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I actually really want to join this RP! I'm currently trying to make my SU and stuff. Although, it's sorta of a secondary priority for me due to being in Z and stuff, so yeah.
"Everyone has already forsaken their former selves the moment they're here, myself included.
We can't throw away memories of our own past though. Does that still makes us humans?"
Name: Edmund Feuvernand Age: 23 Gender: Male Species: Arbok
Human Appearance:
As a human, he is of average stature. In the world where hairs are unrealistically colorful, he is brunette and his eyes are as dark as black. His well-dressed appearance does suggest that he is a clerk working in a company of entrepreneurs. He wears a flexible black choker as an accessory around his neck, to remind him of a gift he was given to by someone special to him.
Pokemon Appearance:
As a Pokémon -- specifically an Arbok, his appearance has little difference, which is the similar black choker latched around his neck. A small circular aquamarine crystal is embedded on the collar's core. The pattern of his hood is based on the ones generally found in Sinnoh.
Personality:
A softhearted man with bravery and intuition. Edmund isn't really the type to speak out loud, but pretty vivacious and agreeable when it comes to things that he is capable of. By trade, he is a risk-taker who prefers to gamble on how things would turn out even if it is likely to not favor his side. By this obvious behavior, he indeed likes to play card games, and collecting them may be the best definition of a hobby.
However, there is more to his individuality. He is easily offended and gets sad every time someone hurts his feelings, even if it was partially masked by his stiffening silence. More often that not, his actions may lead to dishonesty, even to someone he trusts. But his deep affection towards his family makes him a persevering hard worker, and somewhat a cheapskate. He always wants to make them proud, so that one day he could live up and carry on the name of the family to eventually prosper and make a history out of it.
He still retains the bits of his past self even as a Pokémon, and while at it, he also develops some odd traits. He never uses his mouth to attack, and he can't really hiss, saying that his teeth hurts every time he did and not knowing how, respectively. He rarely coils up, making a mess of his long body. Lastly, if he wasn't in his former life, he is now a claustrophobic.
History:
Born in Dusia, he and his younger sister were the children of a not-so-rich family, under the mundane surname that they had within their last name. Their life was the quaint feel -- the two siblings would play together, end up bickering when one went too harsh only to make up later, hours of dwelling near the wired fences bordering the forest just near the city. His parents were the most gentle, and the two loved them so much for their seemingly endless care.
The playful life they lived for, however diminished when they were still attending school. Their father vanished without a trace, and 5 years later their mother has fallen ill to a rare disease that could be cured in exchange of a large sum of money. They couldn't pay such ridiculous amount, so the two left gloomily with heavy hearts. To that day, they swore that he and her sister will work hard so that they could help her mother from her illness.
Spoiler:
Luck played a little bit part in their present lives and they were fortunate enough; Edmund finally got to work in a company of retail business whilst her sister worked in a beauty salon, fitting her style in his opinion. The two struggled but eventually got used to the ins and outs of the duty they had to fulfill what they set out for from the start of their promising career. Becoming the backbone of a family was never easy, but the two seem to be enjoying their moments in the fieldwork very much.
Their mother's condition worsened for every month past, until it came into a situation where it must not be postponed anymore. Hearing this, Edmund panicked. The bill still outmatched the whole month of salary they had collected so far. He had to find a way, and that particular way, is the one his mother has always been forbidding numerously -- gambling.
That fateful night, cloaked in a hood, he entered a bar where most rich people would lounge around. He had the money and the place. All he needed is to multiply them.
When he claimed the seat, they thought he had the guts to simply sit and keep silent in a circular table full of loan sharks. But his silence too, masqueraded his capabilities in perceiving what they were thinking. He secretly learned of the game and intended to win with the tricks under his sleeve -- no matter how dirty it may be, he just needed to collect the money and bail it out to the entrance.
In the end, he did win. The money he had with him has increased into millions. His skillfulness leaded him into seemingly sweet victory. He brought what he had won and returned back to the hospital where she was treated. His smile was the most brightest, knowing that the shortcut he took was piss easy in the slightest detail. So that they could begin the operation, so they could reunite again.
What lie in the end, wasn't a respond he was quite ready for.
"...I can tell that you're lying. Where did you get this?"
