Ah, Christmas. For most it’s a time we associate with family gatherings, irritating music, copious amounts of ham and the giving and receiving of gifts. Here in the RPT, we tend to associated with a healthy dose of zany insanity and subjecting your friends to writing with the strangest characters you can think of.
“What” you may ask, “was that last part?” That last part means it’s time once again for the Roleplay Theatre’s annual tradition, one we have shamelessly stolen from just about everywhere else, the Secret Santa. Of course, ours is much more interesting. In the RPT Secret Santa, you simply sign up and then later you will receive the name of another participant. You then create a fun character for that person to play as in our Secret Santa IC thread. Sign-Ups will close on the 15th of December and you will need to get your character gifts sent in to the moderators by the 18th so the IC can be opened.
Dec 15: Sign-ups close and we will soon after let you know who you are creating a character for and which moderator you need to send that character to. Dec 18: All characters need to be sent in to the relevant mod. They are then distributed to the person they are meant to go to and the IC thread will be posted in the Roleplay Stage. Jan 15: This is when the IC will close and we will end the event.
“But wait!” you say “What are we even RPing?” Our eclectic mix of characters will, as per usual, be tasked with delivering presents on Christmas Eve. The thing is, these aren’t your typical places that our cast will be going. The IC will contain within a list of fun and unusual locations. You will be picking which of these you’d like to visit with your posts. Let’s try and finish the whole list. Trust us, you don’t want to miss this. It is always a great deal of fun.
Some characters are yet to come in (but will be in very soon) and Fox can't post his half of the characters for a little bit so if you don't see your character here don't worry, they'll be posted in a short while. We'll reveal who made your character at the end of the event.
Name: Noah von Kraus
Apparence: Noah used to resemble the most gifted of the gifted scientists and robotic engineers of the country, with his imposing mustache and his white as clear snow lab coat, but now, he resembles his pet, a black furred rabbit. His brain was swapped with his rabbit after an accident working with a theory he had with teleportation technology. However, his mind remained in tact after the swap, able to still perform speech, and still have his intelligent, evil mind in tact.
Personality: He’s a man who derives himself as the greatest minds of the century. However, his ego became warped over the years so much that, he now claims that the world is so inferior to him, that humanity should have no choice but to bow down to his glory. When it comes to human suffering... he likes to pull up a chair having a bowl of popcorn while watching it with a chuckle. He is egotistical,, self centred, sadistic, and has the motivations of a bread and butter evil scientist, but does like furry animals. After turning into a bunny... he really doesn’t change much at al.
Companion: As his passion for developing robots evolved, he soon created his finest invention: the Glory Loving And Distribution Interactive System, or GLADIS for short. It resembles a robotic polar bear. He basically developed his technology to praise him at any given moment, however, the robotic schematics became skewed - GLDIS was instead witty, sarcastic, and prone to making jokes about her “bunny master”. Thanks to Noah’s new body, he utalizes GLADIS for transport.
Name: Puro Perosaroque
Puro always wears a white negligee with very, very long sleeves that completely covers his hands and arms, with blue buttons in the middle. (That’s only due to him not bothering to buy any actual clothes and because he only ever sleeps.) He also wears white boots. His (quite messy) hair is a cream yellow and his body is quite pale. His eyes are a shimmering night purple that can possibly glow in the dark.
Personality/History/Whatever: A very lackadaisical person, Puro usually never does anything other than sleep, eat, sleep, eat and sleep some more. In fact, it’s almost as if the only thing he ever does is sleep. Because of this, he is very apathetic and is never interested in doing any actual work or effort. He always talk in a very slow and sleepy voice. Whenever he does bother to do something, he reveals his hidden magical powers.
He has the ability to create portals that can take him from one place to another. This makes him even lazier and allows him to do work given to him more quicker and easier to do. Puro also has the ability to make his dreams into reality...but only when he is sleeping. This allows him to be very dangerous, as the many dreams he have can vary from being a bunch of things happening in a sweet dream to a rather dark and dystopian nightmares that might be caused by suppressed thoughts and memories he would rather forget.
