Life Mental health club Page 11

Started by Greninja, use Water Shuriken! July 31st, 2018 5:32 AM
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Morika

Female
未公開の場所
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 9 Hours Ago
685 posts
75 Days
I've been taking a small break off the internet in total, but mostly I just wish to leave social media. The behavior is so toxic and I got so wrapped up in it in the past.
I was away off the internet once again myself for personal reasons, I don't think anyone really noticed me gone again on here since I'm not friends with anyone. I'm just currently talking to them in getting to know a few people on here still, then we will see what happens. I don't like nor rush any relations with people. I thought about just leaving PC for good since I still sorta feel like I don't belong here and no one would truly like the real me. Also, I'm still really afraid of really getting too close to another person again from the last person I met online somewhere and they said I was too much pretty much for them even though I was in a good place and mentally fit more than them. Them saying I'm a burden on them / made themself sick severely and couldn't handle hearing my past about my life and what I've been through so said they need to leave. Even though I never always talked about my past a lot however the months of getting to know them I guess they really didn't like it and had problems with me. I mean I never got closer to anyone EVER my whole life and that was the only person who I thought truly for the first time understood, accepted all of me, though I was dead wrong once again and my heart broke even more.

So I'm not sure what to really do now I talked about these feelings with my therapist last week and see her again today later on. I said when I wasn't online and just curiously came on PC website and looked no one seemed to even notice me being away again. I think maybe I'm not good at talking with people really anymore and just not cool to anyone on here since I have different likes, opinions, views, beliefs, and interests than others that they probably won't like me a lot. Like I met over the years don't like, get or accept and respect at least all things about myself and life. Honestly, I feel extremely alone I can't speak my mind fully to any person online or in-person in a proper way of course, and be my true authentic self without being judged for it. This world just doesn't accept a person like me and never will ( I think ) and all I've ever met was not great or bad people online and in-person causing me to have C-PTSD and terrified of people to be around. I don't know if that's luck or something but all I know is pain and extreme disappointment from people and that's been all my life.

Way deep down in my mind I think I'm not worth it, worth anything to anyone so what's the point and maybe should be alone with so social life and only my family, pets, family friends, help team, and all animals. I apologize for venting but it's what I've been going through still being on PC and on the internet in general. Social media I can say is very toxic and not safe as you think it is really. So word of caution and advice to all who have it, be very careful what you post and say online and ESPECIALLY who you befriend as well.

Megan

Life is harder for some...

Age 31
She/Her
Seen 11 Hours Ago
Posted 11 Hours Ago
4,760 posts
8.2 Years
I was away off the internet once again myself for personal reasons, I don't think anyone really noticed me gone again on here since I'm not friends with anyone. I'm just currently talking to them in getting to know a few people on here still, then we will see what happens. I don't like nor rush any relations with people. I thought about just leaving PC for good since I still sorta feel like I don't belong here and no one would truly like the real me. Also, I'm still really afraid of really getting too close to another person again from the last person I met online somewhere and they said I was too much pretty much for them even though I was in a good place and mentally fit more than them. Them saying I'm a burden on them / made themself sick severely and couldn't handle hearing my past about my life and what I've been through so said they need to leave. Even though I never always talked about my past a lot however the months of getting to know them I guess they really didn't like it and had problems with me. I mean I never got closer to anyone EVER my whole life and that was the only person who I thought truly for the first time understood, accepted all of me, though I was dead wrong once again and my heart broke even more.
This hits a little too close to home, tbh. Never getting that feeling of having a deep bond with anyone, except that one time, but then it turns into the most heartbreaking event in your life, I mean. Trust me when I tell you, that there's at least one other person who can relate to that in some way. <_<

