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Does my story's plot seem decent?

3
Posts
15
Years
  • Seen Nov 4, 2008
I used to be a hardcore roleplayer on an old site called Pokemon Valley, which is pretty much down in the dumps. I decided that I got tired of it, and wanted to be banned so I wouldn't even think of going back and wasting my time.

Anyways, I hope to see if this is any good, I developed a idea of a story from a special role play on there.

Anyways, it takes place where this 13 year old boy, who is born into a fairly wealthy family, who is famous for breeding flying pokemon. Anyways he starts out his journey, because Professor Birch needed someone to upgrade the pokedex for the Sinnoh and Kanto pokemon, and was thinking about getting someone from his town, however James' dad reccomended James to do it, and was chosen due to his family's reputable status. Anways he starts out the journey with a Torchic and before leaving gets a Pidgey from his family asa good bye gift.

What he doesnt know is that a underground team named Purity. Whose goal is to wipe out what they deem unpure, by using a bio-chemical disease to affect captured, causing them to lash out against their trainers The disease carries out in three parts, the lashing out being the first. If you really want to know the second and third part pm me. With that disease, they plan to wipeout any resistance or what they call "Unpure."
With that being done, they plan to take control of the Hoenn and unify the reigon in what they seem is pure.

Thats just a brief description.
 

JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord
3,277
Posts
19
Years
Tip #1: Don't give your characters the same names as major canon characters unless those characters are supposed to be renditions of said characters. As in, unless you're doing a rendition of James of Team Rocket, don't name your character James. I know it's anal and a bit forward of me to say that, but think of it this way: If your main character is named James, your readers will assume that you're talking about James of Team Rocket. This leads to confusion and arguments that you could avoid just by renaming your character.

Aside from that, it's on the surface a good concept, but you'll want to keep in mind that you'll want to avoid the common cliches, such as creating an underground evil organization that wants to wipe out life on earth for the sake of doing it. What criteria do they use to categorize pure and impure Pokemon? How does the virus only affect impure living beings?

Heck, why do they feel the need to go to those extremes, rather than, say, oppression? Maybe even capturing and committing controlled genocide? Releasing a virus could seriously backfire, and your organization should be well aware of this.

Likewise, what is your organization like? All too often, you've got organizations in fanfics that pretend to be good but are just downright evil or otherwise misguided. You'll want to avoid that, possibly by playing with the readers' perceptions of the group. (As in, they probably genuinely think they're good, and if they have a public branch, most likely, the public might think they're good. Why not elaborate on their philosophies to make it seem more understandable and believable that they think they're gunning for a good cause. After all, genocide is genocide. If the reader can look at the propaganda and understand why the characters think they're doing good or even buy the propaganda a little, then you know you're doing well.)

Also, avoid the angle of "chosen one stops the evil organization almost single-handedly with the POWER OF GOOD." You could try it if you want, but it's been done quite frequently. I'd say make sure you give Purity some pretty believable weaknesses if you're going to do it. Or, if not, give the good guy a team -- and not just of Pokemon. I say this because all too often, we've got a kid going into an evil organization and dismantling them by himself, which just makes the evil organization seem a little less scary or formidable. If you really want this massive evil to seem evil, make sure it's not taken down without a good fight.

Also, for that matter, where's Teams Aqua and Magma? Hoenn is their territory, and they're already ticked off enough at each other as it is. If you know this and are taking this into consideration, great. If not, then please don't add a note about them as an afterthought. They're great teams full of "I'm really not evil, but I've got to eff with the environment and invoke what may be an apocalypse to do good," so it'd be a shame if you just shrugged them off because they're not the kind of evil you're looking for. You don't, of course, have to use them in your fanfiction, but a decent explanation as to why they're not there (even a note about how many years it's been since they've disbanded, if that's the case) would be sufficient.

In any case, good luck.
 

Negrek

Am I more than you bargained for yet?
339
Posts
18
Years
Anyways, it takes place where this 13 year old boy, who is born into a fairly wealthy family, who is famous for breeding flying pokemon. Anyways he starts out his journey, because Professor Birch needed someone to upgrade the pokedex for the Sinnoh and Kanto pokemon, and was thinking about getting someone from his town, however James' dad reccomended James to do it, and was chosen due to his family's reputable status. Anways he starts out the journey with a Torchic and before leaving gets a Pidgey from his family asa good bye gift.
Would be great if the local kids took the logical course of action and delighted in beating the snot out of the uppity rich boy who got this huge privilege vested in him because his dad's got dough rather than out of actual merit.

