[Pokémon] PMD: Explorers of the Unknown World

NOTE: Chapter 1 Takes place in the human world. Not Pokemon Trainers, But actual human world. This is the only chapter that takes place in the human world besides the last chapter.

Introduction
There are many worlds, imaginary and real. Many different species live in many different worlds. It has been rumored that some people have sailed through time and space and even crossed into other worlds that no one has ever known about... including the world of Pokemon. No one has ever crossed over to it and lived to come back... until now. Find out what happens when a boy and his 3 friends cross over to the world of Pokemon and experience panic, amazement, curiousness, and stress. Coming in the next post.

Chapter 1
One peaceful, sunny Summer day, we find a boy sleeping in late. This is Jack, a 13 year old boy who loves Pokemon. He's still sleeping at 12:00? Well, not for long. Jack's phone blasted out a lound ringtone: "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!" The sound made Jack jump out of bed. Sleepily, Jack answered his phone "Hello... Kingston Residence" Jack was amazed at what he heard on the other line. It was his friend, Matt. "Yo, Jack! You've gotta get over here to Dan's house! He and Jane constructed an amazingly cool invention!" "Excactly how cool is it?" asked Jack over the phone "On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd have to say... OVER NINE-THOUSAND!" Matt yelled over the phone. "Wow! Seriously? I'll get over there right away. I'll see you there!" Jack hung up the phone and ran through a hallway in his house through his living room, into the kitchen, and into the backyard. He threw his dog a treat and ran into his garage. He put on his helmet, jumped on his bike and rode over to his friend Dan's house with his Gameboy in his pocket. He arrived at Dan's house to see an open garage. Jack parked his bike in the garage and ran into Dan's room. He walked over to a stone podium with a stone Pikachu on top. he lifted the head off the Pikachu and pressed a button on top of the neck labeled "Room of awesomeness". Jack pressed the button and a door opened in the floor. He climbed down a ladder to find all of his friends in a room with a hardwood floor and white walls playing videogames and eating cookies.

To be continued...

Chapter1 1 CONTINUED

"What's up, guys?" Jack asked, walking into the room. "Not much, we were just playing videogames." said Matt. "Jack, ready to see my invention?" asked Dan. "Sure, Dan. Matt says it's really cool." said Jack. Dan walked over to a table with a strange object being covered by a large peice of beige cloth. "Prepare to be amazed." said Jane, also walking over to the table with everyone following her. "Introducing... the Virtual Modifier!" Dan said, uncovering a strange machine. "It can take stuff from videogames and put it in the real world." said Jane. "Indeed it can." said Dan. "Let's demonstrate it!" said Dan. "Okay. Who has a handheld videogame system?" asked Jane. "I do!" said Matt. Matt gave Jane his DS with Pokemon Platinum in it. Dan plugged the end of a DS charger into an outlet on the machine. He plugged the other end into the DS. A lightbulb on the machine lit up. Jane typed something on a keyboard attatched to the invention and hit a button that says "TAKE FROM GAME." A door on the invention opened to reveal a conveyor belt. A sphere that looked like a Pokeball rolled off of the belt. Was it a Pokeball? "A Pokeball!" Jack and Matt both yelled. "Yes. now let's put it back." said Dan. Dan put the Pokeball back on the conveyor and hit a button labeled "RETURN TO GAME."

TO BE CONTINUED FOR THE LAST TIME.

