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~Team Black Adventures~ Rating: G

2,273
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18
Years
This is the Full account on the story of team Black I hope you enjoy this fan fic as much as i have making it....

Chapter one

Proffessor Oak awoke from a nasty nightmare his arms were tied behind his back and two ugly faces glared down at him. They were dressed in black beanie hats, black tops that bore a red B in the center. Their gloves came halfway from there hands up to their elbows, there boots were as black as night itself. "oh..er hello." said Oak,he gave a little chuckle."So whats up?"
1.png
"We need a little something from you old man." said the mean looking one on beside the bed.
"Hey, we forgot the motto!" hissed the second who was at the foot of the bed. The two men posed in strange stances and performed there team dance and sang a strange song.

"We aren't here to drag about
and you'll listen without a doubt."
"We work for rights and glory true."
We want the best and so do you."
"Team black have risen from the ashes."

"Jack!" "Icarus!"
"Yeah go team black!"​
"We are here for your pokedex version 9!" Demanded Icarus.
"Any particular colour?" asked the proffessor cooly.
"Black!" they both said together.
"Now listen here!" said Jack. "We don't want any funny buisness at all, this opperation is gonna go so smooth it will be just like melted chocolate!" he took a step back and cried. "Icarus!" Icarus reached for his belt and threw a pokeball high into the air.
"Go!" he hissed and there on the floor appeard a Torkaol, smoking and glowing red. "Lets Move!"
2.png
The proffesor slowly brought his feet to the ground and followed by the trio he told them;
"They are all here on the desk... Take them." Then suddenly the Torkaol edged closer until the proffesor could not move. He was blocked at a dead end.
3.png
"Thanks Proffessor i hope you do well in later life." said Jack as he threw a smoke ball into the air. It dropped onto the ground and smoke covered the room. When the smoke had settled the two Team black Grunts had gone. Along with the pokedex version 9s.
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20
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18
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Interesting start, I like the pictures too. Kinda curious as to what the pokdex 9 is and why Team Black wanted it and such, but I guess that'll be answered as the story goes on.
 
33
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Oct 4, 2007
cool lets see it dude. and quick (i am tremblin' wid anticipation)
 
2,273
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18
Years
Heres the next chapter!!!
Capter two.

Meanwhile, at the Team Black base, the grunts were in the meeting room on the first floor, waiting for something to happen. They were talking with there rest partners about what uses they were going to make of their Pokedex 9s.
Others, (mostly new grunts) were speaking about the boss. The guy who ran Team Black. He was one powerful man but was only ever seen by admins and researchers. "He's a pretty nice guy." said admin Aquilla. "He is coming in, in
a few hours to meet you all. Indeed all of the grunts knew this and also about the meeting with Jack and Icarus about the operation, "steal and heal." The grunts knew that this would please the boss very much.
So thr lab was as busy as ever, the lady grunts were brushing their hair and the boys were shining there boots. As time went on in the meeting room, people lit cigarettes and sang stupid songs, until...
*RING RING. The phone rang and Aquilla took it off its hook on the wall to answer it "Er, ok, yep, great!" he put the receiver back on its hook. "hey people, the operation was a complete succes, Icarus and Jack are on their way
Back here now!"
"Yeah!" cried the grunts. They danced and jumped about, gave high fives to anyone that wasn't a hard slapper. Meanwhile Aquilla had received a text message he pocketed his phone and cried.
"I also have yet another announcement, m uch to my dissappointment, Boss has been delayed for t least six days!" The whole room went silent. Nobody knew what to think to this. "Ok back to your posts!" everyone shuffled their way Back to either there sleeping quarters or back to the rest room, some just stayed in the meeting room and had a chat... Admin Aquilla headed straight for the second floor...
The Team Black base was split into three sections. The low the medium and the high. The low class contained the grunts amd the researchers. In the day the grunts guarded the base, while other grunts ran errands, or theived fromothers. The reserachers worked in the Base in their own lab on the first floor. The middle considered of the Admins, they camped out on the second floor. They had their own personal battle arena, and had the pride and joy of a
Peak where all the Team Black Veiachles were, Two black vans and two choppers. Sometimes a flashy black car could be seen parked up there... The final class was of course the high, the only member of this class was of course the
Boss... but aquill had received the text message of his life that evening...
 

Dragon Lover

Oooh, words under my name.
340
Posts
18
Years
ARGH! -__- That chapter is very short, too short for a chapter. The minimum lenght that readers prefer is atleast 3 pages in Ms Word. Also there were many mistakes, it almost looks like you rushed through it and wrote it in the reply box [Which I hope you didn't].

"He is coming in, in a few hours to meet you all.
You don't need the comma and extra in there.

So thr lab was as busy as ever-
Don't you mean "the".

m uch to-
No space needed.

-t least-
Add "a" and no space needed.

Nobody knew what to think to this.
"of" would've sounded better than "to".

-everyone shuffled their way Back to either-
No capitilization needed.

The low class contained the grunts amd the-
Spelling mistake. "n" instead of "m".

-or theived fromothers.
Add space.

The middle considered of the Admins,
Don't you mean "consisted".

-Peak where all the Team Black Veiachles were, Two black vans and two choppers.
No capitillizations needed and it's spelt "vehicles".

Isn't it spelt Aquilla? You didn't capitiliza and didn't add an "a" at the end.

Even though they are minor mistake I'm just picky like that =P

~DL~
 
33
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Oct 4, 2007
The storyline is great Jack it doesn't matter about the mistakes i like it.
 
33
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Oct 4, 2007
will it get better in the next chapter> i wanna now what the pokedex 9 does.
 

Dragon Lover

Oooh, words under my name.
340
Posts
18
Years
Link2005 said:
ok thanks but what do you think to the storyline?
Ooh forgot about that part :dead:

All I can say about it is Interesting. Very, VERY interesting plot. Also the pictures help but it does get a tad bit annoying...

Side Note: WHO THE HECK GAVE BE BAD REP!!!

Random:
I feel like cheese.

~DL~
 
7,901
Posts
20
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but isn't punk the same person as you? D:

So he doesn't count, does he? Shame, no?

As I said, pictures alone won't appeal me. You have to show a good plot, well written story in prose, etc, etc. And using a different username to bump your thread is against the rules, didn't you know? ;D
 
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