No response, because he couldn't tell her. She insisted that he should not be hiding the truth and explain its origins. But he clamped up. She took a guess, and that guess turned horribly. He reluctantly nodded, followed up with a swift slap that disoriented his vision.
"I've already told you many times, Edmund! Why wouldn't you ever listen?!"
"But mom! I-I just want to..."
"I know! You should've known that we can never... urgh..."
Her repulsive voice intertwined by her coughing, of severe intensity. He instantly panicked, trying to find a way to sedate herself but things only worsened. The pressuring force toppled the faulty bed to the other side, causing even more ruckus with metallic objects clanging over the spread nominal papers. The disturbance that caused by itself attracted one of the nurse. What came next was an echoing scream of horror drawing attention of the holy crusaders subduing him in the aftermath.
The case already went to the court. Even if she fortunately survived and was receiving treatment, Edmund was allegedly found breaking the third rule for apparent violence that they couldn't overlook. No one heard of his explanation because he has been officially labeled as a Hylic, a matter, exiled from the society with justice blinded by its almighty goddess a few dared to defy. He kept on silent, unable to face up. His tears couldn't stop to where it was supposed to be. He must face the falsified, yet cold reality of being accused of something he never really did. His motive couldn't be exactly proven to his favor, but no matter how, once a Hylic will always be a Hylic.
In the name of the blissful goddess, the judgment was handed out with a guilty verdict; he was convicted.
Everything went black, as if he fell into the deepest pitfall made by human's technology. It was a complete darkness all over his line of sight, without the slightest dimming light that would ever show itself into his vision. His movement too, bound him in a constricting way. He couldn't feel his legs, nor his hands. Not even a single ankle, all could he do was to drag himself amidst the room of darkest secrets.
"What happened to me?" He asked, addressing to whoever that could heard his question. Lights did came to give him sight, but the world he was in totally differed from the place he was used to live in. Different colored lights lit up one after another, following them were automatons with various futuristic machinery in their equipment. He was dragged out from the chamber, dropping down in now serpentine-like form. He quickly took his wake, lights all turned on spontaneously from below,
Big, purple, and menacing. The imagery of a demonic stare terrified him, but then, it too somehow felt as if it cowered from disgust. He glanced around, and there were simply too many and they all share the same expression. He blinked repeatedly, but the sight just won't go away. He tried running away, but they followed him. Reflections of his, unable to accept the conclusion nobody would have expect -- the shadow of the new him, a reptilian monstrosity akin to what everyone would always despise.
And so with such realization, his fear slowly faded away as soon the gate opened itself. An unexpected sight of unknown creatures of varying sizes tilling the dug out soil and tended vegetation. Although naturally unnerving, he was greeted rather kindly by the inhabitants who shared similar fate. Though it was most unbelievable to think he had to work as a slave to repent his deed, he reluctantly accepted his fate to live a new life along with the kindred entities lined up across the grassy land.
Weeks later, those around him has grown to like him more than ever. He is glad that their worry has lessened significantly, but now he wonders for how long it will last, when he silently overheard of an elaborate plan to break out from the facility. If he takes part in the great escape, will there be a chance for him to at least apologize? Time will tell.
Other:
• While he had seen peculiar special devices in the works, he never had the chance to use it at all, making him unaccustomed to its usage procedure.
A little nitpick though - It's Ousia, not Dusia. Anyways though, I quite enjoy his reactions to his transformation and weird quirks due to it being a completely different body structure. That is a nice touch.
Name: Roger Dormin Age: 18 Gender: Male Species: Goodra
Human Appearance:
Spoiler:
Pokemon Appearance: A goodra with yellow eyes, his Teal control crystal located on his right shoulder.
Personality: Outside his household he's a calm and collected individual that always had a solution to a solvable dilemma. At his home he was goofy and excitable especially around his little sister. He always felt he needed to protect her and be a good role model for her to look up to. Anyone that attempted to insult or hurt his family were met with a swift kick and a broken leg, in secret of course as to not be caught breaking the Third Law.
