[Life] Mental health club

But I have a lot of trust in my GP.

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This can make a huge difference in your mental state. I'm glad it's the case and hope you can continue seeing him/her =)

Mary that makes me so sad just to read )): So sorry this has happened to you. If you feel ok talking about it, is your mother going to deal with stepdad despite how he's behaving towards you? Definitely not a good thing for someone with mental health issues....or anyone at all.....

I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life.

My anxiety is mostly social. I have a hard time meeting new people and building relationships because of it. It really sucks, because there are so many times where I want to be friends with certain people but my anxiety gets in the way and prevents me from striking up a convo with them. I've had panic attacks from certain social situations, such as meeting a group of new people at one time instead of like 2 which I find easier. My skin gets blotchy and red when I am really anxious, but luckily that doesn't always happen.

I've always had a profound sadness that I could never explain or find the cause of. I could be having a great day and be in a good mood, but then all of a sudden feel sad and even feel like crying. Like today for example was a pretty good day, but right now I am feeling depressed and lonely.

But yeah. Thought I would come here and join.

Toshiro. said:

I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life.

My anxiety is mostly social. I have a hard time meeting new people and building relationships because of it. It really sucks, because there are so many times where I want to be friends with certain people but my anxiety gets in the way and prevents me from striking up a convo with them. I've had panic attacks from certain social situations, such as meeting a group of new people at one time instead of like 2 which I find easier. My skin gets blotchy and red when I am really anxious, but luckily that doesn't always happen.

I've always had a profound sadness that I could never explain or find the cause of. I could be having a great day and be in a good mood, but then all of a sudden feel sad and even feel like crying. Like today for example was a pretty good day, but right now I am feeling depressed and lonely.

But yeah. Thought I would come here and join.

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can relate. i have no local friends cause of my social anxiety :/ i hope things get better for you though.

I'm sorry guys. Anxiety is really rough but it should never define us, so don't let it delude you into thinking that's all you're made up of. I'm sure you'll find more people and situations that don't make you so uncomfortable. They are always out there! It's okay to not be very social.

But yeah, it's the same for me. Part of the reason I've not met many PC members yet (despite having plenty of opportunities to) was because I get panicky and afraid. My heart rate will skyrocket and I become afraid of how they'll see me once we meet. It's silly and irrational, but alas...the brain loves to think stupid things.

hoshiko said:

can relate. i have no local friends cause of my social anxiety :/ i hope things get better for you though.

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Thank you, I appreciate that and hope the same for you.

Sheep said:

But yeah, it's the same for me. Part of the reason I've not met many PC members yet (despite having plenty of opportunities to) was because I get panicky and afraid. My heart rate will skyrocket and I become afraid of how they'll see me once we meet. It's silly and irrational, but alas...the brain loves to think stupid things.

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Same here with meeting PC members. I've had opportunities but get so nervous ;-;

I don't have friends because I have too many issues to be worth the hassle to people.
I've seriously been told that before.

Even though I do have mentall illness I had not expected to join this club, however tonight I have been afflicted with such melancholy that it has led me here. My primary issue is anxiety and I take Zoloft for that. Sometimes I feel filled with such nervous anxiety that I want to scream, even in the comfort of my home I find myself pacing aimlessly. Sometimes I dread leaving my house and find excuses not to. I'm becoming more reclusive and worried about being judged by others. My confidence is fledgling. I used to live in an apartment complex and sometimes hearing others talk in the hall would make me break in a cold sweat and freeze in place. I would not be able to cross the hallway. I just did not want to be seen.

I take failure hard and embarrass easily, and my expectation of rejection often stops me from moving forward in life, getting a job I'd really like for instance. I'm stagnant. This creates a vicious cycle of greater shame, and right now I feel hopeless.

I try to be polite and considerate to others, but at the same time intimacy and familiarity can scare me and cause me to distance myself. I'm quite shy. I can't even take a compliment well without blushing terribly.

However, tonight I am feeling more depressed than anxious, almost dead inside. I feel wasted as if my whole life has been wasted and I will never proceed past this point. I can't talk to anyone I know right now though my my inbox sits full of unreplied messages from loving friends and boyfriend. I don't even feel like talking to my family who would do anything for me. I just feel flat. I guess despair. Not upset crying just indifferent like I could go to sleep and never wake back up. I lay right now in bed listening to dark music, some Emilie Autumn, and just wallow in it. I don't even care about being happy right now. I feel so tired and lethargic in fact I often do. I just can't concentrate on anything and I let myself go. I also have issues with nightmares, and when I have a particuarly bad dream like I did last night it sometimes sets the tone for the whole day.

