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  #501    
Old February 26th, 2017 (1:44 PM).
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    i guess a little backstory is needed first..

    i'm trans, more specifically androgynous or just trans-masculine.
    i go by he/him/his/himself and they/them/their/themself pronouns and have done so for at least four years.

    i basically shut myself in after the Trump inauguration, i'm supposed to be in college by now but i'm absolutely terrified of facing anyone.
    i was bullied relentlessly in high school and now that the new trans-bathroom policy is being flailed around like something to be proud of, i've been more reluctant to leave than ever.
    i haven't transitioned yet, so i'm still seen as female and it gives me the worst dysphoria, i just don't want to relive high school all over again.

    if you're trans, like me, what would you recommend? i don't have any healthy coping mechanisms.
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      #502    
    Old February 27th, 2017 (10:01 AM).
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Starpire View Post
      i guess a little backstory is needed first..

      i'm trans, more specifically androgynous or just trans-masculine.
      i go by he/him/his/himself and they/them/their/themself pronouns and have done so for at least four years.

      i basically shut myself in after the Trump inauguration, i'm supposed to be in college by now but i'm absolutely terrified of facing anyone.
      i was bullied relentlessly in high school and now that the new trans-bathroom policy is being flailed around like something to be proud of, i've been more reluctant to leave than ever.
      i haven't transitioned yet, so i'm still seen as female and it gives me the worst dysphoria, i just don't want to relive high school all over again.

      if you're trans, like me, what would you recommend? i don't have any healthy coping mechanisms.
      I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances and so sorry that your country has become increasingly unsafe. Unfortunately I am neither trans nor living in the US so I really can't give you advice. I don't really know any healthy coping mechanisms either...

      Were you already enrolled in college? Have you notified your professors about your absence? To avoid falling too much behind I'd certainly let college know about your circumstances - without giving too much detail if you're not comfortable with that. That's the only thing I can think of right now, sorry.
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        #503    
      Old April 5th, 2017 (3:12 PM).
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        Okay, so relationships between me and the opposite sex dont have a great history.

        The first girl I asked out she said she wasnt interested in me.
        The second girl I asked out was going well until I screwed it up by failing it kiss when she asked (ya i know, I pussied out). so that ended. But thankfully Im a lot more confident now, so I know I wont make this mistake again.

        And now its prom time and I have been making plans to ask a girl I like to prom, and I recently found out she isn't interested in anyone at the high school and wants to go with someone outside of school. So she is out of the question. And it really sucks because I was going to ask her next week.

        My second choice to ask to prom just got into a bad car accident this week and she said she wasnt really interested in going to prom anymore. (a mixture of the car accident and a falling out with a good friend of hers). I dont know the extent of her injuries because she has a concussion and can't use her phone.

        I could ask a girl within this certain "friend group," but the two girls I already tried dating are from that group. And I was hanging out with friends one time, asked one girl if she wanted to hang out, and she interpreted it as asking her out. So now its awkward to ask anyone from that group. My circle of friends has already been declining and I dont need to further catalyze this.

        So the problem is that I have to ask girls that I dont know as well, which is fine, but isn't that kinda weird? Idk.

        My mom has been really pushing me to get a girlfriend and since its about time to be asking girls to prom, she has gone full force. Honestly, its kinda stressful considering my bad luck and I dont need her pressuring me right now. She is forcing me to go to prom, so not going isn't an option. And she has already set deadlines for when I have to ask a girl and crap. She is so excited about this that she isn't making me pay for the ticket and said its her birthday gift if I go. She has this crazy emotional attachment to me going to prom.

        What do I do? I really need help. Anything goes from how to ask a girl to prom to whatever.
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          #504    
        Old April 5th, 2017 (3:22 PM).
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          I'd tell you to forget your mother and just spend prom night hanging out with the girl in the accident as just friends, but I'm one to relinquish bloodlines, so that's that.

