What hurts? (Emotionally)

A feel good thread where we can support one another when feeling down.

I'm personally so frightened by all this inflation.

Honestly broken down. Morning was bad because of being yelled at for a stupid mistake I did, and I admit it and corrected it. But I'm still being yelled at and taunted by it.

Typical isn't it, haha. You do good work all the time without question and not much for it. You slip up one time, ONE time, and they NEVER let you hear the end of it. And then, with the broken motivation, you're expected to do work willingly with a happy face. I know I'm spitting a bunch of bullshit here which doesn't even matter, but oh well, I don't care anymore.

Thought I would get better as the day goes on but the scolding, taunting just DOESN'T stop. And it's not JUST these two things.

You'd think I'd at least say something in my defense, but it doesn't work. It just doesn't. I'm not allowed to talk back, I'm seen as someone mentally disturbed or mad when I get even the slightest bit angry. And it's not just with family, it's with everyone. So basically, my self esteem is soo low, anyone can come up to me and insult me in any way they want and I won't be able to say anything back.

Crying is not an option for boys here too. I'm just supposed to sit with a neutral face and nod and say sorry, upon saying which I get scolded too.

Welp, seems like I'm expelling air out of my lungs for pretty much nothing, so I'll stop now. 😔

@Retek: That honestly sounds so toxic and borderline abusive. :/ Is there any way to remove yourself from the situation?

I had a breakdown last night over my dead dog and I'm still kinda processing it. I kept up a fairly strong facade for a while there but I just couldn't maintain it anymore. Tonight I did some more grieving on top of my progressive anxiety towards a trip I'm taking soon. It won't stop me - but that doesn't make these overwhelming feelings of dread go away. At the same time it motivates me because I'm all the more convicted that I need to do this and confront my fears. But I'd be lying if I said my panic isn't on the incline as the day inches closer.

4am? Awake and still tearing up, ahaaa. :')

I feel like I'm stuck in a hole and can't really get out. I haven't been able to drive for almost 4 years because I haven't been able to get tested for what causes me to have seizures. Mom passed away just before COVID and COVID has kinda body slammed all of us. I wasn't able to be tested because it requires me to be in the hospital for 2 weeks. Since I left my job I don't have insurance and getting state help...well I might as well jump off a cliff first. I can get money from what Mom left me but it's not like it's a monthly thing I just get it when I need it. And trying to get anything from the state is like pulling teeth. The Dr keeps yelling at me to sign up for state help like it's easy and I keep telling her it's not as easy as it seems. You always have to jump through hoops for the simplest things.

So with me not working or being able to drive I'm usually stuck at home every day. Even if I wanna go somewhere I always have to rely on someone to take me. I get tired of having to do everything on someone else's schedule. One thing I get tired of people saying is Just go for a walk and you'll feel better. No I won't. I'll feel good for that walk and then feel like shit again when I get home. Not like I can go exploring without the need of someone else. Just walk around the neighborhood looking at the samething over and over again. Telling me to go for a walk is like me telling you to break a leg and then walk it off you'll feel better.

Fairy said:

@Retek: That honestly sounds so toxic and borderline abusive. :/ Is there any way to remove yourself from the situation?

I had a breakdown last night over my dead dog and I'm still kinda processing it. I kept up a fairly strong facade for a while there but I just couldn't maintain it anymore. Tonight I did some more grieving on top of my progressive anxiety towards a trip I'm taking soon. It won't stop me - but that doesn't make these overwhelming feelings of dread go away. At the same time it motivates me because I'm all the more convicted that I need to do this and confront my fears. But I'd be lying if I said my panic isn't on the incline as the day inches closer.

4am? Awake and still tearing up, ahaaa. :')

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Hi Fairy, no there is no way. No option for me. :p
It isn't abusive, unless I was getting beat up, but it's just so darn annoying I hate it.

Also, I'm sorry to hear about your dog, may he/she rest in peace. I know you were trying to stay strong, but at times, it really is better to just let yourself cry when alone. I hope you feel better soon friend, and are able to get a good sleep later too.

Retek said:

Hi Fairy, no there is no way. No option for me. :p
It isn't abusive, unless I was getting beat up, but it's just so darn annoying I hate it.

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My friend.. abuse isn't limited to a physical attack - it comes in a multitude of forms and it sounds like what you're going through is verbal / emotional abuse. Wearing someone down to the breaking point and degrading them is abusive behavior and you deserve better! I don't know your circumstances, if this is a work or familial thing, but by the way you're describing it there is definitely something very wrong.

