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Old December 21st, 2018 (1:42 AM).
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I don't have too much thoughts about this chapter since it's mostly just Eloy and Lauren talking but that's not a bad thing really. The first part of the conversation over tr the pros and cons of Pokemon in their pokeball is a nice one. Makes me wonder if Eloy gets more Pokemon how he'll be able to manage to take care of them fairly. Lauren's backstory is also interesting. Curious what happened in Kanto, maybe it'll be an interlude? = P
Maybe xD
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Old January 4th, 2019 (3:31 AM). Edited January 15th, 2019 by gimmepie.
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O Fortuna
“Cross!”

“TOT!!!”

Maestro dived out of the way as the hulking blue bug’s powerful forelimb drove into the ground were he had just been standing, leaving a crater in its place. The Heracross immediately whirled around to face Eloy’s Kricketot once more, the smaller Bug swiftly running out of stamina.

“You’ve got this, Hercules,” the Heracross’ trainer, a young man a few years older than Eloy donning a blue cap over unkempt hair, encouraged, “The little squirt can’t run forever.”

Eloy grimaced at that, his opponent was not wrong. They’d been battling for quite a while as it was, although battling didn’t seem the best descriptor at that time. Poor Maestro had spent the entire conflict on the defensive, completely overwhelmed by Hercules’ raw power.

This was becoming a running trend in Eloy’s day. He’d arrived in Erythie City late the night before and had spent the night in the Pokemon Centre’s lobby unable to secure a room before heading out into the city in search of battles and seemed soon to be Maestro’s third defeat.

“Hercules, Brick Break!” The big blue Bug’s clawed arm glowed white as it lunged after Maestro, delivering a powerhouse punch to its smaller foe.

“Tot, tot!” Maestro repeated frantically, a look of horror etched into his face.

“Struggle Bug!” Eloy instructed, hoping his frantic Kricketot could respond in time.

A pillar of bright red light exploded up around Maestro and rushed outward, pushing Hercules back. The Heracross buzzed its wings to effortlessly stick the landing, in stark contrast to Maestro who had discovered quickly that the lush park grass did little to absorb a hard impact with the ground.

“Follow up with Bug Bite,” Eloy gave the order.

Maestro wheeled around, giving Eloy a questioning look before throwing himself forward into a charge at Hercules. The Pokemon’s trainer didn’t even give a command and the Heracross didn’t so much as flinch as Maestro’s mouth closed down on the larger Pokemon’s shiny cobalt carapace.

Eloy stared flatley at Hercules’ trainer, his opponent smirking at him smugly from where he stood opposite. Eloy had gotten the first impression of a cocky rich kid - not unlike another Erythie native he had met on his journey thus far - and the attitude that had been displayed through the battle thus far had done little to change that. Eloy could tell something unpleasant was coming.
“Brutal Swing, Hercules!” There it was. The Bug/Fighting Pokemon flailed the arm Maestro was attached to about, slamming Maestro into the ground with each motion.

“Bide!” Eloy called out hurriedly, he hoped he didn’t do too much damage to the park.

The onslaught continued for a few more moments as Maestro soaked up the damage, then Hercules gave one strong heave upwards and launched Maestro skywards.

“Mega Horn!” The Erythie trainer instructed. Hercules’ wings shot open as he launched up after Maestro, a blazing white aura exploding into existence around his formidable horn.

“Tot!” Maestro cried out, suddenly releasing the energy he had collected during his beating. The blinding light of the destructive blast caused Eloy and his foe both to wince as the catastrophic attack engulfed Hercules.

Hercule’s kept going, his own powerful attack cutting through Maestro’s. The Kricketot’s assault ceased as Hercules slammed him towards the ground with the savage Mega Horn. Maestro hit the ground hard and it was instantly clear that Eloy had lost that round.

Eloy failed to stifle a sigh as he walked over to where his Pokemon lay prone and began to administer a potion. He’d have to get both of his team members a proper check up at the Pokemon Centre before exploring the city more.

“It was a good effort, Maestro, you’re getting there.”

“Yo, pay up,” the victor said, gesturing towards Eloy. Eloy sighed and reached for his now dwindling funds.

Eloy have the other trainer his winnings, returned Maestro to his ball and headed back towards the Pokemon Centre.




The salty sea air was refreshing as Eloy made his way back towards the Pokemon Centre, and combined with the warm sun it was helping ease the tension after Eloy’s string of losses. It was plain to see why Erythie was a tourism hot spot in Sigia. He’d learned in school, although had forgotten the specifics, how weather patterns kept it somewhat warmer than other places in the region, it was right by the beach, close to the capital and it was beautiful to look at.

The city was far larger than anywhere Eloy had ever been before, but was somehow also very clean. The skyscrapers were all designed in a way so as to not look strange next to one another and the height of the types of buildings present in an area grew smoothly as you went north with the southernmost part of the city being residential and the northernmost having the hotels and business district. Dotted all throughout were open squares, recreational battlefields and serene parks. There must have been some pretty strict building codes to result in such a picturesque cityscape.

It wasn’t long before Eloy reached the Pokemon Centre, one of multiple in the city. This one was smaller than the others and saw less activity, so Eloy had been directed here from the first one he’d attempted to stay at when it turned out they were full. It was tucked away in a shopping area where there wasn’t much battling going on, it also lacked the trademark red roof most Centres had, instead opting for a large sign out the front instead.

The building itself was interesting to look at. The front of the building was distinctly rounded, and comprised of triangular glass panels held together like triominoes in a metal framework. They gave a clear view of the interior which was much more familiar at this point. A combined lobby and lounge area and a small cafe sharing peach tiles and cream-coloured.

Eloy entered the building and found he didn’t have to wait in line to approach the desk at the back. A male nurse with overly perfect teeth and meticulously styled blonde hair stood waiting there in the standard white and pink of the uniform.

