The PokéCommunity Forums Create & Discover Fan Fiction and Writing
Poetry The Bard's Poems

Fan Fiction and Writing Have a story you want to share? Or in the mood to sit back and read one, instead? Then come hang out here!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old 5 Days Ago (4:34 PM).
Bardothren's Avatar
Bardothren Bardothren is offline
Muddling along somehow
  • Silver Tier
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: In my room
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Quiet
Posts: 7,650
Howdy there. I thought I'd try writing poems because the mood struck me and because I have to get ten psychics somehow, so read on and enjoy. It'll be interesting to see if I haven't lost my touch.

Spoiler:
The Darkness Between Stars

When I reached for the stars, my hands froze.
My fingers blackened into shriveled raisins,
My blood boiled like black tea in its kettle,
My eyes popped, darkness filled the empty sockets,
My ears burst, deafened by the silence.
My voiceless withered away, unheard, with my lips.

Turning to dust, I was swept away by starry tides,
Mingling with the countless other lost souls,
Stirred together in the cast iron pot of the night sky
Into human soup, nameless and forgotten,
Hidden behind gleaming golden stars
That burned in their own glorious light.

As you look up at that star-studded sky,
Blind to the death between radiant life,
Take a moment to whisper a prayer
For all those souls, who, like Icarus,
Fell short of the stars they hoped to reach,
And were left floating, wingless, between the stars.
__________________

Don't mind me, I'll just be lurking in the shadows over here.

My fanfics:

Through the Scope (pretty bad)

Through the Aura (somewhat tolerable)

Through the Darkness (getting better)

Sleepy Chateau (a Halloween collab with Bay)


Also, come check out the Underground
for some fun, laughs, and murder!
Reply With Quote

Relevant Advertising!

  #2    
Old 5 Days Ago (4:57 PM). Edited 5 Days Ago by Bardothren.
Bardothren's Avatar
Bardothren Bardothren is offline
Muddling along somehow
  • Silver Tier
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: In my room
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Quiet
Posts: 7,650
Oh look, another poem. I whipped this one up with a half-eaten brownie next to my computer. I asked myself "Can I write a profound poem about a brownie?" and I told myself "Only one way to find out."

Spoiler:
The Brownie

I have before me a store-brought brownie.
Swaddled in crinkled, greasy white paper,
Chocolate dough crowned in chocolate frosting,
Garnished with circles of blue, pink and yellow sugar,
And I find myself profoundly curious
If it is possible to ascribe higher meaning to my dessert.

Does this brownie bear a lofty title in a land of desserts,
Lorded over by lofty wedding cakes and their cupcake children,
Guarded by chocolate bunny soldiers bearing candy canes,
With pies and tarts cooking dishes of sugar and cream,
Bars of chocolate tending to flocks of peeps,
And starbursts paddling peanut brittle boats over lakes of pudding?

Or perhaps its arrival at my home was heralded by a sage,
From a time of knights and chivalry and round tables,
When castles of stone gleamed under unsullied sunlight,
Wreathed with virgin air, untainted by oil and coal,
As an omen of calamity and destruction and inferno,
To bow men’s backs under the weight of grief.

Or maybe I’ve had one too many beers to drink.
After all, I can’t even count the bottles at my feet,
And I trip and fall each time I take a step,
Breaking glass beneath my beer-sodden belly,
Slicing deep gouges into my hands and knees,
And staining the chocolate treat with my blood.

No more meaning does this brownie have
Than the footprints left by foraging ants,
Nor does it mean any less than Da Vinci and Twain,
For like the crimson trail of broken glass behind me,
Like writing in sand and ponderous statues of stone,
When humans are gone, no one’s left to see our traces.
__________________

Don't mind me, I'll just be lurking in the shadows over here.

My fanfics:

Through the Scope (pretty bad)

Through the Aura (somewhat tolerable)

Through the Darkness (getting better)

Sleepy Chateau (a Halloween collab with Bay)


Also, come check out the Underground
for some fun, laughs, and murder!
Reply With Quote
  #3    
Old 5 Days Ago (6:44 PM).
Vragon's Avatar
Vragon Vragon is offline
say it with me (Vray-gun)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2016
    Location: In my little room with a window to the world!
    Gender: Male
    Posts: 133
    Wow, I'm so jealous right now (I'm not kidding but not extreme either)
    But returning to topic, both were really good. I liked how the first one you led all but the very first line in the first section with the word "My". It really added to that part and drew me in. I'm going to try and take a guess and say that the first poem is using the death and mingling between the stars to metaphorically express the people who "Stopped reaching for their goals/dreams" and were some of the many that fell short of a meaning. Or in other words, those that gave up on being something more.

