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  #3201    
Old November 13th, 2012 (12:11 AM).
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Patatas Fritas Patatas Fritas is offline
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It's incredibly Transphobic, considering parenting skills have nothing to do with a persons gender identity, I hope no one would ever say that. And other than being transphobic and incorrect, it's rude to insult someone's parenting skills.
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  #3202    
Old November 13th, 2012 (12:31 AM).
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I would call it less Transphobic, and more ignorant. I mean, it makes them sound stupid, but phobia is fear, and they sound more just uneducated than afraid. If someone ever said that to me, I'd tell them to sit down and they would be educated on the matter. Then if they reacted badly, and did spout hate, I would call them Transphobic and annoying. -w-
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  #3203    
Old November 13th, 2012 (12:46 AM).
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My mom said the same thing about herself when I came out to her. I wouldn't say it's any kind of phobic though, it's just stupid.
  #3204    
Old November 13th, 2012 (2:26 AM).
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guys there's the most adorable short film on youtube it's in another language (brazil i think) but it's still completely adorable

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Wav5KjBHbI&feature=youtu.be

It's so cute that I had eye crinkles I don't know how to embed it but you need subtitles which can be turned on by clicking the second box on the bottom right of the video (only on browsers)

sorry for straying from the conversation feel free to ignore me
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  #3205    
Old November 13th, 2012 (3:16 AM).
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Impo View Post
    guys there's the most adorable short film on youtube it's in another language (brazil i think) but it's still completely adorable

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Wav5KjBHbI&feature=youtu.be

    It's so cute that I had eye crinkles I don't know how to embed it but you need subtitles which can be turned on by clicking the second box on the bottom right of the video (only on browsers)

    sorry for straying from the conversation feel free to ignore me
    You're right, that really is an adorable short film :) I wish things would work like that in real life...

    Anyway, to add up to the "phobia" talk, I never understood why the hatred towards homosexuals, and in this case, transsexuals, is called a "phobia". No-one is scared, they're just idiotic jerks!
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      #3206    
    Old November 13th, 2012 (3:41 AM). Edited November 13th, 2012 by Zet.
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    Clinically speaking; phobia is fear, but non-clinical it can be negative attitudes. Some people can actually be afraid of homosexuals, while others can also be afraid of heterosexuals.
      #3207    
    Old November 13th, 2012 (11:38 AM).
    Destructor Destructor is offline
       
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      Well, I came out to mom.

      I went up to mom and said I had to tell her something to which she said alright. I asked her to sit down and when she said asked why, I told her it was something really important. Her reply "Well, it's about time" I guessed she just knew what I was going to tell her. So, she sat down and I explained everything from when I first figured out I was gay until the other dayand she had a smile on the whole time. Inside I was so happy, I actually thought I got her wrong the whole time. When I was done, she stood up and gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to hide from her and that she figured but didn't want to jump to the conclusion just in case. I felt like I was going to cry I was so happy and then....

      "But still, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Are you punishing me for something? Do you hate me?"

      I tried to explain to her that it's just who I am but...

      "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't. I understand I failed as a parent and I understand I raised some kind of creature and I can accept that, though I don't have to live with it"

      And so here I am, on my laptop, at my grandparents place where they, much to my surprise, accepted me for who I am and still seem to love me. Mom hates and wants nothing to do with me now.
        #3208    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (11:43 AM).
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      Patatas Fritas Patatas Fritas is offline
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      Oh my gosh, I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it is. I'm so glad your grandparents are so accepting, I'm so so sorry. I really hope she's comes around, this must be a major shock too her, sure, she might have had an inkling before but facing the reality must be difficult. It shouldn't be, but it is. For the time being let her cool down I suppose and stay with your grandparents, maybe they'll try and talk some sense into her...

