Fanfiction Lounge

Hey guys, what's up?

Oh hey look at that, 9999.

Oh, and when I write I do nothing special. I put on music, sit at my desk and...write. Yeah. This post is so not spam and you know it.

I'm the best number though.

Writing a short story tie-in for a PokeBeach contest, anyone mind beta reading it for me?

...And NINJAED!!!!

Knowing how things turn out to be, like this, you know, 10000th reply instead of 1000th post. I hope it is as equally as important, right?

Nothing that we do is spam, people. Chainsaw chanseys, S-P-A-M, the count to 10000, Writer's Lounge The Musical (what ever happened to that?) and things like that, it seems to be the everyday life of Writer's Lounge posters.

And taking to more serious grounds I do have two questions.

How much time do you people spend on the Writer's Lounge? Is it an important (time-wise) part of your PC XP?

The other is more writing related. I am going to release a piece of work, something small that I wanted to write originally for the 7K7D but I fail at that so... whatever. The point is, I'm going to describe a human from the perspective of a Pokémon that has never seen one and shouldn't have to begin with (...part of the story). I thought about relating the description to that of some anthropomorphic Pokémon like Mr. Mime, but what I'm suddenly having trouble to describe is the aspect of clothing. I mean, it would be like talking about a strange mostly bald creature that somehow can retrieve, attach and detach variable "hide" or something like that at will. And that is capable of neatly organizaing such hide... the problem is, the Pokémon shouldn0t know what a human is and henceforth (I think) doesn't know abouth clothing. The best this Pokémon can do is to compare the situation to something he knows and use terms that are familiar to itself (such as refering to the arms as "branches" and to shoes or gloves as "scales"). I just can't make it say that the hide is "leather-like", can I?

So... do I try to pick up words that make the description sound like it would be trying to describe some armoured Pokémon (like Armaldo or Golem for the comparison), retorting to the most basic terms I can to show that in fact the Pokémon does not know how to describe this creature? Can I resort to something like describing plainly, stating surprise (and distrust) and simply leave the matter alone after that?

What do you like to do with your surroundings when you write?

Whenever I'm writing, I'm in one of two places: at my desk in the kitchen of our house, ignoring the rest of the world with my super-comfy $35 heaphones and talking to my Ho-oh plushie for inspiration (occasionally), or at school scribbling in a notebook in the hallway/while waiting for the rest of the class to catch up.

How much time do you people spend on the Writer's Lounge?

I refresh and lurk a lot, but I haven't started posting until very recently. So not very much.

Is it an important (time-wise) part of your PC XP?

Time-wise, yes. Discussing-writing-stuff-wise, yes.

DassenSupes said:

In a month, I expect it to also be 50+ pages.

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That's nice.

Seriously, though, okay, but to be honest, I usually don't read longer work unless it's mindblowingly good. (Hi, Giratinasaur. Incidentally, I'll review Metal Coat; soon. There's a few things I'd like to say there, and don't worry, not all of them will make you want to crawl away and cry that's not a bad thing.) It's not that I'm saying I don't read longer work. It's just that with all kinds of things that's keeping me busy right about now (including my own projects), I just don't have time. If I catch it early, then I might keep up with it, but as it stands... *motions to her highly egotistical reviewing policy*

Edit: Of course, it should be noted that, it's quality over quantity either way. Saying that your fic is over 12k words with only two chapters actually intimidates some people. In fact, the stated reason why some people haven't kept up with AEM is because its first chapters are fairly long. (Not quite obscenely long, but still of considerable length.) Some people find that to be a turn-off, or they simply feel the need to stop and go do something else for awhile but can't because they're looking at long piece of text.

Also, I'd hate to say it bluntly, but the fact that you're advertising your length (in your sig and in here) makes one think that you're overcompensating for a lack of decent content. Granted, I have yet to do much more than skim your work, but I'm just saying you could use better advertisement.

Shrike Flamestar said:

Hey guys, what's up?

Oh hey look at that, 9999.

