[Life] Mental health club

My mental health has taken a steep decline this year. 2021 has treated me awfully for the most part, although there were some redeeming moments that I'll always cherish.

I had the worst breakdown of my life on the 9th of this month, and I'm still trying to recover mentally, desperately clinging to whatever makes me happy. I've fallen back into bad habits. On most days I barely have the energy to get the simplest things done. Normally I have the company of my partner, who makes all the bad things just melt away so I can feel like everything will be alright, but I've hardly seen him compared to what I'm used to, and as of today I haven't seen him at all since the 12th.

I feel like I'm stuck in this cycle of disappointing everyone and hurting people unintentionally with my feelings.

Now, I have uni starting again on Monday. I'm not ready at all.

Hopefully this is just a rough patch and I'll see it through! Meanwhile I'll simply continue distracting myself with the things that make me happy.

After a bunch of sessions the Psychologists can't seem to find anything. If it's not authism, no personality order, not even depression, then I really have to wonder what else is even possible at this point. I mean they say it could be something that's similar to depression? There's also talk about seeing a therapist but that is also not clear at this point. Next time will be at the end of August. <_<

Hyzenthlay said:

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I can't speak for rl but at least on PC you seem so incredibly kind and emotionally strong. That's something I respect a lot about you. You don't deserve that suffering and I hope you'll get better soon. <3

Megan said:

I can't speak for rl but at least on PC you seem so incredibly kind and emotionally strong. That's something I respect a lot about you. You don't deserve that suffering and I hope you'll get better soon. <3

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Thank you, I really appreciate those kind words! <3 I know we all fall into bad times now and then, so I just have to carry enough strength to wait it out, like I've always done. When I made that post I was feeling quite low, but then I learnt my partner is safe and the relief has made me feel so much better. :)

I wish you luck with your sessions! I understand what that's like, having never received any concrete explanation this far myself, so I hope future sessions will be more successful for you. ^ ^

The reason I was avoiding the mental health club so much was because the day before the 4th of July, I was forced to break up with my boyfriend via mom. It was either that or get my cell phone taken away. Weird she's parenting on the sidelines while I live in this group home. *sigh* It was really hard for the majority of July. I was spiraling down like a plane about to crash. But today, I went to therapy for the third time in person (Not zoom), and I had a good support that brought me there, and maybe....it was for the better? I don't really know.

I might go to the beach on Friday with a friend so hopefully, that'll happen. He's a nerd, more of a Kingdom Hearts and Mario nerd, but he likes Pokemon too. He's just a friend, but I think I developed a little crush on him, but not a huge crush though so no ideas folks.

Here's hoping to a better August and rest of the year. I'm supposed to have a meeting or something August 5th about...stuff so hoping for the best possible outcome for myself (and of course with all my options weighed with pros and cons and logic).

Oh, and i'm supposed to spend Thanksgiving week with my Dad apparently. I know that's not til November, but i'm really hoping Dad gets the time off from his boss. This is more of a "make a wish" statement. Something like that. Is there a term for that? I don't really know.

I'm spreading my good vibes and hugs to everyone who needs it.

Second to last appointment was today. They told me it's some sort of personality disorder but didn't specify things. Apparently, they'll tell me on my last appointment. Meanwhile, they gave me a list of psychotherapists that I'm supposed to call up for therapy. I wonder how long it will take me to even get me started on the phone call thing.

I haven't slept much today, as well. And now I have an entire work day in front of me. <_<

Megan said:

Second to last appointment was today. They told me it's some sort of personality disorder but didn't specify things. Apparently, they'll tell me on my last appointment. Meanwhile, they gave me a list of psychotherapists that I'm supposed to call up for therapy. I wonder how long it will take me to even get me started on the phone call thing.

I haven't slept much today, as well. And now I have an entire work day in front of me. <_<

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As someone who has been around the block with therapy maybe I can help? Shoot me a message if you want, I would love to help if I am able.




I've been back in therapy for the first time in nearly a decade for a few months now and, wow, it has been amazing. I used to be jaded because, when I was younger, I had seen many therapists and didn't connect with any of them and it started to just feel like a racket. The one I have been going to recently has completely changed my view of therapy. To be fair, I think this is the most I have ever been invested because I need to do right by my partner and be the best that I can be for her. She has put up with a lot of my shit over the last 6 1/2 years and it is time for me to pay it forward.

I think I am in the best mental space of my life, I have really finally been able to cope with and understand what happened to me as a child and my anxiety and anger have both become far more manageable. It is still a daily struggle and I don't think PTSD is something you can ever truly fully get over, but it can be easier.

Anyone else having these issues with therapy my best advice would be, maybe take a break if you are in a headspace where you can and try someone new? This is the first therapist out of 5 or so who even has a personality I like so it may take some time for you to find your right fit, but good luck.

My therapist got fired and I need more than what the public service is giving me. Hopefully when we move I'll be able to afford a psychologist.

i.. have a lot to say, here. i'm putting it in spoilers because it's entirely about suicide. skip over this if you want, or not. it's a vent post, so...

Colours, i'm not going to reveal what's in the spoiler, but I think you're cool, and i'm sure many people here at PC like you. I wish I had advice for you cause I too have been in that boat as well, but sometimes.....I don't know, just don't give up hope ok? Trust me, where you've been in life, i've been there too.