      I'm sure she still loves you, you're still her child, after all.
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        #3209    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (12:22 PM).
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      Esper Esper is offline
       
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      Being a parent must really warp your mind in ways I can't wrap my own mind around. Why do so many parents see their children as reflections of their own worth, and on top of that why do so many of them see having gay or trans kids as a bad thing? They need to realize that their kids are people in their own right, that they can and do make decisions about their lives and that there are somethings which are out of anyone's control - parent or child.
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        #3210    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (12:44 PM).
      Retro Bug Retro Bug is offline
       
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Impo View Post
      guys there's the most adorable short film on youtube it's in another language (brazil i think) but it's still completely adorable

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Wav5KjBHbI&feature=youtu.be

      It's so cute that I had eye crinkles I don't know how to embed it but you need subtitles which can be turned on by clicking the second box on the bottom right of the video (only on browsers)

      sorry for straying from the conversation feel free to ignore me
      I watched this short before it had subtitles and I managed to get the jest of it with my 4 years of Spanish coming in handy. Anyway, I still think it's a really cute short film and there should definitely be a part two. You can't just leave it like that!


      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Destructor View Post
      Well, I came out to mom.

      I went up to mom and said I had to tell her something to which she said alright. I asked her to sit down and when she said asked why, I told her it was something really important. Her reply "Well, it's about time" I guessed she just knew what I was going to tell her. So, she sat down and I explained everything from when I first figured out I was gay until the other dayand she had a smile on the whole time. Inside I was so happy, I actually thought I got her wrong the whole time. When I was done, she stood up and gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to hide from her and that she figured but didn't want to jump to the conclusion just in case. I felt like I was going to cry I was so happy and then....

      "But still, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Are you punishing me for something? Do you hate me?"

      I tried to explain to her that it's just who I am but...

      "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't. I understand I failed as a parent and I understand I raised some kind of creature and I can accept that, though I don't have to live with it"

      And so here I am, on my laptop, at my grandparents place where they, much to my surprise, accepted me for who I am and still seem to love me. Mom hates and wants nothing to do with me now.
      Sigh. I do hope that you mom comes around but at least you have your grandparents. Like Kawaii says I'm sure sure still loves you but she's just doing what all parents do and blaming herself for something she couldn't control. Are you planning on coming out to anyone else?
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        #3211    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (2:31 PM).
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      LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
         
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        Destructor, I'm so sorry :'( You were very brave for coming out, that's for sure. And I'm really glad that your grandparents accept you for who you are. At least you have some sort of support.

        I just really hope that your mother calms down, and thinks about this... I mean, she's blaming herself for something that shouldn't be blamed on anyone at all (You were born that way, and there is NOTHING wrong with being gay)!
        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Retro Bug View Post
        I watched this short before it had subtitles and I managed to get the jest of it with my 4 years of Spanish coming in handy. Anyway, I still think it's a really cute short film and there should definitely be a part two. You can't just leave it like that!
        Yeah, I'd really like to see part 2, too :D
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          #3212    
        Old November 13th, 2012 (4:07 PM).
        Destructor Destructor is offline
           
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          Well, I think I won't have to come out to anybody else. Mom will probobly tell everybody, and those who she doesn't tell my grandparents will have to in order to explain why I'm staying with them instead.

          I don't think my mom will ever understand. She's a, and please forgive the langaue, manipulative, controlling, bossy, self-absorbed, hateful little ***** with a God-like complex.
            #3213    
          Old November 13th, 2012 (8:11 PM).
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          U.Flame U.Flame is offline
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Destructor View Post

          I don't think my mom will ever understand. She's a, and please forgive the langaue, manipulative, controlling, bossy, self-absorbed, hateful little ***** with a God-like complex.
          Oh God that sounds just like my dad. Only he's secretly manipulative not openly bossy, but still just as bad because he can turn anyone against you. I can sympathize with you there. I hope you have an open-minded relative like my awesome mom.
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          Been super busy with work, life, and laptop problems. Hopefully I can get back into it soon, I fear I'm already rusty. Meanwhile I'm considering writing some of my hacks as a series of fanfics.