So I'm not sure what to really do now I talked about these feelings with my therapist last week and see her again today later on. I said when I wasn't online and just curiously came on PC website and looked no one seemed to even notice me being away again. I think maybe I'm not good at talking with people really anymore and just not cool to anyone on here since I have different likes, opinions, views, beliefs, and interests than others that they probably won't like me a lot. Like I met over the years don't like, get or accept and respect at least all things about myself and life. Honestly, I feel extremely alone I can't speak my mind fully to any person online or in-person in a proper way of course, and be my true authentic self without being judged for it. This world just doesn't accept a person like me and never will ( I think ) and all I've ever met was not great or bad people online and in-person causing me to have C-PTSD and terrified of people to be around. I don't know if that's luck or something but all I know is pain and extreme disappointment from people and that's been all my life.
Do you truly accept yourself? Sometimes I get the feeling that you actually don't. Even worse: it feels like you outright refuse yourself at times and may even reflect that onto other people.
Even if you may think otherwise: people want you here. But at the same time most of us are barely able to deal with our own problems. And even those who are better at managing their own life might be a little hesitant. Not because they don't like you, but because they're afraid; afraid that they may do something inappropriate, afraid that they could hurt you.
We ware no psychologists or therapists, we are all just oversized children who like talking about cute little critters that live in tiny balls. ^^"

Way deep down in my mind I think I'm not worth it, worth anything to anyone so what's the point and maybe should be alone with so social life and only my family, pets, family friends, help team, and all animals. I apologize for venting but it's what I've been going through still being on PC and on the internet in general. Social media I can say is very toxic and not safe as you think it is really. So word of caution and advice to all who have it, be very careful what you post and say online and ESPECIALLY who you befriend as well.
I think you've said that PC is somewhat of a save haven for you. And I've also noticed that sometimes small fragments of your true personality shine through in your posts. It's those upbeat, full of energy, really cutesy posts that you sometimes make.
But I've also seen posts of you where every single word felt like you are crying out in pain. This happens every time when you start talking about your mental health problems. It feels like whenever one of these posts happen the save haven you found suddenly turns into a very hurtful place to you.
If you were to leave and were to look for a different place in hopes of finding another save haven: wouldn't the same happen there as well? Wouldn't you just be running away from yourself? Leaving behind those who truly want to know you?

We may all think differently and behave differently and some people may think and act in ways that no "normal" person could ever understand. But at least in one aspect do we all agree: we care about you and want only the best for you. But we want the best for _you_ and not for whoever else is trying to control you.
Art | Moderator of Previous Generations

Sandalphon

spirit in black

She/her
In bed
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 6 Hours Ago
16,438 posts
7.8 Years
I've had similar experiences with people irl, like they told me I was annoying an obnoxious and were like "Autism isn't an excuse" like?? It literally is, I have trouble socially because I'm autistic.
Plus, it was only one time, like what?

Matador of Love

designer | moderator of off-topic

Megan

Life is harder for some...

Age 31
She/Her
Seen 11 Hours Ago
Posted 11 Hours Ago
4,760 posts
8.2 Years
I've had similar experiences with people irl, like they told me I was annoying an obnoxious and were like "Autism isn't an excuse" like?? It literally is, I have trouble socially because I'm autistic.
Plus, it was only one time, like what?
One thing I've heard about people with autism is that they "wear a mask" when in public with other people. That is, they deliberately try to not show much of their person, because they don't want people to be weirded out.

Is that actually true?
Art | Moderator of Previous Generations

Sandalphon

spirit in black

She/her
In bed
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 6 Hours Ago
16,438 posts
7.8 Years
One thing I've heard about people with autism is that they "wear a mask" when in public with other people. That is, they deliberately try to not show much of their person, because they don't want people to be weirded out.

Is that actually true?
Whether you intended it or not, I found this wording very insensitive.

You likely didn't, of course, it's just being "weird" was the main reason adults and peers alike harassed me all my life.

Matador of Love

designer | moderator of off-topic

Megan

Life is harder for some...

Age 31
She/Her
Seen 11 Hours Ago
Posted 11 Hours Ago
4,760 posts
8.2 Years
Whether you intended it or not, I found this wording very insensitive.

You likely didn't, of course, it's just being "weird" was the main reason adults and peers alike harassed me all my life.
Yeah, sorry! I probably did. <_<

How should I reword my question?
Art | Moderator of Previous Generations

Sandalphon

spirit in black

She/her
In bed
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 6 Hours Ago
16,438 posts
7.8 Years
It's fine, I think I understand the over all gist of it.