    Your second one was great too, (bonus points since I don't like chocolate) but I did spy one little type. In line 7 "dessert" probably should have been plural. Since it is a "land of desserts" it just seemed weird, though most likely it was a typo. I was impressed on how you just took a measly brownie and went to contemplation. Would the brownie be royal in the land of desserts (I assume somewhat of Dessert Hierachy). Then to it being a bad omen of things to come (nice metaphor). Going to common sensibility of grasping reality once you get your head out of the clouds. And to the trash can after the whole bleed thing. You have a knack for taking something simple and just stretching it into something so elaborate, so complicated, so dark, so vivid that I paused my music to get a better focus (Kidding).

    But all in all nice read and glad you have a nice touch in poetry even if it's only for getting ten psychics somehow.
    __________________
    ~Vragon
    Great minds think alike!
    Reply With Quote
      #4    
    Old 4 Days Ago (9:02 AM).
    Ice's Avatar
    Ice Ice is offline
    • Crystal Tier
     
    Join Date: Aug 2014
    Posts: 3,253
    My first note would be to just remove the abundance of commas. In poetry, a linebreak is a pause already, so the comma serves no purpose. Poetry is grammarless, so I'd say only ever use a comma if you want to insert a pause into a line.

    I think your imagery is really nice, but to me, it doesn't feel like poetry just yet. You seem to adhere a bit too much to prose. Although a lot of that is personal taste, I like poetry that generally takes a piss at linguistic conventions a bit more.

    There are some lines I really like.
    "My eyes popped, darkness filled the empty sockets,"
    for example has this great internal approximate rhyme that creates this nice sense of rhythm.

    "As you look up at that star-studded sky,
    Blind to the death between radiant life,"
    Is another one that I think really works well because of those approximate rhymes. The I sound in sky, blind and life is a nice little beat that works well with the extra syllables radiants provides.

    I think that rhythm is something you could involve a little more. The sentence pacing is there, but the internal flow of words is a bit too inconsistent for my tastes, while I personally think rhythm is one of the most important aspects of poetry.
    __________________
    paired to Foxrally. I also tweet jokes, sprites, and opinions about Pokemon fangames here.
    Reply With Quote
      #5    
    Old 4 Days Ago (5:53 PM).
    Bardothren's Avatar
    Bardothren Bardothren is offline
    Muddling along somehow
    • Silver Tier
     
    Join Date: Nov 2014
    Location: In my room
    Age: 22
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Quiet
    Posts: 7,650
    To Vragon, I'm glad you enjoyed my poems,and I enjoy the feedback you gave me. If you're curious as to what I meant when I mentioned ten psychics (this one makes the seventh, by the way), this is the PC thread I refer to: https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=379605. I think you'd be interested.

    To Ice, many thanks for the critique. While I can't promise to pay more attention to rhythm, I can promise to ease up on the commas and add a bit of rhyme. Rhythm was never my strong point in creative writing classes, and I tended to favor clever, strong imagery. Here's to hoping you think this is an improvement.

    Also, keep in mind I'm not exactly pouring hours into these verses. Lord knows I don't have that kind of time, sadly.

    Spoiler:
    On the Wind

    I heard my name whispered on the wind
    A tickling feather brushed across my mind
    I followed the air to see what I would find
    Through oak and pine and rippling river bend.

    I found a cabin where a mountain once stood
    Formed of hewn stone and rough-cut wood
    Sunlight danced between branches in merry mood,
    Painting the cabin with flecks of green and gold.

    I approached warily and rapped against the door
    Peeked through a window and knocked once more
    Cobwebs shrouded the ceiling, dust coated the floor
    So, thinking it empty, I twisted the knob and walked through.

    I heard my name again, from the room ahead
    In a groggy, mournful voice as laden as lead
    With a shiver, I crept forward and found a bed
    And on its crimson pillows sat a severed head.

