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Blarzigord

B͉̭̦͓̲̩̦L̘͉̺̩ ͙A̖̬̜̞͇R̢ͅG̛̭ Ḫ̨̯̭͕̯̙̮A͞B̗ ͍͇R̫̻̹̥̩L̦͈A̦ ͉̝̱͚A̰̲̪̘͞A?

Non-binary
Seen November 1st, 2017
Posted November 1st, 2017
49 posts
4.8 Years
~~~~~~~~~( ? ?? ?)~~~~~~~~~

V????E?????????R???????M???????????I?????N??????????
????M??????????????O?????R????????T????????A???????????L????????????S????????
???S?????????U?????????B?????????????J?????????E?????C??????T??S??????????

BLAGHRBAHSJHA

Y??O??????U???R?????? ?M???A????????S?T?E?????R ????????O????F T?????H??I??S?? ???????W?????O??????R??????L??????D?? ??H??A???????S???? ?????R??????E????T?????U??R?N???E??????D???????? ??????F????R?O?????M???????? ???S?L????UM???????B????E??????R???????
H??E?? ???????I???S? ???U??N????????P????L???????E?A?????S????E??????D????? ???W????????I?????T?H??????? ?????YO???U?R? L???????A???CK?? ????????O??????F??????? ?D?????E?????V???O??T?I???O????N?
???T???H??E??? ??R????O??????L???E?P????????L???????A??????Y???????? ?B???????L???????A??????G?????H???S????J???????HD??????? ????H????A???????S???? ????FO??R????????G??????O????T??T??EN?? ?T?H?????E??? ????????W???????A????????Y?????S?? ?????O??F??? ????T?????H???E??? ???????B????L???A??????RG??????L?E????????
???B??E?? ??????R??????E??A?????D?Y?????? ???F????O??????R? ?H???????I????????S? ????????T????????EN???????T??A??C????????L????????E?????S?
?TH?????E????????Y????? ??W?I????LL?????? C????????L?EA???????N?S????E?? ?Y???O?U?R? ???F??O???????RU??????M???????
??
BLARGHAHAGBRAA

gimmepie

Age 24
Male
Australia
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 3 Hours Ago
21,002 posts
7.7 Years
Translation for Inferior Beings

Between now and the end of the month, his tentacleness, Blarzigord, is taking over. He is displeased with how boring we have become since he last graced us with his presence and will be subjecting us to a series of challenges. Since we cannot hope to comprehend his greatness with our feeble human minds, hes keeping things simple. You will have until the 15th of October to submit to The Great Ones event. Then you will receive a special PM. After that, we will post a new challenge scenario every day and writing as yourself, youll tell us how you tackle this challenge (posts may be as short as one line).

Blarzigord

B͉̭̦͓̲̩̦L̘͉̺̩ ͙A̖̬̜̞͇R̢ͅG̛̭ Ḫ̨̯̭͕̯̙̮A͞B̗ ͍͇R̫̻̹̥̩L̦͈A̦ ͉̝̱͚A̰̲̪̘͞A?

Non-binary
Seen November 1st, 2017
Posted November 1st, 2017
49 posts
4.8 Years
Mr. Poor man's Cthulu
F?????O????O???????L??I?S???H???? ???????H???????U????????M???A???N?????
?????R????????E?????P?????E????????N???????T?? ???????O?????R?????? ????F?A???C??????E???? ????????M???????Y?? ?????T??E??N??????T??????A????C?L??????E????S???
???B?L????????A?????R???G??????!??

Aquacorde

... to the w o r l d. 🥂

Age 26
Non-binary
Ankh-Morpork
Seen 2 Hours Ago
Posted 3 Days Ago
10,408 posts
15.5 Years
hello

skywalker

Non-binary
Seen 13 Hours Ago
Posted 13 Hours Ago
33,589 posts
12.2 Years
praise be unto him

(in ofc)

GanguEevee

~Calamity Trigger~

Age 19
Female
Bronx, NY
Seen October 20th, 2019
Posted October 20th, 2019
296 posts
7.9 Years
*le gasp* MY LORD
YOU HAVE RETURNED TO US
...Ahem. Yes, of course I will join~
~Calamity Trigger~
"O' silver blade forged in the depths of the beyond, heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way! Lay waste."