Many autistic people (me included) hide any behaviours because they are seen as weird/not "normal" and we could be denied opportunities like jobs and such. Like we're seen as too much work and also most of these "cures" people have posted to say, Facebook, have killed autistic kids.
It's sad that we have to, but we'll be judged negatively if we don't.

I actually remember a mother in a video saying "when we found out our daughter was autistic, our lives were ruined." and a former CEO? of Autism Speaks said her autistic daughter would be better off dead.

That's why a lot of us advocate for acceptance.

Matador of Love

designer | moderator of off-topic

Megan

Life is harder for some...

Age 31
She/Her
Seen 11 Hours Ago
Posted 11 Hours Ago
4,760 posts
8.2 Years
It's fine, I think I understand the over all gist of it.

Many autistic people (me included) hide any behaviours because they are seen as weird/not "normal" and we could be denied opportunities like jobs and such. Like we're seen as too much work and also most of these "cures" people have posted to say, Facebook, have killed autistic kids.
It's sad that we have to, but we'll be judged negatively if we don't.

I actually remember a mother in a video saying "when we found out our daughter was autistic, our lives were ruined." and a former CEO? of Autism Speaks said her autistic daughter would be better off dead.

That's why a lot of us advocate for acceptance.
I thank you and again apologize for any sort of discomfort I may have cause. ^-^

Truth be told, I do have my reasons why I ask these questions. I don't mean any harm, but I'm also weirdly insensitive to all these emotion-things and often times come off as way too blunt. I actually have to fight quite a bit against my lack of empathy and I want to say it has gotten better, but apparently I'm still far off.

I've actually done some research myself. I've asked a couple people with autism, read some stuff, watched videos. I've heard about Autism Speaks and that they're apparently just a bunch of frauds who spread a lot of misinformation.
One of the potential things that the psychologist I went to a couple weeks ago, listed, that I could potentially have, actually was autism. They then made the bold move of throwing me into a six weeks limbo, one that's still not over, btw. Well, I ask too many questions all the time so I ended up thinking about a lot of things I experienced in life and they would actually make a lot of sense if that were the case.
Of course, I shouldn't jump to conclusions. For all I know, I could be wrong. ^^"

Anyway, again, I'm sorry! And thank you for not getting mad at me and explaining stuff! ^o^
Art | Moderator of Previous Generations

ZeoStar

dream world
Seen 2 Hours Ago
Posted 3 Hours Ago
5,486 posts
3.5 Years
I was away off the internet once again myself for personal reasons, I don't think anyone really noticed me gone again on here since I'm not friends with anyone. I'm just currently talking to them in getting to know a few people on here still, then we will see what happens. I don't like nor rush any relations with people. I thought about just leaving PC for good since I still sorta feel like I don't belong here and no one would truly like the real me. Also, I'm still really afraid of really getting too close to another person again from the last person I met online somewhere and they said I was too much pretty much for them even though I was in a good place and mentally fit more than them. Them saying I'm a burden on them / made themself sick severely and couldn't handle hearing my past about my life and what I've been through so said they need to leave. Even though I never always talked about my past a lot however the months of getting to know them I guess they really didn't like it and had problems with me. I mean I never got closer to anyone EVER my whole life and that was the only person who I thought truly for the first time understood, accepted all of me, though I was dead wrong once again and my heart broke even more.

So I'm not sure what to really do now I talked about these feelings with my therapist last week and see her again today later on. I said when I wasn't online and just curiously came on PC website and looked no one seemed to even notice me being away again. I think maybe I'm not good at talking with people really anymore and just not cool to anyone on here since I have different likes, opinions, views, beliefs, and interests than others that they probably won't like me a lot. Like I met over the years don't like, get or accept and respect at least all things about myself and life. Honestly, I feel extremely alone I can't speak my mind fully to any person online or in-person in a proper way of course, and be my true authentic self without being judged for it. This world just doesn't accept a person like me and never will ( I think ) and all I've ever met was not great or bad people online and in-person causing me to have C-PTSD and terrified of people to be around. I don't know if that's luck or something but all I know is pain and extreme disappointment from people and that's been all my life.

