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[Pokémon] Hoenn Journeys

Mikachu

Veteren Trainer
155
Posts
14
Years
  • Age 27
  • Cali
  • Seen Apr 18, 2024
cUcGSKg.pngmaxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium


196MS.png
246MS.png
Bag_Poké_Ball_Sprite.png
Bag_Poké_Ball_Sprite.png
Bag_Poké_Ball_Sprite.png
Bag_Poké_Ball_Sprite.png


cUcGSKg

Chapter 1

- Start of A New Journey-



Gazing out the open window of my new room I took a deep breath of the fresh morning air before a smile formed on my lips. Pushing aside the final unpacked moving box I quickly crossed my room to a small Pokemon bed where my Espeon and Larvitar slept soundly.

"Good morning you two."

I spoke softly, reaching down to pet the two drowsy Pokemon. With a soft yawn, my Espeon rose two his feet, stretching as he rubbed against my leg. Larvitar on the other hand only grumbled at being woken up and rolled to face away from Espeon and I. Giggling I grabbed his Pokeball from my desk and returned him to let him sleep longer before grabbing my backpack and sliding the single strap over my head. Adjusting it so it fits snugly over my hooded crop top I checked myself in the mirror. After a brief moment, and an antsy meow out of my Espeon, I opened the door to my room and headed downstairs to greet my older brother and mom.

"Good morning dear, I hope you slept well."

My mother hummed, setting a plate of fresh cut fruit on the table for me before placing a bowl of food down for Espeon as well.

"I did."

I replied, taking a bite out of a slice of apple.

"I'll say, I heard you snoring all night."

My brother stated teasingly before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah yeah…"

I grumbled earning a soft giggle from our mother.

"Oh dear, the Professor here said he would update the PokeDex you received from Professor Oak before our move."

My mother added suddenly, having seemingly just remembered this bit of rather important information. Nodding a bit, I finished the last few slices of fruit that were on my plate before getting up and pushing in the chair.

"I'll head over to his lab then."

Humming a bit, I place my plate in the sink and grabbed a chilled refillable water bottle from the fridge. Taking a sip, I slid it into the side pouch of my bag and clicked my tongue for Espeon. Walking out the front door, I squinted slightly as the bright morning sun pierced through the leaves of the trees that bordered our house earning an amused snort out of my Espeon who only strutted in front of me, taking in the bright morning sun. Giggling at him, I walked down the path that led to my house and glanced around the area.

"Despite Littleroot being such a small town, there sure are a good number of houses."

I muttered, searching the landscape for the Professor's lab, or what I hoped was it anyway. Walking down the path, I continued looking around at the small cozy-looking houses and shops that were dotted in-between before I came to a large building with a sign outside that read Professor Birch's Pokemon Lab.

"Well isn't that plain as day."

I mused earning a purr from Espeon. Walking inside I saw two kids around my age talking to a man in a white lab coat.

"Excuse me… umm, are you Professor Birch?"

I piped up when there was a pause in their conversation.

"Yes I am and you must be Sasha."

He stated with a friendly smile as he held out his hand. Shaking it I nodded before the other two introduced themselves as Brendan and May, two new trainers who had just gotten their PokeDex's.

"Sasha, you already have your PokeDex from Professor Oak when he was in Johto correct?"

Professor Birch questioned. Nodding I pulled it out of the side pocket of my bag and handed it to him.

"Yeah, my mom said you needed to update it before I started traveling."

He nodded and took the device over to his desk to run the update as May began to question me.

"You're from Johto? What part?"

"Goldenrod City. I got my Espeon as an Eevee while I was there from a guy named Bill and Larvitar was a gift from my brother after a trip to Cianwood."

I rambled a bit answering more than what was asked because I was startled by the girl's straight forward nature as Brendan chuckled at us.

"Goldenrod is a pretty large city, Littleroot must be quite a change for you."

He stated, adjusting his backpack a bit as I nodded in agreeance.

"Comparatively, Littleroot is very quiet but the fresh air is nice. It's a lot easier to breathe here than it was in the big city."

I replied, smiling a bit as the professor walked back over.

"There we go, you should be good to go now."

