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Pokémon Fallout (OOC/SU)

Dawn

[span="font-size:180%;font-weight:900;color:#a568f
4,594
Posts
15
Years
@OrangeNess: Please note that PTA and Fallout have two EXTREMELY different worlds and history issues may not apply between the two.
 

OrangeNess

Layton Lover
204
Posts
11
Years
I know, but I've been using colors in my posts in PTA, so I'm gonna fix that. Also, how many years does this take place after B/W?
 

TornZero

Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
1,137
Posts
13
Years
Also, how many years does this take place after B/W?

Did... did you even skim the first post?

I mean it. Seriously — you are making it seem as if you didn't even take two seconds to glance at the first post of this thread and you went straight to the character sheet. The time period is literally one of the easiest things to find out about this RP.
 
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Batel

A nothing.
119
Posts
11
Years
Alright, here's my SU. I'm not really sure if this is up to the par of awesomeness you expect... But tell me what you think, Yellow. I'll be happy to edit it if you see any problems. ^^

Spoiler:
 
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machomuu

Stuck in Hot Girl Summer
10,507
Posts
15
Years
Sorry, I'm not that much of a clear writer. I meant how many years after B/W did the pokemon vanish?

Welcome to the OOC/SU thread for Pokémon Fallout! We're a post-apocalyptic, sandbox'ish style pokemon roleplay set in the Sinnoh region that takes a few numbers from Pokemon Reburst rather than using the traditional systems. Interested to know more? Read the plot!~ Please note before signing up that it has been somewhere around 100 years since pokemon vanished.
This information can be found right under the title.
 

OrangeNess

Layton Lover
204
Posts
11
Years
@machomuu Argh. I meant how many years after B/W did the pokemon vanish? I know it takes place 100 years after the time they did vanish. I knew that was there.
 

machomuu

Stuck in Hot Girl Summer
10,507
Posts
15
Years
@machomuu Argh. I meant how many years after B/W did the pokemon vanish? I know it takes place 100 years after the time they did vanish. I knew that was there.
Ness, think about it. The radical group took action not long after the actions of N and Ghetsis, and not long after that did the purge start. "Around 100 years" is valid for both answers, because it wasn't long after that the purge started, and because it was a rapid effect, it couldn't have taken longer than a couple months, maybe a year, for the pokemon to disappear. Thus, the timespan between the two events is rather short, your answer is "around 100 years". Now, the developments of the researchers might have taken some time, but not more than a couple years. After all, I'm pretty sure Arceus would be pissed if humans created a virus that destroyed the entire principle on which it created pokemon, it wouldn't let research continue for too long.
 

Dawn

[span="font-size:180%;font-weight:900;color:#a568f
4,594
Posts
15
Years
@OrangeNess: I'm not sure why this is important info... If I must, I'd say somewhere around 10 years passed between BW and pokemon ultimately disappearing. That's accounting for BW2, the scientist's making final virus, and the period of time in which the virus was out but Arceus had not yet done anything about it.
 

OrangeNess

Layton Lover
204
Posts
11
Years
Attempt 4. Thanks for the info Yellow. And, this is a COMPLETE rewrite. 100%
Name: Harrison (He has no memory of his last name.)
Nickname (Optional): Harry
Age (10-13): 10
Sex (Male or Female): Male
­­­­Appearance (A picture can be provided instead of a description if you sowish.): Harry is a gray haired boy with super pale skin, due to him living inthe underground. He has two thin lines around his neck and arms, and has smallgreen, yellow, and red gems in his palms like an Elgyem. He also has brightgreen eyes.
Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Theirmental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): Harry is a very excitableboy, and steals from others in the underground. He has no fear of gettingcaught for stealing. Even though he is semi-fearless and works by himself, deepdown he longs for people to like and accept him. He has always marveled at thefossils on the walls of the underground, and wants to learn about them. He hasyet to find out what they are.
History (Where did your character grow up? Who did they grow up with?What have they been doing before this? Any noteworthy events?): Harry grew upin the underground without any memory of his parents. He stels from those withfood and preserves it in his little cave he calls his home. Harry has only onefear he admits, which is Lizzy Borkson. She scares him halfway to Johto. Heloves the pastime of eavesdropping. One day he hears a rumor about Lizzy andsomethings called "pokespirits" and the "surface". He wonders if "pokespirits"have anything to do with the fossils on the wall, and begins to study them. Oneday, while digging for more fossils, he finds a rope that goes up and up andup. He thought aloud, "Could this lead to the surface I heard about? Man, I'mexcited. Will there be more things to steal? More fossils? Who cares, I'mheadin' up!" So Harry heads up and finds himself up on Mt. Coronet. Afterexploring for a while, he runs into the Arceus tablet. Long story short, he receiveshis pokespirit, Ellie. Ellie tells him stories of the fossil pokemon he has somuch interest in.
Pokéspirit (No legendaries. Alternate color schemes are allowed.)
Species: Elgyem
­­Nickname (Optional): Ellie (yes, I'm unoriginal)
Personality (Can be as short or long as you want): Ellie is a quietspirit with no desire to fight. She doesn't like the fact that Harry stealsfood, but allows it because she knows it is for his well being. She didn't pickhim because he is a thief, but because of his longing for human interaction.She enjoys telling Harry about the fossil pokemon that lived before his time.Has hints of sarcasm in her voice.
Moves (Maximum of 6. TM and egg moves are allowed. These are the movesyour charac­ter gets when they fuse): Psychic, Recover, Zen Headbutt, Protect,Shadow Ball, Nasty Plot
Other (Optional): Ellie allows Harry to float around without walking.This is now Hary's main mode of transportation.
Opening Post (This will be what we use to determine whether your writingskills are good enough. If accepted, you may feel free to copy paste your posthere into the IC thread.):


"Living in a cave is a drag.The adults in Jubilife I steal from are total idiots. They leave their stuff inthe open. Total stupidity." I said to Ellie.