“Good afternoon to you, sir!” The nurse said over-exuberant, flashing his near-glowing smile, “How can I be of assistance to you today? I believe you’re currently occupying one of our rooms?

“Uh, yeah,” Eloy said, scratching his arm awkwardly and trying to avoid the nurse’s penetrating, wide-eyed stare, “I booked it earlier this morning. Anyway, could you give my Pokemon a once over? They’ve been battling all morning and aren’t majorly hurt or anything, since I gave treatment with potions, but better to be safe and all.”

“Of course, sir!” The nurse beamed, “I’ll take them off your hands then and have them read for you to collect within half an hour most likely. Feel free to make use of our wonderful cafe or to explore the city while you wait.”

“Sure, thanks.” Eloy handed over his Pokeballs and got away from the desk as quickly as he could while the nurse passed them on to one of his coworkers. He had quickly decided that out of all the inhumanly enthusiastic nurses he’d now come across, that was by far the worst encounter. He was close to thinking he’d rather take on the murderous Stoutland again that have to talk to the man a second time. Not to mention, his suggestions had tweaked a nerve.

Or, since I don’t have any money after that losing streak, I won’t spend any on overpriced coffee or explore the city since there’s nothing nearby except shops. I’ll go to the beach with my Pokemon when you’re done fixing them up though.

Sill, that left Eloy with up to thirty minutes to consider what he was going to do about Maestro. The little Pokemon had good instincts for how to move in battle, but he was timid and not very powerful. His stamina needed work too.

“There’s got to be someway I can focus on your strengths and still help you improve on your weaknesses,” Eloy sighed.

Team Eloy
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Old January 5th, 2019 (10:34 AM). Edited January 15th, 2019 by gimmepie.
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Waves
Changed into beachwear, dark pink board shorts and a lighter pink tank top (of course), Eloy collected his Pokemon from the uncomfortably perfect nurse and escaped the Pokemon centre as quickly as possible. From there it was only a short walk through a sprawl of boutiques and restaurants to reach the beach.

The beach itself was stunning and Eloy stopped just short of actually moving onto it to appreciate it. This was his first time actually visiting a place of the sort, and it left an impression. The sky was clear, it’s reflection glistening over the top of the vibrantly blue sea, the sand was white and fine, a salty breeze kept the heat comfortably at bay and the sound of small waves breaking lightly against the shore was a constant, refusing to be overpowered by the chorus of joyous shout and laughter from the numerous people populating the area. It was as if Eloy had just stepped into a magazine cover.

Reaching into his bag, Eloy quickly retrieved his occupied Pokeballs and released Deacon and Maestro by his feet. They materialised in a flash and immediately fell into old habits. Deacon was instantly hopping around excitedly, taking in the new scenery. Maestro, on the other hand, was looking around cautiously as if awaiting an attack any moment.

“You two can both relax,” Eloy said, “We’re just at the beach for some fun, rest and relaxation since this is a first for all of us. Really, Maestro, no battling for you. Come on.”

Eloy headed down a small set of concrete steps onto the soft sand with his team following behind him… well until Deacon, naturally, dashed off ahead towards the sea. He then immediately turned and rushed back as a wave came in, avoiding the breaking water as it lapped the coast.

“Ni!” he cheered gleefully, turning around for another race with the waves. Maestro for his part continued to huddle close to Eloy’s leg.

“Well, I don’t think he gets the rest and relaxation part but you can’t deny Deacon’s an expert on having fun,” Eloy said with a laugh, looking down at his timid Kricketot. The Bug type didn’t give much sign that he agreed. This made Eloy laugh again.

“Well, look who it is!”

Suddenly, all the mirth drained from Eloy’s body. He recognised the voice instantly, and sure enough, when he turned to the left, Layla was striding up to him, flaunting herself in an obnoxiously yellow bikini under the familiar white jakcetand radiating the same self-confidence as when he’d first met her.

Seriously? What are the odds? I know she’s from here, but come on!

Maestro huddled closer to Eloy as the blonde girl approached, and for once Eloy couldn’t say he blamed the little Bug.

“Is it too late to go back to the Stoutland?” he muttered to Maestro as the Kricketot looked at him horrorstuck.

“You say something?” Layla asked, finally reaching him.

“Uh, yeah, hi, uh, Layla,” Eloy fumbled, still a little too in shock to formulate a good cover story, “I just said, it’s a surprise to see. What are you doing here?”

Layla tilted her head, putting her hands on her hips and looking at Eloy like he was a moron. He couldn’t really fault her that one either.

Nicely done, Eloy. Nothing suspicious there.

“What?” Layla said flatly, still giving him the same expression, “This is my hometown, remember? Of course I’m going to spend more time here catching up with family and friends than I’ll spend somewhere dingy like Avent Town. Duh.”

“Ah, right,” Eloy said, wondering if his discomfort was visible or not.

“Anyway, come on!” Layla said suddenly, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him after her.

“What?!” Eloy spluttered, stumbling after her with his arm stuck in her surprisingly vice-like grip.

“Tot?!” Maestro yelped, apparently echoing Eloy’s sentiments as he hurriedly scrambled after his captive trainer. Deacon’s ears pricked up from where he was still playing with the waves, the Nidoran soon taking off after them as if they were forming a strange parade.

Eventually, Layla dropped Eloy from her grasp as his Pokemon caught up with them, and he became aware of his surroundings again. They hadn’t actually gone very far from where he’d been standing really and were now before a large blue rug under an even larger blue and white umbrella.

A girl in a brown top and dark shorts, quickly recognisable as Gwen, was sitting under the umbrella engrossed in a rather hefty looking book adorned with an image of a Teddiursa on the cover. Around her was a large grouping of Pokemon.