Way deep down in my mind I think I'm not worth it, worth anything to anyone so what's the point and maybe should be alone with so social life and only my family, pets, family friends, help team, and all animals. I apologize for venting but it's what I've been going through still being on PC and on the internet in general. Social media I can say is very toxic and not safe as you think it is really. So word of caution and advice to all who have it, be very careful what you post and say online and ESPECIALLY who you befriend as well.
I think feeling this way is understandable. When you have a large forum and community such as this one, its easy to fall under those feelings of being unwanted. But those are merely your own thoughts, and they don't represent the opinions of others. When you actively post on things such as the "Emotion Topic", and the "What Are You Doing" topic, it's even easier to fall into feeling this way. You have so many people jumping in and out of those topics, It's easy for what you post to go unnoticed. But it has nothing to do with you personally. I'm not a huge fan of those topics, as I often feel like posts are white noise. It's nice to get a thought or two out, but I never carry an expectation for a response.

From my perspective, it seems like you integrated yourself strongly into the community in a very short time span. Much better than I ever had, or still have. It's admirable.
http://www.simpleimageresizer.com/_uploads/photos/1c9662e4/cloud_3_400x350.jpg

Sandalphon

spirit in black

She/her
In bed
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 6 Hours Ago
16,438 posts
7.8 Years
I have the hardest time with making friends because I use so few words. Conversations with me are absolutely mind numbing.

Matador of Love

designer | moderator of off-topic

ZeoStar

dream world
Seen 2 Hours Ago
Posted 3 Hours Ago
5,486 posts
3.5 Years
I had the fear of abandonment longest time, and it caused me so much anxiety. I had a friend who I opened up about it with, who had promised multiple times over two years they would never 'abandon me'. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened.

I gave up any attachment towards others. I still enjoy speaking with people, but I tend to view every friendship as 'crossing paths' with somebody. Temporary. While it might sound sad, gaining this attitude has massively reduced my anxiety.
http://www.simpleimageresizer.com/_uploads/photos/1c9662e4/cloud_3_400x350.jpg

Sandalphon

spirit in black

She/her
In bed
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 6 Hours Ago
16,438 posts
7.8 Years
Similar has happened to me, way more times than I can count, and have often felt the same.

Also, making friends at all is hard to do for me but I don't want relationships alone to control how I see myself. We can't change others, so I'm working on myself and how I communicate and approach them.

Matador of Love

designer | moderator of off-topic

Megan

Life is harder for some...

Age 31
She/Her
Seen 11 Hours Ago
Posted 11 Hours Ago
4,760 posts
8.2 Years
I never had any meaningful connections with others. Growing up in a dysfunctional family didn't help, especially since I didn't even manage to get attached to my parents, which is usually a requirement for future bonding...
I only ever grew attached to one person. It lead to probably the most happiest weeks of my life until I realized that the feelings were not reciprocated. Things went sour and lead to years of torment.

Browsing online communities can be a huge pain, sometimes. Be it because of people making friends easily, or be it about people who find others and end up being engaged or married, etc.
The whole pairing and PC family thing for example is really messing with me currently. <_<

And yeah: I too have this issues where I want to talk to someone but right at that moment I'm already aware that this won't last for long and they will move on, leaving me in the dust...
Art | Moderator of Previous Generations

Sheep

she/her
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 4 Hours Ago
31,702 posts
14.5 Years
Aww I want to give you all hugs ;-; I know it’s not much, but I really do value all of you individually, and very truly think you’ve been incredibly standout and wonderful here.

