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Aquacorde

... to the w o r l d. 🥂

Age 26
Non-binary
Ankh-Morpork
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 4 Days Ago
10,408 posts
15.5 Years
Aquacorde gropes around in her usual darkness, finding nothing helpful or noteworthy until she barks her shin on metal. Fumbling around, she feels the object to be a safe. Aquacorde presses her ear to the door and begins to turn the dial. Click... click... click...

She then gets bored and tears the safe apart with her bare hands.

Jauntier

Where was your antennas again?

Male
USA
Seen April 6th, 2018
Posted December 23rd, 2017
661 posts
4.5 Years
I don't remember how I ended up here. I'm surrounded by dirt. I must've hopped off on another existential crisis camping trip.

I really miss the family. I ought to cut this trip short. Which way's out of here, now?

Ah, eugh, what's that stench...? What—knickers. What, are these mine? They don't look it. They don't smell it either. Hold on. Yeah, no, they don't smell it. Maybe it was another rendezvous, hm hm hm... Then where'd the little peach roll off to? I... think I'll just keep these in my little pocket. I'm sure they'll want it back.

It just keeps getting darker and darker, it looks like. Oh, ho, what's this? A... what is this, a big metal thing? And a key pad? Oh, it looks like a safe. What bourgeois bastard does this belong to?


Squinting my eyes, I examine the object, deciding instead to circle it to observe any other oddities, only mildly interested in it.
* Walks into [Tavern]

Greetings

Blarzigord

B͉̭̦͓̲̩̦L̘͉̺̩ ͙A̖̬̜̞͇R̢ͅG̛̭ Ḫ̨̯̭͕̯̙̮A͞B̗ ͍͇R̫̻̹̥̩L̦͈A̦ ͉̝̱͚A̰̲̪̘͞A?

Non-binary
Seen November 1st, 2017
Posted November 1st, 2017
49 posts
4.8 Years
ACTIONS
-
After a long few moments of analyzing every possible code, you finally manage to open the safe with your advanced cyborg technology. Your call for light assistance goes unheard however, until you notice what's inside the safe. Inside is a black suit-clad dwarf, holding in his hand a matchstick as he lights a cigarette. The light from the match replenishes your battery enough to last you one stage longer, thankfully, but as soon as he sees you the dwarf disappears in a puff of smoke, leaving behind only his necktie.

You OBTAINED ONE FUNKY NECKTIE.

-
As you open the red-hot door of the safe, a pleasant buttery odor wafts around the room. After peering inside, you see that there is a lovely stack of pancakes sitting in the middle of the chest on a plate, along with melted butter and maple syrup and everything. The heat from your powers must have cooked it to a perfect temperature.

You OBTAINED ONE STACK OF PANCAKES.

-
You and Safe-chan enjoy a healthy romantic relationship together and bear many children, and finally it decides to open up to you. Inside is an iron chestplate, which you quickly put on. Your mini safe-children also apparently contain items, an iron helmet and pair of boots respectively. What a reward! As you sit down to tell your new children a bedtime story, you remember that you need to go to Wal-Mart for an indefinite period of time. No time for games, you've got a soul to save.

You OBTAINED ONE IRON CHESTPLATE, ONE IRON HELMET AND ONE IRON PAIR OF BOOTS.

-
You manage to get in between the goat and the lashing tentacle just in time before it strikes. Instead, the blue tendril smacks you in the gut, knocking you a few feet away. As you get up, slightly dazed but otherwise unharmed, you notice that the wriggling tentacle is still attached to your stomach, lodged between your fat rolls by the goat's sticky barf. Your act of mentally challenged bravery goes mostly unappreciated by your rectangle-irised companion.

You OBTAINED ONE LARGE BLUE TENTACLE (STUCK TO YOUR BELLY).

-
Carl the squirrel is annoyed that you decide to run, being fully aware of your amazing karate abilities that could slay the beast easily. He climbs down your leg and bites your thigh, causing you to trip and fall on your brass knuckles in your pocket, breaking them. Who even keeps brass knuckles in their pockets?

-
Your box cutter pierces through the blue tentacle as your eliminate it anime-style. You feel the strength of multiple overweight cheeto-fingered weeaboos and top-heavy imaginary pillow girls empower you greatly. You let out a victorious cry in Japanese: "汚れた下着!"

Your ROLLER SKATING SPEED HAS INCREASED.

-
You try again and again to freeze and pickaxe your way in, but the metal holds strong. However after a few more tires, your strange and ineffective tactic somehow manages to break the safe... but only the dial. It falls pitifully in front of you with a loud thud. Blarzigord again reminds you that the safe was never heated before, and any visions she sees of other people are mere hallucinations.