Eloy’s eyes quickly spotted Florence, Layla’s Buneary but aside from the brown Normal type, there were five others present. A gloriously pink Snubbull and spiky, yellow Jolteon were playing around with Florence while nearby a bepetalled Roselia was standing in the sun soaking up its rays. A Munchlax was sleeping lazily on its back near the centre of their rug and nearby Gwen a tough-looking Lucario sat in quiet meditation, the black appendages that dangled from its head were all standing out to the sides. It was quite the eclectic mix of Pokemon, leaving Eloy to wonder if they all belonged to Layla or if some were Gwen’s.

“Hey, Gwen!” Layla said far too loudly for their proximity, “Look who I found!”

Gwen looked up from her book at Layla, as though she barely registered Eloy was there. Then, she shifted her gaze to him and gave a small wave.

“It’s Pinky!” Layla said enthusiastically, “From Avent!”

“I remember,” Gwen replied calmly, glancing wantingly back at her book.

“My name’s Eloy.”

“I know that, but what’s with all the pink?”

Eloy wasn’t entirely sure if she actually did even half-remember his name. That was not important though. There was a much more important issue at hand.

“Pink is the greatest colour in the world, that’s what’s with all the pink. The world needs more pink in it. What’s with all the yellow?”

“Obviously, it’s the actual greatest colour!”

“I severely beg to differ,” Eloy responded.

“Ni!” Deacon affirmed adamantly.

At that, the debate was interrupted by the sound of Gwen laughing. A sound that surprised Eloy so much he had to force his jaw not to fall open in shock. Granted, this was only his second encounter ever with the girl, but such a blatant display was not something Eloy had seen coming at all. He was dumbfounded.

“And what’s so funny, huh?” Layla jabbed playfully, sticking out her tongue at her companion.

“That was c-” Suddenly, Gwen’s mouth slammed shut and her eyes went wide. It was as though she’d suddenly realised she’d stepped out of her secretive, introverted shell for a moment and had dived for cover.

“It was what, huh?” Layla prodded teasingly.

“I just realised you’re colour coded. He’s always pink and you’re always yellow. It’s funny,” Gwen said, returning her attention to her book with almost an intensity. It looked like she was trying to burn a hole through the page with her eyes. The Lucario nearby her opened one of his eyes quizzically, eventually shutting it and returning to his meditation.

“She says that like she’s not perpetually in brown,” Layla jabbed, poking her tongue out at Gwen again. Gwen, grinned and rolled her eyes but didn’t look away from the book.

Eloy took this chance to begin slowly backing away, but backed straight into another person, stumbling back forward.

“Careful man, don’t wanna hurt yourself,” the new arrival, a shirtless man that dwarfed Eloy said with a light-hearted grin.

“Right, sorry,” Eloy apologised.

“Nah, don’t worry bro,” the man replied, “I just came by to say we’re holding an even up the beach. For a small fee, two people enter and have a double battle against our two trainers. If you win, you get your cash back and a case of Protein. Interested?”

“Sounds fun, let’s team up, Gwen!” Layla beamed, but her friend was already shaking her head.

“I’ll pass. Doubly on the Protein.”

With that, Layla turned to look at Eloy.

“Then I guess you’ll have to do.”

“Wait, what?” Eloy responded, feeling a distinct sense of impending doom.

Team Eloy
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Old January 7th, 2019 (11:51 AM). Edited January 15th, 2019 by gimmepie.
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Interlude Four
A howling roar echoed through the darkness of the cave, the group of trainers freezing in place. It was a lamenting, angry sound and it was exactly the sort of indicator they had warned about. They had figured that there was strength in numbers, especially with both of their groups travelling through the mountain caves together. That horrible, haunting sound however made every single one of them doubt that logic.

“It didn’t sound too close right? Let’s keep moving,” the de facto leader of the group, the chief scientist of the more official half of the expedition said. Scientists and trainers alike followed suit as the balding man began walking along the dimly lit path once more.

A light tremor shook and the far or roar reverberated through the caverns again. The tremors were deeply concerning to all those present, but to those who realised it meant that the source of the roaring was moving closer to them, that concern was at a whole other level. Another, stronger tremor shook them.

“Is it just me, or are those tremors getting closer?” Someone whispered in the darkness.

“I think you mean closer,” A second voice mumbled bitterly from further across.

They made it only a few more steps before the strongest tremor yet hit, several of the assembled group stumbling and the cavern caravan coming to a halt, frozen with fear and anticipation as they waited, hoping the tremors would begin to shrink.

For a long time, there was no sound at all. No tremors, nobody spoke and all seemed to hold their breath. Then the ground beneath their feet exploded with a roar. The metallic leviathan burst up from beneath them, leaving a gaping hole in the ground as it rose up, slamming into the cave and sending boulders and stalagmites raining down over the group.

Lauren was thrown flying by the force of the Steelix emerging from below. For a split second she saw the scientists and her friends scrambling, those that hadn’t already plummeted through the chasm left by the massive Steel type. Then, she hit the ground and was sent tumbling, her eyes slamming shut.

Lauren’s hand’s flew to her ears as she landed, and she curled into a ball as she tried to block out the thunderous sound of falling stone and the screams of her travelling companions. Then, there was only silence and blackness. It was over as quickly as it had happened.




Lauren’s eyes shot open and she jolted upright in her sleeping bag. Her hair was plastered to her face and she was dripping with icy sweat. She breathed heavily, gripping the edges of the sleeping bag until she came to her senses. She wasn’t in Mount Moon, she wasn’t even in Kanto. She was in the Sigia region en route to Techniti City.
“Skull?” Mortimer enquired after her. Lauren turned to see the red glow of his eyes in the darkness, not far from where she lay. A small distance away from him, she could see the dimmer yellow she knew to be Marion’s own eyes. Just as the pair of Ghost types lurked nearby, Lauren knew that Echo was fluttering around overhead. The trio of Pokemon were of species that thrived in the night so Lauren often let them out to roam nearby when she slept - partl for their benefit and partly for her protection.