He doesn’t really know that he has this ability, though. Probably because he’s always sleeping during those times.
Anyways, the only reason he's ever bothering to give out presents on Christmas Eve is just so he can probably get a bunch of comfy pillows from Santa.
Name: Gregory Age: 20 Species: Poipole
Personality: A random, goofy individual. He tends to get bored more easily than others, using his abilities to "lighten the mood." Along with his randomness and a rather short fuse, he makes for a fun and dangerous Ultra Beast.
Appearance: A Poipole wearing a blue rimmed top hat around the mid section of his head. A small wreath of Gracidea flowers is wrapped around the base of it.
Abilities: Instead of spewing acid out of his prongs, he spews out glue bubbles. Similar to normal bubbles they float around, but whatever they come in contact with sticks out or inside them. He also has the ability to change into a shaymin, the Gracideas letting him change formes during the day.
Name: Ben Pate
Ol' Benny is a mountain of a man, six-foot-four and full of muscle. A rather seasick looking young man, his skin is a pale green, with heavy eyebrows, pointy teeth, and a slight underbite. He cuts his hair as short as possible, not that you could tell under his bandana. He dresses exclusively in black (or sometimes very dark gray), but he's colorblind, so he could be wearing any dark color and not know it.
Personality: If there's one thing you can say about Ben, it's that he's stubborn. He refuses to do things he doesn't want to do, and absolutely refuses to let others tell him he can't do something. If he can't go around something, he'll go over it or through it. He's not exactly a braggart, but he wants people to acknowledge his contributions, and won't abide people stealing his thunder. Other than that, he tries to maintain a cool, aloof demeanor, despite being a big kid at heart who secretly delights in the cool things he gets to do on a daily basis.
History: Benny didn't know his parents, knowing only that he is of mixed heritage. He was raised by a man named Hagen, along with a large group of other children, who served as Hagen's eyes, ears, and sticky fingers in the city. Benny got big early in life, and was told he wouldn't be a thief or spy like his (admittedly much smaller) friends, but he refused to accept that, and rather than learn to sneak and be subtle, he learned to climb and jump, using his size and strength to get into places he wasn't supposed to be.
Eventually, he grew out of Hagen's little group, striking out on his own. Wanting to make a name for himself, he started committing "anti-crimes", breaking into places and leaving behind items rather than taking them. After stealing from the rich and discreetly giving to the poor for a few years, he decided to find the head honcho of the anti-crimes business, a man who breaks into millions of homes every year and leaves behind homemade gifts: Santa Claus himself. Surprisingly, Benny actually managed to find him, and joined the Deputy Santa Division.
The IC is ready and waiting in the Roleplay Stage.
I see we have followed with the tradition of going with the most ridiculous characters possible, god bless this event
Name: Shaniqua DeLight Age: 28 Profession: Servant Description: Shaniqua works for the king, Henry. Henry is a fierce and intimidating person, but Shaniqua isn't scared of him at all. She is one of his high-ranking servant, and she is trusted by everyone around her. Personality: Shaniqua is very mischievous. She loves playing tricks on people, and doesn't mind deceiving them if she has to. She has always loved Christmas. 'It's the most wonderful time of the year' is what she thinks. She isn't scared easily, she doesn't ever remember being afraid of someone or something.
She heard that Santa needed some help this year. Without questions asked, she signed up for help. She was a loyal servant of King Henry. She deserved some time off to do something of her own, right? She was going to enjoy this...
Name: Sook Ren
Age: Were he a human then 23 would be precise
Personality: Sook is a lethargic mess who takes pride in his witts. Physical activity is frowned upon by this feline who holds the power of telekinesis. Thus he is seen taking plenty of siestas daily to recuperare energy.
His sarcasm and brutal honesty honors him the title of loner, yet he seemingly enjoys the prospect of it - no comrades equals no headaches. Despite this he carries a soft spot for the occult and adorable. Ghosts and mythical creatures? Suddenly he's the friendliest neighborhood cat. Cute as a button? Sook will stick to them like glue. Otherwise pray for those who fit neither of the criteria.
