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[Pokémon] Convicts in Love

Lil_Mew19

I'm soft uwu
28
Posts
5
Years
Part One

I've been a member of Team Rocket for as long as I can remember, my father says I was born as a part of it. He taught me everything from when I was five and old enough to understand what being part of this gang was all about. Now, at age 24, I am now a prized member in Giovanni's eyes. My assigned Pokémon, Buster the Houndoom, has helped me fulfill many an evil deed. I have actually grown quite attached to the old mutt, not that I would ever admit it. He has been with me since I started officially serving Giovanni, and if I'm honest, I would hate for him to be put down because of his old age. He was slowing down quite a bit, and Giovanni has already hinted at getting rid of the creature. But, I can't refuse my leader anything. Or I'll probably die, too.

We're expecting a new recruit today. We don't typically hire those from the outside, but Giovanni has recently been obsessed with growing our numbers. For a bigger plan, perhaps? You never know with him.

The lunchroom buzzes with conversation around me, and I poke at my food, sighing and contemplating feeding it to Buster who is asleep at my feet. He would certainly enjoy the tasteless beef and dry potatoes more than me. That old thing would eat anything.

"Mind if I sit here with you?"

I glance up, startled, to see a girl I have never noticed before. A Ratatta sat on her shoulder. She was small and petite, with a bobbed cut style of pink hair and a new, crisp Team Rocket uniform. Her eyes were a stunning emerald green and her nose was small. She had a small smile on her lips. I would guess her age to be around 20.

Ah, the new recruit I think, scowling at her. "Yea, whatever" I go back to poking at my food, doing my best to ignore her.

I hear her fork clink against her plate as she begins to eat. "Oh, my god! The food is terrible!" she exclaims, and I glare up at her. "Yea, it's never good. We're not a luxury hotel here!" I smirk as she makes a 'blegh' face and pushes her plate away. "You may wanna eat while you can, sweetie. Dinner is even worse." I chuckle at her startled expression. "Why did you join Team Rocket anyway, child? You honestly expected to be pampered? To make friends? To have fun? The reality is, doll, we're a villain organization that lives under poor conditions, doing gritty work with little rest or sleep. The dorms are dirty and uncomfortable. The only reason we stay is because the pay is good. Great, even. But if you really want to be a part of this, you gotta toughen up and stop being so sweet and careless. Wipe that smile off your face and accept the reality." I slam my fist on the table. "So? Tell me why!! Why did you join?!"

She looked up at me, tears in her green eyes as her face becomes puffy with anger. "That- That's none of your business!!" she exclaims, swiping at her tears. "My parents were killed and I had nowhere else to go! Okay?!"

Sighing, I scowl and turn away, reaching over to give her shoulder a quick pat. "Yea, yea. Just stop crying before someone sees." She nodded and took a deep breath, then pulls her plate back over in front of her, beginning to force it down. "So, dinner is worse? I can't even imagine what dessert would be like." her words, somehow, made me laugh. The first genuine, happy laugh I had in a very long time.

Suddenly, a loud alarm burst through the room, and I stand up immediately, Buster rising up beside me. I look at the startled face of the new girl. "Giovanni has called another mission. C'mon, I'll show you what being a member of Team Rocket is all about.'

__________________

That's all for part one! I hope you enjoyed. Stay tuned for part two! :)​
 

Bay

6,383
Posts
17
Years
Hi once again! So I gave this fic a quick read and thought I would mention a few formatting pointers and then a couple comments on Part One itself.

First point is formatting your text centered is hard to read. If you ever read a published book, physical or digital, you noticed that the text is left-aligned instead of center. So yeah, if you type your story in a word program it should be left-aligned automatically.

Second point is there's no need to bold your dialogue. If you're worried the dialogue won't be noticeable, no need to be! We'll be able to read the dialogue fine.

Third and final point is I noticed a couple instances where you have the new recruit and the main character speak. Usually when you have two people speaking their dialogue needs to in separate paragraphs for the reader to better keep track of them. For instance:

I hear her fork clink against her plate as she begins to eat. "Oh, my god! The food is terrible!" she exclaims, and I glare up at her. "Yea, it's never good. We're not a luxury hotel here!" I smirk as she makes a 'blegh' face and pushes her plate away. "You may wanna eat while you can, sweetie. Dinner is even worse." I chuckle at her startled expression. "Why did you join Team Rocket anyway, child? You honestly expected to be pampered? To make friends? To have fun? The reality is, doll, we're a villain organization that lives under poor conditions, doing gritty work with little rest or sleep. The dorms are dirty and uncomfortable. The only reason we stay is because the pay is good. Great, even. But if you really want to be a part of this, you gotta toughen up and stop being so sweet and careless. Wipe that smile off your face and accept the reality." I slam my fist on the table. "So? Tell me why!! Why did you join?!"

It should be like this instead:

I hear her fork clink against her plate as she begins to eat. "Oh, my god! The food is terrible!" she exclaims, and I glare up at her.

"Yea, it's never good. We're not a luxury hotel here!" I smirk as she makes a 'blegh' face and pushes her plate away. "You may wanna eat while you can, sweetie. Dinner is even worse." I chuckle at her startled expression. "Why did you join Team Rocket anyway, child? You honestly expected to be pampered? To make friends? To have fun? The reality is, doll, we're a villain organization that lives under poor conditions, doing gritty work with little rest or sleep. The dorms are dirty and uncomfortable. The only reason we stay is because the pay is good. Great, even. But if you really want to be a part of this, you gotta toughen up and stop being so sweet and careless. Wipe that smile off your face and accept the reality." I slam my fist on the table. "So? Tell me why!! Why did you join?!"

Okay, now a couple comments on the story itself. I'm going to assume you have Archer as the narrator/main character here? There's another Pokemon villain group story posted here that I'm following, and I'm getting some "train the new recruit" vibes here. The difference though is yours might be going towards the romantic path, going by the fic's title. I'm kinda interested in where this is going, so I might check back on this on occasion. Wish you luck!
 
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