He stated, handing me back the red device along with a few Pokeballs. Returning it to the side pocket of my backpack I thanked him while putting the Pokeballs into my bag as well. Thanking him again, I followed May and Brendan out of the lab, talking with them some more and learning the information that May is the Petalburg Gym Leader's daughter while Brendan is Professor Birch's son and assistant.

"Are you going to be challenging the gyms here?"

Brendan questioned suddenly drawing not only my attention but Espeon's as well.

"I plan on it."

I replied, looking down at Espeon as he gave a hum of approval and nuzzled against my leg. Brendan nodded a bit, a smile forming on his lips.

"Well, it looks like we have the same goal in mind then, Pokemon League Champion."

With a bit of a grin, I nodded in agreement as May giggled at us, stating how we the three of us would probably be rivals as we each took different paths home to prepare for the up and coming journey.

"Mom, Alex, I'm back!"

I called out as I walked inside with Espeon.
"Welcome home dear, did you manage to find the professor's lab?"


My mom asked as I walked into our living room.

"Yeah, it wasn't very hard to find. I got my PokeDex updated and made a few acquaintances also."

"You're actually talking to other people? Good job Sasha."

Alex laughed a bit at his own statement earning a glare from me before I shook my head.

"Anyways… I'm planning to go travel the region and challenge the gyms here mom."

I stated, hoping she wouldn't mind since I knew my brother was likely leaving as well to head back to Unova to continue his own journey once Mom was settled the rest of the way in.

"You just do your best dear, I'll be rooting for you."

She smiled warmly, getting up to hug me.

"Make sure you have some spare clothes and the such packed."

She added before sending me upstairs to pack my backpack.

After I was sure I had everything, I glanced down at Espeon and smiled brightly. With a swish of his tail, he gave a content purr and lead the way back downstairs to where my mom and brother were waiting. Despite my brother's previous rude teasing, he pulled me into a hug, warning me to be safe while I traveled before mom hugged me as well and walked me to the door, making sure on the way that I had a decent amount of money also giving me a PokeNav plus to stay in contact with her. After one final hug from both of them, I set off down the path from my house with Espeon, headed out towards the end of town. Houses slowly became few and far between as I made it to the end of Littleroot town and beginning of route 101. With Espeon in tow, I walked out into the grass of route 101 as a soft wind ruffled my blonde hair.

Time quickly passed as I walked along the route, battling a few wild Wurmple and Zigzagoon with Larvitar here and there. It wasn't long before I made it to Oldale town.

"And I thought Littleroot was small."

Glancing around at the very small town at the few houses dotted here and there alongside a Pokemon Center and Pokemart I rubbed the back of my neck mentally noting this was the smallest town I had seen yet. Venturing in, I went to the Pokemart and stocked up on some supplies before heading to the Pokemon Center to heal my team. Checking the time while I waited, I noted that it was now mid afternoon. Taking an apple from the bag of supplies I had just purchased from the Pokemart, I took a bit of it, busying myself by organizing my bag, leaving out two cans of Pokemon food for once Larvitar and Espeon were done getting checked over by Nurse Joy. I smiled at Nurse Joy as she called me over to get the two Pokeballs I had handed her, as well as informing me everything was perfectly fine with my partners. Letting the two out, I gave them some Pokefood and returned to eating my apple and finished up packing my bag.

With stomachs full, the three of us set out once again on the somewhat populated route that led to Petalburg City. It wasn't long into the route before I found myself face to face with another trainer as he grinned, sending out his Zigzagoon. Grabbing Larvitar's Pokeball I sent him out as Espeon gave a small cheer from where he stood beside me.

"Zigzagoon, Tackle!"

The boy called out to the small brown and cream pokemon before it darted forward, slamming into Larvitar. Sliding back ever so slightly Larvitar grinned as I gave him the command of Iron Head. The Zigzagoon staggered back after the head to head hit before shaking off its dizziness.

"Larvitar, use Bite!"

With a quick movement, Larvitar struck the opposing Pokemon, knocking it out. Returning his now fainted Pokemon the trainer smiled at me before heading towards Oldale. Continuing deeper into the route, I battled a few more trainers and attempted on several occasions to catch a Ralts with no luck. Espeon snickered at me after my latest failed attempt causing me to pout at him.