One hobby rules all and that is the sport of hunting avian creatures. It is the only time his abilities are never utilized, an exercise per se. Indulging in the activity boosts his pride via reminding him he is still the godly predator that needs no telekinesis for survival.
He is a nocturnal one who carries no care in the world, going with the flow to prevent the stresses of life from ever getting to him. Furthermore temper is nearly non-existent with this creature.
History: Sook Ren was born upon the jaws of a dead crocodile. This ordeal occurred after the reptile attempted to snatch a mother's child behind her back. The two adults fared well in battle, yet perished. Sook was left to fend for himself in a world perplexed by his species. Without a mother to educate him on the art of secrecy, the feline simply swaggers around his own rare existence.
Gender: Out lawyers have informed me that gender neutral pronouns must be used to conceal personal information.
Personality: I cannot legally confirm not deny specifics of this person’s personality. What I can tell you, is they might have a rather snarky and sarcastic personality. It is likely that they might have been nice at one point, but now have extreme distaste for the establishment… and most of society in general. They are probably fairly confident in themselves and may not trust people to do as good a job of things as they would.
Appearance: This person’s appearance has been so thoroughly censored that all anyone can see when they look at them is a vaguely humanoid shape concealed by a heavily pixelated blur. Indeed, this person’s identity has been redacted to the point that even they are forbidden from seeing their own appearance or name. That possibly makes document signing and identification problematic.
History: For legal reasons, I can’t tell you anything about this individual's upbringing or personal history. What I can tell you is that there’s a high chance that they recently lost a court battle with someone who had the same genetic makeup and upbringing. Make of that what you will. Obviously I don’t know how they came to be in Santa’s employ or why they’re doing it, but if I had to guess it’s probably because nobody else would hire someone who can’t say who they are or provide any sort of information that would identify them.
Name: Pu Purin
Age: Rancid and Spoiled
That but smol. So smol. He's a smol, fatty pudding that he jiggles when he jumps. How smol is he? Imagine one of those smol sized pudding boxes. He's that smol.
Personality: Pu is evil. He wants to take over the world using his special power and reshape it in his image. He will stop at nothing to do it, even if nobody really takes him seriously. He’s also super picky and generally snooty and hard to impress. He doesn’t like people or care about anyone but himself mostly. He does have a soft spot for his fellow desserts though.
Power: He can eat things smoller than him to grow slightly bigger. Currently too smol to make good use of it but he tries.
Backstory: Chased out of an arctic village for trying to eat their stuff, Pu went to hide in Santa’s workshop. When he got there, he started eating toys but Santa caught him. Now he is being forced to work delivering presents to make up for what he did.
He is also always on the run from a snow rabbit that was told to keep an eye on him and make sure he behaves because the rabbit has decided it would rather eat him.
Name: Wasabi-chan Bonsaitree Age: 16 Gender: Female Personality: Wasabi-chan is a stoic, focused and driven young woman, who is hard to distract and harder to confront. Faced with an obstacle, she will go for the most efficient solution first, including if this means having to use her muscle power. However at heart she is still the same ditzy schoolgirl from her past, and if you strike a conversation about trading cards, she will giddily chatter about the topic for hours on end. Powers:
Can infuse her strength into people and objects, giving them new life and enlightening them to the way of the swole
May flex her muscles to release powerful shockwaves
Can use cards as throwing blades
Every classic hero has their own tragic backstory, but wasabi-chan's story comes not from hardship but hard abs. Once a wiry, over-conscious schoolgirl, she endured endless years of torment from her schoolmates about her appearance, getting called names such as 'skeletor' and 'zombie-chan'. These names gave her feeble heart great pain, and she found life a struggle with the constant reminders of her imperfections. Until one day, she had enough. She gathered every piece of willpower she could muster, from the willpower of getting up in the morning to the willpower of eating the dry crust on pizza slices, and put it all into one giant ball of determination. Using this determination, she took a giant loan from her local bank, and bought out her local butchery and gym.
