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  #2976    
Old July 26th, 2012 (2:23 AM).
Shining Raichu's Avatar
Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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I think it's probably about living honestly. Why would they want to walk around hiding in the closet while in college?

That's why my advice is don't go out of your way to tell them, but don't make an effort to hide it either. Don't come out, just passively be out.
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  #2977    
Old July 26th, 2012 (5:37 AM).
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LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
     
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
    I think it's probably about living honestly. Why would they want to walk around hiding in the closet while in college?
    Well, why not? Not coming out means that everything'll stay the same, and coming out can bring some problems :\ That's just my opinion, though. I have some "coming out issues", so to say xD
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      #2978    
    Old July 26th, 2012 (6:50 AM).
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    Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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    Well while nobody should come out until they're ready, I wouldn't exactly support being closeted as a permanent way to live. I know coming out is hard and can cause problems, but if everything is staying the same because you're living a lie, then I think that comfort comes at much too high a cost.

    Even that aside though, college in particular is a time when people should be out there experiencing the fun of life and trying new things - and that is hard to do if you have secrets hindering you.
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      #2979    
    Old July 26th, 2012 (9:30 AM).
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    Esper Esper is offline
     
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    College is definitely a place where you should feel safe to be out. Colleges are generally very gay-friendly so it's good to be out and have that atmosphere of support around you.

    Andy makes a good point of just being out. That's probably the best thing you can do in 99% of cases. It's just that the whole college/roommate thing can have its own problems. Normally you would expect two people who have to live together to be able to tolerate each other even if they don't agree on anything, but for some people going away to college is their first time socializing/being on their own/interacting with people who are different. I could give at least a few weird examples. That's why I think it's good to know who you're rooming with while you still have the chance to change your living arrangements.
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      #2980    
    Old July 26th, 2012 (9:50 AM).
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    Kura Kura is offline
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Retro Bug View Post
      Alright, so I just got my roommate for university. I'm slightly worried about how I should I should tell him I'm gay. Should I just straight up tell him? Or wait 'til he asks or it gets brought up? Or? I just need a new perspective because I'm sure I'm over thinking this.
      Why do you have to tell him in the first place anyways? Your sexual preference isn't anyone else's business, really. If he's walking around naked and it makes you uncomfortable, just be like "hey dude, that's making me a bit uncomfortable" or whatever. If he brings up stuff about girls or whatnot, then yeah, feel free to share.. but I dunno.. I think it's weird that like one of the first things you'd bring up would be orientation- when there's so much else to talk about and connect with. Though if you want to tell him then go for it.
      I just don't think being gay is a big deal.. but I do see how it can worry you. If you want to open up and come out to him do it. If he doesn't accept you, then hopefully you can find another roommate.
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        #2981    
      Old July 26th, 2012 (11:13 AM).
      LightningAlex's Avatar
      LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
         
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
        Well while nobody should come out until they're ready, I wouldn't exactly support being closeted as a permanent way to live.
        I don't know, it's not really that hard :\ Nobody has to know - IMHO someone knowing won't bring anything good - the fact will just spread and certain people will start avoiding you, maybe even attack you just because you're gay. Also, knowing the reactions I can and will get if I come out, it's really better to stay closeted forever and bury the emotions really, really deep.

        But for someone more open than I am, I think that you made a good point with the "passively being out". I think now that that's the best thing Retro & Quilava can do.
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          #2982    
        Old July 26th, 2012 (1:40 PM).
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        It's just about freedom for me. I want to be able to date who I want, and act how I want without worrying about what anyone else thinks of me. Besides, I've already come out several times, so I'm not really afraid of it anymore.
          #2983    
        Old July 27th, 2012 (9:34 PM).
        Retro Bug Retro Bug is offline
         
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Kiyoshi the Polar Bear View Post
        odsjnsakdmdslk What an interestingly little predicament.

        I couldn't really know what to do, either. While getting it out right away to make sure there isn't a problem is all fine and dandy as well as efficient, but the first thing out of your mouth to him shouldn't be:

        "So, hi!"
        "Hi. Looks like we'll be sharing a room!"
        "I AM HOMOSEX PLZ DUN HATE."

        You should probably get a bit cozier and friendlier before dropping the subject. Or, you could just test the waters WITHOUT telling him upfront. Find some way to weasel it into conversation, see how he reacts. Judging by his reaction, you can probably take it from there as far as switching rooms.
        Ahaha, this made me laugh quite a bit. I think I might steal those lines. :P


        @ QuilavaKing Wow, three? Geeze I don't think I could handle that (in terms of how many people living together not coming out to three roommates.) have fun! Let me know how this turns out for you.

        @ LightningAlex I would have to agree with Shining it's just more about being out. I'm already out to all my other friends and stuff I don't want to have to come back to my dorm and feel like I need to hide part of myself.