Its been awhile since I posted here. Things are better than they were at the time of my last post. Part of the reason for the troubles I experienced was an unhappy relationship that I wanted to escape from, but I could not say so publicly at the time. I am moving into a good place, a career I'm excited about, surrounded by amazing friends, getting closer to my dad, a new pet in the home. Its a very fun time of year right now with the holidays around. Yet, this morning has not been good, though overall my life is on a great path.

I have had trouble sleeping for awhile. Having to survive on such little sleep, and experiencing nightmares it seems every brief instant that I do sleep, has led to me feeling haunted throughout the remains of the day. I was beyond startled when I woke up before dawn. It was a paralyzing fear that has lasted for hours. I felt so stiff and awash in dread that it felt like I was having a heart attack. It was a feeling of horror that went deep into my bones. As the day goes on, I still feel fearful, but the overwhelming feeling is despair now, pain. I struggle to find the exact word, but I think it is anguish.

Not to mention I am having physical pain right now too because of the tense way I slept. My back has ached all day and night. I will probably have to reach for pills, but dread the outcome of that as well, expecting chest pain and the experience of the lining in my stomach being worn away from the higher strength ibuprofen. I had been having trouble with my chest and legs these last few weeks anyway, and am not happy to entertain some potential additional side effects. Right now I just want to not move, and simply wallow in self-pity. I don't even care about feeling happy, it is so morbid. There are things I might do that could cheer me up. Yet, I choose despair...

Had a very bad mental health day today.

Wanted to stop by here to see how everyone is doing. Hope you are all doing well and if you ever need to vent I would gladly listen!

Just discovered this thread, and figured I'd join and share my story.

So growing up, my life was actually pretty good. I had friends and people to spend time with, and I didn't live in a constant fear of not having anyone to talk to. But in seventh grade, everything changed. Things started out okay, and I became a manager for our basketball team. Even though I was physically nowhere near as good at basketball as them, they were really nice to me and everything seemed to be okay.

But that February... on a day we had off due to weather, two team members were part of a car crash. One of them didn't make it. And even though one single event like that may not seem like something big enough to trigger a mental illness... it shook me, and I lost many skills that I had. I became unable to talk to people I didn't know already. I lost all motivation to do anything. And it certainly didn't help that the guy who car-pooled me and some friends to school everyday verbally harassed me, and said ridiculous things like, "No, you don't have depression. You're just sad." as if he knew what was going on inside me.

So yeah, my life pretty much took a downward spiral once I was 12/13 and I still haven't rebounded. I'm working to fight against my "demons" and keep control of my illnesses. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, astraphobia (fear of thunderstorms; this has to do with another traumatic experience) and aspergers.

Hopefully everyone is doing okay right now. Don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it.

I take a supplement that helps tremendously with anxiety (and apparently depression also!), which I honestly don't think I'd be able to live without. Luckily it's not something I need a prescription for and I continue to be thankful for that since I get anxiety about seeing a mental health doctor because it means I'll be admitting it's serious enough for me to need to go. :s Last time I briefly went to a psychologist I sat there in total shame feeling out of place and could hardly make eye contact with anyone. It was awful. Avoidance is an absolutely awful way to combat these things though, so I'll do my best to face my fears as time goes on.

@Eric: Time will heal your wounds. But if not, remember that this it is totally okay to feel the way you do, and you're not alone. I'm really sorry to hear about what happened. =(

I suffer from extremely severe anxiety... does that count? o.o I'm pretty sure it does. Here's my story...

My name is Kimi. I'm 30 years old, and I have extremely severe anxiety. It started or worsened after I graduated high school. I found myself dealing with a lot of stress at times. I also think that bottling everything up contributed to my mental decline (My advice? Don't bottle things up!). Anyway, as it got worse and worse, I discovered that my mind was quickly going into a mode of depression. I found it so difficult to do any of the things I loved most such as writing. I often self-harmed because my emotions were far too overwhelming. Self-harming seemed like the only way for me to push away the emotional overload and bad thoughts in my mind. That, and music also seemed to make things better... but I couldn't listen to it ALL the time. Then, someone online, an ex-friend with Asperger Syndrome and bad anxiety like mine, told me about the abilify she took and how it helped her. I decided to talk to my psychiatrist (at the time) about taking it and what was happening. He put me on it, and everything has been pretty good for me so far. I still get random bouts of anxiety a lot, but it's much easier to handle with other anxiety meds.

