Hi, so I decided to check this out and to be honest there's a lot that needs work. I don't want to overwhelm you too much, so a few things that stood out for me.
-Is Hostail like a city/town/etc? If so, places tend to be capitalized.
-When writing dialogue, you separate them by paragraph whenever a new person speaks. Dialogue are also written in a certain way. So for this:
When writing dialogue, it's supposed to be written like this
"Whoa, it's shady," I said.
"Nah no ghost, just the Hostaliers lying," Polly said.
"Yes you are right," Polly said.
"I agree," I said.
See how much easier the dialogue is read?
-One last thing is you left your story unfinished. The rules for this section is the story or a chapter of it must be finished. If this is going to be chaptered then it's way too short. Usually I don't mind short chapters, but the pacing and description is very bare and I assume this won't be too long of a story to merit it going on for several parts.
-I mentioned that the pacing and description is bare. One way to expand this story is to have the narrator and friends talking about whether to go to the forest and bring some tension too (have them argue). When they go to the forest, you can use this opportunity to describe how spooky the forest is (the darkness of it, the sounds of the breeze and birds, the unsettling feeling of trees looming, etc).
Woah, looks like went on for a while there. Sorry if this overwhelms you. I can see this is perhaps your very first story and I commend you for posting at least, I just thought I would give some advice on how to expand it since it does has some potential. I don't expect you to get the pacing and description down right away. Heck I had been writing for many years already and I still feel my description lacks a lot haha. But yeah, I wish you luck.