-
You run a few feet away from the tentacle and turn around. It stays in its place, flailing pathetically on the spot. You didn't think a stationary tentacle could actually chase you down, right?

-
As Djobi the Wooden Paladin of the Tentacled One slashes down on his mighty foe with his fearful switchblade, an exclamation mark appears over his head. CRITICAL HIT! You deal 999 damage to the tentacle and it fades into nothingness. Where it stood are a bunch of golden coins, which you promptly place into your wallet. You do a little dance of victory.

You OBTAINED 3 GOLD COINS.

-
None of your shots actually land on the tentacle, the bullet instead all flying in different directions. However as the blue monster approaches, it notices the tentacle you bear yourself, and realizes it must be fighting one of its own comrades. As a show of apology, it hands you a bar of suspicious-looking chocolate. The edges are blue and it smells like onions.

You OBTAINED ONE SUSPICIOUS CHOCOLATE BAR.

=
Before you can transform back into your normal size, a massive layer of dirt springs beneath you and hurls your enormous body into the air. After a few frankly terrifying moments, you land back to the ground with a deafening CRASH, in turn crushing any tentacle which would have appeared to attack you in the meantime.

-
Your violent solution to this skill-based task pleases blarzigord, and he rewards you with an extremely valuable item which many young mortals seek in this day and age, in this frivolous culture of materialism and consumerism.

You OBTAINED ONE ePHONE XIII.

-
The safe teleport in front of you again, you trip over it and get your stupid face covered in mud and dirt.




EVENT IiI
B̠̬̱L̖̙͈̺͡A̳̺̰G̣͜SHA͍̝̯ͅK͕̘̮̤̞J̶̬̤̲̗͈S̤̪̗̻̱͈̳D̨͇̣̩̳̞ͅN̟̰̞AU͎̜͍͚̟͟ͅH̢SḒJA̶̞̺̰͍͓͔̭B̥̗̠̹A̳͖̠̭

Suddenly, before you can do anything, you disappear into a puff of smoke. You then find yourself in a large sealed room. It's pitch black apart for long, faintly glowing lights running along the floor and ceiling. All arround you a strange dish shaped objects. Each object releasing a delicios aroma. It's enticing, relaxing compared to what you have just endured. Naturally, this doesn't set off any alarm bells. After all, everything else has gone so well. You couldn't possibly be in some strange demonic oven... oh wait.

One by one, the dishes come to life. It suddenly becomes apparent that you're surrounded by an army of pies, each filled with delicious simmering tentacles. The tentacles suddenly shoot out, trying to wrap around you and drag you into the pies. With the oven getting hotter and hotter and the pies trying to swallow you for filling, how will you escape?

PastelPhoenix

A Princely Birb

Age 25
Male
Seen November 7th, 2019
Posted November 7th, 2019
391 posts
3.8 Years
Knowing that his death was soon coming, and before he could even get to sample those beautiful pancakes, Fifi struggled hopelessly against the tentacles. He couldn't get a good angle for his axe, nor would his breath help more than just burning those beautiful pies. Then, an ides formed in his mind. An idea that was just crazy enough to work.

He would make the pies not want to eat him.

With one of his last free breaths he decided to make these satanic pies uncomfortable.

"Vore me, daddies."

aeternum

Not Suitable For All Ages

Indiana
Seen 4 Weeks Ago
Posted July 18th, 2019
13,229 posts
6.9 Years
Aeternum barely even noticed the change in scenery as the tentacle gave him a chocolate bar and made a hasty retreat. The drunkard gave the new item a hearty whiff and then held it down by his side as he took another swig of his quickly emptying bottle of alcohol. Blarzigord forgive whoever was around when it finally did run out.

For now, all were safe from his sobering anger. However, he was not yet safe from the numerous tentacles that now surrounded him. As the previous one had retreated and simply gifted him a bar of chocolate, aeternum guesses that these monsters in general weren't interested in physical relations as he initially had feared. Instead, with the introduction of these various pies it became apparent to him what they were really after.

They were coming for his sweet, sweet, molded onion chocolate. Every ogres favorite. And ogres were green, right? Hed never imagined what an ogre' s dong might look like, but if the stories were anything to go by... needless to say, even if they weren't after his body they weren't going to get his chocolate.

"Y-y-youll never have it ya green b-buuurrrp bastards! Ask your blue friend for a piece instead! I got this one... s-somehow... I i I don't remember now. Too long ago... my head hurts, must need another drink."

Aeternum tilted the bottle back to take another swig, only to be groped by one of the numerous approaching tentacles.

"Shove off ya psyduckin slimy bastard!" Aeternum kicked at the tentacles as he began breaking the chocolate bar into pieces. "Just psyducking take it then! Just don't touch muh booze."