Hey now, that's not very nice. Don't call people those names.

"Whatever, Ellie. I just amsaying that 'cause it's true. Continue about Shieldon, please."

Well,Harry, Shieldons had tall metal heads. It used it to protect itself fromoncoming attacks. It was more of a defensive-based pokemon.

"Ellie, that's awesome.Alright, I'm hungry. Where did I put that food."

Harry, you ate it all.

"Oh. Well, that's cool. I'mnot THAT hungry. Ellie, what would I do without you?"

Not remember where the food is. And probably steal a lot more.

"True."
 

TornZero

Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
1,137
Posts
13
Years
Since it'll be difficult to have any kindness in what I'm about to say, I simply won't try. Please excuse anything offensive, even though I know all of this will be.

Let me start by saying that your sign-up sheet was physically painful to read; I actually strained my eyes withstanding it. Your first attempt was easier to bear. The first one wasn't single-spaced, nor riddled with a lack of spaces where spaces should certainly be. I had to copy it into a text editor and correct all that before I could get past "Appearance".

On the appearance and personality alike, it's extremely bare. (Well, more bare than everything else in the sheet.) What kind of clothes does he wear? How pale is "super pale" to you? Can you see veins clearly through his skin? Does it make him have an aversion to sunlight because he burns easily? or does he pull a Twilight and sparkle under the daytime star's glow? Do the stones in his hands flash like an Elgyem's?

What makes him excitable — does he have anxiety issues? Is he easy to sneak up on and startle? Why does he want people to accept him when he seems perfectly happy to be a lone thief in the history? (On that note: thieves aren't exactly outcasts, let alone hated when it's almost a necessity for those who can't forage or kill and cannibalize.) Why is he only afraid of Lizzy, when there are tons of people in the Underground much worse than him, and many likely ready to attack him if he looks at them funny?

For the history, why does he have no recollection of his family? Who raised him? How does he never have to change the location of his "home" when — again — the Underground is full of people much, much worse than him? That aside, the history is disorganized in general. Where the hell did the rope come from? How did it lead straight to Mount Coronet of all places instead of possibly dumping him in Snowpoint Temple or something? This is an act of deus ex machina, and a very annoying one to think about because the journey in getting a Pokéspirit is totally worthless. There are various places scattered around Sinnoh to go between the surface and the Underground, and he finds a rope directly connected to Mount Coronet.

Then there's the Pokéspirit. How does an Elgyem — clearly a modern surface Pokémon and thought to be extraterrestrial — have in-depth knowledge of Pokémon old enough to only be found as fossils? Also, a person getting their Pokéspirit is generally random. What managed to make the Elgyem actually have an overwhelming desire to have this particular wielder, when a Pokéspirit has to judge on appearance and whether or not they want to go back to the physical world.

Lastly, your opening post is way too short to be an opening post. 123 words when you have total freedom over your character's actions (and not having to deal with waiting for someone to react) isn't a respectable way to start at all. When we're looking at someone's sign-up, the opening post has to really stick out and show what you can do, especially if the character itself is nothing to look at whatsoever. An awesome opening post is even able to pardon a lot of mistakes in a character sheet.

This isn't a rejection letter, but I think it should be pretty clear that it needs serious revising. If you need to, take some time to improve before your attempts only produce the same quality as this.

[As an extra note, this reply was longer than the SU by over 100 words.]
 
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Batel

A nothing.
119
Posts
11
Years
Sorry to be somewhat of a recurring thought, but could someone possibly inform me of whether my SU is up to scratch. I'd rather know so that I can edit it sooner rather than later.
 

Dawn

[span="font-size:180%;font-weight:900;color:#a568f
4,594
Posts
15
Years
@Batel: Apologies. The good news is that you don't have to edit your SU, because you're approved.
 
7
Posts
11
Years
  • Seen Mar 29, 2013
I'm definitely signing up for this roleplay, it looks very interesting. I should have my sign up finished some time soon.
 
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Batel

A nothing.
119
Posts
11
Years
Thank you very much Yellow.

Right, so I'm not quite sure if I'll be playing by myself for a while or not. But I suppose that depends on what characters aren't fighting the Haxorus user.
I'm sure people aren't too keen to get another person involved with that fiasco. XD;
 

Khawill

<3
1,567
Posts
11
Years
Well I'm about to free up my main, she'd be with an older guy (who is quiet powerful in terms of his spirits) and I'm waiting for the whole fiasco to be done as well.
 

Dawn

[span="font-size:180%;font-weight:900;color:#a568f
4,594
Posts
15
Years
@Khawill: I apologize, as my ability to post has been crippled beyond my control. However, I'm currently waiting for WolfOfEve, who I believe is waiting for someone else or, much less likely, missed my post.
 
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