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  #3751    
Old May 11th, 2013 (7:07 AM).
FenrirDarkWolf's Avatar
FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
    I'm just curious, can you explain what you mean there? I've just never come across the term "bear" in this context.
    Ohh! Sorry if I'm stealing any thunder, but I know this one!

    If what the internet has told me is correct, than a "bear" is terms of LGBT, is usually a larger man. Usually either muscular or fat, and usually kinda hairy. Essentially, he is a gay man who looks like a man, so to so.

    Is that correct Snow Phoenix? You know the internet can lie.
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      #3752    
    Old May 11th, 2013 (8:33 AM). Edited May 11th, 2013 by Alice.
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    Alice Alice is offline
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
    I have to agree as well, though in a slightly different sense. People who act too stereotypically girly (screaming over everything, obsessing over looks, etc.) drive me crazy.



    I'm just curious, can you explain what you mean there? I've just never come across the term "bear" in this context.
    A bear in this sense is a gay man who's large and hairy. Think lumberjacks.



    Quote:
    Originally Posted by FenrirDarkWolf View Post
    Ohh! Sorry if I'm stealing any thunder, but I know this one!

    If what the internet has told me is correct, than a "bear" is terms of LGBT, is usually a larger man. Usually either muscular or fat, and usually kinda hairy. Essentially, he is a gay man who looks like a man, so to so.

    Is that correct Snow Phoenix? You know the internet can lie.
    Edit: Didn't even see this post. Sorry for double answering. lol

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snow Phoenix View Post
    Should the queer community have more cohesion past removing the prejudice that some queer people have against other queer people (by this I'm referring to transphobia and bisexual invisibility)?
    I've never really been part of any community other than this one, so I can't say I have much experience... but I was surprised to see how prevalent things like transphobia are in the community. I just don't understand how someone who has faced so much discrimination can turn around and discriminate against someone else for the same reasons. I mean there are even gay people I know of in this club that are transphobic and don't believe in bisexuality and what not.
      #3753    
    Old May 11th, 2013 (12:15 PM).
    Melody Melody is offline
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by QuilavaKing View Post
      I've never really been part of any community other than this one, so I can't say I have much experience... but I was surprised to see how prevalent things like transphobia are in the community. I just don't understand how someone who has faced so much discrimination can t rn around and discriminate against someone else for the same reasons. I mean there are even gay people I know of in this club that are transphobic and don't believe in bisexuality and what not.
      Yeah, I can attest to the transphobia that is here on PC, I've dealt with it before. :<

      Not a fun thing to deal with, and it's not always overt or obvious in forum posts, because people usually don't say hurtful things like that directly or overtly on here because they'd be in trouble.
        #3754    
      Old May 11th, 2013 (12:34 PM).
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      Somniac Somniac is offline
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by QuilavaKing View Post
      Think lumberjacks.
      I tried my best but this is the only image I can conjure when I think of lumberjacks.
      I must be broken.

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        #3755    
      Old May 11th, 2013 (12:50 PM).
      Inkblots's Avatar
      Inkblots Inkblots is online now
         
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Somniac View Post
        I tried my best but this is the only image I can conjure when I think of lumberjacks.
        I must be broken.
        Hahaha, excuse me while I die of laughter XD

        Thank guys, "lumberjack" is actually the first thing that popped into my head (okay, I lie, the first thing that popped into my head was actually Sig Curtis from Full Metal Alchemist, but "lumberjack" was a close second), but I didn't want to make any assumptions :)
          #3756    
        Old May 11th, 2013 (12:51 PM).
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        Alice Alice is offline
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Somniac View Post
        I tried my best but this is the only image I can conjure when I think of lumberjacks.
        I must be broken.

        I have to admit, I like this lumberjack quite a bit more than normal. lol
          #3757    
        Old May 11th, 2013 (12:54 PM).
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        Snow Phoenix Snow Phoenix is offline
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Pachy View Post
          Yeah, I can attest to the transphobia that is here on PC, I've dealt with it before. :<

          Not a fun thing to deal with, and it's not always overt or obvious in forum posts, because people usually don't say hurtful things like that directly or overtly on here because they'd be in trouble.
          I'm a bit surprised to find out that there's a bit of transphobia here on PC since I always think of PC as being a very accepting place to some degree (there are pretty much just a lot of bigot haters and that's it). I'll also admit that I haven't seen as much transphobia on my campus except from some conservative friends of whom just get freaked out by trans people (they barely accept me, but they're making progress slowly -.-). I dated a trans man once and from what he told me, he gets a lot of hate on for being biologically female yet "playing in a gay man's world." I learned that I really couldn't get past the vag after all and I thought that it shouldn't matter if he was biologically female or not. If a gay man is sexually not attracted to a vagina and boobs and that can't be overlooked, then it shouldn't matter if he were biologically female since he wouldn't attract those men in the first place o.o I actually want to date a trans woman. I just feel a little bad since its mostly to learn more about myself.