I’ve been stressed lately. Mind has just been everywhere and I’ve been hyper focusing on future stresses and even worrying about stuff that probably won’t ever happen. I hate how fixated my mind can get on things. Sigh. The tenseness in your chest is always so awful from it too.
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Morika

Female
未公開の場所
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 9 Hours Ago
685 posts
75 Days
This hits a little too close to home, tbh. Never getting that feeling of having a deep bond with anyone, except that one time, but then it turns into the most heartbreaking event in your life, I mean. Trust me when I tell you, that there's at least one other person who can relate to that in some way. <_<


Do you truly accept yourself? Sometimes I get the feeling that you actually don't. Even worse: it feels like you outright refuse yourself at times and may even reflect that onto other people.
Even if you may think otherwise: people want you here. But at the same time most of us are barely able to deal with our own problems. And even those who are better at managing their own life might be a little hesitant. Not because they don't like you, but because they're afraid; afraid that they may do something inappropriate, afraid that they could hurt you.
We ware no psychologists or therapists, we are all just oversized children who like talking about cute little critters that live in tiny balls. ^^"


I think you've said that PC is somewhat of a save haven for you. And I've also noticed that sometimes small fragments of your true personality shine through in your posts. It's those upbeat, full of energy, really cutesy posts that you sometimes make.
But I've also seen posts of you where every single word felt like you are crying out in pain. This happens every time when you start talking about your mental health problems. It feels like whenever one of these posts happen the save haven you found suddenly turns into a very hurtful place to you.
If you were to leave and were to look for a different place in hopes of finding another save haven: wouldn't the same happen there as well? Wouldn't you just be running away from yourself? Leaving behind those who truly want to know you?

We may all think differently and behave differently and some people may think and act in ways that no "normal" person could ever understand. But at least in one aspect do we all agree: we care about you and want only the best for you. But we want the best for _you_ and not for whoever else is trying to control you.

Thank you Megan for what you all said to me, I appreciateit alot. It is true since I'm and no one is perfect that my self esteem still can be low at times as well learning to fully accept myself as well. I am 100% a lot better than I once was now almost 5 years ago and learned a lot since then and changed as a person as well to be more positive and optimistic about things. However like anyone I'll have bad to not good days like what I wrote last on here. I was going through a hard time what I wrote last on here and felt how I did since I still have a extremely long road of healing to do. Being away from PC I've been doing things I used to love doing that made me happy as well focus on my physical health as well which is really good for me and great my therapist said part of my recovery.

From the advice from my therapist as well my sister I'll come on here again and see what happens. I'm going be my truth authentic self with everyone and if people don't like it oh well I suppose there loss. I might not always be online since I like me time as well so we will see what happens from now on. Thank you for reaching out and caring.


I think feeling this way is understandable. When you have a large forum and community such as this one, its easy to fall under those feelings of being unwanted. But those are merely your own thoughts, and they don't represent the opinions of others. When you actively post on things such as the "Emotion Topic", and the "What Are You Doing" topic, it's even easier to fall into feeling this way. You have so many people jumping in and out of those topics, It's easy for what you post to go unnoticed. But it has nothing to do with you personally. I'm not a huge fan of those topics, as I often feel like posts are white noise. It's nice to get a thought or two out, but I never carry an expectation for a response.

From my perspective, it seems like you integrated yourself strongly into the community in a very short time span. Much better than I ever had, or still have. It's admirable.
I see and also thank you Zeo for your advice as well I appreciate it just as much. Thank you for caring and for the compliment.

Sandalphon

spirit in black

She/her
In bed
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 6 Hours Ago
16,438 posts
7.8 Years
I'm kind of stressing because my provinces adult mental health support is nonexistent so they're trying to get me out.
After less than a year.

It's sad because in Ontario, I had my psychiatrist for 2 years and he was very helpful, eugh.

Matador of Love

designer | moderator of off-topic

Ash Ketchup

She/Her
Tohjo Falls
Online now
Posted 33 Minutes Ago
11,526 posts
15.5 Years
I'm kind of stressing because my provinces adult mental health support is nonexistent so they're trying to get me out.
After less than a year.

It's sad because in Ontario, I had my psychiatrist for 2 years and he was very helpful, eugh.
I really feel for you!

I'm having a similar situation right now. I've been in therapy so long that I get kicked out constantly, only to end up back there at a later date, with all the progress lost. I just wish it wasn't right now, you know? I'm struggling probably more than I ever have, and I'm so low that I really wish I didn't exist a lot of the time.

Anyway, enough about me, I'm just trying to say that I know how it feels, and it really sucks. Hard.

What is the process for you to get back in, if you still need help? Can you get referred again?
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