"Hey, it's not like it's easy to hit a teleporting target."

Scratching between his ears briefly, I earned a purr before we set off once again.

"I wonder if I can challenge the Petalburg gym first or if I will have to backtrack once I have a couple badges?"

I mumbled to myself as the trees slowly thinned giving way to the outskirts of Petalburg City. Looking around at the multitude of buildings, my shoulders relaxed at the somewhat familiar hum of bustling people as they made their way through the evening lit streets. Walking along the streets I finally arrived at the Pokemon Center and headed inside, getting room to stay for the night. With Espeon in tow, I headed down the hall to the back portion of the center that had rooms trainers could rent for the night. Opening the door to our room, I tossed my bag on the bed and let Larvitar out of his Pokeball. Flopping back on the bed I sighed, noticing now that my legs were rather sore from the day's travel. Sitting up, I pulled out some Pokefood for Espeon and Larvitar before getting ready for bed myself. Grabbing a quick snack, I pulled out a book from my bag and began reading to settle in for the night.

The soft chirps of Taillow echoed through the morning air as I grumbled a bit. Sitting up I yawned before looking around the unfamiliar room. Blinking a few times it slowly dawned on me that I was at the Pokemon Center in Petalburg City. Getting out of bed, I stretched and went to get ready for the morning before waking up my Espeon and Larvitar. Following our usual morning routine and breakfast, I made sure my bag was completely packed before I returned Larvitar and headed out. Thanking Nurse Joy for the room, I left the Pokemon Center with Espeon hot on my heels.

Slowly making my way through the city, I watched people as they went to and from various buildings on their morning commute. Grabbing my PokeNav, I booted it up and looked at the map. After studying it for a few seconds to figure out where I was, I returned it to my bag and made a sharp right in the direction of the Petalburg gym. With growing anticipation of the potential battles to come my shoulders slumped as I saw a sign that stated the gym was currently closed along with the added details of the number of badges required to challenge the gym. Sighing I turned on my heel and looked down at Espeon.

"No luck here buddy. One, we need four badges before the gym will accept our challenge, and two, it's currently closed."

Picking up the lilac Pokemon I slowly pet him while walking through the town towards Route 104. As we reached the edge of the city, trees became abundant before a light sea breeze brushed my cheeks. Setting Espeon down, I wandered along the route until I came to a beach. Grabbing Larvitar's Pokeball, I let him out to enjoy the sand. I watched the small ground type play about in the warm sand as morning light glistened off the waves of water that lapped at the shore. Sitting down beside Espeon I smiled, glancing at him as he stretched out to sunbathe. Looking out over the ocean waves I took a moment to admire the beauty of the nature around us and relaxed my shoulders.

"So there was one set back, no reason to dwell on what can't be done now."

I said to myself, as the cries of Taillow and Wingull echoed overhead. Glancing up, I pulled out my PokeDex, reading the entries for the two bird Pokemon as well as the entry for a Magikarp that leaped out of the water. After a while, I got up and stretched before brushing the sand off of my shorts and legs.

"Alright, are you two ready to go?"

I questioned the two lounging Pokemon. With a small stretch, Espeon gave a soft cry before shaking the sand out of his fur. Larvitar, on the other hand, popped his head out of the small mound of sand he had buried himself under momentarily before burrowing back down. Giggling at the ground type Pokemon I kneeled down and reached into the sand, softly petting him.

"Hey, don't worry, there will be more places you can bask in the sun and play in the sand, I promise."

At my words, he popped back out of the sand and nuzzled his head into my hand. Rubbing the top of his head for a few moments, I stood before returning Larvitar to his Pokeball. Taking a deep breath I looked down at Espeon before looking back at the edge of the beach that met with the path to Petalburg Woods.

"This is it Espeon, after these woods well be at the city with our first gym."

I felt a surge of excitement and anticipation run through my body as I walked across the sand towards the towering trees that made up Petalburg Woods. As we neared the entrance of the forested area we were soon stopped by a trainer that wanted a quick battle. Deciding to let Larvitar rest a bit after his time playing in the sand I clicked my tongue, signaling for Espeon to take the field. The blonde tossed out a Pokeball and soon a Zigzagoon materialized in front of us.