          Relationships can't happen in a month if you're pressed to do so. At this point, all you can do is:

          * Hope you find a girlfriend by some miracle, without trying
          * Find a girl in the exact same predicament as you, so the two of you can benefit from the night
          * Pay a girl to help you
          * Just go with friends to prom

          My best advice, though: wait for someone with better advise to post here.
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            #505    
          Old April 5th, 2017 (3:23 PM).
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          my advice to you is ask a friend

          prom isnt the time to ask a girl you hardly know. i made the mistake of asking a girl i had a crush on, but didnt really know, and she declined because - of course - she had someone else in mind. remember, everyone is thinking about who they want to go to prom with.

          your best bet is ask a girl friend of yours. chances are she will say yes.
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            #506    
          Old April 5th, 2017 (3:32 PM).
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            I know asking a friend is a good idea, but like I mentioned earlier, my friend pool has been declining and the list of girls has declined significantly. I haven't talked to many of them in like a year. The ones I have talked to have boyfriends or it would be a bad idea to ask.

            I can think of one girl I hang out with. Not to be too picky, but she isn't exactly the most fun person to hang out with...

            neither am i lol
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              #507    
            Old April 5th, 2017 (3:35 PM).
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              Quote:
              Originally Posted by BadSheep View Post
              I know asking a friend is a good idea, but like I mentioned earlier, my friend pool has been declining and the list of girls has declined significantly. I haven't talked to many of them in like a year. The ones I have talked to have boyfriends or it would be a bad idea to ask.

              I can think of one girl I hang out with. Not to be too picky, but she isn't exactly the most fun person to hang out with...

              neither am i lol
              If you're aiming to please your mom... it's your only choice.
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                #508    
              Old April 5th, 2017 (4:07 PM).
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              Don't feel like you have to get a girlfriend asap and/or have to go to prom because your mother wants you to. Go because you want to. Date who you want, when you're ready/have found someone truly suitable. You'll be happier in the long run.

              If your mother doesn't like it, tough muk.
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                #509    
              Old April 5th, 2017 (4:13 PM).
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              take your mom
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                #510    
              Old April 5th, 2017 (4:18 PM).
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                Well its the same mom that literally chaperoned a middle school dance (idk why the school had parents help) against my permission and then got yelled at by a teacher for breaking the rules. She was TAKING PICTURES!!!

                my mom has a personality like freaking steel

                do you know how long it took me to convince her stop being a "helicopter mom?" it took freaking YEARS

                and my dad is no help- he knows he will always lose to my mom!

                Anyways, update: my mom and I just reviewed every girl in my grade and she is forcing me to ask girls down a list she and I made (I wonder who the list favors). This is going great.
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                  #511    
                Old April 5th, 2017 (4:22 PM).
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                  At this point, I feel you should go hang out with your friends instead of prom, buy pizzas and watch Better Call Saul, and stay at one of their houses for days until your mom cools down from ditching prom. I know I sound awful, but it's what I'd do in your shoes.
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                    #512    
                  Old April 5th, 2017 (4:26 PM).
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                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Taro Tanaka View Post
                    At this point, I feel you should go hang out with your friends instead of prom, buy pizzas and watch Better Call Saul, and stay at one of their houses for days until your mom cools down from ditching prom. I know I sound awful, but it's what I'd do in your shoes.
                    I really, really want to go to prom with a girl lol. Thankfully, the girls from the list are attractive and within reach. Its just not the optimal situation and I'm frustrated. Im sure ill have a good time and I can learn to set boundaries with my mom for next prom. At least the list helps me narrow down my choices and makes the decision easier. I can't lie and say it didnt have benefits.

                    It would be really nice if hot guys outside of school didnt exist and car accidents didnt exist. I know its totally selfish to think this way, but I suppose choosing a date to prom as a guy is inherently selfish.
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                      #513    
                    Old April 5th, 2017 (4:33 PM).
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                      can't you tell your mom how you feel? if you really truly dont want to take a girl to the dance, then just dont. i didnt go to prom, mostly bc my school didnt have one and the district i was from (i was from one district but went to a school in another district bc i was transferred) i wasnt comfortable going to that one but..

                      if you truly dont want to take anyone, then dont. or just take a close friend or something.

                      edit: or if you do, then..take a close friend i guess?
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                        #514    
                      Old April 5th, 2017 (4:38 PM).
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                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by BadSheep View Post
                      I really, really want to go to prom with a girl lol. Thankfully, the girls from the list are attractive and within reach. Its just not the optimal situation and I'm frustrated. Im sure ill have a good time and I can learn to set boundaries with my mom for next prom. At least the list helps me narrow down my choices and makes the decision easier. I can't lie and say it didnt have benefits.