Blarzigord

B͉̭̦͓̲̩̦L̘͉̺̩ ͙A̖̬̜̞͇R̢ͅG̛̭ Ḫ̨̯̭͕̯̙̮A͞B̗ ͍͇R̫̻̹̥̩L̦͈A̦ ͉̝̱͚A̰̲̪̘͞A?

Non-binary
Seen November 1st, 2017
Posted November 1st, 2017
49 posts
4.8 Years
i thought we killed this meme
V???????E??????R???????M???????I???????N?????
?????I??????? ??W?I??L??????L???? ??NE?V???????E?R???? ?DIE???
????B??????L???A?????R??G???H??????A?H???????H??A??A????A??????

Salzorrah

grassium Z

Age 22
Female
Floaroma Town, Sinnoh
Seen 2 Weeks Ago
Posted July 15th, 2019
6,372 posts
9.1 Years
p r a i s e b e u n t o h i m

Blarzigord

B͉̭̦͓̲̩̦L̘͉̺̩ ͙A̖̬̜̞͇R̢ͅG̛̭ Ḫ̨̯̭͕̯̙̮A͞B̗ ͍͇R̫̻̹̥̩L̦͈A̦ ͉̝̱͚A̰̲̪̘͞A?

Non-binary
Seen November 1st, 2017
Posted November 1st, 2017
49 posts
4.8 Years
FOLLOWERS
B???L?????A???G??SHA????K?????J??????S???????D???????N???AU???????H?SD?JA????????B????A????

Blarzigord has been benevolent to reward you all with abilities fitting for this quest. Use them wisely, although knowing you, they will all be wasted just like your lives.

A worthless scum whose existence belittles the creation of the universe.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of INVISIBILITY and EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION.

BUT, you may only become invisible when no person in the vicinity is thinking about you. A simple thought eliminates your cover.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a TAZER, and a TAMAGOTCHI.

A disgusting creature which makes blarzigord regret creating humanity.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of POISON GAS CREATION and VENOMOUS FANGS..

BUT, you must also suffer the effects of your own gas and venom if released. Choose your symptoms wisely.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a GIANT FORK, and a GAS MASK.

One of the most depraved, soulless individuals blarzigord has ever laid his omnipotent eyes upon.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of TURNING OBJECTS INTO STONE and HIGH JUMPING.

BUT, for every object or person you turn into stone a body part of your own also turns into stone. Starting with your right hand, then the arm, then the other hand, the other arm, then your right leg, then your left leg, followed by your torso.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a CROSSBOW, THREE ARROWS and a FOGHORN.

One of the worst cases of so-called sentience the world has witnessed.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of TURNING INTO SLUDGE and X-RAY VISION.

BUT, you lose all memory of the past ten minutes every time you use either of your powers. Furthermore, using the ability more than 5 times gives you dementia, causing you to throw away any of your items.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a STAPLER GUN, and a BUTTER KNIFE.

A vaguely humanoid tumor which blarzigord has regrettably gifted with sentience. A mistake.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of ENLARGEMENT and MINIMIZATION.

BUT, you only return to 90% of your normal size when changing size. The effects stack and both powers do not cancel out each other.

Blarzigord has gifted you with an MACHETE, and a COMPASS.

A washed-up individual with a face as hideous as its soul, preferably confined to the underground depths.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of BEING A CYBORG and IMMUNITY TO SURFACE-LEVEL DAMAGE.

BUT, you are solar-powered. You must find a source of light every 3 stages or your robotic body parts will die and fall off - i.e., your left leg and right arm.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a KEYBOARD, and a MOLOTOV COCKTAIL.

A devoted individual. Will be probed last in the inevitable blarzapocalypse.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of WALKING ON WALLS and SUPER SPEED.

BUT, you are completely blind when going at full speed, and must spend some time completely immobile after using your powers.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a SWITCHBLADE, and a LEATHER WALLET.

A pitiful show of a person, no amount of devotion can save this sad,
horrid soul.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of TELEPORTATION and ICE MANIPULATION.

BUT, each time your teleport, you lose an article of clothing or an item. If neither are present, your skin will be destroyed and you will die.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a PICKAXE, and a FIVE-LAYERED TUXEDO.