The man lazily tossed out small pieces of chocolate which equalled out to be roughly half of the entire bar and then took another swig of his drink, sure that the pies would be sated with the sweet and raunchy flavor.
Male
Seen March 14th, 2018
Posted November 13th, 2017
98 posts
3.7 Years
Djobi switchblade still in hand, and brand new owner of some sweet dance moves, eyes his new opponents carefully. He is becoming accustomed to fighting the enemies of Blarzigord, or facing his trials; he's not sure what's happening, but surely it's important, right?

As the tentacles reach to him, he flails his switchblade at them, and as the heat in the room increases… his wooden skin spontaneously combusts aflame. "I'm not immune to fire!" he screams, making that deduction based on the terrible, terrible pain.

Looking desperately for any source of water, and finding none, he finds a possibility of respite where he wouldn't have cared to look otherwise, and jumps into the innards of the closest pie, to quell the flame.

Junier

Fake Friends Forever (´・ω・`)

Female
Seen December 5th, 2019
Posted August 3rd, 2018
984 posts
4.6 Years

JUNIER IS... toppled over the back of her goat, her one and only, whose voice rises euphoniously; the ruminant bleats in shock and staggers away, leaving the bloated, char-colored contagion dubbed Junier suspended in midair, kept from fully falling by the massive appendage rooted into the ground, and now her gut.

As characteristic of her, Junier retains her total absence of initiative, preferring to enter yet another fit of sniveling and sobbing. It has gotten unbearably hot -- the change of scenery is unbeknownst to her; her putrid peepers are screwed stubbornly shut. But the puke on her flesh is beginning to dry fast. The discomfort of it all brings Junier to tears. Bullets of amplified incandescence burst again from her eye sockets, slicing through the surrounding pies in erratic directions like a sprinkler.

Meanwhile, Junier dangles from the tentacle, essentially bait on a string. The crust of vomit coating her immensity renders her immobile.

Further off, her hay begins to burn. Her goat vies to pick through what it can.


HyperMorian

Further From Home

Age 20
Male
Entralink
Seen 3 Days Ago
Posted August 4th, 2019
3,080 posts
3.4 Years
For what seems to be minutes, the boy is still asleep albeit standing on the two roller skates he previously didn't choose to bring. However, his wake takes its place when he recalls back the past in his dream.

"Huh? Where am I now?" He asks confusedly, "This place feels hot and empty. Their depiction of hell sounds way off if this is one. Am I dead? But I'm not naked. What could this place be then?"

In the middle of his ever-pondering, another creatures based on a dessert with similar features start to form and take their approach by creeping slowly like worms. He is startled by their appearance, knowing that they might try to finish what they started.

He steps back and slips, but fortunately manages to keep his two limbs intact by swinging his hands in order to balance his unstable footing. There, he notices the giant box cutter lying on the floor just beside him. He picks it up, and readies a stance to fend off his offenders without cringing due to the heat -- rubber makes good isolator!

"I don't know who you are, but I won't be beaten by the likes of you!" He accelerates himself through a swift sweep to the floor, handle held with the blade pointing forward. The budget glowing 1000 degree knife easily sliced through one of the tentacle-pies like butter, turning them into hot gingers screaming out loud some educational Chinese DVD samples. He reaches out for the other side of the room, swinging the blazing edge to cut through the steel plating rather crudely. The path is now open, he jumps out only to have his hair caught fire for hastily exiting the place without precaution.
VPP: Darmanitan @ Level 100: 3,132

NOTE: It's just a game in PokéTrivia. While you're at it, why not try coming in here to post?

Jauntier

Where was your antennas again?

Male
USA
Seen April 6th, 2018
Posted December 23rd, 2017
661 posts
4.5 Years
Golly, being smacked in the face by a safe almost felt spiteful.

Almost.

And then, I'm handed another smack, but this time, somewhat moist and sizzling.

I don't really have a quip for this sudden scenario, but I do have an convenient excuse: an increase of heat shock proteins in my body from all the times I've treated myself to luxury saunas. The sweat that rolls off of me glistens on my saccharine skin, and I become a sensational blend of sweet and salty. The tantalizing, six-foot stack of toned meat that I am, no wonder these creatures want to draw me into their writhing yet crispy meat-dough bodies.

No, I should make a quip right now. Something about shepherd's pie and not being a sheep. Yeah, I'm such a little gadfly, hm hm hm.

I barely notice that I'm entangled in tentacles and that my skin is getting a bit seared from their popping oils—probably because I'm also used to these sensations, but that's another story. It takes an ill-placed tentacle to rouse me out of my own self-importance as a protagonist of this story. In retaliation, I employ my most deft culinary skills, managing to slip out my butter knife and stab the point of it along the tentacles and carve into the light, flaky crusts. I also fancy a couple chomps, because if I learned anything from culinary, it's to taste what you've prepared.

