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Old February 7th, 2019 (12:59 PM).
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Darkmaster006 Darkmaster006 is offline
     
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    Kayrana's journey had just started. Her companion and best friend, Aurai, her Ralts, looked preoccupied at her Trainer, the one person she loved most in the world. The forest—forests always reminded Aurai of when Kayrana and her had met, that fateful evening when Kayrana, just a kid, had gotten lost in the forest, and she came to her rescue, and from then on, they were always together—in which they were was huge and with great, tall trees. Whimsi, meanwhile, Kayrana's Whimsicott, whom they had just befriended a while ago after helping the Whimsicott escape from some captors—a story for another time—jumped excitedly in circles around Kayrana. Aurai was standing atop Kayrana's right shoulder—one of her favourite spots, for sure—as Kayrana slowly walked, looking for any good herbs she could find. She had grown-up as a herbalist, after all, taking after her parents. She loved berries, too. And so did Aurai. After a moment, Kayrana stopped and turned to look at Aurai. "Is there anything wrong, Aurai? Heh, you keep looking at me, seemingly worried, is there something on your mind?" she said, and she caressed her little friend's red horns. Aurai felt at ease. Oh, how she wished she could speak to Kayrana, Aurai thought. There was nothing that she wished for in the world than that. She could sense people's emotions, but she would trade that ability for the ability to talk to Kayrana in a heartbeat. "Ralts, Ralt!" She exclaimed, hoping, maybe, that magically her words would turn into human language. And she smiled at Kayrana, her most precious person in the world, she didn't want to worry her, after all. Aurai caressed Kayrana's cheek with her little hands, and seemed joyous. "Hey, I love you, Aurai! Let's keep going, shall we? For us two together... there's nothing to stop us!" she said as she beamed, facing Aurai. Aurai wondered if her feelings were as hers. It would be a long trip to the next town, after all.

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    Chapter one. This is a series where I'll be exploring Aurai and Kayrana's relationship. They are my OCs, they are on the PTA RP. Story. Char sheet. Just something—shortish, probably—I'll be writing for fun when I get the chance. Comments are encouraged and appreciated! Please let me know what you think :D.
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    Old February 12th, 2019 (10:58 PM). Edited February 12th, 2019 by Darkmaster006.
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    Darkmaster006 Darkmaster006 is offline
       
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      A night
      It was winter, some months had passed since Aurai and Kayrana had met. Kayrana wasn't yet a trainer. She and her family had moved from Oldale Town to Vendanturf Town and had set up a herbal shop in there. There wasn't much of a difference between the ever-verdant towns. Vendanturf was just a tad bigger, but that was about it. And yet, to Kayrana, there was an important difference that made Vendanturf stand out more than Oldale, as much as she loved Oldale. It was Aurai. She had found her there, on a forest near town. The memory of her being one moment lost in the forest, the next in the entrance, was always present. It had been Aurai who had saved her. Cared for her. And since then, they were inseparable. Aurai, too, held Vendanturf as her most special place. As it had been there that she'd met the light of her life. Both of them were lying on their backs in bed, beside each other, both of them thinking about the same thing. Aurai knew, or she had a hunch, that that was what Kayrana was thinking at the moment. It made her happy, unbearably happy. Kayrana had her eyes closed, and after a while she shifted positions to now lay on her side, facing Aurai. The first time they slept together, Aurai quickly noticed that her friend had problems sleeping. This went on for weeks, but recently Kayrana seemed to be able to fall asleep faster and more peacefully. Aurai hoped for it to be because of her company. "Thank... you, Aurai..." muttered Kayrana in her sleep, and she pulled Aurai closer, out of instinct. Aurai couldn't be more happy. Oh, if only she could talk to her. But for today, Aurai worried no more. It was alright like this, wasn't it? She needed to be present in the moment. Tomorrow would be another fun day with her lovely trainer, and she couldn't wish for anything else but for this to go on forever... unchanging.