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ILU, Shrike. Let's go make...

...Cupcakes.

solovino said:

How much time do you people spend on the Writer's Lounge? Is it an important (time-wise) part of your PC XP?

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I live here. GTFO of my house!

Seriously, Writer's Lounge is one of four forums that I visit on PC daily, with the other two being PFF&P itself and the Pokémon RPG forum + subforum. I don't really know how much time I spend here. It's a lot, though. I like the refresh button. It and I are homies.

I just can't make it say that the hide is "leather-like", can I?

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Actually, if it's like leather, you might be able to. Otherwise, you're on the right track. Because the Pokémon doesn't know what human items are, it would probably see the colorful things coating a human's body as an extra skin with odd textures and colors. You might be able to say shell, coat, pelt, or other animal-esque words, depending on what the Pokémon in question is. (Some Pokémon, like a Steelix, might see it as flimsy armor.)

But to better answer your question, unless it's actually leather, I'd say just go with "hide" and then describing textures, colors, lengths, and placement. For example, a pair of jeans might be a rough, blue hide covering the human's legs that's flexible enough to allow for the human's movements.

Describing it in this manner might be confusing to the reader, but on the other hand, it'll force the reader to look at the human from the Pokémon's perspective (which you seem to want), which in turn would make the fact that it's a human a bit more surprising when the human reveals that fact themselves.

Not sure if that helps or otherwise answers your question. Still, I'd like to say I'm interested in what you're doing with this description. Good luck, solvino.

Valentine said:

If I catch it early, then I might keep up with it, but as it stands...

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Um.

When you reviewed last time, there was only one chapter and the epilogue before it was over. Which means that it's actually complete by now. Metal Coat is a pretty short fic.

And, just to keep on-topic, yeah. I remember using 'pelt' about six times in the second chapter, just to make the description drag on as long as I could without it sounding ridiculous. xD Like Valentine said, you probably wouldn't use 'leather' or 'leathery' because it's a term used to describe something that in its current state was man-made, which a Pokemon with no knowledge of humanity should know nothing about. Perhaps 'rough' or 'sturdy' would be better?

Damn, I missed 9999, 10000, and 10001.

Bugger. That's what you get when you go to the doctor's.

Valentine said:

That's nice.

Seriously, though, okay, but to be honest, I usually don't read longer work unless it's mindblowingly good. (Hi, Giratinasaur. Incidentally, I'll review Metal Coat; soon. There's a few things I'd like to say there, and don't worry, not all of them will make you want to crawl away and cry that's not a bad thing.) It's not that I'm saying I don't read longer work. It's just that with all kinds of things that's keeping me busy right about now (including my own projects), I just don't have time. If I catch it early, then I might keep up with it, but as it stands... *motions to her highly egotistical reviewing policy*

Edit: Of course, it should be noted that, it's quality over quantity either way. Saying that your fic is over 12k words with only two chapters actually intimidates some people. In fact, the stated reason why some people haven't kept up with AEM is because its first chapters are fairly long. (Not quite obscenely long, but still of considerable length.) Some people find that to be a turn-off, or they simply feel the need to stop and go do something else for awhile but can't because they're looking at long piece of text.

Also, I'd hate to say it bluntly, but the fact that you're advertising your length (in your sig and in here) makes one think that you're overcompensating for a lack of decent content. Granted, I have yet to do much more than skim your work, but I'm just saying you could use better advertisement.

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I understand. I advertise length for a show of my dedication. I don't fluff out these chapters. These are things that I write freely and the length simply ends up as a necessity.

All I ask is that you read what I have right now and then, you can decide if its worth keeping up with. All I'm saying about length is that I poured a lot of effort into it, and I'm, at the very least, no shallow writer.

Valentine said:

Actually, if it's like leather, you might be able to. Otherwise, you're on the right track. Because the Pokémon doesn't know what human items are, it would probably see the colorful things coating a human's body as an extra skin with odd textures and colors. You might be able to say shell, coat, pelt, or other animal-esque words, depending on what the Pokémon in question is. (Some Pokémon, like a Steelix, might see it as flimsy armor.)

