?” She pointed at the top around the sphere. Meyer looked a little closer to it, examining it in detail, before finally seeing what it was that she wanted him to see.

            “What‽ It’s the same writing? Where did you find this?”

            “I don’t know, it’s been in the family for a long time. I think it’s my great grandpa’s.”

            “Well-“ Meyer was then quickly cut off by a screech coming from the woods. Suddenly, a dark figure rushed out of the forest, too quick to recognize, it grabbed Amity around her waist and pulled her into the forest. “Amity!” In a panic, Meyer gripped his book and chased after her. Dropping his own bag.


            After School – Forest (Amity)

            Oh god, oh god, what is going on‽

            “LET GO OF ME!” Amity shouted, struggling to the best of her ability. As she shook and squirmed. As she moved her arms, a weight in her hands made an idea click. “GET OFF!” She swung back her staff, hitting the figure over the head(?), releasing its grip. Amity fell down, and took some time to catch her breath.

            “Ugh… What was wrong with that guy? Wait… Meyer? Meyer‽ Meyer!” Realizing her situation, Amity shot back up and looked around, unsure of what direction she came from. Fear quickly set in and Amity began walking around, looking for her way out.

            Soon, the lost girl, fearing for her life, rested against a tree and sat down. “Where- where am I? Every- everywhere I go is- is the same.” Her face sank into her bent knees as sweltering tears began forming. Amity remained in this state for a long time. She failed to notice that the sphere in her staff began glowing a mystical blue. Quickly, the tree she rested on shook and creaked as a wave of energy burst open from it. Amity had no time to react as she fell into the newly formed vortex of stardust. The vortex disappeared along with Amity.


            After School – Forest (Meyer)

            Where did that freak take her? I can’t find her anywhere!

            “Amity! Amity!” Meyer ran through the forest as fast as he possibly could. A person(?) had grabbed Amity and took her into the forest.

            If only it wasn’t so dark in here… I need to find her, but I don’t know how… No, I can’t think like that! I need to find her! I could never forgive myself!

            With Meyer’s resolution, he continued onwards. However, he failed to notice the book within his hands begin to give off a faint, purple glow. As he continued, he noticed a bright, dark purple glow fill up the area ahead, he slowed to a stop in front of a swirling vortex of, what appeared to be, a purple cloud of dust.

            “What… is this?” He wondered. Meyer stepped towards it slowly, the color and aura drawing his attention more and more. As he stared at it, grass rustled from behind. Distracted by the cloud, he had no reaction. Thus, Meyer fell into the vortex. With both him and it disappearing.
            __________________
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            When writing, know two things:
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            2. Be interesting!
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