As soon as I find myself gaining distance from the hoard of calamari tarts, I lift my hands and wheeze at them:

"Listen." I wipe my mouth of crumbs. "I don't even know if you lot even have an iota of brain matter, but if you do, stop chasing me for one damn second. You just attacked me for no discernible reason. Where are your table manners, you Philistines? You saw what I just did to one of your kind just to defend myself. Look at all those eviscerated guts just strewn along the rack, or whatever we're standing on. That's what's going to happen to the rest of you, but not by me—something even bigger, something that put us all here in the first place."

I start to shield my eyes from the flood of sweat, as my reddened face feels like it's starting to blister. "Psyduck it, the point I'm trying to make here is, let's work together to bust out of here. I mean, you're so under-cooked, you're still alive. With my imposing personality and your dense caloric content, we can throw our weight together against the oven door and break out into freedom. What say you?!"

And if that doesn't work, I'll turn into boiling sludge and evaporate right out of there.

* Walks into [Tavern]

Greetings

metroid711

Thumbs up~

Male
Arkansas
Seen 5 Days Ago
Posted 2 Weeks Ago
955 posts
2.5 Years
The sudden shift in scenery caught him off guard. Along with the sudden realization that his brass knuckles broke, he realized he was surrounded by large....pies?
As one started to pull him in, he decided to not let down his squirrel friend again and started to punch and kick at the tentacles using his martial art skills that he had forgotten about.

Ihsaan

shinigami of the alfheim

Male
Abu Dhabi
Seen September 14th, 2019
Posted October 30th, 2017
109 posts
3.9 Years
Realizing that the the deep and penetrating sense of dread had finally left his psyche alone, Ihsaan attempted to wipe his now wet and salty face. Being a very level-headed person, he decided the best way to go about this was using the arm with all the spikes on it. His swearing as a graze opened up below his eye was drowned out by the overwhelming voice in Ihsaan's barren mind-space.

"YOU FRIEND. YOU NO HURT ME. I FRIEND YOU. I HELP YOU,"

These almost primal words reverberated through Ihsaan's skull. It seemed to originate from the only thing that was holding the 'island' together. The tree.

"What. How. Who are you? Am I crazy?"

"I NO NAME. I HOLD LAND. I PROTECT,"

"Fair enough. Your name is Hannah now." said Ihsaan whilst pinning his Hannah Montana poster on a spike he conjured from the tree bark. A similar spike appeared on his foreleg.

"You're the best of both worlds, bud, never forg- Wait, what the-"

The destroyed abyss around Ihsaan was restored in a synchronous folding motion.

"That's a relief. Anyways Hannah, how's your day been?"

"CLIMB. NOW. I PROTECT,"

"I don't think we're quite there yet-" said Ihsaan scoffing at the tree as a massive tentacle grabbed him from behind. It wrapped around him or, rather attempted to. The large spike that weighed the brown child down skewered the tentacle and Ihsaan was showered with tentacle fluids.

"I TOLD YOU,"


Ihsaan merely sighed and collapsed on the collapsed tentacle.

"I'm not sure I even want my soul anymore,"
i have achieved perfection......
#Only12AndHokage
.......pshhhh

Aquacorde

... to the w o r l d. 🥂

Age 26
Non-binary
Ankh-Morpork
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 4 Days Ago
10,408 posts
15.5 Years
Aquacorde punches her attackers as they each reach her. Something begins to smell burnt. It's not her, yet, but it could be. Aquacorde feels her way around the area- the walls seem less hot than the floor or ceiling, so she rips one open at random.

Salzorrah

grassium Z

Age 22
Female
Floaroma Town, Sinnoh
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted July 15th, 2019
6,372 posts
9.1 Years
Salzorrah ponders for a moment. She could turn the pies to stone, but that seems a waste of power. She could use the iron armor to break the oven, but Safe-chan and my kids gave that to me. That's disrespect, man...

She calls out to the great Tentacle in the sky, and ask for advice!

"Oh great Unholy Tentacle, what do we need to do to get out of this situation?"

For some strange reason, an idea popped in her mind, as if the Unholy Tentacle himself has given a hint!

"Nothing."

Salzorrah beamed up and said "The tentacle has spoken!"