          Yeah. The coined image of a "bear" would be a lumberjack o.o I'm 6'5" and pretty burly. I also wrestle quite a bit from taking Judo and Jiujitsu (I actually met my last boyfriend from Judo :3 It was fun flipping each other over. Literally). Pretty much it's that whole opposite spectrum of what most people stereotype gay people as being (of which I detest that stereotype so much since it doesn't accurately sum up the gay community at all =.=). The two marking characteristics are the hair and size, however, "chubs" (bigger men who aren't hairy) are also lumped into the community quite often. There are also many sub classifications based on a variety of sub characteristics such as ethnicity, degrees of hair, presence of a lot of muscles, age, and so on. For instance a "Panda Bear" is typically just an Asian male remotely close to the typical definition of bear since by nature (and some probably some culture influence) Asians have less hair and lower builds (there are a lot of muscular Asians though who would probably just associate themselves as being "athletic" though). Another example would be the muscle bear of whom typically has the hair, but has a muscular build as opposed to a more stocky build. It's all variable though since the classification is all superficial anyways. A hairy muscular man might just associate himself with just being a muscular guy as opposed to being a muscle bear for instance.
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            #3758    
          Old May 11th, 2013 (1:55 PM).
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          Maruno Maruno is offline
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            It's certainly true that some gay people see bisexuality as a non-thing, and who think that people who say they're bi are just indecisive and need to choose one end of the spectrum to sit on. Complete nonsense, of course, but having a binary state does make things simpler to work with.

            The only downside is that sexuality is absolutely not binary, nor even a sliding scale. There's so many aspects to attraction, including physical, emotional, romantic and sexual (just off the top of my head), and while the answers to each of these tend to be similar, they are each a spectrum in themselves and can vary a lot... and probably do in many people who, if pushed to be honest, might call themselves bi-curious. That's why labels (mentioned recently) aren't great for anything other than the extreme (fully gay/straight) cases, and that's why my first question upon someone labelling themselves will be to clarify what they actually mean.


            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Somniac View Post
            I tried my best but this is the only image I can conjure when I think of lumberjacks.
            I must be broken.
            Definitely. The first and only thing you should think of when you think of lumberjacks is this:



            It's also appropriate for this thread!
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              #3759    
            Old May 11th, 2013 (2:20 PM).
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            Entermaid Entermaid is offline
               
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              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Pachy View Post
              Yeah, I can attest to the transphobia that is here on PC, I've dealt with it before. :<

              Not a fun thing to deal with, and it's not always overt or obvious in forum posts, because people usually don't say hurtful things like that directly or overtly on here because they'd be in trouble.
              I don't want to be that person, but maybe you're just over-analyzing posts. I know being a sexual minority, we are quick to assume the worst of people since we do get a lot of flack, but perhaps since these remarks are indirect or nuanced inferences, they truly might not be transphobic or come from a malicious place, but it's not outside the realm of possibility that some of these comments may have been made in spite.

              This reminds me of a discussion from class this Fall.

              In one of my classes we were talking about media and its affects on culture and political ideology, etc. I chimed in on another classmate's remark about Lady Gaga, and explicated her exploitation of the LGBT community to serve her pursuits of fame and wealth. In doing so, she created masses of little monsters that she can essentially program, that are encouraged to be lethal cyber-bullies (despite claims of anti-bullying) while simultaneously learning the skills of self-victimization which only adds fuel to any latent suicidal tendencies. These kids are impressionable and don't have many role models to look up to, thus are much easier to exploit than heterosexual children, these kids and society as a whole would be better served by someone who doesn't glorify drug use, club-sex, anti-authoritarianism, victimization, and cyber-bullying just to make a quick buck and build her own market. I could go on, but...