Over the summer break, wasabi-chan locked herself in her newly-purchased property, spending all 24 hours of the day either eating fresh protein or working out at the gym. This rigorous training molded wasabi-chan into the perfect human body. As school resumed, she became revered by her school, and soon became president of the card-trading club, the most respected of all the school clubs.
Now that the winter break has come, wasabi-chan aims to use her powers to benefit humanity, and bring joy to the world. All while looking swole as hell.
MISSING ELF: 32 years old, salt-and-pepper toupee, minty cologne, penchant for finger guns. Last seen in loose, red-and-white-striped tie, suit vest, white cuffed shirt, slacks, and pointed-toe shoes.
Signed photograph planted on the site of the Wigs for Winter charity event post-robbery.
xx From the JINGLE BELL BUGLE, ISSUE 172
Headline: WORKSHOP CEO SEEKS FORGIVENESS
Reporters last Sunday witnessed Claus’ Workshop CEO, Eben Kane, making his first public appearance since his departure in downtown Manhattan delivering presents amongst a cast of colorful characters.
“He said in his tweet he’d wanted to redeem himself, but this ridiculous.” stated a Workshop PR manager with evident dismay. “At this point, he’s just encroaching on other people's’ responsibilities.”
Said highly-penitent tweet posted five hours before Kane’s disappearance from the North Pole addressed a slew of misconduct charges facing the eleven entrepreneur. After meeting the 280 character limit, news outlets sought the CEO’s final world on the matter. What met them instead: a formal announcement of Chairman Benedict Grunclestack’s substitution; Kane had vanished from the dimension of magic altogether.
Grunclestack has otherwise remained quiet on anything regarding Kane’s antics, though an interview with 12 Days suggests, in his mind, the accusations have so far seemed “difficult to prove,” or are otherwise “blown out of reasonable proportion.”
A long -time employee at Claus’ Workshop, who chose to remain anonymous, claims otherwise. “We’ve [the majority of staff] known for years.. as long as [I’ve been] on the assembly, we’ve seen Mr. Kane [make passes] at other workers. Y’know, the whole ‘look who’s under the mistletoe’ shtick. It’s honestly disgusting.”
Kane himself is not a novice in the realm of public dissent. Prior to the business prodigy acquiring Claus’ Workshop Inc. three years ago, he made waves with his controversial opinions regarding Hanukkah as “a myth” and that “anyone [Semitic] who takes a candle holder to heart should seriously get some holiday spirit.”
Kane has also gone on record stating children should know the truth about where their Christmas presents oftentimes come from, going so far as to petition the Santa Secrecy Act established 1815, an act which even Santa Claus himself professed as “thoroughly uncalled for.”
Mr. Claus has let to imply regret towards Kane’s purchase of the longstanding Claus family business all the same.
“He's an accomplished businessman,” the Workshop’s founder admitted to us at Bugle late last January. “He’s taken [the Workshop] farther than I’d have imagined. Not to mention, he’s rich.”
It is unprecedented in elven history for one of their own to gain this level of prominence in the business world; within Claus’ Workshop Inc., Kane is responsible for over eighty thousand job positions, single-handedly usurping the unpaid labor force in manpower.
“It’s why we never came out before,” said Meryl “Minty” Monroe, high-profile Christmas album producer, and one of thirteen Ice Breakers to come out against Kane’s alleged charity disruptions, as well as the woman least expected to press charges against Kane “He has so much sway here. But you can’t just avoid the consequences for stealing that much hair. Honestly, what kind of man would want to screw over cancer patients, or would need a toupee himself that badly?”
This week marks the first inclination of Eben Kane’s involvement in the Global Gift Delivery Initiative (GGDI), started 2015, the same year as his promotion to CEO. With the entrepreneur being accused even throughout the elven community for his involvement in and subsequent sabotage of non-profit organizations and campaigns, critics aren't sure how to digest his latest move.
“I don't buy it.” Retired toy craftsmanship manager, pro-wrestler, and past employee of Kane’s -- having spent his last two years in the company underneath him -- Darry “Cold Snow” Flattenburg is adamant. Snow told Bugle, in regards to his old employer, “He’s crazy, and he’s done some terrible, no-good things… This can't be a [genuine] act.”