"Zigzagoon, Sand-Attack!"

With that order, the battle began. A spray of sand kicked into the air earning a low, displeased growl out of Espeon as it landed in his eyes and fur.

"Espeon, use Swift!"

After a brief shake of his head, Espeon leaped back and used the attack, landing a direct hit on Zigzagoon. The battle went back and forth for quite some time, moves hitting and missing until finally, the Zigzagoon fainted.

"That was a good battle."

The blonde complimented, picking up his fainted Pokemon.

"Thank you for the battle."

Smiling at him, I reached down and picked up Espeon, who was now using my leg to clean the sand out of his fur. Looking at him I shook my head, an amused smile on my lips.

"You and not being dirty."

I mused, setting him down and taking a brush out of my bag. Brushing out Espeon's fur, I sat there talking with the trainer I had battled only moments before, learning that his name was Winston and that he and Zigzagoon frequented the area. With an introduction of my own before a farewell after I finished brushing Espeon and set off into the woods.

The shade of the trees gave the air a cool feeling as we walked deeper into the forest. The air was quiet save for the sound of our footsteps in the grass as we wandered through the woods with no clear direction on where to go.

"Hey Espeon, can you hear anything?"

I questioned, looking down at him. Stopping in his tracks Espeon closed his eye momentarily before looking back up at me and giving a soft cry. Moments later he began with briskly walking ahead of me, leading me to a clearing full of a small mushroom-like pokemon covering the grass and a sandy brown colored pokemon hanging from the trees. Pulling out my PokeDex, I quickly read over the entries for the two Pokemon I learned to be Slakoth and Shroomish. Nodding a bit, I went to close my PokeDex when suddenly another entry appeared on the screen. Quickly reading over the name of the Pokemon, Torchic, a Pokemon not native to the surrounding area. I looked up from my PokeDex, trying to see if I could find where this Pokemon was. In the sea of Shroomish was a small orange tuft of feathers rustling about. Furrowing my eyebrows, I carefully inched closer, trying not to startle any of the Shroomish to avoid their spores as I began to walk through the group. As I made my way closer to the orange object, I noticed a Pokeball laying on the ground. Carefully I kneeled down and picked it up, causing the orange feathers to pop up out of the crowd of Shroomish and shriek before pecking me. Stumbling back I landed on a Shroomish earning an irritated noise out of it before it released a cloud of spores. Quickly covering my mouth and nose I got up, darting out of the group of Shroomish with Espeon hot on my heels. I coughed as the air cleared and looked back to where the small Torchic had been. Much to my surprise the Pokemon hadn't moved but had fainted. Holding up the Pokeball I had found beside it only moments before, I tried to return it to see if it was already caught but to no avail.

"It was beside an unused Pokeball?"

I mumbled the question earning a head tilt of confusion from Espeon. Tossing the Pokeball at the Torchic, I watched as it went in before the Pokeball shook a few times before giving off a small sound.

"Alright Espeon, let's get to Rustboro as fast as possible, so Nurse Joy can check Torchic over."

With a nod of agreement, Espeon quickly took the lead heading deeper into the woods.

The further we went the more trainers we stumbled upon, battling them as we went. Over the course of the battles, Larvitar took the lead, also learning a new move Chip Away. We continued walking through the woods until we stumbled upon a man in a fancy suit who seemed to be wandering around rather aimlessly.

"Ah excuse me, miss!"

He called out, walking over to us.

"Have you seen a Pokemon called Shroomish by chance? I absolutely adore them."

He stated his question as another man walked up behind him with a look of irritation.

"For the love of Arceus, I was waiting to ambush you once out walked out of the woods but you were taking forever."

He grumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. The well-dressed man gave a little shriek before promptly hiding behind me.

"Really… you're using me for protection from a thug?"

With an exasperated sigh, I looked at the man in blue with mild irritation.

"Hey, I'm no thug little girl, I'm a member of Team Aqua and you best stay out of our way!"

He bellowed.

"Hey, Espeon, how much longer do you think it will be until we reach Rustboro?"

I questioned, ignoring the man as he gave an angry howl.

"Hey don't ignore me!"