              Anyway, the guy in my class responded irately, "Well, I am gay, and I think you would feel differently about her if you were gay. 'Normal' people just look down on us. I have had a very tough life because of being gay and she (Lady Gaga) pulled me through it. I am not a victim to people like you that are homophobic and backward. And you know what, I like drugs and sex, it's my choice, we (as in all gay people) are not hurting anyone when we go to clubs and hookup."

              I was like...case in point. First, you are victimizing yourself when I never made a single homophobic remark. (funny he didn't know I was gay) Second, given that you were exposed to her as your only idol almost as if a "savior" of your life; therefore, you have not "chosen" to endorse your lifestyle, she in fact, indoctrinated you. Third, you are more prone to excessive drinking and therefore unsafe sex while clubbing. Consequently, the medical expenses of society for your behavior make private behavior a public concern. Fourth, you are making assumptions of all gay people, implying an inherent affinity toward an action, which was a coding that society negatively perpetuates, yet you yourself are perpetuating that stereotype.

              I know this is just an anecdote. Generally, not specifically in your case Pachy, minority groups, especially LGBT, are quick to play a victim card or assume that some people are homophobic/transphobic without justification. That is why I am not found of many of the outspoken and boisterous gay advocacy groups, because they cause unintended products.
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                #3760    
              Old May 11th, 2013 (2:24 PM).
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              Inkblots Inkblots is online now
                 
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                I don't get the discrimination within the community either :/ you would think the LGBTQ community would be one of the most open communities you could ever come across. I will fully admit to not always understanding some orientations. The biggest for me is pansexuality. I understand that there is a difference between pan and bi, but I can't wrap my head around what that difference is no matter how many times it gets explained. That said, I completely accept that pansexuality exists even if I don't really "get it," and will still respect them as much as everyone else.
                  #3761    
                Old May 11th, 2013 (2:33 PM).
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                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
                  I don't get the discrimination within the community either :/ you would think the LGBTQ community would be one of the most open communities you could ever come across. I will fully admit to not always understanding some orientations. The biggest for me is pansexuality. I understand that there is a difference between pan and bi, but I can't wrap my head around what that difference is no matter how many times it gets explained. That said, I completely accept that pansexuality exists even if I don't really "get it," and will still respect them as much as everyone else.
                  I'll help ya.

                  Bisexual implies that there are two genders, Male and Female, one is sexually attracted to both.
                  (Sometimes transgenders or transexuals are excluded from this group.)

                  Some people do not consider themselves either male or female, which brings us to:

                  Pansexual (Pan=all), implies that there are more than two gender identities and that one is sexually attracted to men, women, transgender, or any variance of gender identity.

                  Often people, including self-proclaimed pansexuals, confuse pansexual and panromantic.

                  Panromantics are romantically attracted, not sexually attracted, to all people regardless of sexuality or gender-id. For me, this one is probably the most puzzling, because it becomes a choice at this point.
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                    #3762    
                  Old May 11th, 2013 (3:22 PM).
                  Melody Melody is offline
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                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Fenneking View Post
                    I don't want to be that person, but maybe you're just over-analyzing posts. I know being a sexual minority, we are quick to assume the worst of people since we do get a lot of flack, but perhaps since these remarks are indirect or nuanced inferences, they truly might not be transphobic or come from a malicious place, but it's not outside the realm of possibility that some of these comments may have been made in spite.
                    No, I'm pretty sure you're drawing conclusions from thin air here. I've actually experienced actual transphobia here from members of this forum off and on the board. I do not wish to name names, or instances of it though, since it is the past, nor do I wish to stir up drama I've long since moved past. While it hasn't been recently, it has occurred before.
                      #3763    
                    Old May 11th, 2013 (4:51 PM).
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                    Wow. There's a lot of interesting discussion going on here all of a sudden.

                    Anecdote: My close friend is gay and recently he's said he misses spending time with other gays. (In our circle of friends he's the only gay guy.) From things he's said, from other bits and pieces I've scraped together it seems like gay men have and like and want to keep a specific "gays only" sphere under the feeling that on some level no one else can understand them.