Other than that, sounds pretty standard.
 

An-chan

Whoops.
642
Posts
15
Years
Wouldn't it be more fun if his family gave him a more awesome flying type pokémon than pidgey? Pidgey is so basic, it's dull to have pidgeys here and there and in every OT/OTish fic. Maybe if his father gave him, say, a hoppip or a natu? They are wealthy, after all...

I have one advice for you (I'm telling you this because a lot of writers forget about this):
Remember to think your characters through before writing (also remember that pokémon are characters too and therefore have personalities). You don't want a hollow cast of angsty/overly happy/neutral characters that don't make the reader love them! And whatever you do, don't let their personalities change suddently. It's not nice at all. They can change, of course, but it has to be done subtly and gradually. This is crucial when it comes to the question "why is this kid saving the world?" I mean, judging by how this kid became a trainer in the first place, wouldn't it be more natural for him to just call his dad whenever trouble appears?
Oh, I hope you got my point, I think I might've buried it in a heap of nonsense ^-^''

Other than that, I have nothing to add to Jax's post. She might be a bit depressing, but she's right. Listen to Jax and thou shalt be saved!
...Or something.
 
3
Posts
15
Years
  • Seen Nov 4, 2008
You guys are listing things that I have thought over, I didn't want to explain it all in that short post to spoil the whole story.

Yea, about Magma and Aqua, in my A/N: I wrote that they have quited down for the time. The pidgey thing, I had already thought that one through, I made it know the move sky attack. They discontinued it in D/P for em, but I don't give a flying sh*t, because Pidgeot rules. I really didnt want to use the name James either (Thats my name, and I am so used to typing it and writing it for school I couldn't help it.) I wanted to use the name Kouken, because together that forms Kouken Lumen. Which means Guardian in japanese, and light in latin. However I have read that japanese names are apparently cliche.

As for Purity it basically wipes out all pokemon. They usually spread it through the air, or by syringe in what case is needed. Giving it to wild pokemon, and spreading it to trainer's pokemon, making some believe that it is a natural disease to lower Purity's suspicion. However, Purity also has the vaccination for it, just in case, and gives it to their "trusted members" Then again this is pretty underground, so most of the members are trusted. Also believe me Negnerek I thought of making him being bullied, but he lives in a big field with nobody around, and I can make a character have an very horrible past. I was pretty famous for that on a few role playing boards, surprsing the horrible pasts werent cliche either. Trust me I have thought my character through for a few hours.

This is the paragraph all about Puritys purpose, I am limiting it. They are underground, but very powerful. Having hidden bases throughout the Hoenn. Basically they prefer to say they are "enlightened." The way they think is that pokemon only leads to destruction, by people, and thus deem them and their pokemon evil, thinking they do not deserve pokemon. For the single handedly defeating thing. I have already thought that thing out, I planned to have a resistance of elite trainers, that are willing to risk their life to save the pokemon population make a full out retaliation, storm the bases and get to the "source of the disease." Stop them from fully unleashing the virus over the Hoenn.

Anyways if you have anymore questions ask me. This is to An by the way, I don't recall stating that my trainer saves the world, him and a group of trainer do save the pokemon population from declining in the Hoenn. Also I havent seen many Pidgey's in OT fics. Most people's flying type pokemon, are something like a shiny Starly or either substituted for a dragon type. If I wanted something more valuable, perhaps say a Shiny Pidgey, I am sure you would correct that. For the moment, unless you encourage me to I am settling for a Pidgey with the move sky attack.
 

An-chan

Whoops.
642
Posts
15
Years
Well, basically saving the pokémon population from declining is saving the world (world as the protagonist knows it), but I did exaggerate. Sorry for that, Kouken. And also, about the Pidgey thing... Well, I assume that you know better. It's just that almost every OT fic I've stumbled upon has a Pidgey in it. However, because my "almost every fic" isn't much, maybe five or six or so, I think I've just had some weird luck with them. :laugh:

You guys are listing things that I have thought over, I didn't want to explain it all in that short post to spoil the whole story.

It must be annoying to read people's post when they just list self-evident truths, but think of it this way: if you've already thought through everything we mentioned, you've really done your job well. If there was nothing that made you go "oops, I forgot about that one", then you're on clear waters and should start writing right away.
Right?
 
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