He piped up, throwing a Pokeball. Sighing I looked at him and the Poochyena that was in front of him before looking back at the man who was essentially trying to use me as a human shield.

"I don't necessarily have time to deal with your squabble, I need to get to a Pokemon Center but I get the feeling you're going to be persistent."

I mumbled, grabbing Larvitar's Pokeball before sending him out.

"Larvitar, let's make this quick, use Chip Away!"

I ordered.

"Use Tackle!"

The two Pokemon collided both battling relentlessly before Larvitar stumbled back a bit.

"Hang in there Larvitar, use Iron Head!"

I called out as my Pokemon staggered a bit more before letting out a cry and attacking. Moments later both Larvitar and the opposing Poochyena fell to the ground.

"Good job Larvitar, rest up."

I stated, returning my fallen Pokemon to his Pokeball. The Team Aqua member scrambled a bit, returning his fainted Pokemon before giving a few sharp words while retreating.

"Thank you so much for protecting me! But I have to get back to Devon Co, I know what he was after now."

The fancy suited man stated, handing me a Pokeball as thanks before dashing off.

"That… was quite an odd encounter."

I mumbled.

"Is this region full of strange people like that or is today just my lucky day?"

Shaking my head I began to follow Espeon once more, reaching the end of the woods not to long after. Looking across the evening lit lake I stared at the large city that stretched across the horizon.

"That's Rustboro huh? Looks like this journey is just getting started."



 

Mikachu

Veteren Trainer
155
Posts
14
Years
  • Age 27
  • Cali
  • Seen Apr 18, 2024
cUcGSKg.pngmaxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium


196MS.png
246MS.png
255MS.png
Bag_Poké_Ball_Sprite.png
Bag_Poké_Ball_Sprite.png
Bag_Poké_Ball_Sprite.png


cUcGSKg

Chapter 1.1

- The Missing Skitty-



Walking out of the Rustboro Pokemon Center I stretched with a hum of delight at the light morning breeze. Espeon lightly nudged my leg as he passed by, slinking past a few children who lightly pet him.

"You really like the attention don't you?"

I mused before my attention was drawn by the sound of small paws tapping quickly on the cobblestone path. Looking to the side I saw a small pink kitten like pokemon with a bow tied to it's tail dart by. Pulling out my Pokedex, I glanced at the entry and name for the Pokemon.

"Skitty huh? Looked like it was in a hurry… Wonder what trouble it got into?"

Putting my Pokedex back into the side pocket of my backpack I started down the road headed towards the Trainer School for a bit of sightseeing and studying before I started stressing about the first gym I was going to challenge.

Walking amongst the large buildings I eventually found my way to the Trainer School as several kids congregated out in the yard. Walking inside of the school, I glanced over the boards as a few kids came up to me.

"Are you a trainer miss?"

One questioned as another began to pet Espeon who happily leaned into the attention.

"Yeah, though I only just started traveling a few days ago."

I replied as several more stared up at me.

"What Pokemon do you have?"

The girl petting Espeon questioned.

"Espeon, Larvitar and also a Torchic."

I replied, pulling out the Pokeballs of the other two Pokemon mentioned before letting them out for a bit of fresh air and attention. Larvitar grumbled a bit as a kid pet him, looking up with a bored expression as Torchic glanced around at several small hands before cocking his head to the side unsure of what to do. Giggling I watched the kids interact with my Pokemon as a teacher approached me with a teary-eyed boy in tow.

"Excuse me, have you by chance seen a Skitty with a bow on its tail running about? Travis brought it from home for show and tell but it appears to have taken off."

She questioned, her eyebrows knitting with concern while she gestured to the boy beside her.

"A Skitty with a bow…."

I mumbled before raising my eyebrows.

"One ran past me this morning towards Petalburg Woods."

I replied, looking up at her as the boy suddenly burst into loud sobs making me jump a bit.

"I-I can try and go find it."

I stammered, hoping to quell the boy's crying.

"If it wouldn't b to much trouble please?"

"It would be no trouble at all. I need to train a bit anyway before I challenge the Gym Leader."

Smiling I returned Larvitar and Torchic to their Pokeballs.

"I'll come back as soon as I find your Skitty."