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            #3214    
          Old November 13th, 2012 (11:07 PM).
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          Zet Zet is offline
           
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Destructor View Post
          Well, I came out to mom.

          I went up to mom and said I had to tell her something to which she said alright. I asked her to sit down and when she said asked why, I told her it was something really important. Her reply "Well, it's about time" I guessed she just knew what I was going to tell her. So, she sat down and I explained everything from when I first figured out I was gay until the other dayand she had a smile on the whole time. Inside I was so happy, I actually thought I got her wrong the whole time. When I was done, she stood up and gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to hide from her and that she figured but didn't want to jump to the conclusion just in case. I felt like I was going to cry I was so happy and then....

          "But still, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Are you punishing me for something? Do you hate me?"

          I tried to explain to her that it's just who I am but...

          "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't. I understand I failed as a parent and I understand I raised some kind of creature and I can accept that, though I don't have to live with it"

          And so here I am, on my laptop, at my grandparents place where they, much to my surprise, accepted me for who I am and still seem to love me. Mom hates and wants nothing to do with me now.
          Talk about a roller coaster of a story. First it starts out slow with a bit of worry, and then it goes up to happiness and acceptance... and then comes crashing down with how she reacts.

          But it's good to hear that your grandparents took you in because they love and accept you.
            #3215    
          Old November 13th, 2012 (11:18 PM).
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          TornZero TornZero is offline
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            That sounds exactly like my mother, though the God complex is replaced with a pity-seeking complex. I'm really hoping yours comes to light soon, Destructor.

            Speaking of parents, I waited until my mother went on a trip to finally wear some nail polish (plain white) and try to curb a horrible nail-biting habit I had. That started last Friday, and it — combined with filing what was left into a nice evenness — worked extremely well. I haven't chewed on them since. Meanwhile, band-aids and other methods did absolutely nothing for me when I tried them. This brought me to believe it was out of compulsive grooming instead of anxiety, and I stand behind it; my stress has not loosened its grip on me in just five days.

            She saw my nails an hour or so ago and demanded I take the polish off (after initially thinking I used white-out of all things), taking the absolute utmost care in clarifying that "I am a guy; it [nail-biting] happens."

            Needless to say, it pissed me off pretty well, especially since I'm over 18 and able to make my own decisions, including over my own physical and mental health. Not to mention I know multiple girls that chew their own nails.
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              #3216    
            Old November 14th, 2012 (6:40 AM).
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            Altix Altix is offline
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              Oh wow, I am so sorry for you destuctor :( It will all turn out all right though...
                #3217    
              Old November 14th, 2012 (3:23 PM).
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              Esper Esper is offline
               
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              It's kind of funny how grandparents can be the complete opposite of what you would expect. At least what I would expect, which is that they'd be older and less accepting. Now, sometimes they are. I've got one grandparent who's kind of a racist and pretty intolerant of most everything. Then I also have a grandparent who used to rent part of her house out to a gay couple since at least the 70s.

              Destructor, I hope you can reconcile with your mom (by which I mean I hope she grows a heart and gets over herself), and that you can stay with your grandparents as long as you need to.

              TornZero, I feel for you. (But get some better nail polish colors!)
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                #3218    
              Old November 15th, 2012 (3:46 AM). Edited November 15th, 2012 by Aeon.
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              Aeon Aeon is offline
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              So after a little bit of lurking I'd like to join.

              I'm a pansexual, and I'm trying to conclude on my gender identity (it's been a matter of debate to myself for the past six years.) I'm out to everyone about my orientation (my 'tale' is boring in comparison to others), but only two people are aware of my gender issues.
                #3219    
              Old November 15th, 2012 (5:03 AM).
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              Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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              Welcome, Aeon! You're in very good company :D

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Destructor
              Well, I came out to mom.