                    All my understanding about this group is second-hand or from observations I make as an outsider, but it does seem to have a unique kind of "boys club" mentality. I think the problem with it isn't necessarily outright hostility or hatred, but more a lack of exposure to anything dealing with women. A kind of echo chamber of maleness. Bi people, trans people, straight people - all of them have lives that typically include women or women's perspectives in one sense or another. Since gay men typically are the face of the gay community (women are a big part, of course, but they get overlooked more often) it's their views that filter out among the people, I think, and give the "gay community" this feeling of being hostile to bi/trans/etc people within its own ranks. I mean, if you looked over the people in this club here I bet you'd find that well over 50% are gay guys.

                    Strangely, it doesn't really seem to work the other way around with lesbian circles because we still live in straight male society so women can't really escape that to some separate space the way gay men can. Straight men will keep trying to assert themselves in women's business so even gay girls are interacting with men fairly often.
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                      #3764    
                    Old May 11th, 2013 (5:13 PM).
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                    Somniac Somniac is offline
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                    I've experienced the issue of people being opposed to the idea of bisexuality myself. By that I mean, they basically couldn't believe that I was bi, and kept asking me if i was 'straight or not'.

                    To anyone who holds that point of view I put it to you; I'm both sexually and romantically attracted to both males and females. I wouldn't class myself with any sort of gender-identification other than I'm female, in a female body, meaning that I couldn't be classed as having some soft of gender confusion. So the only word that fits is bisexual.

                    IDK, it seems odd to me that people are so opposed to the idea of bisexual. I've heard the argument that people simply want 'confirmation of what gender I'm attracted to' but it's a simple as 'both'.

                    Saying that the word bisexual implies that the person doesn't accept the fact that there are more than two genders [male and female, rather than male, female, trans, and so on] is wrong, at least in my mind.

                    I totally accept that there are multitudes of gender identities, but I simply haven't the experience to say whether i'm attracted to them. I mean, if you've never eaten cabbage, you can;t really tell someone whether you like cabbage or not, right?

                    I'm attracted to men and women, romantically and sexually, and that make me bisexual in my mind.
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                      #3765    
                    Old May 11th, 2013 (6:36 PM).
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                    Inkblots Inkblots is online now
                       
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                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by Fenneking View Post
                      I'll help ya.

                      Bisexual implies that there are two genders, Male and Female, one is sexually attracted to both.
                      (Sometimes transgenders or transexuals are excluded from this group.)

                      Some people do not consider themselves either male or female, which brings us to:

                      Pansexual (Pan=all), implies that there are more than two gender identities and that one is sexually attracted to men, women, transgender, or any variance of gender identity.

                      Often people, including self-proclaimed pansexuals, confuse pansexual and panromantic.

                      Panromantics are romantically attracted, not sexually attracted, to all people regardless of sexuality or gender-id. For me, this one is probably the most puzzling, because it becomes a choice at this point.
                      Haha, thank you for trying, but see, I should have explained a little better. I understand from an intellectual viewpoint the differences in the definitions of pansexual vs bisexual, but I have a lot of difficulty understanding past that... I don't know, it's hard to put into words what exactly it is that stumps me. I guess just... I don't know, I don't understand why a bisexual person wouldn't be attracted to a transgendered person? And that even though there are plenty of people who fall on the spectrum between male/female, most of those people are closer to one than the other, at least in terms of how they appear to others, and... I don't know, I'm not explaining this very well. I have difficulty understanding the whole attraction thing to begin with on anything deeper than a surface intellectual level, so... yeah, I'm just gonna awkwardly sidle on out of this post now... >_>
                        #3766    
                      Old May 11th, 2013 (7:19 PM).
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                      Entermaid Entermaid is offline
                         
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                        Quote:
                        Originally Posted by Scarf View Post
                        Wow. There's a lot of interesting discussion going on here all of a sudden.

                        Anecdote: My close friend is gay and recently he's said he misses spending time with other gays. (In our circle of friends he's the only gay guy.) From things he's said, from other bits and pieces I've scraped together it seems like gay men have and like and want to keep a specific "gays only" sphere under the feeling that on some level no one else can understand them.

                        All my understanding about this group is second-hand or from observations I make as an outsider, but it does seem to have a unique kind of "boys club" mentality. I think the problem with it isn't necessarily outright hostility or hatred, but more a lack of exposure to anything dealing with women. A kind of echo chamber of maleness. Bi people, trans people, straight people - all of them have lives that typically include women or women's perspectives in one sense or another. Since gay men typically are the face of the gay community (women are a big part, of course, but they get overlooked more often) it's their views that filter out among the people, I think, and give the "gay community" this feeling of being hostile to bi/trans/etc people within its own ranks. I mean, if you looked over the people in this club here I bet you'd find that well over 50% are gay guys.