I assured the boy before heading towards the direction of Petalburg Woods, weaving through the morning crowd with Espeon hot on my heels. Walking out the south entrance of the city, I began my search, looking high and low along the route that leads to the woods.

"Oh man, if Skitty really did run into the woods it's going to be a lot harder to find than I thought."

Mumbling to myself I scouted the edge of the woods, hoping I would spot the small pink Pokemon before heading inside. The shadows from the thick trees gave the air a cool feel compared to the sun I had just left as I slowly made my way into Petalburg Woods.

"Hey Espeon, do you happen to hear anything?"

I questioned my partner, hoping either his hearing or psychic abilities would prove to be helpful in finding the missing Skitty. Closing his eyes he paused briefly before letting out a soft purr and taking the lead. He quickly trotted deeper into the woods, passing by a few groups of wild Slakoth that were lounging about. Espeon stopped suddenly, his fur bristling at the bushes in front of us. Cautiously I stepped forward, peering through the bushes.

"Ah, the Skitty!"

I gasped softly as I caught sight of the skitty being coerced into a corner by a man dressed in a red hooded outfit. Standing up, I made my way through the bushes before calling out to the man.

"Hey leave that Skitty alone!"

The man turned his attention from the Skitty to me with a look of disdain.

"Don't get in my way little girl."

He shouted, tossing out a Pokeball. A Poochyena materialized from the Pokeball, snarling at Espeon and I.

"Like that's going to deter me."

I mumbled, pulling out a Pokeball of my own before sending out Torchic. His orange feathers ruffled slightly as he chirped.

"Tch Poochyena use Bite!"

The man ordered, his Poochyena quickly following the command and lunging at Torchic.

"Ember!"

Torchic back stepped slightly, narrowly missing the jaws of the Poochyena before he blasted it with small fireballs. From the corner of my eye, I watched the Skitty make a silent retreat and clicked my tongue in irritation. With a small hiss, Espeon darted from my side, suddenly giving chase to the Skitty.

"What the…"

I stared in the direction Espeon had disappeared, perplexed by his sudden outburst before returning my attention to the battle at hand.

"Poochyena Sand-Attack."

The small pokemon quickly kicked up a cloud of sand, blinding both Torchic and I before it landed the next attack order it had been given, bite. With a startled chip, Torchic was caught by the Poochyena.

"Torchic use Peck!"

Biting the inside of my lip, I watched Torchic land a direct hit, sending the Poochyena reeling.

"Let's finish this, use Ember."

With my next order, the battle was sealed as Poochyena fainted. Returning the fainted Poochyena, the man grumbled about how I would rue the day for messing with his plans before taking off. Shaking my head, I knelt down, petting Torchic before returning him.

"Now then… where did Espeon run off to?"

Looking around the area I saw Espeon prance back into the clearing, Skitty floating beside him seemingly trapped by his Psychic attack.

"Espeon, that's mean."

I chided the currently prickly Pokemon as his tail lashed. Picking up the Skitty, I gently pet its head.

"Let's get you back home. Travis is worried about you. Espeon, good job finding Skitty, but you don't have to be so prickly."
I mused as he stalked in front of me to lead me out of the woods. Shaking my head I giggled at the psychic type as we slowly made out way back to the Rustboro Trainers School with Skitty in hand.



 

bobandbill

one more time
16,920
Posts
16
Years
Cute style sheet setup for your fic, and nice art of the trainer! I also like the idea of showing her current team with the sprites.

Bit of feedback with that, mind:
- there's a broken image above each chapter title
- centred text is actually somewhat unusual for forum posting of fics, so maybe consider going with left alignment (i.e. the default)
- dialogue and what follows it should be in the same paragraph, rather than be spaced out.

The story is enjoyable so far. Clearly based on RSE, but I am glad to see a different tack with the second chapter by introducing that Skitty storyline. Sasha's journey is relaxing to read about, and the description of her surroundings as she travels through towns is fairly solid. Espeon is pretty adorable too - I laughed when it had trapped the Skitty like that. Kudos too for decent, believable explanations for having a starting trainer have rarer Pokemon than what one typically sees.

As for things to improve on, I feel that the journey itself seems to go a bit too quickly, and I attribute that to the battles. They go by really quickly, and end in a couple attacks or a bunch of Swifts. There is some interaction and description of attacks, which is a good start, but take this for example:
"Zigzagoon, Sand-Attack!"