But to better answer your question, unless it's actually leather, I'd say just go with "hide" and then describing textures, colors, lengths, and placement. For example, a pair of jeans might be a rough, blue hide covering the human's legs that's flexible enough to allow for the human's movements.

Describing it in this manner might be confusing to the reader, but on the other hand, it'll force the reader to look at the human from the Pokémon's perspective (which you seem to want), which in turn would make the fact that it's a human a bit more surprising when the human reveals that fact themselves.

Not sure if that helps or otherwise answers your question. Still, I'd like to say I'm interested in what you're doing with this description. Good luck, solvino.

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Very special thanks, Valentine. Also thanks to Giratinasaur.

Well, I think to better check that what I'm doing is at least a bit right, the best option is to post some fragments and ask for review, right? I'd hate to create a new topic only for this (because it would be short-lived, I don't think that's the idea), and because offtopicness is our motto and I am in need of some... err... bashing :D, I'm going to just "hijack" the Lounge for a while...

The basic idea that I wanted to explore comes from the Sinnoh myth. The specific one that states that Pokémon made a truce (or something to that effect) to help humans, and hat's why they appear in the wild. So, what does that mean for a Pokémon that does not know what a human is, most specifically, fossil Pokémon?

If one of these is revived cloned, I guess the first problem would be that such a Pokémon existed in a different environment, maybe the current environment is not adequate for them. I'm not going to explore that right now, instead I'm focusing on a corollary problem: if the Pokémon retains knowledge (be it instinctive or otherwise) about the fact that their kind ceased to exist, or that they existed before humans, and they are informed that they belong to a human and are expected to serve him, do they hear the call to duty? Are they bound to this duty to begin with? How do they interpret the fact that human is a creature so different?

So I wrote a story about a ????????? (a Fossil Pokémon) who has found itself under care of a human and ponders about his own purpose and usefulness, as well as why has he came to existence way beyond others of his kind.

For the description of the "humans", I focus on this caring human not only from the perspective of the Fossil Pokémon, who tries to describe in terms that he feels natural to what he knows about his kind's environment, but also support myself in opinions from other Pokémon under the care of the human. Any actually human perspective is absent.

So, for example, I have this first fragment where Mr. Fossil tries to describe the general appearance of the human specimen (I guess from the wording of the description, some of you will be easily able to identify the cloned fossil):



Opinions?

As for the clothing, before describing the actual clothes I've decided to take a new approach and try to have the Pokémon describe the storage tool and the procedure the human uses to switch hides. Watch this and give me your opinions.



I would be glad to count on your opinions people. Just because trying to write this has proved to be quite funny and liberating to me.

Giratinasaur said:

Um.

When you reviewed last time, there was only one chapter and the epilogue before it was over. Which means that it's actually complete by now. Metal Coat is a pretty short fic.

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Yes, but you're a different case because your fic was actually interesting, and anyway, you started off as a beta client. I admit I wouldn't have normally gotten into it. I don't mean to be high and mighty about it, really. It's just that it takes a lot to get me to sit down and actually read through over sixty pages of material on the computer in almost one sitting, particularly if it's not for class anyway.

DassenSupes said:

I understand. I advertise length for a show of my dedication. I don't fluff out these chapters. These are things that I write freely and the length simply ends up as a necessity.

All I ask is that you read what I have right now and then, you can decide if its worth keeping up with. All I'm saying about length is that I poured a lot of effort into it, and I'm, at the very least, no shallow writer.

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The amount of work you put into any sort of fiction has no relationship to the length of the piece itself. I've read forty pages of utter crap that the author slapped together because he thought he'd impress me with its length through filler and flowery prose, and I've read the most intense and riveting two-page ficlet that paid so much attention to the detail of the characterization and action in such a short space that by the time I got done reading it, I felt like I just made out with Angelina Jolie. The point is length doesn't prove a damn thing to me. Yes, it proves that you're dedicated enough to sit at the computer for hours on end, constructing your prose and selecting the best words to tell your story. However, if that's all you have to go on instead of a summary even in your sig (or in the conversation you and I have been having right about now), I'd hate to tell you this, but that's not good.