She proceeded to scream like Spongebob and Patrick did in that one episode where they got stuck with Squidward in the Kelp Forest, and sat there, doing nothing.

skywalker

Non-binary
Seen 13 Hours Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
33,589 posts
12.2 Years

Event I

I have no idea how I got here, nor where I was heading. What I do know, is that my LOW-GROUND LEVITATION power can not carry me across large apocalyptic gaps in the ground. I could perhaps attempt to levitate up along the sturdy tree stem, or drop the menacing CHAINSAW I'm currently TELEKINETICALLY swinging around in my neck-chain and instead focus my powers on making a tree branch reach down and pick me up.

But the much easier solution is simply to cut the tree down. No match for the CHAINSAW. The tree falls and bridges the gap between myself and SAFE GROUND. As the world crumbles around me, I roll my eyes and levitate across the wood into safety.

Blarzigord

B͉̭̦͓̲̩̦L̘͉̺̩ ͙A̖̬̜̞͇R̢ͅG̛̭ Ḫ̨̯̭͕̯̙̮A͞B̗ ͍͇R̫̻̹̥̩L̦͈A̦ ͉̝̱͚A̰̲̪̘͞A?

Non-binary
Seen November 1st, 2017
Posted November 1st, 2017
49 posts
4.8 Years
ACTIONS
-
Perhaps ripping the walls of an active giant stove isn't the smartest thing to do. As you tear away the metal with your claws, you pierce the gas tank and a massive burst of flame explodes out of the wall, burning all the evil pies to a crisp but also burning off the blindfold on your face. Thankfully your other items are safe.

You LOST ONE BLINDFOLD.

-
Showered by the demonic juices of the tentacle, the poster on Hannah's trunk now appears stuck to her and irremovable. Hannah's leaves all turn yellow though, so she does kind of look like her now.

You LOST ONE HANNAH MONTANA POSTER.

-
Your karate skills successfully fend off the pies, just enough for you to make a break for it and run out of the oven. However you notice that Carl has began munching down on a piece of one the pies - hopefully he doesn't get sick.

-
Your bravery and reasoning makes the pies suddenly realize who the real enemy is, and they all lay down their tentacles and nod at you. Releasing the inner Braveheart within you, you rally the pastry to revolt against their pie-eating overlord and destroy the hot cage that confines them. After multiple tries, you and your troops manage to burst down the door of the mega oven, successfully escaping. After a long and arduous journey you manage to reunite the kidnapped pies with their people at their home village. You are showered with praise and adoration by the pie people. A giant tentacle soufflé appears before you, seemingly their leader. He hands you a giant golden sword. "This was my father's, Jim E. Pie's. You are destined to have it, pie savior." he says, kneeling down.

You got THE GOLDEN PIE EXCALIBUR.

-
Your super dank 1000 degree glowing knife video lands you a whole lot of ad revenue, filling your pockets with virtual cash. Too bad it's going to be a dead meme soon.

-
Your laser bullets swiftly destroy all the pies in the room, in an impressive yet simultaneously pathetic feat of self-pity. However, the heat in the oven causes the tentacle holding you midair to dry up and turn to dust, dropping you to the ground in a pile of lipids and skin folds. The hay from your hay bag has all caught on fire, but your goat is still eating it. Suddenly, a burst of fire comes from its orifices. Its fur turns red and lava cracks appear on its body, and it lets out a mighty bleat; it is now a fire goat.

You LOST ONE BLUE TENTACLE STUCK TO YOUR BELLY.
You LOST ONE BAG OF HAY.
Your GOAT IS NOW A FIRE GOAT.

-
The pies cheer happily as you throw yourself voluntarily into one. After a few moments, the flames on your skin die out, but you can't get out of the pie anymore. Suddenly, you feel a massive hand grab the pie you are in, and take you own of the oven. Peering through a crack in the dough you see that it is a revolting giant creature, with strange orange hair and a stranger Australian accent. The creature tosses the pie into its mouth whole. After a tumbling ride through its digestive system - which you thankfully go through unscathed, thanks to your plant-based high fiber content - you find yourself thrown into a giant pool of water, smelling a little less than fresh.

You LITERALLY SMELL LIKE ****.

-
The pies are all happy with the chocolate you give them and all return to being normal pies in the oven. Suddenly, a large hairy hand opens the oven and grabs a handful of them. You quickly use the distraction to get out and escape. As you stumble far away from the creatures, you notice that your bottle is lighter than usual.

Your BOTTLE IS NOW EMPTY.

-
The light from the giant oven, being artificial thankfully fills your battery to 2/3 of its full capacity. You and your pie henchmen defeat the other pastry monsters and make your way out safely, the pies mistaking you for a mafia member with your tie and following you as their godfather.

You GOT THREE PIE HENCHMEN.

-
The pie reel back as you pose sensually, and the oven turns off. One of the pies back away, pulls out a cellphone and dials a number. "I can't ****ing do this gig, boss!" You hear it complain on the phone. "We ain't paid enough to deal with this ****!" The other pies nod in approval and all leave the oven from the back door, throwing disgusted glances at you. You... win...?