                        Strangely, it doesn't really seem to work the other way around with lesbian circles because we still live in straight male society so women can't really escape that to some separate space the way gay men can. Straight men will keep trying to assert themselves in women's business so even gay girls are interacting with men fairly often.
                        Don't worry, you're not the only one whose noticed this.

                        I definitely see the whole "boys club" mentality in cliques. I don't have many gay friends, urm, if any, but of those I am acquainted with there are distinct characteristics they all share among groups. It's a more extreme version of, I guess, any group mentality. For instance, straight women usually bond with other straight women that share the same characteristics; yet, they are more willing to place stress on the characteristics of the group such as interests or appearance/style rather than sexuality, as it seems like straight women are more apt to include lesbian women than straight men include gay men in their inner circles. And, both heterosexual men and women naturally gravitate toward each other, even as friends and groups - yet usually their are sex-specific groups within these groups. Ultimately though, there seems to be a bit more overlap than gay-male groups.

                        My experience has been the gay guy of the group, when I hang with either straight men or women, usually both simultaneously. So, there is an isolation there, a feeling of uniqueness to the group dynamic though a feeling of not belonging. I do see the attractiveness of being friends with similar gay men because one might feel more cohesive with the group, but I wouldn't want to be pigeon-holed into one specific "type". (I wonder what my gay classification I would even be? lol ) Ultimately, it would be nice to have some friends of both straight and gay, but I imagine it would be strenuous to coalesce the two; they would most likely be separate circles. Maybe this is different in more urbanized areas.

                        @ Pachy, didn't mean to offend you, I was just making the point, not certain conclusion, that making inferences of hate and ignorance can be unproductive if we are not 100% sure where the remark is coming from given that the posts were not obviously or overtly transphobic as stated. Didn't mean to sound like I was on my high-horse; sometimes I too unconsciously make inferences that someone is homophobic based on a remark, but I try to employ a bit of due diligence before I assume anyone is being hateful. I mean, I make blatant "gay" jokes from time to time, and I know that I am certainly not homophobic or hateful of gays. A lot of the friends I have now, I have thought at some point in time as I was getting to know them that they had something against gay people.
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                          #3767    
                        Old May 11th, 2013 (8:32 PM). Edited May 12th, 2013 by Snow Phoenix.
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                        Snow Phoenix Snow Phoenix is offline
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                          Interesting thoughts all across the board. I feel quite a bit different then since I live in one of the most interesting cities to be gay in. I live in Austin, Texas which despite being in Texas, is quite progressive and liberal with anything concerning gay rights. We have several strong activism groups even on campus and the political thought here is towards equal rights for all people, regardless of any identity. With that being said, I've never observed any type of cliques except for two. Like previously mentioned, I've noticed that the bears usually tend to stick to themselves at gay bars tailored to bears or at regular straight bars. We also have this really defined group of pure activists who will usually take on a gender neutral pronoun and paint their nails as a symbol of sexual freedom with strong desires to reclaim the world for gay freedom. We have a really strong (almost a bit radical at times, but I still love them) group that coheres really well together. Neither group is particularly exclusive, but they do tend to stick to themselves. So I really haven't seen Scarf's aforementioned phenomenon, but I feel as if I serve as a pretty rare exception o.o

                          My previous experience with being gay in strong southern states has always been gay is a sin so cluster up in groups and defend yourselves, and the next gay guy you meet is your boyfriend since that's the only boy you're ever going to meet this far into the bible belt. So yeah. I really don't have that much experience of typical gay society. I've been out to the clubs before too and to a few parties (I give the best lap dances :3), but even still o.o' Even the really stereotypical things like twerking aren't attributed to anything other than a simple and whimsical "why not?". The clubs are a little different though since I've never really left my group of friends while I go out clubbing for safety measures :x I do live in a party city...

