[Pokémon] Beaten Beater [M]

Like Astinus, I too thought Brawly's POV in Ch 9 works better as we get more thoughts and emotions on him while the battle was going on. The reference to Bruce using rare candies sounds like those are considered illegal substances akin to the sports world. I wonder if Bruce's breeding projects and Darren being a Beater are related.

I'll let you know that I'm fine with the pacing of your story. While the plot might not be moving that quick, the characters are getting a chance to develop. Not only alone, but with each other by interacting. So we're spending time getting to know everyone and their world by the bits that you drop.

So I did notice that you explained what the tiers meant. And there was that mention of trainers buying and selling tier three Pokemon to get the competitive edge. That's a fascinating look at Pokemon training, where the trainers in the final battles of the leagues aren't always the ones that did the full training for those Pokemon they're using.

Like I said, the characters had a chance to develop in these chapters. I can't imagine the Darren that we first met agreeing to help Bruiser just to repay Brawly's kindness. With Lady and Popeye (which is actually a cute nickname!), the hard shell around Darren might actually be starting to break.

As I thought, Darren's now forced into traveling to make a living. I wonder what he's going to run into now that he's out in the rest of Hoenn.

Did notice one small typo:

?I?m here to look into the complaints about some noise Wingull.?

Click to expand...

I think you meant "noisy Wingull."

Popeye is a cute name for the Crawdaunt, haha. Darren mentioning the tiers a little more in addition to breeding makes me think it's sorta like competitive battling with underground buying/selling, and Beaters are like more serious than regular trainers.

That was a close call with the police for Darren there. I think you could add a bit more emotion of when Brusier had evolved, like his stomach sunk or something like that. I do agree we get to see him softened up more and his interactions with Lady and Popeye developing from when he first took them in.

I too wonder how Darren will fare traveling to Hoenn now. Looking forward to where you'll take this story next.

Before I comment on the latest chapter, I wouldn't worry about the world building there. My comparison/wording from last chapter probably wasn't the best and Astinus worded the aspects of Beaters better there.

Anyways, this is an enjoyable Brawly chapter there. Looks like Brawly is stuck with Bruiser, but he Brawly made it in time to see Darren, perhaps Darren will reconsider? The part where Brawly said "to infinity and beyond" was cute, heh.

Okay, catching up on these! I still really like how Brawly's character is coming through. With him helping Darren's old landlord, it shows that Brawly is always willing to help anyone he comes across that needs it. Explains why he was so willing to be there for Darren and to do what he thought was right for him.

That even goes so far as Brawly nearly leaving his Gym duties behind to make sure that Bruiser gets back to Darren. Probably to help ease the guilt of what happened to Bruce, and to make sure that Darren doesn't wind up like him.

Darren certainly has a lot to wrestle with now. Three million dollars is nothing to sneeze at, but he can't just give up his convictions for that and go back to training. Can he?

Noticed one small tiny thing in chapter 12

Darren called back Bruiser and gathered the fragments of broken table.

Click to expand...

Think you mean that Brawly called back Bruiser.

Indeed three million is quite an offer there. Darren will have to rethink at least how he'll afford at least the more important necessities he needed. And interesting analysis of how Wattson handles the less advanced and more advanced battles. Wonder if that goes the same for the other gym leaders.

So Brawly will be tagging along with Darren, huh? Should be interesting how he and Wattson will interact and how Darren fare with the upcoming battle. I like that Laura is keeping an eye on Brawly there.

Minor, but a part of me feels it might take a bit longer than a couple hours for Brawly to fly from Slateport to Dewford, do those things, and fly back. Maybe it's just me though and Pokemon are that fast haha.

The story's getting more interesting with Brawly coming along for his own gym challenge. I'm sure that there will be something that happens along the way from Mauville to Fallarbor that could make Darren change his mind about just camping out. (I also now imagine Darren to look exactly like the game sprite for the hikers, minus the smiling!)

I do agree with Bay that it feels like it should take more than two hours for Brawly to do all those activities. Especially with the morning, right at the beginning of the chapter. Swellow might be fast, but it still feels like it should take time for Brawly to set up the Gym and cook breakfast, never mind eating it for himself!

Just one grammar quirk that I remembered seeing.

"To me, it sounds like a stupid idea," she said, "But you have a reason. What is it?"

Click to expand...

Comma after "said" should be a full stop.

A part of me wonders if there should be a bit more reaction to the trainers warming up with Brawly since he's also a gym leader. At least Wattson recognized him there. Otherwise, seems Darren got the upper hand at first with Lady, but then yeah didn't expect Popeye to corporate there. Maybe Brawly will convince him to do a rematch?

Seems like Brawly not only learns how to camp but also being a step or two ahead on battles from Darren, which I'm kinda surprised since I always thought gym leaders get prepared in any situation as best as possible. Then again, this story he seems to still get the hang of being a gym leader there.

And cool, Darren caught another dark type there, curious how he'll handle the Cacturne. Since it seems Darren released Popeye and Lady last second before almost getting crushed by the boulder, I'm assuming Darren and Brawly will find them soon enough. The two going through the desert I'm kinda amused because in an upcoming chapter of my story I'll have the characters go through a desert too lol

Oh, so Popeye and Lady went back to the PC after Darren used the emergency button? I thought the emergency button is releasing the Pokemon outside, but I guess that does make sense with Darren and Brawly using the PC often. If that's the case, my fault for thinking wrong!

Anyways, so Flannery has been mentioned and seems like Brawly isn't comfortable with meeting her. But yeah, since she's mentioned if she does make an appearance should be interesting how she behaves. Would have like a sentence or two Brawly checking out on his brother since that was why he returned home for a brief moment there.

Joltik squealing while falling down is cute imagery there haha. I admit to being surprised Wattson giving Darren the badge immediately after his Joltik was defeated. You brushed off Brawly's second match against Wattson compare to Darren's, but I can understand you not wanting to drag Brawly and Wattson's battle too much. Still looking forward what Brawly will get out of his badge journey with Darren, and if Darren will eventually be more open.

Finally caught up! Have to say that it was a treat to return to this fic. There's just something great about traveling around with Darren and Brawly.

Though Flannery is the one that I'm most interested about in this latest chapter. Like what is her damage? I hope that there is a little something between her and Brawly that will allow them to get some closure between them, no matter what it was that happened in the past.

Looking forward to seeing what new strategy Darren can think of for this next battle. Prickles is already a powerful addition to the team, and I'm wondering if the Cacturne has its own personality issues like Lady and Popeye.

Getting a bit overconfident huh, Darren? Looks like he had some bad experience with Mega Evolution, hence his reaction upon seeing Flannery's keystone there. I too hope we get some closure between Brawly and Flannery too.