History: Born and raised in the cozy Sophia town, he had a career of doing small jobs around the town for small payments. Most people would think he would just be getting the money for him, but they knew that wasn't the case. He used the money to help support his family in times of need, specifically his father who was bedridden due to a disease in his bones. Thanks to the constant problems caused by the resistant groups he kept a steady flow of cash to keep the bills paid and food on the table. He was very protective of his younger sister, Melody. He swore to be a good role model for her and to make sure that she grew up happy and healthy. Although as fate being the cruel mistress that it was, Melody was constantly bullied at her school. Due to being shorter then the other members of her grade, she was prone to being picked on and easily assaulted by other members of her class. Unfortunately for the members of her class, whenever someone decided to lay a hand on little melody, they suffered some sort of injury around the next few days. An "accident" always seemed to happen to them. As you probably guessed, Roger caused most of these "accidents" as to teach the bullies a lesson. He never got caught and never did anything too violent that would break the Third Law. Whenever he was caught by the people he was attempting to harm, he proceeded to ask them to discuss the matter in a place where no one would see. He always had the TM Giga Impact on him as to protect himself once he had led them away. After beating them to a pulp, he made them promise never to harm his smaller sister again or else they would suffer the consequences. He hadn't been caught yet, until one day.
3 large men were attempting to mug Melody in a dark alleyway, Roger eventually found them and told them how the usual would go. But, as most likely due to his bad karma of accidents caused by him, he accidentally caused one of the thugs to break his neck, causing instant death to him. As the two ran, Roger was caught with the corpse and a trembling melody. Of course after a court trial, was sentenced guilty for breaking the Third Law. He awoke in the facility, in a new body, in a new form. He was immediately put to work mining ores. That day he swore to get back to Sophia and to protect his family.
Being overprotective of his sister is an interesting concept to center a character around. I wonder if he will become similarly overprotective of others in the group once they befriend each other.
When I went back and read your character and SkittyEevee's (I decided to not read them until I finished mine, so I didn't steal any concepts by accident), I was a little concerned that their "moodiness" might be too similar. It's probably not a big deal but it might be worth mentioning.
I left a few ideas on the cutting room floor, such as cyclothymic disorder.
Seeing characters like Greg and Edmond makes me want to add something else to Leon... Something like, "The boy is occasionally frustrated by his new body, particularly his tongue, but he doesn't hate it. He only hates his new LIFE, and Arcadia. However, he can't help but notice those who have it much worse than him, when it came to their transformation -- those who are struggling with a much more drastic change. Times like those help him break out of his reclusive nature, so he can lend an empathetic ear or helping hand to Pokémon like that."
That is why I thought it could be an interesting dynamic. Our characters could relate to each other, having a similarly moody nature. Perhaps they could befriend each other... or perhaps it could cause conflict as moodiness can tend to do.
I do quite like that new addition to his profile though.
I actually really want to join this RP! I'm currently trying to make my SU and stuff. Although, it's sorta of a secondary priority for me due to being in Z and stuff, so yeah.
If you're interested, I could do some color editing of existing Joltik images for you, like so.
Seeing characters like Greg and Edmond makes me want to add something else to Leon... Something like, "The boy is occasionally frustrated by his new body, particularly his tongue, but he doesn't hate it. He only hates his new LIFE, and Arcadia. However, he can't help but notice those who have it much worse than him, when it came to their transformation -- those who are struggling with a much more drastic change. Times like those help him break out of his reclusive nature, so he can lend an empathetic ear or helping hand to Pok?mon like that."
Please do, I didn't toil in google images and photoshop for nothing~
I tease. But yeah, I thought you might like one of those for your SU/profile's image.
The art for the first image is done by Kuo, and the other two didn't have sources.
Does anyone feel like workshopping their characters? I wouldn't mind discussing what would be better or more interesting for characters, mine or others'. Or what would be interesting to do for them in the future.
Name: Johhny Roar Age: 25 Gender: Male Species: Incineroar
Human Appearance:
Pokemon Appearance: Johhny does not have the look of a normal Incineroar. He is extremely muscular. Because of his strong muscles, Johhny looks very cool and can defeat most people in hand-to-hand combat. His chest is very broad and thick and his arms are very long and thick. This is because he used muscle-enhancement steroids in the past to bodybuild. His claws are also very long, sharp and epic. He is also always smiling, because he is positive about life! He has the same tattoo he was having when he was still in the body of a human, but now it has a bright shining red colour control crystal inside it.