                          Oh and I found this video which made me laugh. There's a homosexual in the neighborhood. Hide yo kids. Hide you wives =.=

                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3S24ofEQj4

                          Look how far we've come from black and white.
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                            #3768    
                          Old May 11th, 2013 (10:37 PM).
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                          FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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                            .........
                            I have no clue what is going on here....
                            Like, seriously, poor Demisexual, Biromantic, Fenrir can't understand what's going on...
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                              #3769    
                            Old May 12th, 2013 (2:24 PM).
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                            Inkblots Inkblots is online now
                               
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                              Quote:
                              Originally Posted by FenrirDarkWolf View Post
                              .........
                              I have no clue what is going on here....
                              Like, seriously, poor Demisexual, Biromantic, Fenrir can't understand what's going on...
                              *pat pat* don't worry, extremely asexual, aromantic Inkblots over here is feeling a little confused too. As my last post may have indicated, lol.

                              I'm just gonna smile and nod and be over here wrapping my mother's day presents.
                                #3770    
                              Old May 12th, 2013 (2:56 PM).
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                              FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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                                Quote:
                                Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
                                *pat pat* don't worry, extremely asexual, aromantic Inkblots over here is feeling a little confused too. As my last post may have indicated, lol.

                                I'm just gonna smile and nod and be over here wrapping my mother's day presents.
                                Ohh~
                                Speaking family, they know I have a boyfriend. :3
                                They don't care. ^.^
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                                  #3771    
                                Old May 12th, 2013 (3:50 PM).
                                Entermaid's Avatar
                                Entermaid Entermaid is offline
                                   
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                                  Quote:
                                  Originally Posted by FenrirDarkWolf View Post
                                  Ohh~
                                  Speaking family, they know I have a boyfriend. :3
                                  They don't care. ^.^
                                  That's always a good thing!

                                  Sorry about not being inclusive with the minorities of the sexual minorities you guys :p

                                  I don't think most people even know what asexual means to be honest. Let alone demisexual!
                                  Though, I am wondering myself if demisexual could be a sub-sect of any sexuality. Like, do gay men who only have sex with gay men they have a romantic and ardent connection qualify as being a demisexual homosexual. Or is it more so, demisexuals, in general, do not have a sexual preference along the lines of gender or sexual identity, and only do so based a romantic and ardent connection. Essentially, pansexual in terms of potential partner id, open to become sexually attracted to any gender identity, though ultimately can only be sexual attracted once a romantic and ardent connection is established?

                                  Or are both of these wrong? haha.



                                  Well, I can't ignore just one of you, so I have a fun asexual question too! ;)

                                  Being that you are asexual, not having a sexual attraction to any gender id, I can see the appeal of a romantic relationship and associated with "sexual release", despite not having an physical attraction to the partner you are with.

                                  With that said, given the choice between a male and female partner and that you are not more or less attracted to either, would one seek a female, to live a life less stressful for going against cultural norms of homo-romanticism? Unless, it is easier to identify with another sexual minority, such as a homosexual male, or even with another asexual male, thus a preferred choice?

                                  Do either of these sentiments affect your decision of who to select as a partner?


                                  Can't wait to see what you guys think. Also, other people who id as either of the above questions, feel free to weigh-in as well.
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                                    #3772    
                                  Old May 12th, 2013 (6:48 PM). Edited May 13th, 2013 by Inkblots.
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                                  Inkblots Inkblots is online now
                                     
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                                    Quote:
                                    Originally Posted by Fenneking View Post
                                    That's always a good thing!

                                    Sorry about not being inclusive with the minorities of the sexual minorities you guys :p

                                    I don't think most people even know what asexual means to be honest. Let alone demisexual!
                                    Though, I am wondering myself if demisexual could be a sub-sect of any sexuality. Like, do gay men who only have sex with gay men they have a romantic and ardent connection qualify as being a demisexual homosexual. Or is it more so, demisexuals, in general, do not have a sexual preference along the lines of gender or sexual identity, and only do so based a romantic and ardent connection. Essentially, pansexual in terms of potential partner id, open to become sexually attracted to any gender identity, though ultimately can only be sexual attracted once a romantic and ardent connection is established?

                                    Or are both of these wrong? haha.



                                    Well, I can't ignore just one of you, so I have a fun asexual question too! ;)

                                    Being that you are asexual, not having a sexual attraction to any gender id, I can see the appeal of a romantic relationship and associated with "sexual release", despite not having an physical attraction to the partner you are with.

                                    With that said, given the choice between a male and female partner and that you are not more or less attracted to either, would one seek a female, to live a life less stressful for going against cultural norms of homo-romanticism? Unless, it is easier to identify with another sexual minority, such as a homosexual male, or even with another asexual male, thus a preferred choice?