Chapter 1
(Finally, continued for the LAST time. Then comes chapter 2.)
Jack was amazed after he saw a Pokeball taken and put back into Matt's DS. "Dan, can I try that out?" asked Jack curiously. "Sure, Jack... just be careful. If you press even one wrong button... something bad might happen." replied Dan. "Ok, got it. I'll be careful." Jack unplugged Matt's DS and handed it to him. Jack put his Gameboy on the table next to the device. He used a Gameboy link cable to connect the Gameboy. As he was typing, he was distracted by a plate of cookies on the other side of the room. He didn't notice he typed cookies on the keyboard and pressed a button that says Put into game. A dimensional whirlpool shot out from the game and reached for the cookies. Jack rushed over to the plate and grabbed it, but the cookies flew off the plate towards the cookies. Jack dived for them, headfirst into the whirlpool! "No way I'm letting my best bud get lost in another world!" Yelled Matt, jumping after him into the whirlpool. "Ugh, I'd better fix this from the inside..."said Dan. Dan walked into the whirlpool. All that was left in the house was Jane. She shrugged her shoulders and jumped in.
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What happened to the 4 friends? Did they die? Are they Ok? WHERE ARE THEY? Find out in Chapter 2. Feel free to give constructive criticism or any advice on the fanfic and check back on Tuesday for Chapter 2. It'll either be posted at around 11:00 AM Central Time (Last day of school for me is one hour, but I only have to stay about 10 mins.) Maybe It'll be posted in the afternoon... or late evening, early night.

This is way too short and everything. You show no emotion from them, there is Almost no detail. That is all, Maybe if you fix all of that and S&G You should be fine.

Thanks for the advice, Benjamin510. (Spoilers: The 4 friends are sucked into Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red.) I'll show a little bit of panic in the next chapter from the characters.

Chapter 2
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Jack woke up to see a a pond in front of him with a small shack in the middle of it that looked like a Squirtle head. On his left, he saw a path entering a forest with a sign next to it. And on his left, he saw a bridge leading to a small plaza with Pokemon walking around. "Whoa... where am I? This is crazy..." Jack said, scared. Behind him, he heard a faint cry. He looked behind him to see a Meowth passed out on the ground. He rushed over to the Meowth. "Meowth? Uh, Meowth, wake up!" The Meowth wouldn't wake up. Jack rushed over to the pond to get some water to throw on the Meowth. As Jack scooped some water into his hands, he saw a reflection of a Pikachu in the water. "WHOA! A Pikachu!" Jack yelled in shock. He put his hands on his head. He felt two long ears sticking straight up. "Am I a Pikachu?" Jack asked himself. "Only one way to find out..." said Jack. "THUNDERBOLT!" He yelled. But there was no Thunderbolt. Jack sneezed. Out came electricity. "Ouch!" Jack yelled after sneezing. "Cool, I am a Pikachu!" He yelled with joy. "I've always wanted to be a Pikachu!" Jack scooped some water into his hands. He walked over to the Meowth and threw the water onto it. It woke up. "hey, Meowth, are you ok?" Jack asked it. "I'm not a Meowth! I'm a human and my name is Dan." apparently, Dan, said. "Do you happen to know a human named Jack?" asked Jack. "Uh...yeah, why?" Dan asked. "My name is Jack and I was once a human. I jumped into a dimensional whirlpool after a plate of cookies!" Jack said, excitedly. "Dan, did you jump into the whirlpool, too?" Jack asked. "Yeah." said Dan. "So, just to make it clear, we're both Pokemon?" "Yeah." said Jack. "What game did you have in your Gameboy before you opened the dimensional whirlpool?" Dan asked Jack. "Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team." answered Jack. "Well, this is weird. Let's go to Pokemon Square and we'll see if Alakazam or Whiscash can help us." said Jack. "Wait, how do you know where everything is when we're in the world of Pokemon?" asked Dan. "I've played the game, duh. HEY! Maybe my Gameboy can help us here!" said Jack.
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End of Chapter 2, Check back maybe tomorrow for Chapter 3.

This story is okay, but it is not the best. Try adding more description. EX: Instead of "Whoa where am I?" Jack asked, scared' you can do: "What's going on?! Where am I?!" asked a frightened Jack to himself as beads of sweat formed on his head.' Do you get what I'm saying? This story has a lot of potential and you do have capabilitity to write wonderfully, but you must use that ability. 'Jack tried to take breaths to calm himself down, stressing out all the more.' Add more sentences. Such as that one right after his "where am I." That part was an example. Your entire story needs this extra bit of effort. Oh, and add some flare. What makes readers want to read this? I'll keep reading this, since you did an okay job of it.