She reached for herbag and retrieved her Pokegear, the light from its screen illuminating the space around her a little more and revealing Mortimer’s form, hovering by her side with his head tilted. She looked at the screen, the wallpaper depicted her and three others, a boy and two girls close to her age. This was the only photo of their group all together, taken outside the Pewter City Pokemon Centre before they all set off.

“A cave in occured in the caves within Mount Moon,” Lauren whispered to herself, citing a news story on the incident, “A Steelix that had contracted a severe strain of Pokerus attacked a group travelling to Cerulean City. There were only four survivors, one in critical condition.”

The four survivors in question had been herself, her two female friends and the lead scientist. Everyone else had either died falling through the hole in the floor or been crushed by the rocks falling from above.

“I don’t even know if Tabby ever woke up, you know that?” Lauren said, looking to Mortimer, “What am I doing here, Mort?”

“Skull.” Mortimer floated over to her, nestling against his trainer.

“All that and now here I’m attacked by rabid Stoutland? It’s like I have a target on my back. Maybe someone out there is just punishing me because my heart’s not in it.”

“Shup!” Marion suddenly said, and with a mischievous giggle glided over to rest in Lauren’s lap. The Ghost type closed her eyes and the next moment, Lauren felt her negative feelings begin to ease as her Pokemon fed on them.

Lauren reached out and patted the Shuppet, slipping back down into the bag and closing her eyes again.




“I wish you hadn’t found that. Now I have to get rid of you.”

Lauren looked at the man with horror, she was the last one conscious and now the scientist she had trekked through the caves with was turning on her? Was she seriously going to be another body on the pile of corpses this man had left in his wake?
The scientist lazily tossed a Pokeball, in a flash of light a large Pokemon appeared. It was a huge Muk, bigger than normal, and where Kantonian Muk were usually purple, the slimey Pokemon before her was green, yellow and pink like the variant found in Alola.

Lauren held on tightly to the injured zubat she cradled in her arms as Mortimer calmly placed himself between her and the Muk.

“Sludge Bomb!’ The man ordered.

“Protect!” Lauren didn’t have time to contemplate, she just reacted. A barrier of glowing green exploded into being around Mortimer, the Sludge Bomb striking it and falling to the ground as it faded. “Will-o-Wisp, Mortimer!”

Mortimer retaliated, hurling a ghostly blue fireball at the Muk. The Poison type tried to doge but was far too slow and briefly, it was ablaze, the fading flames leaving it burned.

“You dare to fight back against me!?” The Scientist raged.

“Night Shade, Mort!” Lauren ignored him and attacked again.

As the battle continued, the scene began to fade. Each exchange of attacks, more of the dream disappeared into a serene fog. Lauren thought she could here a ghostly giggle as she drifted deeper into her sleep.

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Old January 9th, 2019 (9:10 PM).
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Poor Maestro, still not getting used to battles. He'll need to break out of his shell sooner or later. I liked that you have a very enthuastic male nurse since I don't see those very often in Pokemon fanfics. The nurse is only trying to give great customer service, Eloy.

Oh, hey Layla and Gwen again. It does seemed like everyone has that one favorite color, huh? Layla and Eloy battle partners, that's going to be fun.

Onto the interlude, yup thought we'll get to Lauren's backstory sooner or later. Oof the mention of the Pokerus again, seems to be a worldwide thing. Hm, I think for Lauren's nightmare it could end on a more intense note. You have her battling the scientist and then the dream just fades. Maybe more Pokemon with Pokerus appeared, for instance Have fun with the nightmares!
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Old January 10th, 2019 (1:05 AM).
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Poor Maestro, still not getting used to battles. He'll need to break out of his shell sooner or later. I liked that you have a very enthuastic male nurse since I don't see those very often in Pokemon fanfics. The nurse is only trying to give great customer service, Eloy.

Oh, hey Layla and Gwen again. It does seemed like everyone has that one favorite color, huh? Layla and Eloy battle partners, that's going to be fun.

Onto the interlude, yup thought we'll get to Lauren's backstory sooner or later. Oof the mention of the Pokerus again, seems to be a worldwide thing. Hm, I think for Lauren's nightmare it could end on a more intense note. You have her battling the scientist and then the dream just fades. Maybe more Pokemon with Pokerus appeared, for instance Have fun with the nightmares!
Downside to having her travel with a Pokemon that literally eats negative emotions is that it's hard to justify doing that when she's out and about. I think in general though, that's solid advise that I'll keep in mind.
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Old January 14th, 2019 (6:24 AM). Edited January 15th, 2019 by gimmepie.
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Knuck if You Buck
Eloy found himself standing alongside Layla a short way up the beach from where they had previously been. A sizeable space had been cordoned off to serve as a battlefield and a crowd had gathered to watch the spectacle. Near the front of the crowd, looking slightly uncomfortable in the throng of people, Gwen watched on with her gaze fixed in Layla and Eloy’s direction.

Their opponent’s stood across from them, a pair of deeply tanned trainers in their mid-twenties dressed in brightly-coloured beachwear. In front of the first of the trainers, a woman with a brown bob cut, a Machoke stood proudly. In front of her companion, a tall man with a shaved head, a relaxed Golduck was standing with its webbed hands on its hips. Eloy and Layla had chosen Deacon and Florence.

“Don’t go slowing us down now,” Layla jibed, winking at Eloy. Florence snickered at her trainer’s feet, prompting Deacon to bristle, his spiny ears pricking up defensively.