              I went up to mom and said I had to tell her something to which she said alright. I asked her to sit down and when she said asked why, I told her it was something really important. Her reply "Well, it's about time" I guessed she just knew what I was going to tell her. So, she sat down and I explained everything from when I first figured out I was gay until the other dayand she had a smile on the whole time. Inside I was so happy, I actually thought I got her wrong the whole time. When I was done, she stood up and gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to hide from her and that she figured but didn't want to jump to the conclusion just in case. I felt like I was going to cry I was so happy and then....

              "But still, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Are you punishing me for something? Do you hate me?"

              I tried to explain to her that it's just who I am but...

              "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't. I understand I failed as a parent and I understand I raised some kind of creature and I can accept that, though I don't have to live with it"

              And so here I am, on my laptop, at my grandparents place where they, much to my surprise, accepted me for who I am and still seem to love me. Mom hates and wants nothing to do with me now.
              I... what. I don't... understand. How... what? She hugged you and accepted you and told you you don't have to hide things from her and then... she didn't anymore? Did she have an aneurysm?

              In any case, I'm so sorry this happened to you :(. The good news is you seem to have amazing grandparents and thank goodness for that. And I know this will seem hollow now, while you're sitting there feeling like your own family hates you for something out of your control, but this is a good thing. You're on the other side of it, the hard part is well and truly over and now you can start living rather than existing in fear. You were scared of how your family would react and... well, now you know. And what you also know is that you have a place with people who do love you unconditionally, no matter who you are. You have a place, you're not going to be homeless. You have stability now in a way that you didn't before. Because you have people who love you and no more secrets that put that at risk.

              You, my friend, are going to be just fine :)
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                #3220    
              Old November 15th, 2012 (8:58 AM).
              Destructor Destructor is offline
                 
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                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Aeon View Post
                So after a little bit of lurking I'd like to join.

                I'm a pansexual, and I'm trying to conclude on my gender identity (it's been a matter of debate to myself for the past six years.) I'm out to everyone about my orientation (my 'tale' is boring in comparison to others), but only two people are aware of my gender issues.
                I wouldn't call your tale "boring" as any orientation, coming out, self-acceptance, and the acceptance of others story is always either going to be inspiring or saddening. Boring is always out of the picture. You shouldn't feel the need to hide a story based on the thought people may be bored with it. It's your choice, but never fear people will be bored of it.

                Are the two people aware of your gender issues mom and dad or a psychiatrist or somebody?

                Edit:
                Almost forgot to mention some terrific news. I am happy to say that I have the acceptance of my sister who was originally turned against me by mom.
                  #3221    
                Old November 15th, 2012 (9:27 AM). Edited November 15th, 2012 by Legobricks.
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                Legobricks Legobricks is offline
                   
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                  I don't understand the concept of 'coming out'. I'll tell people what I am if they ask but I don't seek to declare things to persons whom it is of no likely consequence, and it just seems moronic to come out to people that probably won't be accepting anyway, so why bother?
                    #3222    
                  Old November 15th, 2012 (12:14 PM).
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                  LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
                     
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                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Destructor View Post
                    Edit:
                    Almost forgot to mention some terrific news. I am happy to say that I have the acceptance of my sister who was originally turned against me by mom.
                    I'm really glad to hear that you have support from your sister, too. It surely makes you feel better, right?

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Cassino View Post
                    I don't understand the concept of 'coming out'. I'll tell people what I am if they ask but I don't seek to declare things to persons whom it is of no likely consequence, and it just seems moronic to come out to people that probably won't be accepting anyway, so why bother?
                    There are lots of reasons to come out to people. I, personally, came out only once in real life, and it backfired. But, lots of people just don't want to live a lie. They come out because they want to be with people who'll accept them, and ditch those who hate them for being gay. That's a good reason. Also, coming out enables a person to meet other gay people, and get into a relationship. You can't find a partner if no-one knows you're gay.
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                      #3223    
                    Old November 15th, 2012 (12:58 PM). Edited November 15th, 2012 by Aeon.
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                    Aeon Aeon is offline
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                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Destructor View Post
                    Are the two people aware of your gender issues mom and dad or a psychiatrist or somebody?
                    The two people that are aware are two of my close friends. I don't feel comfortable telling my parents until I'm 100% what I am (I am divided if if I could be a MTF Transgender.) The only thing my two friends know is that I'm questioning and that's all there is to it.
                      #3224    
                    Old November 15th, 2012 (3:58 PM).
                    LightningAlex's Avatar
                    LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
                       