With that order, the battle began. A spray of sand kicked into the air earning a low, displeased growl out of Espeon as it landed in his eyes and fur.

"Espeon, use Swift!"

After a brief shake of his head, Espeon leaped back and used the attack, landing a direct hit on Zigzagoon. The battle went back and forth for quite some time, moves hitting and missing until finally, the Zigzagoon fainted.
As said, good to have the Espeon growl like that in reaction. But then the battle is summarised as a back and forth series of moves hitting and missing until someone wins, and it lacks any sort of tension. This is further highlighted by minimal reaction from the opposing trainer (the first two just smiled). I'd suggest trying to make the next one more involved; have the opposing trainer also react to how the battle goes, add in some more drama, etc.

Punctuation with dialogue is another, albeit minor, thing to watch out for. For instance:
"I did." I replied, taking a bite out of a slice of apple.
Here you'd want to use a comma. "I replied, taking a bit out..." doesn't work as its own sentence, as it refers directly to what was just said. Therefore, you don't want to use a full stop in the dialogue as it indicates the sentence ended there. (Confusingly however, you could use a ! or ? - just not a full stop.) Another example:
"I'll say, I heard you snoring all night." My brother stated teasingly before taking a sip of his coffee.
This would become:
"I'll say, I heard you snoring all night!" my brother stated teasingly before taking a sip of his coffee.
Note that 'my' is no longer capitalised too.
With a soft yawn, my Espeon rose two his feet
Just a small typo here as well.

Overall a nice start. Keep it up!
 

Mikachu

Veteren Trainer
155
Posts
14
Years
  • Age 27
  • Cali
  • Seen Apr 18, 2024
Cute style sheet setup for your fic, and nice art of the trainer! I also like the idea of showing her current team with the sprites.

Bit of feedback with that, mind:
- there's a broken image above each chapter title
- centred text is actually somewhat unusual for forum posting of fics, so maybe consider going with left alignment (i.e. the default)
- dialogue and what follows it should be in the same paragraph, rather than be spaced out.

The story is enjoyable so far. Clearly based on RSE, but I am glad to see a different tack with the second chapter by introducing that Skitty storyline. Sasha's journey is relaxing to read about, and the description of her surroundings as she travels through towns is fairly solid. Espeon is pretty adorable too - I laughed when it had trapped the Skitty like that. Kudos too for decent, believable explanations for having a starting trainer have rarer Pokemon than what one typically sees.

As for things to improve on, I feel that the journey itself seems to go a bit too quickly, and I attribute that to the battles. They go by really quickly, and end in a couple attacks or a bunch of Swifts. There is some interaction and description of attacks, which is a good start, but take this for example:
As said, good to have the Espeon growl like that in reaction. But then the battle is summarised as a back and forth series of moves hitting and missing until someone wins, and it lacks any sort of tension. This is further highlighted by minimal reaction from the opposing trainer (the first two just smiled). I'd suggest trying to make the next one more involved; have the opposing trainer also react to how the battle goes, add in some more drama, etc.

Punctuation with dialogue is another, albeit minor, thing to watch out for. For instance:
Here you'd want to use a comma. "I replied, taking a bit out..." doesn't work as its own sentence, as it refers directly to what was just said. Therefore, you don't want to use a full stop in the dialogue as it indicates the sentence ended there. (Confusingly however, you could use a ! or ? - just not a full stop.) Another example:
This would become:
Note that 'my' is no longer capitalised too.
Just a small typo here as well.

Overall a nice start. Keep it up!

First of all, I am so sorry for never responding in a timely manner! I ended up with a lot happening with work and this slipped to the back of my mind for a long while. On another note, thank you very much for the feedback! I've taken the time to read through it and have done my best to take it into consideration while I work on rewriting the first chapters of Hoenn Journeys and start on the next ones :)

I won't give a time frame of when I'll have it posted as I plan to go through and edit all three posts after I have finished rewriting all the chapters and editing the coding to fix the missing images as well as make it easier on the eyes, but with any luck, I'll have this done relatively soon... I hope ^^;
 
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