Point is, instead of telling us how long your work is (which is a very obvious statement that anyone could see themselves by scrolling down), my suggestion is to tell us about the story itself. Yes, I know you just said you don't fluff out your chapters, but let's face it. You're telling us you've got a story you've poured your heart and soul into, and you're sitting here, telling me how many pages you're about to reach through posts and how many words you've got done through your signature? You're selling yourself short, regardless of how much you try to tell me you're not.

And I don't mean to be at all insulting towards you. You seem very eager, and you apparently have people who like your work as it is. However, I'm just saying if you want to get more people to read your work (namely, the die-hard reviewers and critics) in this world or the professional one, you've got to learn how to advertise yourself properly. Either that or perhaps start thinking differently about your work because your advertising in your sig and the sales pitch you've given me seems to encompass nothing that should be relevant to how good the story actually is.

solvino said:

The basic idea that I wanted to explore comes from the Sinnoh myth. The specific one that states that Pokémon made a truce (or something to that effect) to help humans, and hat's why they appear in the wild. So, what does that mean for a Pokémon that does not know what a human is, most specifically, fossil Pokémon?

If one of these is revived cloned, I guess the first problem would be that such a Pokémon existed in a different environment, maybe the current environment is not adequate for them. I'm not going to explore that right now, instead I'm focusing on a corollary problem: if the Pokémon retains knowledge (be it instinctive or otherwise) about the fact that their kind ceased to exist, or that they existed before humans, and they are informed that they belong to a human and are expected to serve him, do they hear the call to duty? Are they bound to this duty to begin with? How do they interpret the fact that human is a creature so different?

So I wrote a story about a ????????? (a Fossil Pokémon) who has found itself under care of a human and ponders about his own purpose and usefulness, as well as why has he came to existence way beyond others of his kind.

For the description of the "humans", I focus on this caring human not only from the perspective of the Fossil Pokémon, who tries to describe in terms that he feels natural to what he knows about his kind's environment, but also support myself in opinions from other Pokémon under the care of the human. Any actually human perspective is absent.

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I definitely like the idea, but I can't help but wonder what the canon perspective of the revival of fossil Pokémon actually is. If the revival process is through the extraction of DNA from the fossil and the creation of a new Pokémon from it, then the Pokémon would probably retain no memory of ancient times, which means this all would be a moot point because the only memories it'd have would be of humans. If the revival is through a miraculous reverse-fossilization, then that's a different story. Which one are you going with, out of curiosity?

The description's not bad for the first draft. (You're probably going to clean it up a bit later to get rid of the smaller things, like "and a round had.") You might want to separate the description in the first paragraph into separate sentences, though. You've got so many commas all over the place (separating items from a list, separating parts of a parenthetical, et cetera) that it might be easier for the reader to get a clear image of what they're seeing.

with several kinds of hide, of different make, colouration and textures as well, in

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Only one of these commas is necessary: the one after "make."

The weird thing about the description of the fingers, by the way, is that you also mention that they resemble unclawed fingers, so it's like you're saying that they resemble exactly what they are.

The note about the first paragraph of the first excerpt also applies to the first one of the second excerpt. I had to read it a couple of times to get what you were trying to say because you lost me partway through. It might help if you separated it into one or several sentences -- perhaps separating the part where he undresses from the one where he dresses (or at the word "and," in other words). I'd also suggest finding a way to get rid of the word "then" in both parts because it's rather awkward. Superficial reason, yeah.

as I can smell and feel with my appendages they're definitively not made of wood or fruit; but I am sure that as weird as humans are,

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Semicolons serve as a replacement for a common-conjunction combination, so having a conjunction here ends up being redundant.