“Wasn’t exactly high on my priority list,” Eloy replied with a sigh. He knew already that the two of them weren’t going to have the best team cohesiveness, but Deacon and Florence were already doing well to drive that point home.

“Good your little rodent’s get along,” the woman with the Machoke tittered, “We good to go, ref?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” the referee, the huge man Eloy had backed into before, gave the go ahead.

“Kai, Karate Chop!” She wasted no time in giving her first command and her Machoke wasted no time in following it. The musclebound Pokemon ran forward like a charging gladiator with a faintly glowing hand ready to chop down on Florence.

“Baby-Doll Eyes!” Layla instructed. Florence’s eyes flashed pink, but the Machoke’s eyes never met with the Buneary’s.

“Duke, Aqua Jet!” The Golduck rocketed in between Kai and Florence, engulfed in a torrent of water. From within the rushing water, there was a flash of pink indicating that the Baby-Doll eyes had hit the Golduck instead. The Water type’s attack ceased and it landed in the sand by the edge of the battlefield. Kai was almost upon Florence.

“Poison Sting on the Machoke!” Eloy called. The tip of Deacon’s horn shone purple as he dashed forward the short distance to meet his hulking opponent. He leapt up, his horn striking Kai’s side and throwing him off balance.

The Machoke was spun, plating his hand into the hot sand and lashing out with a kick that hooked Deacon and shot him straight into Florence. The pair of small Pokemon tumbled over each other, coming to a halt in a spray of sand.

Florence pushed Deacon off of her and climbed back to her feet, rolling her eyes at the Nidoran.

“Ni!” Deacon snarled at his teammate, also getting back to his feet.

“Oh dear, that’s not a good sign!” The obnoxious woman laughed. Eloy winced, it seemed like she wasn’t the only one to think so. He was pretty sure he’d just caught sight of Gwen shaking her head at him on the sidelines.

Great, looks like if we lose I’m going to get blamed for it.

“Poison Sting the Machoke again!” Eloy instructed, Deacon angrily rushed Kai, eliciting another laugh from the woman on the other side of the battlefield.

“Duke, Confusion!”

“No!” Layla exclaimed next to Eloy, but it was too late. Deacon shimmered with a faint blue light and was then blasted away from the Machoke, skipping over the surface of the sand like a pebble on a lake.

“Florence, Charge Beam!” Florence comprised, shooting the yellow beam, crackling with electricity, from in front of her mouth to strike the Machoke. The bulky Fighting type was far too slow and far too close to avoid the attack, taking it head on and being shot back several metres, rolling back to his feet and looking annoyed.

“Water Pulse!” A glowing, glimmering sphere of water suddenly struck Florence, exploding on impact and sending her careening across the battlefield to land next to where Deacon had just gotten back up again.

“Ni,” Deacon taunted the Buneary. Eloy nearly face-palmed.

“You two should really stop forgettin’ I’m here,” The Golduck’s trainer said with a smug grin.

“Couldn’t agree more,” Eloy muttered.

“Then stop doing it,” Layla chided from beside him, chuckling as though she hadn’t made the exact same mistake, “Run the Machoke again.”

“Because that worked out so well the last time.”

“Just do it,” Layla snipped.

“Poison Sting the Machoke again!” Eloy instructed, relenting. Deacon instantly rushed forward again.
“Confusion, Duke!”

“Charge Beam the Golduck!” Layla suddenly yelled, Eloy realising at that moment exactly what Layla had just done.

Deacon was blasted back by the Psychic attack again, taking a hard hit on account of his type disadvantage and hitting the dirt hard, sending a spray of it up like sea foam. At the same time though, Florence’s sparking beam attack shot past Deacon and Kai and hit its mark. Duke cried out with surprise and pain as the electrical charge raced over his body. Much like Deacon was to Psychic, Duke was weak to electric attacks and dropped to his hands and knees.

“Really? Your using Deacon as bait now?” Eloy asked, Layla.

“It worked didn’t it?”

“It won’t keep working, Deacon can’t tank too many Psychic attacks.”

“Well I guess that can’t be helped with him,” Layla replied. Eloy tried not to be too annoyed by the way she made it sound like Deacon was somehow at fault for being a Poison type. He wasn’t doing a great job. He glanced towards Gwen again and was shocked to see she was shaking her head again, slightly more frantically this time. Again, he got the distinct impression it was aimed at him.

What did I do this time? It was a rude tactic, but Layla was right about it working.

He didn’t get much more time to think. Their female opponent gave another command and suddenly the massive form of Kai was hurtling at Deacon and Florence like a sprinter.

“I’ll get its legs, you get its head!” Eloy said frantically, hoping Layla got the idea, “Peck one of its legs Deacon!”

Deacon ran to meet Kai, Florence following behind at a command from Layla. A blaze engulfed the Machoke’s fist as he struck down towards Deacon like a jackhammer, but the Nidoran was much more nimble. He hopped to the side, avoiding the Fire Punch and lunged forward, jabbing his horn into the side of the Machoke’s knee.

Kai shouted as the Flying attack hit, his leg instantly buckling under him and sending him to his hands and knees, lining him up perfectly.

“Charge Beam!” Layla ordered again.

Florence skidded to a halt, right in front of the Machoke’s face, tilting back before rocking her weight forward and blasting Kai head on with the Electric attack. Kai was immersed in the crackling electric charge and crumpled to the ground as a second charge ran over Florence’s body, indicating Charge Beam’s secondary power enhancing effect had activated.

Eloy stole another glance Gwen’s way. Apparently this time she approved of their tactic because she wasn’t shaking her head but smiling faintly. Eloy turned back just in time to once again be reminded they were in a double battle.

“Mud bomb!”

