[Other Original] The Diaries of Claire King

Entry 1

11/4/06

Deer Diary

its my berthday and i had a really really good party mommy let Varonka com over and we played all day. Then mommy and daddy gave me a lot of presents. mommy gave me a book and she said the book was a dairy and i could right down evvrything that happens. Wen i become a grow up i can not stop remembring wen i was a kid. I goota go play with Varonka bye

Entry 2,419

8/26/13
Awesome. First day of school and I already have homework. And the worst part is, I'm the only one who got it. All because I opened my big mouth and told my new English teacher that I kept a diary and she kept trying to get me to bring it to class (NOT happening) and when I told her no, she gave me an assignment for "being diffficult in class." Basicaly I have to write a paper using all of the vocabulary words from our first list of the year (also stupid) so if I have to write something I might as well wrote it here. I'll put it on the next page.


The following paper was torn out of the diary and turned into her teacher. I went to… great lengths to retrieve it, due to it's importance.

Entry 2,420

"My best friends name is Veronica White and she is a very rambunctious person because she's very energetic. She has blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes. She's been my best friend since we were 2 years old and still waddling around in diapers. People always tell me that my brown hair and her blond hair makes good contrast between us and helps to differentiate us. There, I wrote all of the vocab words. Are you happy?
75
Yes I am

Entry 2,424

8/30/13

I can't believe this ••••! Some girls in my English class saw the paper I wrote on Monday and now their calling Veronica and me gay! I'm so done with this school!

I know, right? People have no respect for privacy anymore! >: (

Its almost as bad as when someone comes into your room and rights in your diary!

Maybe it'd help if you hid this thing better. Under the pillow's way too easy

Well I wouldn't have to if people would stop writing in it! Honestly, Veronica, cut it out! I'm not in the mood for this.

Oh you know you love me ; ) (Just kidding.) Find me and I'll stop!

Alright, while your looking for me (pointless as I was hiding under your bed the whole time) I might as well throw this down. Claire, I know we've both been getting bullied a lot recently and I wanted you to know that whatever they say you wrote, your still my BFF! I also have to agree with you. I do have beautiful eyes.



Thank you, Veronica

So in case you've yet to realize, this is the first installment of my newest story. In this girl's Diary, there are several entries, and even a couple of different diaries, as she tended to fill some up. Due to time constrictions, I won't be revealing every entry to you, but instead I will tell all of the entries that are relevant to the story of Claire King and Veronica White (Cler Keeng and Varonka Wite) So any first thoughts? Edits? Suggestions? Rousing Applause?

I can definitely say the font you choose is more than fitting for the person your having write in the journal. The way it was written was also fitting and while I do have some issues (below) I will say that it's presentation and style are good.

I was confused about the pink font writing as to what exactly it was. I assumed it was either her friend conversing with her in some memory or a typing conversation on the some chat thing online. Basically the beginning makes it look like she is writing in her book, so this entry may be confusing to the first glance and breaks the pacing. It took a re-look by me to grasps the concept, so just a point out.

I cannot really give thoughts on the overall plot/concept (since this is the first 4 entries you have done and it would be stupid to make whole works assumptions now), but I will say that this first entry is believable for a girl her age to be. However, the age on your Diary header says 6-18, though a total span in year count goes merely 7. If 6 is when this began the year would be at least 11/4/19 for her to be 18. (first day being so from her birthday). If I'm in error, or misunderstood the meaning of this please let me know. You did say you were tired and it was late when you wrote this so a few simple corrections can fix this.

I do find it weird that the teacher would ask for the diary for 2 reasons:

1) If she is 18 upon this entry describing the scene, I highly doubt the school would allow such things or give assignments for "Being Difficult in Class" instead of having Claire sent to the principle.

2) While this is an English teacher, she would have to be pretty obstinate to press for the diary page. Also, the whole assignment turn in would be weird for Claire to write in her diary and then tear it out. What I mean is, she went through a punishment to not give the diary so the logic in her entry for doing this seems weird, unless she conforms slightly. I won't deny that it is possible, but it is improbable.

So final thoughts:
With the things I said previously aside, this is definitely interesting and though it is a little vague I feel it doesn't hurt it much if at all. I would advice some clarification on this being a book/word diary/ or mix of both. Also, since this is her writing in a journal I would assume it would be more private without others writing, unless it wasn't with her consent. I am curious why the 6 and 18 aren't crossed out, unless that is a start and ending of some goal (as akin to a checklist). This is interesting to me, but as I said above, the timing is off a little. I'm interested in how the bully situation will resolve or if you'll move on from there.

Thanks Vray, your always helpful with my stories

1. While I do see the confusion, Claire is actually 12 when she gets in trouble for being difficult and is in 6th grade. If you look closely, you can see that there is a slight difference in the font at the top where it says '18' and the recent entries. Sorry.

2. I didn't think the last entry would be so confusing, but yes, it is supposed to be two different people writing on a single page.

3. The six actually is crossed through, but it's a little hard to see.

4. Claire wrote the assignment on a diary page partly out of spite, and partly because she already had it out.

Also, I'd like to thank you. I was originally going to cancel this, but I've decided to at least try to keep it going.