Personality: He is very cool person who is very cool headed. He will only get angry for two reasons: if they make fun of his body or if they are making an enemy or making the insult on his teammates and his companions. He is also having the very humorous personality and is always making the funny jokes and making his friends smile, :) Inside however, Johhny is a very sad one, as he wants to go back to his family and his hometown.
History: Johhny's family was a political family. His father and his father before his father were all of the political background. Because of this Johhny was taught about the politics from a very young age. He had a natural intelligence for all kinds of the political knowledge! Johhny was also raised as a person who dislikes Pokemon because his family taught him to be like that. So, every day was the same for Johhny, going to school, coming back and studying about politics. Then, when Johhny was 16 he was attacked at school by bullies. Johhny was of a too weak body to defend himself from the bullies, but one old man saved him. This old man was of a very strong musculature ability so the bullies ran away very fast. Johhny was completely confused. Who was this man? Why did he save me? Those were only thoughts in Johhny's confused brain. Old man never gave Johhny his name, but instead, he gave Johhny a card to a mysterious woman, her address was the Gym in the town. When he went to the gym, he was confused. There was nobody inside there. He gave his card to a person. This person was at the counter. Johhny was believing that she was probably receptionist. The lady went to a room behind her. Johhny waited patiently. Another lady came out. This lady was very big and of a very great musculature. She asked him to be calling her, Omega. She taught him how to fight, did muscle training for Johhny. Johhny cried every day but she called him a baby and kicked him till he kept training. After 2 year of training the muscle lady, Omega went to Johhny and gave him a special thing. This special thing was steroidal muscle enhancing drugs which will be used to improve muscles! Johhny began to see results very fast, but Johhny became addicted to steroid! He was angry all the time and beat up small children at school. His parent were very very angry at Johhny but Johhny just shouting at them! He was a very bad son. Johhny fell into great depression. He was in the bushes crying when he heard one noise. It was a Pokemon! Johhny was not knowing what Pokemon that one was but he got very angry because Johhny hated the Pokemon, so he tried to kill it! But the Pokemon escaped. Johhny became sad and realize that Pokemon not try to attack him, he try to attack Pokemon! Later Pokemon came again and Johhny was scared more than the angry. But Pokemon came to Johhny and used ability on him. Green color came all over Johhny and suddenly Johhny felt very good! He was become cure from his steroid addiction. Suddenly members of local police saw Pokemon and shoot it. Pokemon was dead and Johhny became sad. But Johhny was a smart one, he pretend to be very happy. He felt like he had meaning in his life now. He had to tell world about truth about Pokemon! But Johhny was a smart one. He decide to wait until he became top politician of town, then he would finally reveal truth. Johhny tatooed himself with shape of that Pokemon, to represent his freedom from lies given by the evil rulers. Fast forwarding 7 years later. Johhny is now 25 year old and going to become mayor of town. He went up to podium to give his speech. He started speech normally but when he reached halfway through he ripped shirt with symbol off him and gave arousing speech about greatness of Pokemon! He was tackled by armed guards, and next time he woke up, he was in Pokemon's body. But Johhny was mature now, he was cool-headed ever since Pokemon cured his steroid addiction. He knew the truth and he was going to save the world! Moves: Darkest Lariat, Flare Blitz, Crunch, Throat Chop
Human appearance:
As a human, Dyke bore the steriotypical appearance of a lumberjack: roughly six-foot-tall, muscular frame, short, dark brown hair, and a full beard. He almost always wore a makeshift bandana made from a scrap of flannel cloth.
Pokemon appearance:
He sports no colors out of the ordinary. His yellow control crystal is located at the base of his chin. His bandana is tied to his tail.
Personality:
Despite his gruff and intimidating exterior, Dyke is a caring and compassionate individual who cares for those inferior to him, and often functioned as a guardian to his younger siblings. He is known for being able to calm those in stress. He is also much smarter than he appears.
History
Dyke's family that ran a small lumberjacking business in Ousia forest. Growing up, Dyke quickly learned all the twists and turns of the forest. By the time he was an adolescent, he had mastered the move cut and began to take care of his five younger siblings.
One fateful day when Dyke was seventeen, his siblings brought him a disturbing item. It was a Pokemon, a Pidgey to be exact. Although he understood the direness of the situation, he could tell that the Pokemon was injured and could not turn down his siblings' pleas for him to help it. His parents, greatly disturbed rushed to the nearby city of Ousia to report what they saw. By the time they returned with the Sanctic Crusaders, Dyke had nursed the Pidgey back to full health and released it seconds before their arrival.