    It stared at me, eyes unblinking and pale blue
    Its sallow skin tinged with a sickly green hue
    A gaping hole yawned where its nose once grew
    It whipsered through cracked lips, “Don’t leave me too.”

    I fled the cabin, my feet carried on the wind
    The dread memory clinging like cobwebs to my mind
    I fled, not daring to imagine what else I would find
    Had I listened to the severed head and stayed behind.
    __________________

    Don't mind me, I'll just be lurking in the shadows over here.

    My fanfics:

    Through the Scope (pretty bad)

    Through the Aura (somewhat tolerable)

    Through the Darkness (getting better)

    Sleepy Chateau (a Halloween collab with Bay)


    Also, come check out the Underground
    for some fun, laughs, and murder!
    Reply With Quote
      #6    
    Old 4 Days Ago (5:59 AM).
    Winter's Avatar
    Winter Winter is offline
    Your edges are officially snatched!
    • Crystal Tier
     
    Join Date: Feb 2015
    Age: 20
    Gender: Female
    Nature: Calm
    Posts: 8,197
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ice View Post
    My first note would be to just remove the abundance of commas. In poetry, a linebreak is a pause already, so the comma serves no purpose. Poetry is grammarless, so I'd say only ever use a comma if you want to insert a pause into a line.
    I have to say, that is quite a misconception. Not all line breaks create pauses, for if they are mid-clause, they create enjambments which quickens the poem's pace. Line breaks are there for unnatural pauses; commas for natural ones. So there's no real crime in putting them there. (Of course, I have seen some poets choose not to have commas for end-stopped lines but it's purely a personal aesthetic choice, and not one of technicality.)

    I do agree with Ice on that while your imagery is rich (and curiously all linked to foods xP *inserts pretentious psychoanalysis of a subconscious desire to quell hunger*), I believe that what he means to convey is that they don't really do anything for the reader. For how I read it, it doesn't really take me anywhere, or shall I phrase it as such, I'm not sure what journey you desire me to accompany you on when you introduce these imagery.

    I'm meter deaf so I can't comment on rhythm (I do understand why you struggle a bit given your prose background) but oh, please, never force rhyme or feel like a poem needs rhyme to be deemed as one. Someone once told me "rhyming is necropastoral" and I'm inclined to trust them.
    __________________
    Reply With Quote
      #7    
    Old 3 Days Ago (5:23 PM).
    Bardothren's Avatar
    Bardothren Bardothren is offline
    Muddling along somehow
    • Silver Tier
     
    Join Date: Nov 2014
    Location: In my room
    Age: 22
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Quiet
    Posts: 7,650
    Something tells me I am going to get as many opinions as people responding to my poems. That's fine - it's all useful information. As a poet, I lean closer to prose, but I'll rhyme when the mood strikes me. I'll agree that I think On the Wind was a weaker poem, and The Darkness Between Stars definitely has my best imagery. I was thinking about that first poem for longer, so I had more material to work with.

    Anywho, here's an Undertale poem, because why not.

    Spoiler:
    An Ode to Undertale

    Raindrops play a tune across the rocky ground
    Like plucked harp strings dangling from the umbrella
    As the statue gives thanks in its wordless song
    That fills my heart with determination.

    The monster kid waddles besides me
    Striped shirt sleeves waving in the wind
    Tripping over every hole in the ground
    And rising each time with a cheerful smile.

    He stays close, leaning out of the rain
    His warm breath brushed against my neck
    Sending shivers down my frozen back
    That was numb from the sins crawling on it.

    I gripped the knife in my tattered pocket
    Stained with blood and dust and LOVE
    Wondering how much EXP I would gain
    From plunging the blade through its chest.

    But breath and cheerful smile melt the ice
    That had wreathed my blue, frozen heart,
    Weighed down all this time from the grin
    Of Papyrus’ head as I hacked it to dust.

    My sweaty fingers slipped from the hilt
    And settled numbly against my shaking leg.
    There, behind me, stumbled one happy life
    That would be spared of dusty genocide.
    __________________

    Don't mind me, I'll just be lurking in the shadows over here.