                                    Do either of these sentiments affect your decision of who to select as a partner?


                                    Can't wait to see what you guys think. Also, other people who id as either of the above questions, feel free to weigh-in as well.
                                    Haha, don't worry. I can't speak for Fenrir of course, but I don't feel excluded so much as just... confused. I'm just coming to realize that I know even less than I thought I did about the whole physical/romantic attraction thing, lol. These kinds of conversations don't really come up with most of my friends. It's usually more along the lines of "damn, he's hot" and me going "uh, yeah, sure, whatever" >_>

                                    To give a quick definition, a demisexual person only feels sexual attraction towards people they have an emotional connection with (in other words, a demisexual will rarely, if ever, feel attraction towards complete strangers). Someone who feels sexual attraction towards strangers, but chooses to have sex with someone they have an emotional connection to, isn't demisexual, the same way a person who feels attraction towards others, but decides to be celibate, isn't asexual. I'll let Fenrir field the more complicated attraction parts of that question, haha.

                                    I'm actually aromantic as well as asexual - I don't feel any romantic attraction towards anyone, and have never had any desire to be in a romantic relationship, or share the rest of my life with one particular person. The closest I've come are "squishes" (like a crush, except it's an intense desire to be friends with someone, rather than to be romantic partners with them) or the occasional fantasy about finding a queer-platonic partner/friend (also known as a zucchini) - someone (of any gender) with whom I am closer than most friends, but who isn't a romantic or monogamous partner. That said, I wouldn't want to live with said person for the rest of my life. Neighbouring apartments or sharing a duplex, something like that would be fine, but not living in the same house/apartment.

                                    If I HAD to choose to live with someone though, I'm not sure... it really depends more on personality than gender. All else being equal, I would probably choose to live with a straight woman. Partly because I feel like it would be easier to convince people we aren't romantically involved. And because there won't be any issues with her developing feelings for me that I won't be able to return.
                                      #3773    
                                    Old May 12th, 2013 (7:02 PM).
                                    Entermaid's Avatar
                                    Entermaid Entermaid is offline
                                       
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                                      Quote:
                                      Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
                                      Haha, don't worry. I can't speak for Fenrir of course, but I don't feel excluded so much as just... confused. I'm just coming to realize that I know even less than I thought I did about the whole physical/romantic attraction thing, lol. These kinds of conversations don't really come up with most of my friends. It's usually more along the lines of "damn, he's hot" and me going "uh, yeah, sure, whatever" >_>

                                      To give a quick definition, a demisexual person only feels sexual attraction towards people they have an emotional connection with (in other words, a demisexual will rarely, if ever, feel attraction towards complete strangers). Someone who feels sexual attraction towards strangers, but chooses to have sex with someone they have an emotional connection to, isn't demisexual, the same way a person who feels attraction towards others, but decides to be celibate, isn't asexual. I'll let Fenrir field the more complicated attraction parts of that question, haha.

                                      I'm actually aromantic as well as asexual - I don't feel any romantic attraction towards anyone, and have never had any desire to be in a romantic relationship, or share the rest of my life with one particular person. The closest I've come are "squishes" (like a crush, except it's an intense desire to be friends with someone, rather than to be romantic partners with them) or the occasional fantasy about finding a queer-platonic partner/friend (also known as a zucchini) - someone (of any gender) with whom I am closer than most friends, but who isn't a romantic or monogamous partner. That said, I wouldn't want to live with said person for the rest of my life. Neighbouring apartments or sharing a duplex, something like that would be fine, but not living in the same house/apartment.

                                      If I HAD to choose to live with someone though, I'm not sure... it really depends more on personality than gender. All else being equal, I would probably choose to live with a straight woman. Partly because I feel like it would be easier to convince people we aren't romantically involved. And because there won't be any issues with her developing feelings for me that I won't be able to return.
                                      Wow, great. Thanks for sharing.

                                      I can't imagine what life would be like. If I would feel out of place or rather if I would feel less pressure or less controlled by romantic or sexual feelings. Probably a little of both...For me, I get the worst of both, feeling out of place AND all those intense romantic/sexual feelings that help us make terrible decisions! haha.