Dyke was immediately charged with breaking the first rule for being in contact with a Hylic and sentenced guilty. The only individuals to testify for him at the trial were his younger siblings, whose claims were immediately denounced as false.
After waking up as a Hylic, Dyke quickly began to distinguish himself as a skilled worker and has been considered a valuable asset to the industry.
Human appearance:
As a human, Dyke bore the steriotypical appearance of a lumberjack: roughly six-foot-tall, muscular frame, short, dark brown hair, and a full beard. He almost always wore a makeshift bandana made from a scrap of flannel cloth.
Pokemon appearance:
He sports no colors out of the ordinary. His yellow control crystal is located at the base of his chin. His bandana is tied to his tail.
Personality:
Despite his gruff and intimidating exterior, Dyke is a caring and compassionate individual who cares for those inferior to him, and often functioned as a guardian to his younger siblings. He is known for being able to calm those in stress. He is also much smarter than he appears.
History
Dyke's family that ran a small lumberjacking business in Ousia forest. Growing up, Dyke quickly learned all the twists and turns of the forest. By the time he was an adolescent, he had mastered the move cut and began to take care of his five younger siblings.
One fateful day when Dyke was seventeen, his siblings brought him a disturbing item. It was a Pokemon, a Pidgey to be exact. Although he understood the direness of the situation, he could tell that the Pokemon was injured and could not turn down his siblings' pleas for him to help it. His parents, greatly disturbed rushed to the nearby city of Ousia to report what they saw. By the time they returned with the Sanctic Crusaders, Dyke had nursed the Pidgey back to full health and released it seconds before their arrival.
Dyke was immediately charged with breaking the first rule for being in contact with a Hylic and sentenced guilty. The only individuals to testify for him at the trial were his younger siblings, whose claims were immediately denounced as false.
After waking up as a Hylic, Dyke quickly began to distinguish himself as a skilled worker and has been considered a valuable asset to the industry.
Name: Johhny Roar Age: 18 Gender: Male Species: Incineroar
Human Appearance:
Pokemon Appearance: Johhny is not like a normal Incineroar....he is too muscular!! He is very strong and very epic looking, his chest is very big and his arms are also very big. (This is because he was doing little bit steroids) He is also always smiling, because he is positive about life! He also has same tattoo he had when he was still human form. Personality: He is very cool person who is very cool headed. He will only get angry for two reasons: if they make fun of his body or if they are making an enemy or making the insult on his teammates and his companions. He is also having the very humorous personality and is always making the funny jokes and making his friends smile, :)
History: Johhny was very prominent politician in his hometown. However...he believe that Pokemon should be having presence in society!! But people are opposing him all the time. He dismiss the symbol and went shirtless with a tattoo. This tattoo represents his free spirit.. Because he was breaking 2 main rules (First law and Fourth Law) he was captured and transformed into Pokemon!
He was falling into great depression after this curse but he still smile on and on, because he wanted to go back to his family: his town. He was child prodigy since he was 15 year old and becomes youngest politician in the world ever.
Now he wants to escape...with his newfound fire abilities....
Moves: Darkest Lariat, Flare Blitz, Crunch, Throat Chop
The first problem for me to point out here is the fact that your grammar is spotty. There are too many exclamation marks at the end of certain sentences. Example:
Johhny is not like a normal Incineroar....he is too muscular!!
This also demonstrates another common grammatical error, the excess usage of ... without a space afterwards.
The second problem here is that your application isn't to the skill level I'm looking for. Your character lacks depth - descriptions are far too brief for me to get any sort of impression about what sort of person he is. All I know is that he is a child prodigy politician who supports Pokemon, very cheerful, and excessively muscular.
What I don't know is why and how. Why is he pro-Pokemon in a region where most people fear them? Was there some experience he had to make him think this way? Why does he have such a cheerful attitude in the first place? What made his personality the way it is? What about his family? Who are they? What is his relationship with them like? Did they also support Pokemon or was there some conflict between them?
Not to mention that him being a politician in this region doesn't fit with its lore. No one would get in that position supporting Pokemon. Sanctic simply wouldn't allow it, and he would have few supporters to back him up. It would make more sense if he was a resistance leader, operating behind the scenes.