-
You succeed at the event. I don't know how, but you make it out and absolutely nothing of note happens except your victory. Blarzigord works in mysterious ways.

-
Who are you rolling your eyes at? The tree does not appreciate that sass, young lady. It suddenly gets back upright, swatting you upwards like a fly and sending you tumbling across the plains. The tentacles graze against your face as you land, dazed. After a few moments, you realize you're missing one of your teeth. Guess you won't be looking so hot at next year's high school prom.


FOLLOWERS
B̠̬̱L̖̙͈̺͡A̳̺̰G̣͜SHA͍̝̯ͅK͕̘̮̤̞J̶̬̤̲̗͈S̤̪̗̻̱͈̳D̨͇̣̩̳̞ͅN̟̰̞AU͎̜͍͚̟͟ͅH̢SḒJA̶̞̺̰͍͓͔̭B̥̗̠̹A̳͖̠̭

Simply thinking about this vile 'thing' makes one want to vomit and put it of the misery which is its existence.
Vermin, you have been gifted with the power of STORING ANYTHING IN YOUR BODY and SPEAKING EVERY LANGUAGE.

BUT, your powers only work by putting items in your body orifices. You also cannot stop yourself from blabbering random words nonstop.

Blarzigord has gifted you with a KNIFE, and an INSTRUCTIONAL MANUAL ON HOW TO LAND JOB INTERVIEWS.


EVENT IV
B̠̬̱L̖̙͈̺͡A̳̺̰G̣͜SHA͍̝̯ͅK͕̘̮̤̞J̶̬̤̲̗͈S̤̪̗̻̱͈̳D̨͇̣̩̳̞ͅN̟̰̞AU͎̜͍͚̟͟ͅH̢SḒJA̶̞̺̰͍͓͔̭B̥̗̠̹A̳͖̠̭

As you walk through the confusing, mesmerising world that is blarzigord's realm, you slowly notice the sky turning a dark blue color. And then suddenly, a red color. The green.
Then purple. Wait, is there a party happening anywhere? You look down at your feet and the floor is now a checkered rainbow of colors, alternating to the beat of a swanky song playing in your head.

"YOU THERE!" a groovy voice calls out in front of you. "YEAH, YOU!" It appears to come from a faceless and irresistibly seductive man with brown hair and in a white suit, perpetually dancing as he speaks. He doesn't even break a sweat as he poses magnificently before you. "I, MACINTYRE, SON OF THE HOLY ONE, CHALLENGE YOU... TO A DUEL!" He strikes another pose. "SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!"


skywalker

Non-binary
Seen 13 Hours Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
33,589 posts
12.2 Years

>> Event II

When the tentacle grows violently from its multiple smoller blue ingredients, ADVENTURE promptly denies it proximity. She is upset about the recent rude behavior from a log that by all natural logic should be dead and not be flinging people around, and so she has little patience for this new nuisance. The CHAINSAW awakes again by TELEKINETIC PROWESS and puts a jack in the GIANT TENTACLE. Not chopping it off at the base though, that would be unnecessarily rude. Just a small warning cut near the top.

PastelPhoenix

A Princely Birb

Age 25
Male
Seen November 7th, 2019
Posted November 7th, 2019
391 posts
3.8 Years
The challenge is set, and Fifi is down for challenges. Unfortunately he isn't nearly inebriated enough to dance without caring, but what is life besides making the most out of bad situations. It's a good thing he decided to wear his special cultist robe with the flared jeans underneath, because things were about to get funky.

Busting out a few safe moves to start with, just to get into the groove of it, he began to feel the music in his blood. This groovy stranger was probably winning at this point. But Fifi had a secret weapon.

Shoving a pancake in his mouth as gracefully and sneakily as he could (in a move that is most certainly not a dab, thank you very much), he started to ignite his limbs. Now he could perform his riskier moves with some pizazz to hide his failures. Muttering foul and arcane words to the great tentacled one such as "blaraggarafh", "yggrafft", and "the reports are due Tuesday" he prayed for a victory and he finished with a sliding dab.

Godzil

Dapper bowler hat

Age 29
Male
Arizona, USA
Seen 13 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
1,420 posts
9.6 Years
Godzil bursts onto the scene, waving a knife and a book around. "Taco Tuesday!" He exclaims, shoving the knife into his own ear. It seems to vanish, leaving him unharmed, the book following shortly thereafter. "I'm not usually one for parties, be they wingding, hoedown, hootenanny, or shindig, but as the kids say, 'Ain't no party like a Blarzigord dance party!'"