Duke was back on his feet now, and launched a sphere of compressed mud in Florence’s direction.

“Pound!” Florence struck the ball of mud, her ear shooting forward like a piston and exploding it in an icky brown spray that splattered all four of the assembled Pokemon.

“Kai, Low Sweep!”

Eloy’s head whipped across to look at the Machoke, who had taken the moment of distraction to find purchase on the ground with his hands. With a malevolent smirk, the Fighting type whipped its leg around to strike Florence and sent her skidding along the sand.

“Peck!” Eloy called. Deacon lunged for Kai, the Machoke not yet back on two feet. However he never got the chance to make contact as Duke intervened. At a snappy instruction from his trainer, the Golduck once more hammered Deacon with Confusion and set him flying across the battleground. Both Deacon and Florence lay prone for several moments, slowly climbing back to their feet as Duke casually strolled up to his teammate, Kai also now standing tall again.

“That went well,” Eloy stated flatly.

“Definitely not a shining moment,” Layla agreed.

Team Eloy
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Old January 17th, 2019 (11:00 PM).
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I expected that double battle to have some hippcups there. Their poor communication at one another in the beginning hurts them quite a bit. Near the end they're able to almost get in sync, but a little too late there.

I would've liked more reactions and body language from Duke and Kai's trainers. You had them call out commands and talked to Eloy and Layla a couple times, but other than that I don't get a sense of their personality an I feel they're just there.
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Old January 18th, 2019 (2:51 AM).
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I expected that double battle to have some hippcups there. Their poor communication at one another in the beginning hurts them quite a bit. Near the end they're able to almost get in sync, but a little too late there.

I would've liked more reactions and body language from Duke and Kai's trainers. You had them call out commands and talked to Eloy and Layla a couple times, but other than that I don't get a sense of their personality an I feel they're just there.
Noted.
Will try to capture personalities a bit better in the follow-up chapter.
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Old January 21st, 2019 (7:27 PM).
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Venia Silente Venia Silente is offline
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Well, I'm back giving more commentary and apologizing for being slow on the updates. Work is a killjoy. But hey! Good to know that Eloy continues his adventure with a Nido by his side. One thing I wanted to mention a lot after the beginning episodes is how Eloy dares have a bad time when he's accompanied by two girls. Like, really. :p

Now... I resume reading with Ch. 4 and Interlude one, and go up to right before Welcome to the Jungle; I was taken a bit aback by the change in perspective since I was getting admittedly used to the open spaces and how you work your detail with them, but that's a minor detail. Another minor detail is with "It's yellowed, peeling walls".

As for the whole Melanie and Blake sideline thing, while I do recall it was mentioned early on about the Pokerus case, it didn't register me as a plot strand worth following when we had Eloy and Deacon around. I think the interlude would have benefited from putting it one episode later, right before (or after) the Gym Battle even, when the novelty of Deacon gives way to a more established and normal Trainer who, like, catches Pokémon, but that's just me.

Quote:
"Melanie?" Blake groaned "I thought you were coming on Monday."

"It is Monday." Melanie said, struggling to keep the pity and disappointment out of her tone.
#relatable, why does the week hurt so much.

As for the whole Pokérus thing? We have a deal, kid. Or, rather, apparently not. He ain't saying anything and I see this is the classic "these guys can get you anywhere" ploy we see in 2000s TV shows, from which I'll call it right now: either very high League Officers or the Champion are directly involved in the distribution. That or the whole thing is just a misdirection to annoy and sucker punch the *real* dealers. It's interesting to wonder what guns is this Blake guy sticking to if it is true what Melanie says that he would have access to tons of Pokémoney.

Quote:
"This could all be over and you could be shipped off to Alola in witness protection by now!"
Last I heard, mainline adventure games are not very good for hiding. Each random grunt, and or Legendary there is found and beaten by a 10-year old!

Quote:
Still, Eloy was loathe to disturb the Nidoran. Deacon was a surprisingly heavy sleeper given his energy when awake and he looked so peaceful.
[...]
He [Eloy] began to climb out of the sleeping bag and, as though he’d flipped a switch, Deacon’s eyes shot open and he immediately perked up, practically humming with energy.
[...]
Ni!” Deacon cried out, flying out the sleeping bag and dashing over to where Eloy’s bag rested nearby. Moments later, the Pokemon was running tight laps around the bag.
Best Nido. Very energy. Such crepuscular!

But really, that off-on switch and how Deacon just up and starts running laps around the place and going all FEED ME was a prize little scene to read. He seems to be very pet-like in that behaviour, though I hope he grows out to become more independent about that.

I just hope he doesn't get nommed by a bird also looking for breakfast in those escapades distance ahead of Eloy. Would certainly suck.

Quote:
“Toooooooooooooot!” the creature intoned frantically, glancing around it rapidly and waggling its arms. Strangely enough, it didn’t seem pleased about having a Nidoran barrelling into it.
Of course! Who in their right mind would be DISPLEASED about having a Nidoran barrel onto them? I certainly wouldn't. Come on. These wild mons need to be more forthcoming. (Besides, we also have cookies here in the Trainer Pokémon side of the fence~)

Ooooh and good thing about the battle woosh, many stories tend tot ry and skip the first few wild battles out of finding them boring, but these are formative experiences that tell a lot about how the characters start. One little concern about the battle that forced me to switch tabs, hence temporarily leaving the story, is that I could have sworn Bide is a physical category move, so I was a bit weirded out by having it be a concussive or "massful" beam of energy. But I'm sure Deacon is a good boy and would have been able to take it.