        @ Kura I like this. I was discussing the issue with one of my close friends and they said something to the likes of "he has a right to know" so it just got me thinking about this. Does he have a right to know? Or doesn't he? It definitely won't be the first thing we discuss unless of course he asks me bluntly.
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          #2984    
        Old July 28th, 2012 (11:15 AM).
        Esper's Avatar
        Esper Esper is offline
         
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        That's an interesting point, whether others have a right to know about your sexuality. I think we'd all agree no one has a right to know, but maybe as a courtesy it's something we shouldn't keep from people.
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          #2985    
        Old July 28th, 2012 (11:24 AM).
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        Mana Mana is offline
         
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Scarf View Post
        That's an interesting point, whether others have a right to know about your sexuality. I think we'd all agree no one has a right to know, but maybe as a courtesy it's something we shouldn't keep from people.
        Living with people I guess it would certainly make it easier to tell them, in case of bringing someone back to the room (with not-so-innocent intentions) but I wouldn't say anyone has a right to know.

        In my first year of uni I didn't actively tell any of the people I lived with, since I had my own room, so I let them make their own assumptions for the most part.
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          #2986    
        Old July 28th, 2012 (11:48 AM).
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        LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
           
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          What gives anyone the right to know, anyway? Just because he's living with you?
          Even if they have the right to know, they don't have to know. "I don't want to hide a part of me" isn't a reason if you're just being out (Not hiding it, but not mentioning it either). The only reason I can come up with for telling them is if you assume they're gay, too, and you're interested in him :\
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            #2987    
          Old July 30th, 2012 (8:04 AM).
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          Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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          Alex, do you have some issues you'd like to share with us? We can help you as well, you know :(

          You're making it seem like being gay is shameful and should be kept a secret unless it's absolutely necessary. I know the whole 'coming out' thing can be hard, but we're here if you ever have anything you wanna talk about.
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            #2988    
          Old July 30th, 2012 (8:52 AM).
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          LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
             
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            Thanks a lot, Andy. It really means a lot to me that you guys are willing to help. I just, well, I don't have any issues. It's just that I live in such a community where I'd end up without friends getting beaten up every day if it leaked out that I'm gay :\ This may sound exaggerating, but I'm pretty sure my dad would kick me out of the house. That's how much religious my parents are. I have never, in my life, met a person who isn't homophobic. And I know a lot of people.
            So yeah, that's why I'm against coming out to anyone, ever. That's the way it is :\ Sorry for all this rambling...
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              #2989    
            Old July 30th, 2012 (10:16 AM).
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            Esper Esper is offline
             
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            Don't be sorry. You're living in a a not-very-ideal situation. We just worry that you're feeling bad about yourself for something that's nothing to be ashamed of. Good to know that isn't the case. Bad to know that your situation isn't so great. D:

            But, something to think about: people often say homophobic things because they don't know there are gay people around, because they think they're impressing their friends, or even because they themselves are gay and don't want anyone to suspect. What I mean to say is, although there are lots of practical reasons to stay in the closet, sometimes if you take a step out you'll find that it isn't as bad as it seems.

            I don't want to encourage you to tell everyone and their mother, but I think you'll find there are some people who would be understanding if you gave them a chance and if you could educate them a little.
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              #2990    
            Old July 30th, 2012 (2:27 PM).
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            LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
               
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              I've talked about homosexuality with others. I never came out, but I'm openly defending homosexuals. Most of my friends and acquaintances really, really hate gay people. I tried educating them (Without going to far, I don't want to be suspicious), but to no avail. Their main argument is that "It's so wrong that two men are in love, and they should all die.".

              There are some who don't show such extreme hatred, but I'm not willing to take the risk and come out to them...

              Guys, it really means a lot to me that you're willing to help. Thank you so much for that. But I don't think anything can be done - it's not like I've been sitting all day and complaining about my situation. I've tried everything, from educating my friends to trying to find another homosexual person (But they're all probably as closeted as I am, if there are any...). I've learned to live like this by now (I'm 20), the only thing bothering me is that I can never get into any kind of relationship.

              Really, thank you again for listening to me and trying to help.
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                #2991    
              Old July 30th, 2012 (5:54 PM).
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              CarefulWetPaint CarefulWetPaint is offline
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              No offence Alex but I think you need to get new friends if the ones you currently have openly hate gay people that much and going to the extent to say they should all die is really to harsh and way to far.

              You should not be scared to tell people about yourself, especially your sexuality. Being gay should not change the way people look at you at all, and if it does with your friends they obviously don't deserve to be known to you.

              Remember, you need to live your life for yourself, no one else. If the people around you cannot accept you being gay and they are the reason you're worried about having a relationship with someone you should really alleviate yourself of these people and find people who happily accept you. If you do this you will find much more happiness and will truly be able to be yourself which is something that I think you should do.