He decides to grab a few bottles off the shelf as he watches the others dance, discreetly tucking them away for later. "Hubba bubba, this party is off the chain! Time for me to show my moves, which are highly embarrassing and silly, and you'll never see me perform them in real life!"

I could explain his odd flailing, but his odd habit of saying random words will have to suffice. "Clap your hands three times! Now clap someone else's hands three times! Make a puppet with your hand and talk to your neighbor. Jump about, twist and shout, whip it out, touch your elbow to your nose, bring your booty down to the ground, jump up, make a sound, stomp your hooves, turn around!"

Jauntier

Where was your antennas again?

Male
USA
Seen April 6th, 2018
Posted December 23rd, 2017
661 posts
4.5 Years
Oh, a club scene, eh? A duel?

I eye the lithe man in front of me, dancing away the night as if he were originally an Adobe Flash-animated Skype emoji. Simply put, his moves are wack, but I know better than to cut someone down if I'm barely any better.

"Alright, Mac," I start, palming at the side of my neck as I force a cocky grin. "I'll square up, big boy."

Admittedly, I need a drink in me before I dance, and quite usually, I find myself lost in a crowd, panting and damp with a missing shirt and my pants on backwards. And as I look around, this desolate club scene is definitely not popping off. What an awful venue.

I had to quickly consider. Mac definitely had the moves of a coordinated gay man, and I've had many a muggy, strobe-lit foray into that territory, but what if ripping off my tank top and undulating my hips granted me no favors?

It was best to go safe, and as I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, I tried to channel none other than my hero, Charles Washington, the ladykiller with the highest drive and the sliest jive this side of the tracks. Attempting to remember some of his saucy, aerodynamic, and physically-challenging prowess, I aimed to mimic his moves to the timing of the funk on air.

But as soon as I set out to clap into my two-step, I went into a literal knee-jerk reaction, stomping into a high-step. As my body was so accustomed to the exercise routine I often perform at home with the wife, the muscle memory took over, and I realized too late that my routine had taken a turn for the aerobic.

* Walks into [Tavern]

Greetings

Salzorrah

grassium Z

Age 22
Female
Floaroma Town, Sinnoh
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted July 15th, 2019
6,372 posts
9.1 Years
Salzorrah swoons over MacIntyre.

"Omg, it's really him! AHHHH!" she said to herself with excitement.

She obliges MacIntyre's request, and jumps high above into the air. She does what the kids call "an acrobatic psyducking pirouette off the floor" and does a barrel roll up in the air, scoring some major Big Air points. She does a corkscrew towards MacIntyre, fast approaching. She stops right before she hits him and in mid-air, slightly hovering over the ground, and kissed him on the cheek. As she does that, she lands on the floor like a cat, graceful and unharmed.

skywalker

Non-binary
Seen 13 Hours Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
33,589 posts
12.2 Years
Event III

It seems the warning cut did wonders, because next thing I know, I'm not violently violated by the big blue tentacle arm. Instead I find myself in pie hell.

"In knew I shouldn't have been so nice to gimmepie..." I groan regretfully as a particularly moist pie envelops me in its tasty innards.

But wait! The CHAINSAW is still attached to my neck-chain, and I could control it to slice the pie open. Naturally, I do so. For good measure, I also slice every other pie in the hot vicinity in at least three pieces each. No more gentle warning cuts.

Who thought it was a good idea to gift the LIMBLESS TELEKINETIC with a CHAINSAW? As I solemnly hover above what may or may not be an oven plate drenched in pie remains, I feel invincible.

HyperMorian

Further From Home

Age 20
Male
Entralink
Seen 3 Days Ago
Posted August 4th, 2019
3,080 posts
3.4 Years
"My hair! Aaaaahhh!!" He shrieks, shaking his upper body viciously in his poor attempt on putting out the blazing fire, while riding roller skates at great velocity. The heat hasn't gone off, and stems were easily cut by the poorly handled 1000 degree box cutter, leaving trails of incinerated outlines on the separated pile of woods. He would make a decent lumberjack, but not for long as he stumbles over to a pond, successfully putting an end to his problems.

Wet, the boy strips to dry himself and hangs his clothes on a nearby boulder. Waiting for time to pass, he chooses to give a look on his surroundings.

"This is... myself. Heh, I kinda expected this." His skinny appearance leaves so much to be desired, staring at his own reflection makes him curl. "I don't know where I am, I don't know how I ended up here. All of this is far beyond for a dream, either..."

Still staring, he eventually notices an oddity from the pond. It lights up into different hue after every seconds, and while it is weird, it piques his interest. He equips all of his, now dried belongings and sets out to seek for the originating light.