Quote:
“Welcome to the team,”
DO DE DOOO~

Also that marks the opening for now featuring a more proper town with Rosaste. A good work on quickly establishing the more hospital-ness experience including the immaculate white, building off the contrast with the depiction of the previous Center which I had also commented upon. I do find it weird that he's this early in his adventure and already going to tackle the first Gym, hinting that he didn't really learn his lesson from the first battle we watched him tackle. Not that I wish him any wrong but he has a long road to learn. It was nice to see the little surprise waiting him at the Gym and how he almost froze at the thought that Gwen and Layla were there tho!

After watching one battle though it is going to be Eloy's turn and I'm off for the popcorns to come back and review that one another time, because it feels like a grander event and the usual corresponding "opening of the world". Nice story so far and always good to see Nidos having screentime!

Also a good work on giving a Lombre both a good strategy to play and a decent run in your show so far.
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Old January 22nd, 2019 (2:51 AM).
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Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it still.
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Old 2 Days Ago (7:58 AM).
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Hazard
“Any bright ideas?” Layla asked.

From her tone, it sounded to Eloy like she was trying to place the blame on him. Not the most pleasant thing in the world, but at that moment he had bigger problems than Layla looking down on him.

“I was thinking we’d hit them really hard,” he replied, only half-sarcastically.

“Pure genius.” The pair of them surveyed the scene before them. Deacon was on one side of the battlefield, Florence was on the other and between them, standing side by side, were Kai and Duke, looking confident. Across the sandy arena, their opponents were not even trying to conceal their smug smirks. Thankfully, it seemed they were content to bask in their moment of glory and weren’t in any rush to attack again.

“The have better teamwork than us. We should should isolate them, focus on taking one of them out and then we can easily beat the last one standing,” Eloy suggested, not looking away from the battlefield.

“Now you’re talking sense,” Layla said with a grin, “Takeout the Golduck first, it’s got the range.”

Eloy nodded. If Layla wanted to call that shot, he could live with that. She naturally gravitated towards that position anyway and he’d come to the same conclusion as it was.

“Peck, Deacon!” Eloy instructed, “Go under!”

“Ni!”

Deacon sprinted forward, baring his horn.

“Kai, Fire Punch!”

One of the hulking Machamp’s four fists burst into flame as it lunged forward to intercept Deacon. The little Nidoran was too fast for it however, picking up the pace to narrowly avoid the blazing punch and rush through Kai’s legs.

“Crap!” Their male opponent cursed, realising what Eloy was planning, “Duke, Ice Beam the Nidoran!”

The Golduck whipped around as Deacon leapt for it, the frost white-blue energy beam starting for in its open beak.

“Now!” Layla called. Florence unleashed a Charge Beam, the bright yellow blast sparking with electricity. The Electric attack struck Duke in the back and a violent shock overtook his body, the Ice Beam fading from existence as the highly effective attack took its toll. Then, Deacon’s horn struck the crippled Golduck and with a huff it toppled over in a heap.

Eloy hadn’t expected a single run to do it, but he wasn’t about to complain. That was down, only Kai was left.

“Nicely done, Duke.” Duke’s trainer returned his Golduck and took a seat in the sand to watch the rest of the battle.

“Don’t get excited, this is far from over,” Kai’s trainer said, still looking every bit as confident as before.

“I don’t know,” Layla smirked “You’re all alone now.

“Oh please, don’t get so cocky. You don’t have a half a chance,” the woman scoffed “Kai, Karate chop the Buneary!”

The muscled Fighting type leapt over the top of Deacon and dashed forward after Florence, bringing his arm up in preparation of a downward blow. Florence was far more agile than Kai however, leaping up and landing on his head before using it as a springboard to bound over to a place nearby Deacon, leaving the Machoke’s back to both Pokemon. Eloy saw his opportunity.

“Deacon, Peck!”

“Ni!”

Deacon rushed forward and lunged up towards the open back of the Machoke, but at a sharp command from his trainer, Kai pivoted around on his left foot causing the attack to harmlessly sail past. Eloy pressed on the attack.

“Poison Sting!”

Deacon made a rapid turn and catapulted himself up towards Kai off of his hind legs to strike with his horn again, the appendage’s tip now glowing a toxic purple.

“This is nothing, take it Kai!”

Eloy’s eyes went wide at the unusual command, but Kai took it in his stride. The Machoke didn’t move and the Poison attack struck him in the chest. He doubled over but held his ground as Deacon bounced off of him.

“Florence, Jump Kick!” Layla instructed, trying to catch Kai off-guard while he was focused on Deacon.
“Dual Chop!” Kai’s trainer barked dismissively, a blue glow overtaking her Machoke’s hands.

Kai swung back, swatting the leaping Buneary out the air with ease and sending her tumbling over the sand. Deacon jumped for him at that moment, but, with his other hand, Kai swung down and slammed him into the dirt.

“I told you, I’m out of your league.”

“I really don’t like her,” Layla breathed under her breath, leaving only Eloy to hear.

“I have to admit, I’m not exactly a fan,” Eloy agreed before trying to regain the offensive “Poison Sting!”

“Take it, Kai!” The unusual order came again as once more the Machoke simply allowed the Poison Sting to hit, doubling over but otherwise not budging as Deacon rebounded off his chest again.

Eloy saw out of his eyes that Gwen was grimacing and shaking her head again. At that moment, something dawned on him. Every time he’d caught that expression on Gwen’s face, it had come directly after he had commanded a Poison Sting. Combining that with this strange instruction, Eloy had to question if there was a reason he shouldn’t use that attack.

“Oh, that’s not good,” Layla suddenly said to Eloy’s side and he focused his attention on the battle to have his suspicions confirmed. The Machoke was showing the unmistakable signs of being afflicted by Deacon’s poison. He looked a bit peaky, he was sweating and swaying on his feet. However, Kai was also grinning viciously and his muscled seemed to have pumped up to a greater size. He practically radiated power even as he slumped slightly in his posture. The pieces of that puzzle immediately fell into place.