The problem for me too, is that many health professionals have told me that my anxiety is due to my autism. I don't believe this to be true because my anxiety would be far worse without the meds I take for it. I just don't agree with them. My greatest struggle is being able to express what goes on inside my mind a lot. Even with written expression, which I'm pretty good at... as you can see, is limited on what I can explain to them. They just can't seem to understand how horribly disabling my anxiety can get for me. :c

Oh, and I also have slight social anxiety disorder. I worry a lot about what people will think if I try to talk to them. I get easily paranoid about hitting others up for a chat. Like, I just start thinking that they may not like me... or they'll ignore me or think I'm super weird or something. It probably has more to do with my autism than my general anxiety... but yeah.

So yeah... that's my story! :3

Welcome, and thanks for sharing!

I struggle with the same thing of being super afraid to start conversations, at some points I'm too afraid to talk to people I've been friends with since we were little. I'd type a text up, then delete it because I was afraid they'd think I was really weird and annoying.

lillipup03 said:

Welcome, and thanks for sharing!

I struggle with the same thing of being super afraid to start conversations, at some points I'm too afraid to talk to people I've been friends with since we were little. I'd type a text up, then delete it because I was afraid they'd think I was really weird and annoying.

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Yeah, I do that a lot... even if I'm good friends with the person. I'm always terrified of them judging me, despite knowing they probably won't... if that makes sense?

Welp, probably time I signed up for this.

I suffer from severe anxiety (non-social), somatic symptom disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and addiction.

Hello o/ Moderate clinical depression and severe hypochondria here - have had depression for about 3 years and hypochondria for about 7.

With depression, I experience apathy and emotional numbness more so than actual sadness. I feel a lot better when I'm socializing and around other people but when left with my thoughts, I often feel completely numb. I also tend to zone out a lot and live on autopilot if that makes sense. Depression has impacted my energy, interest and drive in life in general. It has been trial and error trying to find the most appropriate coping mechanisms, but I'm getting there. It's difficult to open up about because a lot of people see me as naturally cheerful and whilst I did feel that way years ago, its harder for me to maintain the same demeanour. Still I've become used to separating how I'm actually feeling vs. what people see me as, which is concerning. I know it shouldn't be like that and that's why I'm going to try to reorganise therapy soon, because it's difficult trying to keep a lot of my real emotions hidden.

I have had hypochondria since the 5th grade due to a life changing incident. I find that even fixating about a disease can lead to me developing psychosomatic symptoms from anxiety, which has led to a lot of trouble regarding medical tests, scares (like thinking I had appendicitis or lung disease which the doctor once suggested, had to run tests for and was a very scary incident in my life). Does not help that some tests have led to finding actual medical conditions which is good in the sense that I can get treatment, but also bad in that it plays up my anxiety in if there's something wrong with me that I haven't had diagnosed. Mental illness is exhausting and incredibly difficult to go through, but if there's one thing I can take pride in from all of this is that I'm taking it slowly and doing my best to recover. Hasn't been easy but it's getting better, slowly. :D

AdorbzFangirl said:

I still get random bouts of anxiety a lot, but it's much easier to handle with other anxiety meds.

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I'm really glad the medication helped. You're a bright and fun girl who deserves to feel comfortable in her own shoes and around others. You seem quite positive and understanding overall too, which will help with combating those negative moments. Keep fighting on!

Fairy said:

I suffer from severe anxiety (non-social), somatic symptom disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and addiction.

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Jo, you are without a doubt one of the strongest people I know for being able to push forward and continue living life happily despite all you've been through.

Aslan said:

It's difficult to open up about because a lot of people see me as naturally cheerful and whilst I did feel that way years ago, its harder for me to maintain the same demeanour. Still I've become used to separating how I'm actually feeling vs. what people see me as, which is concerning.

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Completely understand this too. :< We're very similar. But life is so insanely unpredictable and I'm sure things will turn around for you eventually, and you're smart and sweet enough for good karma to come your way at some point, even if it does take a bit. Fight on Sophie. <3

lillipup03 said:

I struggle with the same thing of being super afraid to start conversations, at some points I'm too afraid to talk to people I've been friends with since we were little. I'd type a text up, then delete it because I was afraid they'd think I was really weird and annoying.

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Edit: I just realised that I might have misread into this and that it's about social anxiety in general so I apologise for that but I'll leave in the next part since I feel like it's important to talk about!

