Yuraxer

Wanderer

Male
Land of the signers
Seen 5 Days Ago
Posted 6 Days Ago
5 posts
2.5 Years
Pokemon: Repossession
Chapter 1: Prologue
Author: Ginoong_C
Cruxiaq Sterbern.His name was given by his bestfriend and surnamed his self as death for his life experiences.He was born in the slums. Grown from hunger, cruel and strong eating weak society. Awaken from the reality of the world in an early age. Risen up from the ranks of the underground.

Started from an underdog to an underworld boss. From eating dust now plated with gold. Sadly he regrets that he did'nt really enjoyed his life untill he' last breath.

He even stained his hands in order to survive this kind of life. Wanted to enjoy the richness an good of life he tasted blood in order to get this but the price was his freedom. Dying in his death bed his only wish from his childhood was be experience pokemon games and holding his first even console an 3DS in his hand before he died. He was an avid fan of this franchise but sadly he only got knowledge of it and researches because he can't play it since then.

When he were young he saw a guy playing it and was enticed on watching of it.He only saw the guy play for a couple of minutes but he was inlove with it. That's all it started for his desire to experience this of the abled people. He was silently updated at the news on the pokemon franchise even if he was an underworld boss but he can't play it for he can't have a liesure time to play the thing for his life is like a ticking bomb. He got many enemies from his youth till his breath ends. An underworld boss known for bathed in blood and having a steeled hand of cruelty has only a wish to enjoy what the trend on that times and enjoy it. Time comes end and a candle light turns off.

Palamon

Has sent out Pikachu!

Age 24
he/him
Milaturia.
Online now
Posted 14 Minutes Ago
6,661 posts
12.7 Years
I'm going to ask you if you proofread this because there's a lot of typos and grammatical errors in here.

Cruxiaq Sterbern.His name was given by his bestfriend and surnamed his self as death for his life experiences.He was born in the slums.
Here, for example, a space should be after the period. Also, best friend is two words, not one.

Started from an underdog to an underworld boss. From eating dust now plated with gold. Sadly he regrets that he did'nt really enjoyed his life untill he' last breath.
There should be a comma after sadly. And you misspelled didn't and until. "He" should be "his" In the sentence where you said "until he last breath."

He even stained his hands in order to survive this kind of life. Wanted to enjoy the richness an good of life he tasted blood in order to get this but the price was his freedom. Dying in his death bed his only wish from his childhood was be experience pokemon games and holding his first even console an 3DS in his hand before he died. He was an avid fan of this franchise but sadly he only got knowledge of it and researches because he can't play it since then.
There should be a comma after life. And Pokemon should always be capitalized, as it is a proper noun.

When he were young he saw a guy playing it and was enticed on watching of it.
There's some tense confusion here. It should be when he was young, not were.

He only saw the guy play for a couple of minutes but he was inlove with it.
In love should be two words, not one.

That's all it started for his desire to experience this of the abled people. He was silently updated at the news on the pokemon franchise even if he was an underworld boss but he can't play it for he can't have a liesure time to play the thing for his life is like a ticking bomb.
After boss there should be a comma there since you put "but" in this sentence. And you misspelled the word leisure.

While I do think this has potential, you really need to proofread it and improve your grammar a bit. I noticed a severe lack of commas throughout this and some very awkwardly worded sentences that need work. Keep at it, though, the premise seems good.
Theme: Elizabeth Veuve
Pair: Taemin