    My fanfics:

    Through the Scope (pretty bad)

    Through the Aura (somewhat tolerable)

    Through the Darkness (getting better)

    Sleepy Chateau (a Halloween collab with Bay)


    Also, come check out the Underground
    for some fun, laughs, and murder!
    Reply With Quote
      #8    
    Old 3 Days Ago (6:14 PM).
    Bardothren's Avatar
    Bardothren Bardothren is offline
    Muddling along somehow
    • Silver Tier
     
    Join Date: Nov 2014
    Location: In my room
    Age: 22
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Quiet
    Posts: 7,650
    This poem kinda just happened, after a thought I had that all my poems, no matter how they start, always end up dark. Instead of going against that grain, I wrote a poem about it... and somehow ended up with a bittersweet ending? Huh.

    Spoiler:
    Soul Prints

    They say one’s poems are their soul’s fingerprints.
    Those who write pretty poems say that the loudest.
    Me? I guess I believe it too, since I see my poems
    Each time I look in a mirror or down at a pond
    So still it almost makes me believe life can be calm
    Until a dancing orange leaf lands in it like a sea plane.

    Sometimes my poems start amiably enough
    Waxing eloquent on sunlight and trees and summer wind,
    But their thoughts turn swiftly to snow and ice,
    Like a rough wind that shakes the darling buds of May,
    Casting out the Shakespearian drivel and chilling the soul
    With shambling corpses and speaking severed heads
    That yearn for living company and the soft caress of skin.

    Other times, I forsake the empty gesture of joy
    And dive into the midden heap of tormented souls,
    Dredging up foul, reeking slime of regret and shame
    Warped by heat and pressure into enduring stone,
    And dumping wagonloads onto my neighbors’ lawns,
    Trampling their petunias and sun-petaled daffodils.

    If poems be the fingerprint of the soul, then mine is black
    Like the tears of dolphins choked by plastic and oil
    Set adrift across the sea to strangle a new victim
    Until the sea itself becomes a shambling corpse
    Licking the land with its greasy black tongue
    And smearing every inch of soil with its oily despair.

    But do not grieve, for with a soul black as mine,
    All other colors seem pure, white, and sublime.
    __________________

    Don't mind me, I'll just be lurking in the shadows over here.

    My fanfics:

    Through the Scope (pretty bad)

    Through the Aura (somewhat tolerable)

    Through the Darkness (getting better)

    Sleepy Chateau (a Halloween collab with Bay)


    Also, come check out the Underground
    for some fun, laughs, and murder!
    Reply With Quote
      #9    
    Old 2 Days Ago (9:09 AM).
    Bardothren's Avatar
    Bardothren Bardothren is offline
    Muddling along somehow
    • Silver Tier
     
    Join Date: Nov 2014
    Location: In my room
    Age: 22
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Quiet
    Posts: 7,650
    Another day, another poem. Here's to hoping you enjoy this one as well.

    Spoiler:
    Rainbow

    Red
    The color of fire and ruin,
    bringer of courage and fear
    the color of life and love
    whose sight paralyzes
    and summons ardor.

    Orange
    The color of Autumn,
    jack o lanterns glowing
    on porch steps, eyes
    like coals as they cast
    away the winter phantoms.

    Yellow
    The color of sunlight
    warmth and happiness
    flowers and pollen
    dancing in the breeze
    and sweet sticky honey.

    Green
    The color of growth and life
    new shoots poking through the earth
    spring leaves drinking sunlight
    as birds sing merry songs
    from slender tree branches.

    Blue
    The color of freedom
    an open, vast sky
    with birds soaring high
    and a tranquil blue sea
    with bounding dolphins.

    Purple
    The color of nobles
    long sought though well hidden
    in tiny clams, violets,
    and the last light of day
    as the sun slowly sinks.

    Black
    The color of sleep and death
    always stalking footsteps
    lurking in corners
    and the last hue life sees
    as it closes its eyes.
    __________________

    Don't mind me, I'll just be lurking in the shadows over here.

    My fanfics:

    Through the Scope (pretty bad)

    Through the Aura (somewhat tolerable)

    Through the Darkness (getting better)

    Sleepy Chateau (a Halloween collab with Bay)


    Also, come check out the Underground
    for some fun, laughs, and murder!
    Reply With Quote
    Reply
    Quick Reply

    Sponsored Links
    Thread Tools

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Minimum Characters Per Post: 25

    Forum Jump


    All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:00 AM.