Snow isn’t the first hiree of Kane’s to show disapproval. Celebrity YouTuber and social media personality Faux Rallé spoke out about the issue. His tweet was derisive, but definitive: “[Eben Kane] bought himself into power, and now he’s using magic to stay there.”
It is a theory that has, until now, lacked proper footing. Kane’s involvement with Christmas magic was not unknown to the majority until last year when his thaumatologist was coaxed into talking by Bugle affiliates. “It’s rather hard to distinguish-- er, notice,” the expert explained in an exclusive interview, “but it can be categorized as ‘charming,’ in a way. It's certainly not the benevolent white lies usually characteristic of this festive brand of spellcasting.”
Kane’s ability, therefore, manifests more as demands than suggestions. “He can coerce a subject into achieving any state or perspective he so chooses, as long as his wants and desires overpower their own,” the doctor concluded.
This takeaway stands conspicuously similar to accounts made by Kane’s cohorts and staff. His secretary claimed, on one occasion, the wallpaper of the entire first-story floor had transformed before her very eyes at the snap of her boss’ fingers.
“It happened in a big, gaudy show of sparkles,” the little elf recounted. “I forgot all about it for the longest time, though. Once all this talk came out about Mr. Kane leaving the North Pole, though, people started asking what I knew… I tried so hard to remember, and it was like I'd never forgotten!”
Even still, “The Kane I know wouldn’t have used his powers for bad things, more so to make a statement,” theorized Congressman Jessie J. Millfort, a close friend of Kane, in a TV interview. “He's a good man… self-serving, though... At any rate, he’s probably out giving toys to kids to prove to the corrupt media outlets out there how great of a person he is deep down.
“Though, ultimately, I guess it’s up to you and how you want to portray him, huh?”
See Page 9C for follow-up editorial: ‘A HOLLY JOLLY CORRUPTED CHRISTMAS: THE LONG-AVOIDED TREACHERY OF EBEN KANE.’
Names are hard, so many different friends sharing their thoughts with me, so many feelings...OH I KNOW! CALL ME FRIENDER! FRIENDER MCLOVEBALL - No that's a bit weird, isn't it? How about Lovebug?"
Race: Mind-Controlling parasite. They have no proper scientific designation and are usually referred to as "Brain Slugs"
Appearance: Lovebug's default appearance is that of a small, mostly shapeless, squishy, goopy creature only a few inches long with dots for eyes and a curved line-like mouth to form what can only be called a cartoon smile. Most of the time Lovebug simply looks like who or whatever she is controlling at any given time as she completely melts into whatever she takes over. The only change shown in whatever she controls is her own innocent, ever-friendly face overtaking that of her victi - er, friend.
The Rest: LOVE LOVE LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP ALL DAY ERRYDAY! Lovebug is always happy all the time, either too ignorant or quite literally too full of pure joy and adventure to ever feel any real negative emotions of her own, the only exception being when whatever "friend" she's currently controlling is hurt. Lovebug can only move in short hops on her own and gets both her sustenance and her FRIENDSHIP AND ADVENTURE FIX from controlling other living things by melting into whatever part of their body she touches first. Despite the fact that Lovebug cannot properly communicate with whoever she controls at any given time, she considers every person she controls or has controlled to be her friends, seeing everything she does while in control of them as her and her friend going on adventures and seeing the world together.
Lovebug wants only to make as many friends as possible all over the world and have fun with them, she loves nothing more than putting a smile on someone's face - through mind control or otherwise - and of course couldn't possibly resist the call for delivering presents. "I MEAN HOW COULD I POSSIBLY RESIST SANTA IS LIKE THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER TO EVERYONE! HE ALWAYS MAKES EVERYONE SMILE AND WORKS SO HARD AND OHMYGOSH HE IS SO GREAT I WISH I COULD JUST BE HIS FRIEND AND GO ON ADVENTURES WITH HIM buuuuuuuuuuuut I guess I'll settle for helping him out with some other friends~"