              Also about the roommate thing, though it is your choice if you tell them or not I think you should at least find out what they think about gay people, as if they are also haters your life could be rather difficult while living with them. You don't need to tell them that you personally are gay if you dont want to, just find out how they feel about gays, thats all.
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                #2992    
              Old July 31st, 2012 (1:50 AM).
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              LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
                 
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                In any other situation, you would be right, Careful. But my friends really aren't bad people - they were all just raised and taught to hate gay people. It's just the way it works here where I live.
                The first and only attempt on a gay pride parade was 4 years ago. It ended in a matter of minutes, with bottles, firecrackers and other stuff getting thrown at the participants (Here's an article about that). With such a mind-polluting community, who wouldn't hate homosexuals?
                As for the relationship thing, it's not that I don't have one because I'm scared of what my friends will think. It's because I don't know any gay persons, and I have no idea how to meet some :\ Ditching my friends won't really help me there.
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                  #2993    
                Old July 31st, 2012 (6:41 AM).
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                Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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                What CWP is doing is speaking idealistically. Nothing he said is wrong, it's just not really realistic for your situation. It's not as simple as "they don't accept me for who I am so I'll chuck them because they're not worth it" because in your current situation they are your only option.

                So what I'd suggest is something more radical. Get out. Are you in college? If not, would you like to be? Just find somewhere far away to go to school, have an amazing college experience in a more accepting place and leave them all in your dust. You're never going to meet any gay people in that town; you need to get out and about and see that the world isn't really like that.
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                  #2994    
                Old July 31st, 2012 (9:09 AM).
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                Alice Alice is offline
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                I'm in a similar situation. I've never met another LGBT person in my life, and live in a fairly homophobic place. (Although probably not as bad as where you live.) Even though the college in the town I live in would be perfect for me, I insisted on leaving town (for a lot more reasons than just the homophobia... I made that decision before I even realized I wasn't straight.) Now I'm going to a college in Seattle, and everyone came out like it was no big deal on facebook while talking about the school's GSA, so I'm out before I even got there. lol
                  #2995    
                Old July 31st, 2012 (10:54 AM).
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                LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
                   
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                  Yeah, I am already in college, and it is awesome xD Well actually, I've done a lot of crazy things even before college :\ I guess that keeps my mind off this stupid situation I'm in.
                  I'll probably move out when I finish it (in 3 years), and then I'll finally be free. That's the plan, at least. Thanks a lot, guys, at least now I know that I am accepted here, on PC, which is really nice.
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                    #2996    
                  Old July 31st, 2012 (8:51 PM).
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                  U.Flame U.Flame is offline
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                  That's what I love here. Gays, bronies, Tales fans, there's room for everyone in PC.

                  Conspiricy time! I don't know if this has been discussed, but Oreos released a pro-gay statement that recieved a lot of hate and boycotting. To the LGBT supporters, that seems brave of them. My mom has a different opinion. (She's a LGBT supporter too, so don't say it's a bigoted opinion) She thinks that despite the boycotting, this decision will end up boosting their business. It's possible that their pro-gay statement is just undercover business.

                  I'm not sure what to think, but she's rarely wrong. Then again, only time will tell.
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                  Been super busy with work, life, and laptop problems. Hopefully I can get back into it soon, I fear I'm already rusty. Meanwhile I'm considering writing some of my hacks as a series of fanfics.

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                    #2997    
                  Old August 1st, 2012 (7:07 AM).
                  Shining Raichu's Avatar
                  Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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                  We actually did discuss this a few pages back, and your mother's very point was brought up. While there's no way to prove it conclusively, she's most probably right; it probably is just an undercover business ploy.

                  But my argument is 'why does it matter?' It doesn't really matter that their motives aren't 100% genuine. A show of support is a show of support, no matter how shallow or mathematically minded. As long as their gesture spreads the message that it's OK to be gay and people shouldn't be discriminated against for it, then whatever benefit they gain out of it is no business of mine.

                  What matters is that a good deed was done lol
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                    #2998    
                  Old August 1st, 2012 (9:26 AM).
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                  Esper Esper is offline
                   
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                  As this club's resident rain cloud I am contractually obligated to disagree with Shining Raichu's "any show of support is good" stance and insist that only genuine shows of support, unconnected to any potential business gains, are worth praise.

                  Putting that aside, I've read recently that Scotland might be trying to make same-sex marriage legal. And Vietnam. And the American Democratic party might be adding it to their official political platform.
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                    #2999    
                  Old August 1st, 2012 (9:32 AM).
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                  Patatas Fritas Patatas Fritas is offline
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                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Scarf View Post
                  [s]Putting that aside, I've read recently that Scotland might be trying to make same-sex marriage legal. And Vietnam. And the American Democratic party might be adding it to their official political platform.
                  You'll be interested to know that the whole of the UK has plans to legalise Gay Marriage by 2015 (possibly excluding Northern Ireland, it doesn't mention them) - But it would seem Scotland are doing it first, those go-getters.
                  Also it's great news about Vietnam!
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                    #3000    
                  Old August 1st, 2012 (11:12 AM).
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                  Megaman3007 Megaman3007 is offline
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                    Is it ok if I ask a question concerning trans? Just need advice on something but just making sure its ok if I ask.
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