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      Chapter two. As said, set chronologically before the first chapter, on a peaceful winter night. The next day, they went on with their routine of looking for herbs and berries and helping around the store.
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      Old February 12th, 2019 (11:40 PM).
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      Darkmaster006 Darkmaster006 is offline
         
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        On why Aurai's favourite place is Kayrana's shoulder
        Over the course of their being together, Aurai started noticing little quirks that adorned Kayrana's behaviour. How she spoke, with lots of filler words like 'uhm' and 'you know?', but also used grandiose words, although not in a pretentious manner. How she always carried her journal and, upong seeing an interesting sight, plucked it out to start drawing. How she moved her hands around when speaking excitedly. How she paced back and forth when nervous. How she always tried to keep everything organised. How she got distracted and lost herself easy in her surroundings. How she ruffled her hair or made little circles with her finger and her curls, when talking or when nervous. And many more, and there were surely many more to come that Aurai would be delighted to find out. After a while, Aurai clambered up Kayrana like it was no big deal. She could be seen atop her head, on her lap, on her shoulders, at all times. The place she most treasured was her shoulders, though. From there, she could play with Kayrana's hair, reassure her of her actions, calm her—patting her was always relaxing for Kayrana, she found comfort in it—and most importantly, she could caress Kayrana's cheeks and poke at them from there, always. They were soft and it was really fun to do, for Aurai. Kayrana wasn't bothered by it and even welcomed it. It always seemed like Aurai was really happy up there, and what could Kayrana want more than Aurai being happy? That is how Kayrana's shoulder became Aurai's favourite spot.

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        Chapter three. A silly little chapter I thought up since Aurai is always on Kayrana's shoulder after all.
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        Old February 14th, 2019 (8:18 PM).
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        Bay Bay is offline
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        Oh, hi there! Before I get started I want to mention that I suggest you have your paragraphs broken down into chunks instead of one big paragraph. That way it's easier for me and the other writers to read your work. Something to consider!

        Also one another thing. Is that art yours? If not, I would suggest at least crediting the artist there. If so, I apologize!

        All right, so I took a look at the three chapters you have posted here. The first two chapters I feel is a bit repetitive in that you mention Kayrana and Aurai meeting in a forest and can probably work as one chapter. That particular meeting you could've have written as a full chapter and would make Kayrana and Aurai's friendship more impact.

        Third chapter I feel you did better on the emotional description there by describing Aurai and Kayrana's behavior towards one another. I would probably like something a bit more happening, but that's just me.

        Overall I think having little slice of life stories with your characters is a cute premise, but I'm not invested in your characters just yet because so far they haven't done anything just yet. You mentioned they're from an RP, so maybe there's some more interactions with them there. Hopefully this helps!
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        Old February 15th, 2019 (7:49 AM).
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        Darkmaster006 Darkmaster006 is offline
           
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Bay View Post
          Oh, hi there! Before I get started I want to mention that I suggest you have your paragraphs broken down into chunks instead of one big paragraph. That way it's easier for me and the other writers to read your work. Something to consider!

          Also one another thing. Is that art yours? If not, I would suggest at least crediting the artist there. If so, I apologize!

          All right, so I took a look at the three chapters you have posted here. The first two chapters I feel is a bit repetitive in that you mention Kayrana and Aurai meeting in a forest and can probably work as one chapter. That particular meeting you could've have written as a full chapter and would make Kayrana and Aurai's friendship more impact.

          Third chapter I feel you did better on the emotional description there by describing Aurai and Kayrana's behavior towards one another. I would probably like something a bit more happening, but that's just me.

          Overall I think having little slice of life stories with your characters is a cute premise, but I'm not invested in your characters just yet because so far they haven't done anything just yet. You mentioned they're from an RP, so maybe there's some more interactions with them there. Hopefully this helps!
          First of all, thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it <3.

          Oh, about the art, it's a request I made! The source is in the art itself if you click on it. Maybe I should have it like I used to with [x]?

          As for the paragraph thing, I'll take it into account! Wish there were a spacing setting, though.

          Makes sense! I guess I wasn't thinking about this from a reader's perspective since the meeting in the forest is already a thing (well that isn't exactly told but it's in her character sheet, so maybe I should have made or should make a full chapter about it).

          Oh, yeah, it's more shortish slice-of-life oriented, this thread, that's why they don't really do anything, as you say, that makes sense. I think I'll make another thread for their adventures, I'll import some assorted important posts from the RP—like the meeting with Whimsi—(the RP, I think, went from agonising to dead by stagnation) and start making new full chapters.
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