A result of a night of excessive drinking and a little too much blarziherb,
a pitiful creature really.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of EXCELLENT MARKSMANSHIP and INFINITE AMMUNITION.

BUT, you are constantly inebriated out of your mind, causing you to see double and stumble around constantly as you walk. Your speech pattern also reflects this.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a PISTOL, and a BOTTLE OF WHISKEY.

Never has a more wretched monster walked the confines of blarzigord's world. Destined to live and die the same way, worthlessly.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of FIRE BREATH and FIRE LIMBS.

BUT, you may only use these powers upon consuming food or some other item, edible or not.

Blarzigord has gifted you with an AXE, and THREE CHILI PEPPERS.

My beloved. Just kidding, blarzigord would dump this trashling for a tentacle babe any day.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of TELEKINESIS and LOW-GROUND LEVITATION.

BUT, you have no arms or legs. Furthermore, you may only carry one non-wearable item at a time, chained to you with a neck-chain.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a BULLETPROOF VEST, and a CHAINSAW.

Shak.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of CAR OWNERSHIP and GASOLINE GENERATION.

BUT, your car moves incredibly slowly, at walking speed. It is also a hideous beige color and the horn is broken.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a REVOLVER, SIX BULLETS and a DRIVING LICENSE.

An exponentially worsening, demonic creature. In high need on being put down and cleanse the world of its presence.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of LASER VISION and ANIMAL MANIPULATION.

BUT, you lose a piece of your mind and replace with with the animal in question's instinct every time you use your power, up to ten times.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a GOAT, and a BAG OF HAY.

An expendable vermin with no place in Blarzigord's universe. Disposable upon use.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of FLIGHT and CREATING AIRBORNE SHOCKWAVES.

BUT, you are very frail and will succumb easily to any illness or physical harm inflicted upon you. You will be unable of flight for the next stage if such a thing happens.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a BALL and CHAIN.

The thought that this individual exists is sickening. A horrible example of what the worst of humanity can be.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of INCREDIBLE STRENGTH and INDESTRUCTIBLE TEETH AND CLAWS.

BUT, you have the urge to kill anything in your path that looks at you funny. The only way to control this urge is to deliberately look away from anything sentient. Trying to defy the urges will cancel out your powers and kill you.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a BLINDFOLD, and an E-CIGARETTE

A revolting mess of body parts which somehow function with free will.
Blarzigord cannot fathom how this creature exists.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of EXPLOSIVENESS and AMAZING KARATE SKILLS.

BUT, you may only use your explosion once. If you receive a blow to the head, you explode and die.

Blarzigord has gifted you with BRASS KNUCKLES, and a BUCKET.



EVENT I
You find yourself in a massive open field. Next to you is a tree. You look up, and the sky is a murky green color. You look down at your feet, and the grass is an eerie blue. Wait, it's not grass, it's actually tiny tentacles. Suddenly, a massive tremor cracks the earth in a large circle around you, and the ground begins to fall into the abyss, advancing quickly towards your position.

You suddenly realize there is a hole in the ground next to you, with a handwritten sign next to it saying 'SAFE'. You look up at the tree, its sturdy roots should be able to hold back the falling earth. The gap between you and safe ground is massive, but if you have special powers maybe you could cross it. There is no telling what happens if you stay in this field, though.

Blarzigord

B͉̭̦͓̲̩̦L̘͉̺̩ ͙A̖̬̜̞͇R̢ͅG̛̭ Ḫ̨̯̭͕̯̙̮A͞B̗ ͍͇R̫̻̹̥̩L̦͈A̦ ͉̝̱͚A̰̲̪̘͞A?

Non-binary
Seen November 1st, 2017
Posted November 1st, 2017
49 posts
4.8 Years
FOLLOWERS
B???L?????A???G??SHA????K?????J??????S???????D???????N???AU???????H?SD?JA????????B????A????

An unfortunate blight upon this universe.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of GROWING SPIKES on any item, including yourself.

BUT, every time you use this power an identical spike grows on you somewhere. Starting with your arms, then your legs, and then your torso.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a RUGBY BALL, and a POSTER OF HANNAH MONTANA.
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