Here's some reading you can do on the matter. Please, stay safe..

Fairy said:

My friend.. abuse isn't limited to a physical attack - it comes in a multitude of forms and it sounds like what you're going through is verbal / emotional abuse.

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I read through the article, and from what happened today morning, I don't feel that's classified as an abuse, I guess it's just parents scolding me for simple mistakes. I think it's just something that happens everywhere, it's just that it feels really bad mainly because I am really sensitive and have almost zero self confidence. Regardless, thanks for the help, it means a lot to me. :')

Retek said:

I read through the article, and from what happened today morning, I don't feel that's classified as an abuse, I guess it's just parents scolding me for simple mistakes. I think it's just something that happens everywhere, it's just that it feels really bad mainly because I am really sensitive and have almost zero self confidence. Regardless, thanks for the help, it means a lot to me. :')

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Of course! I got your back. :)

If you believe what you're going through is not abusive than I politely disagree but stand with you nevertheless. Only you know your circumstances and I know you're smart enough to come to an educated conclusion. Just know that we care about you and want to see you thrive! ♡

I agree that is abuse, and I suffer similar.
I'm autistic and seen as someone who can't possibly do or know anything. Whenever I talk, no one listens, or they'll go on about how I don't know anything because I'm disabled. It's hard not having a voice.

I'm unlikely to change them, but I'm going to surround myself with people who value me!

Maera said:

I agree that is abuse, and I suffer similar.
I'm autistic and seen as someone who can't possibly do or know anything. Whenever I talk, no one listens, or they'll go on about how I don't know anything because I'm disabled. It's hard not having a voice.

I'm unlikely to change them, but I'm going to surround myself with people who value me!

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People can be so ignorant and cruel sometimes. I'm sorry you're going through this. And please remember that you need to value you too! That's the most important thing. ♡

At the moment, crippling loneliness and disassociation. It's really not too fun, not finding the things I previously found fun, fun. And I'm less active everywhere and I'm not gaming and such. But is okey, we power through <3

tenfrogs said:

At the moment, crippling loneliness and disassociation. It's really not too fun, not finding the things I previously found fun, fun. And I'm less active everywhere and I'm not gaming and such. But is okey, we power through <3

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Been there Tenille, hope you blast through that phase at lightning speed!
Till then, slimy frog hugs await! :D

Today I woke up over an hour earlier and spend the time thinking how I don't want to live anymore and how I don't want to get up and go to work. Right now I'm sitting at work trying to figure out how I survive this day. A day like many others before. A day like many many many more days to come.

Megan said:

Today I woke up over an hour earlier and spend the time thinking how I don't want to live anymore and how I don't want to get up and go to work. Right now I'm sitting at work trying to figure out how I survive this day. A day like many others before. A day like many many many more days to come.

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I understand this so well because I often have the same thoughts ;; We don't know what the future holds, though. Good things could yet happen. Try treating yourself tonight :>

I struggle rn because my brain constantly goes "no one actually cares about you or what you say".

Still dealing with nightly bouts of insomnia and sobbing. Idk why I've just felt so bloody emotional lately. The sleeplessness I can handle but it feels like every little thing gets under my skin.

Dragon said:

I struggle rn because my brain constantly goes "no one actually cares about you or what you say".

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Fairy said:

Still dealing with nightly bouts of insomnia and sobbing. Idk why I've just felt so bloody emotional lately. The sleeplessness I can handle but it feels like every little thing gets under my skin.

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Hugs for you both! :)

Hope both of you feel better soon! <3

Not so much a personal issue.

Never fun waking up and the top news stories are about an escalating nuclear war.

I completely disconnected from the news for about a week, and it's time to do it again. I'd rather die blissfully ignorant of it.

Dragon said:

I struggle rn because my brain constantly goes "no one actually cares about you or what you say".

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We share a brain, but I find it's best to use logic here. You are cared for. And even if someone isn't, finding those who care and want to help is usually a step away. Whether not for profits, hospitals, etc. But I can assure you that me, and many others care for & treasure you.

Like Zeo, I'm feeling so heavy-hearted about the war... the fear-mongering is especially killing my spirits. Last night it became too much and I had to cry for an hour thinking about it at 5:00 AM. I just feel so awful on behalf of everyone suffering. So even though I ought to be happy right now, it's a bit of a struggle. :c