Also, replace the colon with a period here. It turns into a run-on if you leave it in.

But other than the nitpicks, it looks like a good start. Just work on the flow of the narration by splitting some of these into separate sentences, and it should work all right.

I felt like I just made out with Angelina Jolie.

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I don't understand this simile, but I bet it means something absurd.

Now that I've glanced at the story Blak, not through the reply box this time, the paragraphing is rather thick. I guess I'm saying it'd be more tolerable if it was just long instead.

I've read the most intense and riveting two-page ficlet that paid so much attention to the detail of the characterization and action in such a short space that by the time I got done reading it, I felt like I just made out with Angelina Jolie

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Can you point me to this? It sounds like the author is one talented person. Then again, the idea of making out with Angelina Jolie . . . *shudders* Really, Valentine, I'm not sure if you were complimenting this fic or dissing it (for want of a better word, my brainsaurus isn't working right now).

EDIT: I left this too long, and got double ninja'd.

Valentine said:

The amount of work you put into any sort of fiction has no relationship to the length of the piece itself. I've read forty pages of utter crap that the author slapped together because he thought he'd impress me with its length through filler and flowery prose, and I've read the most intense and riveting two-page ficlet that paid so much attention to the detail of the characterization and action in such a short space that by the time I got done reading it, I felt like I just made out with Angelina Jolie. The point is length doesn't prove a damn thing to me. Yes, it proves that you're dedicated enough to sit at the computer for hours on end, constructing your prose and selecting the best words to tell your story. However, if that's all you have to go on instead of a summary even in your sig (or in the conversation you and I have been having right about now), I'd hate to tell you this, but that's not good.

Point is, instead of telling us how long your work is (which is a very obvious statement that anyone could see themselves by scrolling down), my suggestion is to tell us about the story itself. Yes, I know you just said you don't fluff out your chapters, but let's face it. You're telling us you've got a story you've poured your heart and soul into, and you're sitting here, telling me how many pages you're about to reach through posts and how many words you've got done through your signature? You're selling yourself short, regardless of how much you try to tell me you're not.

And I don't mean to be at all insulting towards you. You seem very eager, and you apparently have people who like your work as it is. However, I'm just saying if you want to get more people to read your work (namely, the die-hard reviewers and critics) in this world or the professional one, you've got to learn how to advertise yourself properly. Either that or perhaps start thinking differently about your work because your advertising in your sig and the sales pitch you've given me seems to encompass nothing that should be relevant to how good the story actually is.

Click to expand...

Okay then.

It's a more realistic re-interpretation of the original Red and Blue story, without becoming GRIMDARK DARK GRIMGRIMGRIM DARK. It's full of surprises and sometime almost utter derailings of the original plot to make it feasible, so anyone who even knows the original story by heart can enjoy it. It also focuses on increasing Team Rocket's presence as a constantly working force to everything that happens in the plot. It has moments for every kind of mood, from darker, moodier moments to lighthearted fun. I'm trying to deal with every important character on their own journey where no one starts or ends perfect, but at least 'improved'. I try to make all the small moments as epic or large in scale as I can. The first route, leaving home for the first time, etc.

That's all that comes off the top of my head. I'm not a regular pic writer. I am an English major, writing a Pokemon story for practice for my real book, choosing this because I have a fondness for Pokemon. It's a good place to start!

Angelina Jolie???????? Hey, I don't know if it's you or me or heck everyone here who has issues...

Back to subject...

valentine said:

solovino said:

some problem

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some solution

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Excellent, excellent! That's why I love slave labour collaborative creation!


Buoysel who is my Beta Reader has advises me to practice my commas so of course that is one of the parts I'm checking next, I just wanted to post the unedited version (two compiled excerpts from my failure at a 7K7D) to check that the characterization was going the right way.