                                      Aromantic, huh? Oohh, this makes this so much more interesting that it already was. Basically, you would be looking for best friend(s) to supplement partners as a very superficial way to sum things up. Though, now I am wondering, do asexual/aromantic people have any sort of physical relationship with anyone usually, even if not monogamous? I mean they still have all of the physiological responses to certain stimuli (my way of word sanitation).

                                      Disclaimer, I have very little knowledge about the many sexual minorities among the sexual minorities. So bear with me :p
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                                        #3774    
                                      Old May 12th, 2013 (8:48 PM). Edited May 13th, 2013 by Inkblots.
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                                      Inkblots Inkblots is online now
                                         
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                                        Quote:
                                        Originally Posted by Fenneking View Post
                                        Wow, great. Thanks for sharing.

                                        I can't imagine what life would be like. If I would feel out of place or rather if I would feel less pressure or less controlled by romantic or sexual feelings. Probably a little of both...For me, I get the worst of both, feeling out of place AND all those intense romantic/sexual feelings that help us make terrible decisions! haha.

                                        Aromantic, huh? Oohh, this makes this so much more interesting that it already was. Basically, you would be looking for best friend(s) to supplement partners as a very superficial way to sum things up. Though, now I am wondering, do asexual/aromantic people have any sort of physical relationship with anyone usually, even if not monogamous? I mean they still have all of the physiological responses to certain stimuli (my way of word sanitation).

                                        Disclaimer, I have very little knowledge about the many sexual minorities among the sexual minorities. So bear with me :p
                                        A little of both is definitely the best way to put it. I've been lucky in not having to deal with ignorant people directly, but I do feel excluded (and a little resentful) when I hear people talking as though every single person must find a mate of some sort in order to be "real" or "whole", and treat romantic love as the most important or "powerful" thing in the world. On the flip side, I am glad I don't have to deal with a lot of the relationship crap other people do, though I wonder if part of my intense dislike for it is that I don't understand why people go to all the trouble they do. It's kind of like, imagine you were plunked down on an alien world where colour is very important. All the aliens can see a colour that humans can't see, and that colour is the most important one of them all. You can understand that it exists, that it's located at this spot on the radiation spectrum, that these objects reflect that colour, and that the aliens describe it like this... but you still can't see the colour, and you still can't imagine what it might look like, and no matter how many times they try to explain, you still can't understand why it's so important or why they will do just about anything to own something that is that colour.

                                        Looking for best friends is a good way to put it :) as far as physical intimacy, yes, some asexual/aromanic people do look for physical relationships, but as far as I can tell, it's not the norm, and I'm not sure what those relationships might look like for those who do seek them out (though I imagine they tend to be a non-monogamous friends-with-benefits type). I can't speak to actual numbers, but most seem to prefer to take care of any "urges" they may have (which usually seem to be less frequent and/or less intense than those of sexual people, at least from what I've gathered) on their own, rather than with a partner. A lot of aces are completely disinterested in having sex, if not somewhat disgusted by it (even if they aren't bothered by other people having sex). Speaking for myself, I can definitely say that there is very little that weirds me out more than the thought of having sex - particularly if it's with a specific person. And the better I know the person, the weirder it is to think about. I don't care if other people want to have sex, I just don't want to hear about it, haha.

                                        (also, I have no problems with you, or anyone, asking as many questions as you want :) so don't worry about that.)
                                          #3775    
                                        Old May 13th, 2013 (8:28 AM).
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                                        FenrirDarkWolf FenrirDarkWolf is offline
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                                          Quote:
                                          Originally Posted by Fenneking View Post
                                          That's always a good thing!

                                          Sorry about not being inclusive with the minorities of the sexual minorities you guys :p

                                          I don't think most people even know what asexual means to be honest. Let alone demisexual!
                                          Though, I am wondering myself if demisexual could be a sub-sect of any sexuality. Like, do gay men who only have sex with gay men they have a romantic and ardent connection qualify as being a demisexual homosexual. Or is it more so, demisexuals, in general, do not have a sexual preference along the lines of gender or sexual identity, and only do so based a romantic and ardent connection. Essentially, pansexual in terms of potential partner id, open to become sexually attracted to any gender identity, though ultimately can only be sexual attracted once a romantic and ardent connection is established?

                                          Or are both of these wrong? haha.
                                          I mean, I don't complete understand it myself. The only reason I know I'm demisexual, biromantic is because, I have felt sexual attraction to both sexes before...

                                          I'm confused with all this label stuff.
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