To his surprise, he discovers checkered dance panels lighting up rhythmically. A lone man in white points his finger towards him, "I, MACINTYRE, SON OF THE HOLY ONE, CHALLENGE YOU... TO A DUEL! SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!"

Feeling engaged and a little confused, the boy reluctantly draws out the giant box cutter behind his back and brandishes the blade at him. He had no idea that Captain Falcon is actually Scottish.

"I-I'm so sorry man!" He apologizes, with a charge and a leap.
VPP: Darmanitan @ Level 100: 3,132

NOTE: It's just a game in PokéTrivia. While you're at it, why not try coming in here to post?

metroid711

Thumbs up~

Male
Arkansas
Seen 5 Days Ago
Posted 2 Weeks Ago
955 posts
2.5 Years
He stared at the dancing challenger. Unfortunately for him he wasn't much of a dancer. But he was willing to give it a shot. He looked at his tiny partner on his shoulder and an idea hit him. A children's show he had watched had given him the new light to beat this sucker.

He whispered into his friend's ear and gave them a nod before letting them into his pants.
As his partner moved, he proceeded to do the Squirrels in my Pants Dance from the children's show Phineas and Ferb. After the mad flailing subsided, he let his partner out as he gave him a small apology

Blarzigord

B͉̭̦͓̲̩̦L̘͉̺̩ ͙A̖̬̜̞͇R̢ͅG̛̭ Ḫ̨̯̭͕̯̙̮A͞B̗ ͍͇R̫̻̹̥̩L̦͈A̦ ͉̝̱͚A̰̲̪̘͞A?

Non-binary
Seen November 1st, 2017
Posted November 1st, 2017
49 posts
4.8 Years
ACTIONS
-
The little tentacle didn't mean any harm and has learned it's lesson now. Through the power of fear you have taught it to respect chainsaw wielding amputees. Unfortunately, a bigger tentacle saw your treatment of the smaller tentacle and decided that it was your turn to learn a lesson. The bigger tentacle beat the crap out of you.

You GAINED ONE BLACK EYE

-
McIntyre is offended that you consider dabbing a dance move and that you assaulted his eyes with not one but two of the things (that first one was definitely a dab. He has deemed you "totally uncool bro" and called his bouncer to chain you up and prevent further embarrassment. It's for your own good!

You GAINED A REALLY HEAVY CHAIN and LOST MOST MOBILITY

-
"Dude, those old school moves a fresh, man!" McIntyre declares, climbing onto your reinforced shoulders and proceeds to vigorously pelvic thrust. Later that night you wake up in McIntyre's room with his contact details scrawled on your arm in glitter pen ink.

You GAINED MCINTYRE'S PHONE NUMBER

-
McIntyre doesn't pay you much mind, but a legion of hillbillies with no understanding of setting have gathered, imitating your strange dance moves and following your commands, mistaking you for the mic guy at a square dance.

You GAINED A LEGION OF REDNECK HENCHMAN

-
Your out of place aerobics earn you some strange looks and people who are fun move further and further away from you as you continue. Aerobics is not without its benefits though and you feel them already.

You have LOST ONE POUND

-
Everything that happened after that was a blur. Now you've woken up in another room with blurred vision, a headache and mild nausea and covered in pie with what appears to be a cyborg slumped against the wall across from you.

You ARE VERY CONFUSED and RATHER STICKY

-
You again? Your affronts to tentacle-kind have to stop! Blarzigord is also rethinking the TELEKINESIS and CHAINSAW combination.

You LOST YOUR TELEKINESIS

-
McIntyre ignores your sudden knife-attack, continuing to lambada by himself as a tentacle appears out of nowhere and wraps impossibly tight around you. The scenery becomes a blur as you are whisked across he room and placed in the naughty corner.


-
McIntyre is nodding at your intense moves, your friend is less than impressed though. You neglected to mention that you were going commando and it demands you pay for your error.

You GAINED AN IMPENDING COURT DATE



EVENT V
B̫̟̹̜̼̳̙͘L̦͢ͅA̮̟̳͕R͚̣G̬̖̯ͅF̢͚͚̼B̦̩̥͜F̵̣K͉͘R̝̩F͈͙̥̜̪͎̻͠G̸̖̙̝͚̟R̷̝͎͚̞͚͚

Unsure of how long you had been there, you stumble out of the club in a daze only to find yourself plummeting through a dark, murky void. Eventually you hit something soft and sticky, the mysterious substance breaking your fall.

Thankful for the safe landing, you try to get up, but you soon realise that you're stuck in place. What's more, hundreds of eyes are now opening in the distance and making their way towards you, growing ever larger. Eventually you realise that your stuck to a giant web, as a swarm of enormous spiders comes into view. Spiders with tentacles.

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