For the whole "description of human" part, I'm planning to split it into three parts: the first is the corrected version of the first spoiler, the other two handle behaviour and I'm going to mix'em with the reaction from the other Pokémon The whole "dress/undress" thing feels awkward to describe, but I could not think of a more mundane (to the reader) yet at the same time unexpected (for a Pokémon) line of action that I could tap into. I can't do outdoors action, because being a fossil Pokémon in its first days it'd rather be kept in a controlled environment.

With regards to your question on the fossil canon, it's one of the points where the myth comes to affect. At least, that's how it is planned to be.

I'm sticking with reconstruction based on a well-preserved DNA sample because it allows me to exact the sense of "fossil" that I want. No "Lazarus Command", no Max Revive, no Insert Coin. Just a clone/adapt kind of process. Of course, up to eleven.

I'm taking on the concept that, if the DNA sample was so complete as to retain information about the biology of the subject, it should also have stored basic instinctive information, as well as a sort of genetic memory, maybe a natural sense of "relative correctness" of the things the Pokémon can feel, for example: given its natural environment, things such as metals, glass or flying may feel oddly placed, or even "incorrect" to it.
This will lead the fossil Pokémon to acquire the sensation that something is "wrong" with its existence after a short time. From instinctive information to "flashes" of the mind is just a step which is brought via the myth: clone or not, it still has a soul, and the soul comes with a list of Things To Be Done, to put it somehow.

I guess that whole bit of information above is better implied than explained, so I'm looking for a way to have the "unnaturalness sense" described, as I can't have the human scientistss explaining the mumbo-jumbo. So I've thought to put it in more natural words by having someone else explain directly to him.

I'll have a "higher force" attempt to make the reconstructed Pokémon aware of the pact between Pokémon and humans, thus putting the Myth into motion. The higher force essentially pays a visit and lands a crash course on why the fossils are fossils and why humans came next (I'd say there's no one more appropiate to teach, as a fossil-reconstructed Pokémon has no parents or relatives, and the species being extinct the individual can not have a sense of their history unless it is described to him by someone who knows).

Now, I personally dislike havung Legendaries in my work, except for reference, because of the "they are busy taking care of the Universe" approach, but this time I'm making an exception as I feel it is one of these cases it is justified a Legendary may want to interfere in human affairs. Humans have managed to go something funny after playing with Godlike powers after all. I'm taking note that I haven't even begun writing that part and I feel like I'm going to regret it and feel dirty. So maybe I'll post that next time and you people can help me.

Oh, yeah, if I go this way that means I must describe the crash course. I'd rather take a "lecture" approach if that concept really works with what I'm trying to demonstrate - the reverence of the fossil Pokémon towards the visiting "deity". Then some contemplation, maybe some action, and the final claim, moral of the story, aesop or whatever that better finishes the story.

With regards to the writing itself, the major work is, as you pointed out, to recheck my weaknesses and do more progress on the work. Some details went and slipped past me somehow, such as the "unclawed fingers" thing which I guess is the result of the same misfocused attention that caused my "person as a body" impasse the first time I published here. It happens some times and is one of the main issues I need to work upon to evolve to a simpler, more obvious writing structure.

I have had some trouble looking for the most natural terms to use by the fossil Pokémon, so I'm waiting to check the fingers thing until I have written the whole description of the human, faulty as it will be - that way maybe completing a new part gives me the inspiration or the extra information to use better terms and will be better able to decide what goes in and what does not. I see now that I missed the nose, yet it doesn't seem like I'll need it, for example.

Hey, look at that, a Wall-o-Text... Aurincha is gonna kill me.

I'm always looking for people who can recheck my work and give me pointers.
And I'm not afraid to Wall-o-Text excerpts and opinions and to poke veterans and mods if I can help (I try and refrain BTW :D ) -- Viva la mè!

Yeah, I like this place because posting my ideas here somehow adds to me +3 Mood EVs. There, I said it, so what?
Oh and thanks again for taking the time.

¡Chucho! said:

I don't understand this simile, but I bet it means something absurd.

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Actually, she's the hottest woman I could think of that people knew about. I could've said Gina Torres, but I don't know if anyone actually knows who she is.