                      It would be really nice if hot guys outside of school didnt exist and car accidents didnt exist. I know its totally selfish to think this way, but I suppose choosing a date to prom as a guy is inherently selfish.
                      If you really want to and it's not just pressure from your mother... Go ahead, ask everyone out, if you don't know them and you just want to spend time with someone then you have nothing to lose, but a lot to win.
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                        #515    
                      Old April 5th, 2017 (4:41 PM).
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                        Quote:
                        Originally Posted by hoshiko View Post
                        can't you tell your mom how you feel? if you really truly dont want to take a girl to the dance, then just dont. i didnt go to prom, mostly bc my school didnt have one and the district i was from (i was from one district but went to a school in another district bc i was transferred) i wasnt comfortable going to that one but..

                        if you truly dont want to take anyone, then dont. or just take a close friend or something.

                        edit: or if you do, then..take a close friend i guess?
                        I have told my mom how I feel, and I guess she understands, but she is determined not to let me take my foot off the gas pedal so to speak. She is doing it because she doesnt want me to forego this experience, so I sympathize with her on that. Im just frustrated with her, ya know?

                        oh no... I totally want to take a girl! For sure I am going with a girl. Im not going to deprive myself of an opportunity.

                        Edit: I posted this as Johnny did. Yes, I will ask as many girls as it takes. You are right- I can only win. Just win less at worst.

                        Perhaps I'm making this too much about my mom. I just had some bottled up feelings about her that I needed to let out. Yes, I do really, really want to go to prom. Yes, I am very determined. But I simultaneously dont need my mom breathing down my throat and she gets repetitive real quick sometimes.
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                          #516    
                        Old April 5th, 2017 (4:49 PM).
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                        Ah, well, if you genuinely want to go and stuff, that's alright then

                        After prom's over though, you probably want to get your mom's issues worked out
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                          #517    
                        Old April 5th, 2017 (4:52 PM).
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                          I'm not the best at this stuff, and in fact never went to prom, but I'd recommend being honest about your situation with someone you already at least sort of know. This way you don't have to actually get a girlfriend per se or force a relationship, but you can still take a girl to prom. You go to prom with a girl, your mom is happy, and everyone wins.
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                            #518    
                          Old April 5th, 2017 (6:19 PM).
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                          well well well hello there it's your favorite cali girl with the complex mind of a girl!! (especially a girl worrying about prom)

                          first off: is this your last prom?

                          If I'm going to be honest, asking a close girl friend shouldn't be on top of your list. Especially if you're like a brother to her. Why? Because it's just weird for the girl, remember, you're like a brother to her. Plus, she wouldn't know how to turn you down and it'll be all awkward and not fun trust me. (UNLESS if she has expressed some sort of interest in going with you, you could always pull "if we both don't have dates to prom, lets be each other's dates" just to check how willing she is to go to prom with you)

                          Don't ask girls you barely know to Prom unless if they're chill like that. Mixing strange friends with one another is very awkward and should be avoided at all cost. Unless if they're chill like that.

                          I mean, I have no specific details of the history you had with the two other girls, but judging on what you gave us I say it wouldn't hurt to try to ask the girl who was interested in you (the kiss one) because well, she was interested in you.
                          But asking that third girl in their friend group is a no-go, girl code dude.

                          The girl who wants a date that's outside of the school is probably saying that because she doesn't think anyone at the school will ask her (most likely, not saying that she is). Again, pull the "if we both don't have dates" thing to see if she would go with you. OTHERWISE ASK HER IN A VERY EXTRAVAGANT WAY AND SHE WONT SAY NO BECAUSE ITS TO BEAUTIFUL TO SAY NO.

                          Or.