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                      So guys, I have my own coming out story. I'm really sorry for changing the subject, but I kinda have to tell somebody...
                      A couple of days ago, my friends and I were drinking, and well, one of my best friends and I usually stay awake until the morning, while the others go to sleep. And so, when only the two of us stayed awake, he questioned why I never had a relationship, and why I hate talking about love, relationships, etc. I tried avoiding the answer as much as possible, but in the end, I told him. I thought that at least he wouldn't make a big scene out of it, since he's the only one out of my friends (Or all the people I know) who didn't show any signs of homophobia. But it didn't go so well. His replies were mostly something like "It's just a phase", "You're just confused" or, my personal favorite, "You need to change that. Maybe see a psychologist". After about 1 minute of awkward silence, he went to sleep. Since all the other go to sleep early, there's usually only one bed remaining, and we've slept on it together many times. This time, I found him sleeping on the floor.

                      Sure enough, he deleted me on Facebook, and never contacted me again. I've lost a friend. Guessed I've learned my lesson

                      Being gay is destroying my life. Every day I'm surrounded by homophobic people, and now this happened. I'm starting to feel depressed...

                      Again, I'm really sorry for posting stuff like this, but I just had to tell someone, and PC is currently the only place where I feel accepted.

                      (I posted this once already a couple of days ago, but soon deleted it since I didn't want to change the topic, but I think it's okay now...)
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                        #3225    
                      Old November 16th, 2012 (12:07 AM).
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                      FreakyLocz14 FreakyLocz14 is offline
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                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by LightningAlex View Post
                      So guys, I have my own coming out story. I'm really sorry for changing the subject, but I kinda have to tell somebody...
                      A couple of days ago, my friends and I were drinking, and well, one of my best friends and I usually stay awake until the morning, while the others go to sleep. And so, when only the two of us stayed awake, he questioned why I never had a relationship, and why I hate talking about love, relationships, etc. I tried avoiding the answer as much as possible, but in the end, I told him. I thought that at least he wouldn't make a big scene out of it, since he's the only one out of my friends (Or all the people I know) who didn't show any signs of homophobia. But it didn't go so well. His replies were mostly something like "It's just a phase", "You're just confused" or, my personal favorite, "You need to change that. Maybe see a psychologist". After about 1 minute of awkward silence, he went to sleep. Since all the other go to sleep early, there's usually only one bed remaining, and we've slept on it together many times. This time, I found him sleeping on the floor.

                      Sure enough, he deleted me on Facebook, and never contacted me again. I've lost a friend. Guessed I've learned my lesson

                      Being gay is destroying my life. Every day I'm surrounded by homophobic people, and now this happened. I'm starting to feel depressed...

                      Again, I'm really sorry for posting stuff like this, but I just had to tell someone, and PC is currently the only place where I feel accepted.

                      (I posted this once already a couple of days ago, but soon deleted it since I didn't want to change the topic, but I think it's okay now...)
                      This is one of the reasons why I advise against actively coming out, and instead tell people to just passively be out.

                      A lot of liberal LGBT activists (I don't mean that in a political sense, necessarily) want people to come out as soon as possible. Many even out people against their will. I say that the time, place, manner, and audience should be completely up to the individual in all cases. For someone who is surrounded by homophobic people, and especially if the person is dependent on said homophobic people for the necessities of life, then waiting is a perfectly acceptable choice. I don't think that means that you're living a lie, or are self-hating.
                       

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