But yeah. I'd tap Gina Torres. Doubly so if it actually happened on board Serenity, and she was in-costume. (Tell me I'm not the only one.) So, I guess the fic was like making out with Gina Torres.

Maybe Nathan Fillion, too.

Sparkling Dragon said:

Can you point me to this? It sounds like the author is one talented person.

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Unfortunately, it's a locked LJ entry.

I can, however, offer you something equally hot, but it's smut. Astinus puts up with a lot of crap from me, but handing out "refreshments" to minors is probably not something she'd appreciate.

Then again, the idea of making out with Angelina Jolie . . . *shudders* Really, Valentine, I'm not sure if you were complimenting this fic or dissing it (for want of a better word, my brainsaurus isn't working right now).

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For the most part, yeah, bad analogy, although I kinda thought she was hot in Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Wanted. Basically, anything where she's shooting something.

DassenSupes said:

It's a more realistic re-interpretation of the original Red and Blue story, without becoming GRIMDARK DARK GRIMGRIMGRIM DARK. It's full of surprises and sometime almost utter derailings of the original plot to make it feasible, so anyone who even knows the original story by heart can enjoy it. It also focuses on increasing Team Rocket's presence as a constantly working force to everything that happens in the plot. It has moments for every kind of mood, from darker, moodier moments to lighthearted fun. I'm trying to deal with every important character on their own journey where no one starts or ends perfect, but at least 'improved'. I try to make all the small moments as epic or large in scale as I can. The first route, leaving home for the first time, etc.

Click to expand...

Sum that up in a few lines and replace every instance of the use of word count or page count with it, and you've got a less pretentious ad for a fanfiction.

As it stands, I'm looking over your fic now. There's a lot of things I have to say about the style, but it's best if I hold my tongue about it until I finally finish the review.

I am an English major, writing a Pokemon story for practice for my real book, choosing this because I have a fondness for Pokemon.

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You're in good company. That's why I'm being as harsh as possible. It's unfortunate, but in order to sell a book to a publisher (or, even before then, to an agent), you need to know how to, well, sell the book. What you end up doing is the equivalent of applying for a job. It involves a bit of kissing up and a lot of knowing what you're trying to pitch. Editors are extremely busy people, so in order to stand out and make a publishing house (that isn't just a self-publishing means like Lulu or a vanity press... like Lulu) actually want to take your work, you need to know what parts of your story would interest them the most.

Then, of course, in advertising decently, you're also learning how to sell your book to the audience as well. But this is a given.

As for the content itself, fanfiction is a good way of practicing writing, regardless of what the elitists want you to believe. It's just that there's some problems that need to be polished up a bit, but you'll see what I mean once I finish.

Valentine said:

Sum that up in a few lines and replace every instance of the use of word count or page count with it, and you've got a less pretentious ad for a fanfiction.

As it stands, I'm looking over your fic now. There's a lot of things I have to say about the style, but it's best if I hold my tongue about it until I finally finish the review.



You're in good company. That's why I'm being as harsh as possible. It's unfortunate, but in order to sell a book to a publisher (or, even before then, to an agent), you need to know how to, well, sell the book. What you end up doing is the equivalent of applying for a job. It involves a bit of kissing up and a lot of knowing what you're trying to pitch. Editors are extremely busy people, so in order to stand out and make a publishing house (that isn't just a self-publishing means like Lulu or a vanity press... like Lulu) actually want to take your work, you need to know what parts of your story would interest them the most.

Then, of course, in advertising decently, you're also learning how to sell your book to the audience as well. But this is a given.

As for the content itself, fanfiction is a good way of practicing writing, regardless of what the elitists want you to believe. It's just that there's some problems that need to be polished up a bit, but you'll see what I mean once I finish.

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Oh lawdy. Good or bad things?

DassenSupes said:

Oh lawdy. Good or bad things?