Just wanted to add in that you're not alone on this feeling! I hid my depression for almost half a year before I told any of my friends because I was so scared that they would judge me or see me differently. I've always had the mindset that I can't burden others and that leads to me being destructively self-sacrificing in a sense - I always want to extend help but never accept any in return which frustrated one of my friends. It's so difficult to reach out but trust me when I say that if they're your real friends then they will be supportive and want to know if there's something wrong. And in the unfortunate incident they have a negative reaction then at least you know it isn't a friendship that would not have worked well in the long term. However if you feel like you're not comfortable with opening up yet then that's also completely understandable, but I hope that at least writing it out even if you don't press send is somewhat helpful - I do that sometimes and it does make me feel a little better.

As a sidenote, I've found that it's been hard finding a balance between coping with depression / anxiety alone and opening up to people. I always feel like I've overshared or talked too much which then leads to me bottling it up and not talking about it for an extended period of time. Also I find that sometimes I just can't explain what's wrong which just leads to me feeling like I'm wasting someone's time.

Sheep said:

Spoiler:

I'm really glad the medication helped. You're a bright and fun girl who deserves to feel comfortable in her own shoes and around others. You seem quite positive and understanding overall too, which will help with combating those negative moments. Keep fighting on!



Jo, you are without a doubt one of the strongest people I know for being able to push forward and continue living life happily despite all you've been through.



Completely understand this too. :< We're very similar. But life is so insanely unpredictable and I'm sure things will turn around for you eventually, and you're smart and sweet enough for good karma to come your way at some point, even if it does take a bit. Fight on Sophie. <3

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Janna you're one of the sweetest people I know, this made my day thank you <3 I hope you too stay strong and keep fighting, and that you overcome this because you also deserve so, so much good karma. It's never good to barricade our emotions for too long though. I strongly hope that you have people in your life you can turn to and feel confident in confiding to. If not (and this goes to anyone else here as well) then by all means go ahead and PM me and I will be happy to listen or if you prefer, just talk about whatever you want. Sending lots of love to everyone and hoping you all have a good day, if not then I'm sure there will be brighter ones in the future even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Can speak from personal experience.

Just wanted to share one last thing that I have found helpful with my anxiety - not sure if It will work or if it's an obvious thing (in which case oops) but I've found that with intrusive, anxious thoughts - it's much better to let your mind have the thought but drift rather than to obsess over the fact that you must stop thinking about it if that makes sense. For example with hypochondria I sometimes have thoughts such as 'What if I have XYZ disease they mentioned on the news?' and then the thought ends up getting stuck strongly in my head because I keep trying to tell myself 'don't think about that' which just sends me into a loop of fixating on how I haven't got the thought out of my brain yet. But what I find more helpful is instead of giving attention to the thought I just let it go on in my head and instead try to let my mind drift - if the thought pops up then I don't deliberately try to banish it rather I just like to imagine things such as clouds passing by or go about and do other things till it just goes away on it's own. Not a surefire method but one that has helped a lot for me. Sorry if I explained it poorly but thought I'd share!

i don't know if we are allowed to vent here but if i am not just delete this post

so lately..well not lately, but more so recently, my mom and sister have been pushing me to get a job and whatnot despite me being a full time college student and that taking a huge toll on my mental health. sure i only go two days this semester and i have a lot of free time on the weekends because i do not have a social life, but.. them sort of lowkey insulting me and feeling like they're not proud of me no matter what i do really takes a blow to my mental health.

i've told them many times that i cannot handle both a school and a job, and they almost always end up comparing me to my big sister who is going to be 25 this year because she could do many days of school and work, but i wish they would realize different people have different levels of what they are able to handle. i do help around the house and sure they might seem like small chores (taking the dog out, washing dishes, putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher, putting clean dishes up, etc etc) those are a lot to me since my depression sometimes gets so bad i do not want to get out of bed.

they want me to get a summer job, but i am not sure what i would do. i was thinking something under the table like dog walking or babysitting or something if possible. i do not think i could handle fast food (i get overwhelmed by too many things being thrown at me at once and i tend to break down and i often have to have things written down for me to remember it) and i am unsure of retail. but anyways. i just feel like nothing i do is good enough for them, and i just.. am at my limit. i want to save up money for when i move in with my boyfriend eventually, but i dont know if i am approved for disability yet.

i was thinking of getting some sort of job (depending on how much i get from disability if i am approved), after i finish community college so i can start saving up for moving to where my boyfriend is and getting an apartment of some sort with him. but..anyways, my point. i am just really tired of not feeling like anything i do is good enough for them. i don't know what to do. my sister often ridicules me (my little sister) because i do not act my age, but i can't help that i am emotionally stunted in some ways because of trauma and other things during my childhood.

sorry this is just a huge rant thats all over the place. if anyone takes the time to reply i appreciate it. please be considerate of my feelings when replying.