In other news, I managed to get back together with my boyfriend...and, it's time to get a job. I can't tell you why I have to find one now, but it's time to adult up. Jeeze, i'm going to be 35 later this month. Enough with this day-hab shit.

Remember, day-hab kicked me out and pissed me off big time. I have to get a job. For me. For my boyfriend. For...my sanity. *sigh*

We haven't talked but know that I'll provide you support if you ever need. Real life is hard, and I also deal with such thoughts. We at PC can make it a little brighter!

Today was my last appointment by a psychologist. The result they came up with was Schizoid Personality Disorder. Ironically, last year I already stumbled upon that sort of disorder and kinda felt that it was pretty close at describing my daily woes. So, this was more of a confirmation, really. ^^"

We also went through some other points and ended up ruling out another disorder.

From this point on I'd need to look for a therapist. Dunno, if I'll ever get to that point, though. <_<

Megan said:

Today was my last appointment by a psychologist. The result they came up with was Schizoid Personality Disorder. Ironically, last year I already stumbled upon that sort of disorder and kinda felt that it was pretty close at describing my daily woes. So, this was more of a confirmation, really. ^^"

We also went through some other points and ended up ruling out another disorder.

From this point on I'd need to look for a therapist. Dunno, if I'll ever get to that point, though. <_<

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I'm glad you managed to get confirmation and rule some things out! That's always good progress, really hope things work out for you. <3

I've been feeling selective demotivation for a while lately. It seems like I'm really not keen on doing certain hobbies consistently anymore even though I know I love them (mostly drawing and playing certain things). It's...hard to understand why I only want to do certain things and not others, when under normal circumstances I should enjoy and want to do them all to some extent.

HAPPY WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY!

What are you doing to better your mental self? I know it's not an easy thing.

So far? Nothing.Not in the mood for stuff like that, tbh. And work is eating me up as per usual. <_<

I think it's peaceful hanging out with animals.

I got to hang out a local farm the other day and pet a baby goat.

meds. music. meditation. the 3 m's of bettering my mental health.

Just trying, really. Trying to push negative thoughts out of my head, trying to be nicer.
I really hate having such low self esteem, it brings me to tears sometimes.

Been a while... firstly I hope all you lovelies are doing well 💗

I have been really struggling of late.

Life is such a fight for me right now, both mentally and physically. I'm in excruciating pain 24/7. My demons won't leave me alone either and I'm having to live through all the violation and brutality again and again every day. My therapist has also started chipping away at something I really don't want to tell her, and I'm scared of what is going to happen if it comes out completely. My home life consists almost entirely of loneliness and walking on eggshells too.

I just feel absolutely useless right now, and a complete burden. I am simply in the way. I'm trying my very best to stay optimistic, but I'm just so very tired and I'm starting to feel that the fight isn't worth it anymore.

Starlight said:

ping!

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I'm sorry to hear about all of that but at the same time, I can't help but notice... you've already been through so much, you've already fought so bravely and got so far, and you seem to have many things you still look forward to and enjoy, no matter how trivial they might seem. You know, in that sense, don't make my own mistake...

Not to mention you're not useless and you're not a burden. Every single message of yours, even the gifs or the emojis, they helped me in one way or another and got a smile out of me! All of our interactions in Forum Games have been equally fun! And if you want to take a different spin on it... aren't we all kind of useless? We were not born with a goal or objective to fulfill already imposed onto us, we have to find that ourselves, and for all I know it can be as simple as doing what makes us happy and keep doing it for as long as our body lets us!

***

That said, I think it's about time I got to become more self-aware about my own issues, even those I can't explain with words or don't feel comfortable sharing here. I never really connected the dots, I was always very passive even when it came to look for help, but this has got to be the year where I try to change that about myself - because if there's something I realized is how pervasive these issues are. They affect me in perhaps every single aspect of my life, none excluded. I've probably already mentioned some: low self-esteem, being shy, being a catastrophist, but of course there's many more that I have to tackle and that will take a long time to come to terms with <3

Starlight said:

Been a while... firstly I hope all you lovelies are doing well 💗

I have been really struggling of late.

Life is such a fight for me right now, both mentally and physically. I'm in excruciating pain 24/7. My demons won't leave me alone either and I'm having to live through all the violation and brutality again and again every day. My therapist has also started chipping away at something I really don't want to tell her, and I'm scared of what is going to happen if it comes out completely. My home life consists almost entirely of loneliness and walking on eggshells too.

I just feel absolutely useless right now, and a complete burden. I am simply in the way. I'm trying my very best to stay optimistic, but I'm just so very tired and I'm starting to feel that the fight isn't worth it anymore.

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I can only begin to imagine the scale of how much you go through in terms of your health, Taylor, and I know nothing I say will make that pain dwindle. If I could take a share of it, I would, because it's pain enough knowing such a beautiful, kind and compassionate soul as you is having to persevere through it. One thing I know is that you're a fighter. You have that spark of life in you. Please, treasure it. You've fought so bravely through everything you've had to endure. In fact, countless times you've risen above the fight in order to be there for so many others in their time of need. That is true courage and beauty. I am always marvelling at how you do it. You're such a radiant star shining on us all. We here could never see you as a burden, which I hope can bring some comfort at the very least. We love you here, Taylor.

Sending hugs to all those whose hearts need a little mending. 💝