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[Pokémon] Reaching For A Dream [M]

Fawful_X

Monster-hunting Red Mage
51
Posts
6
Years
  • Age 25
  • Seen Mar 2, 2018
WARNING! THIS FIC MAY/WILL CONTAIN: STRONG LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE, OCCULT THEMES*
*Warnings may or may not be revised as the fic continues; additional warnings will be provided at the start of the chapter it comes up on and will show up here in an edit

The hand of fate can be a fickle one. With just a single decision, it can choose to end the fortune of an unfortunate soul, or grant it to a fortunate one. At times, however, its actions can be a blessing in disguise, or a curse that aims to take advantage of a foolhardy soul.

A nobleman Braixen of a world populated almost exclusively by pokemon, knowingly or not, is a testament to the more subtle and conniving aspects of fate when he is forced to flee his home by an unknown assailant and take up a journey he desired to for a long time, unaware of the danger it presented. At the same time, a Zoroark found her comfortable, adventurous lifestyle disrupted by the cards that have been dealt. Bound together by a red string tied to the enigmatic Ricardo family, the two are enraveled in a mystery that seeps deep into the cracks of a dark conspiracy and must co-operate… assuming they don't shatter from friction alone.


So this is my first fanfiction here, and also the first one I've written in god-knows-how-long that isn't my typical "expanded nuzlocke story" affair. I'd be lying if I didn't feel a little tense about posting it, but at the same time, how will I know if it's any good or not unless I post it for the general public to see?

I've decided to go for a tarot card motif for each chapter, both to provide insight into the contents of each chapter and because I honestly couldn't come up with any other chapter naming schemes that I was satisfied with (including simply numbering them, since it doesn't clearly define what one could expect to be reading about and I like some ability to forecast that stuff in the chapter title).

Chapter Quick-Jump


In-Universe Tarot Reference Sheet
Spoiler:


The disorganized, unmarked list of in-universe tarot cards that I'll sort out and add to the other list as they appear in the story
Spoiler:
 
Last edited:

Fawful_X

Monster-hunting Red Mage
51
Posts
6
Years
  • Age 25
  • Seen Mar 2, 2018
Chapter 1: Death, Fool; Unversed Star, Reversed Hermit
Spoiler:
 

Vragon

Guest
0
Posts
Interesting start. I have some things to say, but I'll do what you did and just put them in Spoilers just incase there's some overall purpose for that.


Spoiler:


All and all, it was enjoyable. I liked some attention to detail when there was and you have a good hinge for dialogue. I would say next chapter should bring out more of your characters and perhaps using more from the scenes you set up could be something interesting to think about.

Anyways, this was good and I wish you well in your future works.
 

Fawful_X

Monster-hunting Red Mage
51
Posts
6
Years
  • Age 25
  • Seen Mar 2, 2018
Vragon: Honestly, there's not really too much of a reason for me to put my fic in spoilers beyond personal convenience (namely, not having to scroll as far to get to comment X lol). That said, it does also provide a decent place for a chapter changelog if I ever need one on a chapter-by-chapter basis without extending my post much further, I guess.

Chapter 2: Fortune's Justice, The Tower
Spoiler:
 

Cavespider_17

Charlie
79
Posts
6
Years
  • Age 29
  • U.K
  • Seen Feb 5, 2024
Overall, so far I have found the story interesting. I have noted to you previously any grammatical mistakes I have found. There is an interesting collection of Cards. I cannot wait to see more in action. I like the running joke with the Espeon for sure. It will add some humour hopefully when darker times approach. :) Good job so far.
 

Fawful_X

Monster-hunting Red Mage
51
Posts
6
Years
  • Age 25
  • Seen Mar 2, 2018
Chapter 3: The Moon and the Emperor's Chariot
Spoiler:
 

Cavespider_17

Charlie
79
Posts
6
Years
  • Age 29
  • U.K
  • Seen Feb 5, 2024
Chapter 3: The Moon and the Emperor's Chariot
"Owner! I bring news!"
I assume this is Tailow saying this, if so add the two paragraphs together, elsewise no one knows who is speaking.

Chapter 3: The Moon and the Emperor's Chariot
"I'm busy. What makes your news so important?"
Again, you need to specify who is talking here. (I assume it's in the next paragraph, but can be lost in transition.)
Chapter 3: The Moon and the Emperor's Chariot
obidently
Small spelling mistake "obediently"
Chapter 3: The Moon and the Emperor's Chariot
AVAVAVAVA
I'm not sure what this is.

Chapter 3: The Moon and the Emperor's Chariot
psyducking
Made me laugh a little.

Chapter 3: The Moon and the Emperor's Chariot
Came here for a
Should be "come here" as the sentence reflects an alternative present.


Summary:
1) Overall, I did enjoy the development of these characters, (in particular Zoroak) in this chapter. It was nicely done.
2) I like the use of underused Pokémon, such as Alohlan Golem. It's nice to see them getting a mention rather than buried amongst the likes of the more 'popular' ones.
3) Remember, new speaker needs to be introduced as such. Elsewise it harms the flow of what's going on and can make things harder to follow.
I enjoyed this chapter quite a lot.
 
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