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A mix. It's coherent work (although you've got a few comma errors in the beginning), but the word choice and placement tends to be off. I suppose I could offer a sample of the review thus far. It's not the furthest I've gotten, but it should give you an idea of what kinds of problems I'm encountering already. (Note: The red part is not the original text, yes. It's actually a correction. This is how I usually handle betas. And even then, it's not the best suggestion, but I explain it further afterward.)

Reflected in the full sinks, her eyes created a mirror image of depth.

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First of all, by placing "reflected in the full sinks" after the subject, you imply that it's the predicate, rather than an adjectival phrase. Rearranging it like so makes it clear that you want the predicate to be "created a mirror image of depth."

Even then, I feel as if that's another awkward and convoluted description. The problem lies in the fact that you're implying she's seeing into her own eyes, when in reality, she's looking at the sink (which is also the object that's creating the mirror image of depth, not her eyes). Ergo, it's probably better to phrase this:

The full sinks reflected her eyes, creating a mirror image of depth.

That way, you get the correct meaning.

Again, be very conscious of the placement of your words. Yeah, it really matters where words are placed. As I've said above, the meaning of the sentence actually changed because you were using the right words at the wrong time. You seem to be leaning towards giving your description a poetic feel, but at the end of the day, if you don't use the right words at the right time, you end up with a mess of meaning instead of poetry.


Also, short nod to solvino with a no problem added in. I'll probably get back to you again when I'm more awake. I really should be heading off to bed as it is, but I'm too busy looking at images of Gina Torres.

Funnily enough I am also planning on majoring in English (haven't declared it yet). But while becoming an author is a very interesting career, I don't want to be limited by just that.

I've noticed, in the way that I write, I tend to write in 3rd Person Omniscient and don't give much in terms of detail (especially in setting, unless if it is important and relevant).

Okay I'll ask a question this time around:

In terms of cliche ridden stories, or stories that are otherwise unoriginal, what is the greatest detractor for you, when reading those types of stories?

I know we can all put up with these stories to some extent, but sometimes there is that breaking point.

I'll give an example, I've read some Harry Potter stories, and the intro is okay, and otherwise the set up. Then suddenly Harry somehow goes back in time, and saves his parents from being murdered, and some how or rather it is happily ever after...

Okay, besides the wishful cheesiness that comes into full force in any genre... I'd still have to stop reading those stories, on a canonical basis... That is to say that changing the past like that, cannot happen... It's been shown in the third book... Of course I have to refrain from telling them from doing their research, because that would probably not end up being what I say (hiya Freud).

Talking about Freud, on a completely different matter, reminded me of a philosophy joke:

A patient went to go see his psychiatrist.

Psy: So how was the visit with your mother?

Pat: Oh, it was completely horrible, I had a Freudian slip.

Psy: Oh dear, what did you say?

Pat: Well, instead of saying "Please pass the salt." I said "You ruined my life you <explitive remark>.

---

Yes... I know that is not a Freudian slip, but that is only part of the joke...

In other news, apparently, my family (on invitation), has been invited to preview some television programs, that have not been aired anywhere in the world, and would like our opinion on it. The people who will be attending, will give their opinion on half hour segments, which may help to determine whether a broadcaster will air a show or not; so I think it shall be fun, and definitely interesting. (*Marks a big red X on the reality TV segment, as well as any police or hospital drama*)

Hoo boy. You are rather thorough.

But I suppose the most important question for me will be if you find it enjoyable. To me, this is all that matters. I am 'careering' to be a teacher. I have no aspirations of being a solo writer. I'll write this, and I'll write my book eventually. As long as I cna find people to read it, and they can enjoy it, I will be happy with it.

Perhaps to coincide with your question, and perhaps of greater importance, is that if the story actually makes sense, from beginning to finish. I tend to see it that, a good story actually has a descent plot. I think as authors, the hardest thing to do at times, is convey our thoughts through writing, in attempt to make it as coherent as possible. It could be that it makes sense in our head, but does not, to someone else reading it. Is it just me or does essay writing pay off in the end? Oo >.>