                          You can not go to prom.
                          Hear me out.
                          It would so sweet if you would "bring the prom" to the girl who got in a car accident. Maybe gather a few of her friends and yours and have a lil prom there if she's cool with that (double check in with her friends before executing the idea)

                          Also, if you're a junior and have prom next year, go with your guy friends and score a date next year!!! There will be single ladies at prom so don't worry about chatting any girls up ;)

                          P.S. Have you thought about asking anyone outside of your school? Childhood friends maybe?
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                            #519    
                          Old April 5th, 2017 (6:42 PM).
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                            Quote:
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                            well well well hello there it's your favorite cali girl with the complex mind of a girl!! (especially a girl worrying about prom)
                            *conjures up an image of some mad scientist of love*
                            Quote:
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                            first off: is this your last prom?
                            My first prom!

                            Quote:
                            Originally Posted by smocks View Post
                            If I'm going to be honest, asking a close girl friend shouldn't be on top of your list. Especially if you're like a brother to her. Why? Because it's just weird for the girl, remember, you're like a brother to her. Plus, she wouldn't know how to turn you down and it'll be all awkward and not fun trust me. (UNLESS if she has expressed some sort of interest in going with you, you could always pull "if we both don't have dates to prom, lets be each other's dates" just to check how willing she is to go to prom with you)
                            Hm. Never thought of that. But the only close girl friend I have is not an option for me. I would rather not spend prom with her.
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                            Don't ask girls you barely know to Prom unless if they're chill like that. Mixing strange friends with one another is very awkward and should be avoided at all cost. Unless if they're chill like that.
                            I didnt think of that. The list was just narrowed down. xD

                            Quote:
                            Originally Posted by smocks View Post
                            I mean, I have no specific details of the history you had with the two other girls, but judging on what you gave us I say it wouldn't hurt to try to ask the girl who was interested in you (the kiss one) because well, she was interested in you.
                            But asking that third girl in their friend group is a no-go, girl code dude.
                            She ended the relationship because she was not interested in me and didnt want to lead me on. Thats coming from her. Im assuming she wanted to kiss as a "caught up in the moment" sort of deal.

                            I also didnt know that. That just shortened the list again. But they have this one friend that is really cute....
                            Quote:
                            Originally Posted by smocks View Post
                            The girl who wants a date that's outside of the school is probably saying that because she doesn't think anyone at the school will ask her (most likely, not saying that she is). Again, pull the "if we both don't have dates" thing to see if she would go with you. OTHERWISE ASK HER IN A VERY EXTRAVAGANT WAY AND SHE WONT SAY NO BECAUSE ITS TO BEAUTIFUL TO SAY NO.
                            I would rather attend prom with a girl from my school.

                            And extravagant doesnt fit my personality. But explain anyways- perhaps ill consider it. I was thinking of a poster and flowers. For me thats extravagant lol.

                            Quote:
                            Originally Posted by smocks View Post
                            It would so sweet if you would "bring the prom" to the girl who got in a car accident. Maybe gather a few of her friends and yours and have a lil prom there if she's cool with that (double check in with her friends before executing the idea)
                            This is a great idea, but I dont know the extent of her injuries. She texted that she had a concussion, but idk about anything else (she cant use her phone because of the concussion apparently). For all I know she could have many broken bones or just minor injuries. Ill get the scoop either tomorrow or by Friday.
                            Quote:
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                            Also, if you're a junior and have prom next year, go with your guy friends and score a date next year!!! There will be single ladies at prom so don't worry about chatting any girls up
                            I am a junior, but i am determined to go with a girl and not go with any guys. And either my friends have dates already, aren't going to prom, or I just plain dont want to hang out with at prom.
                            Quote:
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                            P.S. Have you thought about asking anyone outside of your school? Childhood friends maybe?
                            I was a very shy child and dont have any female childhood friends to ask. Outside of school I dont have any options at all.
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                              #520    
                            Old April 5th, 2017 (7:08 PM).
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                              First, your mom needs to learn how to chill. That and your mom needs to talk to my mom, whose attitude towards me doing anything above friendly stuff is "that's probably not a good idea for now", more or less not an exaggeration because I agree with her.