“Florence, Charge Beam!” Layla yelled frantically.

“Too late, kid!” The woman cried out victoriously “Kai, Dynamic Punch!”

Florence unleashed the crackling yellow beam as Kai roared a battle cry, whirling around with a fist that glowed white and orange in a violent swirl over his skin. His punch struck the Electric beam and that swirling energy burt out like an explosion, completely nullifying the Charge Beam.

“It’s got Guts,” Eloy winced.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Layla replied sarcastically.

“You think you have time for chatting with us on the loose?” The woman interjected, “Kai, Fire Punch the Nidoran!”

“Deacon do-”

The attack came around before Eloy could finish his sentence, he had been expecting her to follow up the attack on Florence not to turn her attention back to him. Kai’s fist erupted into a blaze as it struck Deacon and sent him rocketing across the battlefield, right past Eloy where he skidded to a halt in the sand. Eloy groaned.

“Sorry guys, guess it’s on you,” he said to Layla before turning to Deacon and drawing him back into his Pokeball “Good effort, Deacon.”

“We’ve got this, don’t worry,” Laya replied “Charge Beam, again!”

“Dynamic Punch! Walk right up to it!” The woman instructed, her enthusiasm near manic now.

Florence reared back before unleashing the bright burst of electric energy at her foe. Kai strode forward smugly raising his fist to intercept it as it began to glow with the combating orange and white swirls again. Florence’s attack met his fist as he continued to walk forward, pushing the beam back with his arm outstretched.

Step by painstaking step, Kai closed in on Florence as the Buneary gave the attack her every effort. Soon enough though, he was upon her. Kai stepped forward, around the beam so he was ahead of his fist and then thrust his attack forward. The beam was immediately overpowered as he drove his clenched hand into Florence and the energy around it exploded outwards in a flash. Florence was slammed into the yellow sand, grains flying up in a cloud as she left a crater beneath her. Much like Deacon, she simply lay in the impression twitching.

“See, you never had a chance,” the woman gloated, returning her Machoke. “That’s yet another win for us!”

“You know, you could tone it down a little, they’re obviously new.” The man sitting beside her spoke up. In his silence during the second half of the battle, Eloy had forgotten he was even there.

“No can do!” The woman chimed, Layla growling under her breath before moving in to collect her fallen Pokemon.

“You did well, Florence,” she said “Come on.” In a beam of red light, Florence was called to the confines of her own Pokeball.

Layla trudged back towards Eloy, looking rather displeased with the outcome as the woman behind her continued to gloat to her partner. Eloy thought he heard mention of Duke being knocked out a couple of times.

“Unbelievable,” Layla seethed, as Gwen made her way towards them and they stepped away from the battlefield. “Absolutely unbelievable.”

“Sorry you lost,” Gwen said as she neared them, sounding almost like she thought it was her fault. It was odd to say the least, and apparently Layla agreed.

“What are sorry for? It’s not like it’s your fault the annoying wench snagged the win.”

“Oh, right,” Gwen replied sheepishly, an odd expression on her face. That one was going to take a while to figure out. Still, Eloy had more pressing things to ask her.

“You knew it had Guts?” Eloy queried, Gwen turning around and for a moment looking at him like she was surprised he was still there.

“No, I didn’t know it had Guts.”

“Then why did I catch you shaking your head after those Poison Stings?” Eloy asked.

“Well, I didn’t know it had Guts, but I knew you were making a bad move.” When Eloy only looked at her perplexed, she continued her explanation. “Machoke can have one of three abilities; Guts, No Guard or Steadfast. It’s a one in three chance of Guts… well more than that actually because Steadfast is really rare. It didn’t make any sense to risk potentially poisoning Kai and activating Guts if had that ability when you had Peck at your disposal. You should have tried looking for signs of Steadfast or No Guard first and, well, after the first few rounds it was pretty obvious that it didn’t have No Guard and with Steadfast being so rare, Guts was the likely ability.”

Eloy continued to stare at Gwen in surprise. Not only was that way more than he had ever heard her say, but it was an extremely impressive analysis. He hadn’t gone into the battle with a mindset like that at all and for the first time he had to wonder if maybe Layla’s claims about Gwen’s prowess were better founded than he had originally thought.

“Wow,” he finally managed to say as Gwen visibly shrank back after giving her explanation. Evidently, knowledge was not a cure for shyness.

“Alright, enough of that!” Layla suddenly and vigorously interjected “We can talk strategy later, but for now, we’re going back to my place to drown our sorrows in junk food!”

A slight smile returned to Gwen’s face as Layla stormed off along the beach and she hurried off in tow, only to stop suddenly when Layla turned back around, still looking quite put out.

“Well what are you still standing around for Pinky,” she said “Lets go, didn’t you hear me?”

“Wait, what?”

“My place. Copious amounts of junk food. Let’s go.”

“Right,” Eloy said with a confused sigh and began trailing along behind their procession.

Team Eloy
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Old 7 Hours Ago (8:59 PM).
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Kinda glad Layla and Eloy were communicating better, but I wasn't surprised they didn't win because their opponents have stronger Pokemon. Gwen seems to be better at strategy than both of them when she realized what are Machamp's possible abilities.
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Old 2 Hours Ago (2:07 AM).
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Kinda glad Layla and Eloy were communicating better, but I wasn't surprised they didn't win because their opponents have stronger Pokemon. Gwen seems to be better at strategy than both of them when she realized what are Machamp's possible abilities.
I don't know if you remember, but one of the early interludes was from Gwen's perspective, albeit set prior to the main storyline. In it she briefly mentioned that her goal was to become a breeder, so she knows a lot about different Pokemon as a result and uses that to inform her strategic analysis.
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