                              Second, I'm somewhat confused. If you say this is your first prom, then this isn't going to be your last prom? If so, then why not skip out on this one?
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                                #521    
                              Old April 5th, 2017 (7:09 PM).
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                              bada bing bada boom.
                              I say get the scoop & if worse comes to worse, you can always ask your friends who you should ask to prom. Or even let them set you up on a blind prom date.

                              You could still ask that third girl from the group but chances are it's unlikely unless she has shown interest !
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                                #522    
                              Old April 5th, 2017 (7:13 PM).
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                              I know that we don't know each other very well. I believe we had a few back and forths in the debate forums and such. So keep in mind that you may have different views about what I feel in regards to this. But all of that aside, I really don't like how much pressure your mom is putting onto you.

                              Interestingly enough, I was in a very similar predicament back in high school. I never dated anyone, prom was coming, and my mom was in full force trying to get me to go. It baffled her that I could have no desire to make wonderful high school memories with a girl, blah blah etc.

                              But the fact of the matter is, I really hate the concept of prom. I don't know exactly how you feel about it, but I find it idiotic for a number of reasons. The main one being that It's a social expectation that tries to punish you if you show no interest. Not only was my mother a wonderful example of this, but a few of my friends were being pests about it as well. You shouldn't feel forced to go to a party that costs you money/energy/time when you don't want to. It's a lame ritualistic party. Therefore it is optional. Period.

                              Also, forcing yourself to find a date is nothing but a bad idea. If you already have a girlfriend that you really like and all, this is totally fine for prom. But you don't, and you're struggling to find a date. Honestly, even if you manage to force yourself to someone in time, don't count on things working out that well. Forced relationships like that rarely work out. Also, why is it such a big failure if you don't? You can't just put "find a date in the next two weeks" on a checklist. That's not how romance works. You don't have any control over things like that. It honestly is just plain luck if you find someone right for you. So don't stress too much about that, okay? You have to let romance come to you. Not the other way around.

                              So in short, there are three scenarios for what can happen here.

                              The first is you getting really lucky and finding a great girl to go with in time. This scenario would be great, but the odds of this happening are low. So you can't exactly count on this one as your main strategy.

                              The second scenario is you just going with some friends, and telling your mom to get over the date part and that finding romance doesn't simply happen overnight (at least, when you want it to.) This could work out just fine, really. Plenty of my friends did this, and they still had a great time. Dates aren't everything.

                              The third scenario is you telling your mom to completely get over herself and not go to prom. Do this if you simply don't like prom, and really don't want to go. This is what I went with, and I still don't regret it to this day. There is a line to be crossed in regards to interfering with your son's life, and your mother has crossed it big time. Put her in her place. However, your mother may not be happy with doing so. At all. If you think that doing this will piss her off a bit too much, then it might be best to avoid it. That is your discretion to know.

                              Also, the "bring prom to her" idea that Smocks has is kind of a great one? And super romantic. If you think that it's a good idea too, you should definitely go for it I think.

                              That's what I think about the situation as a whole. Regardless of what you decide to do, I hope that things work out!
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                                #523    
                              Old April 5th, 2017 (9:58 PM).
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                              Imafroggy Imafroggy is offline
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                                Your mom needs to chillax lol.
                                But I also feel like a lot of the reasons you aren't asking some girls out are kind of poor and sound like excuses. Just be straight up and say you don't feel like going.
                                Prom IS pretty cool though so I wouldn't recommend missing out, but it's not a life changing experience like a lot of movies play it out to be lol
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                                  #524    
                                Old April 6th, 2017 (12:35 PM).
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                                BadSheep BadSheep is offline
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                                  Quote:
                                  Originally Posted by smocks View Post
                                  I say get the scoop & if worse comes to worse, you can always ask your friends who you should ask to prom. Or even let them set you up on a blind prom date.
                                  no no no no no lol

                                  letting my friends set up a date would be a disaster
                                  Quote:
                                  Originally Posted by smocks View Post
                                  You could still ask that third girl from the group but chances are it's unlikely unless she has shown interest !
                                  Probably.
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