This isn't even mentioning that becoming a politician at such a young age is highly implausible. He doesn't seem to have many flaws in general and just seems more like an idealization than a person. What is the negative side of his personality? Any habits he has that are self-destructive?
If you have trouble understanding what exactly it is I want, I would recommend looking at other character apps that have been accepted if you want to try again and learning from them.
Human appearance:
As a human, Dyke bore the steriotypical appearance of a lumberjack: roughly six-foot-tall, muscular frame, short, dark brown hair, and a full beard. He almost always wore a makeshift bandana made from a scrap of flannel cloth.
Pokemon appearance:
He sports no colors out of the ordinary. His yellow control crystal is located at the base of his chin. His bandana is tied to his tail.
Personality:
Despite his gruff and intimidating exterior, Dyke is a caring and compassionate individual who cares for those inferior to him, and often functioned as a guardian to his younger siblings. He is known for being able to calm those in stress. He is also much smarter than he appears.
History
Dyke's family that ran a small lumberjacking business in Ousia forest. Growing up, Dyke quickly learned all the twists and turns of the forest. By the time he was an adolescent, he had mastered the move cut and began to take care of his five younger siblings.
One fateful day when Dyke was seventeen, his siblings brought him a disturbing item. It was a Pokemon, a Pidgey to be exact. Although he understood the direness of the situation, he could tell that the Pokemon was injured and could not turn down his siblings' pleas for him to help it. His parents, greatly disturbed rushed to the nearby city of Ousia to report what they saw. By the time they returned with the Sanctic Crusaders, Dyke had nursed the Pidgey back to full health and released it seconds before their arrival.
Dyke was immediately charged with breaking the first rule for being in contact with a Hylic and sentenced guilty. The only individuals to testify for him at the trial were his younger siblings, whose claims were immediately denounced as false.
After waking up as a Hylic, Dyke quickly began to distinguish himself as a skilled worker and has been considered a valuable asset to the industry.
Name: Jason Gara Age: 22 Gender: M Species: Marowak (Alolan)
Human Appearance: Jason stands at 5 feet and 10 inches tall. He has brown eyes, short hair, colored dark blue, and a light skin tone. Jason is usually found wearing brown cargo pants with black tennis shoes and whatever t-shirt he randomly pulled from his closet that day. He is also typically seen with a black bandana around his neck that he sometimes covers his face with. The bandana has a design that resembles the mouth of a shiny Haunter.
Pokemon Appearance: Looks like your typical Alolan Marowak aside from having a purple flame on the bone as opposed to the standard blue-green. Jason also got to keep his Haunter bandana, though it doesn?t quite fit the same now that his head is shaped differently. His control crystal sits at the base of his neck.
Personality: A bit of a hot head, Jason has always had a bit of a temper and his fuse seems to get shorter as time passes. He doesn?t hesitate to throw himself into conflict and these days even enjoys exchanging blows, sometimes starting fights for the thrill of it. He can also be quite hard headed and once his mind is set one something it can be difficult for people to change his mind.
Underneath this angry exterior however is a somewhat caring soul. All Jason truly wants is to help those that have been wrongfully punished by the Sanctic Crusaders and potentially bring an end to the Crusaders themselves. Though his brash and cocky actions may show otherwise, Jason does have good intentions.
History: Jason has lived most of his life within Oarenin Town. As a child Jason was as devout a follower of Sanctic as he could be, despite not understanding all of the laws, and had even hoped to one day become a Crusader himself. However that all changed when he was twelve. One day Jason?s mother burst into their family?s home and locked the door behind her, a worried look on her face. His father told her to calm down and asked what happened, to which she replied ?I saw one of the creatures?. His father?s face went pale as the man stepped away from his wife and dust filled the room after Crusaders blew the door off with their attacks. Jason tried to fight off one of the invaders but was thrown to the side as he was too small to put up a fight, his father simply stood there doing nothing except hanging his head in shame. Jason watched in horror as his mother was dragged out of the house never to be seen again.
Jason couldn?t understand how simply witnessing a beast was worth dragging someone away. As Jason struggled to comprehend how such an innocent act could be punished so harshly he watched the Crusaders practically tear his village apart looking for more of these ?Hylics? and potential witnesses. Jason began to see that perhaps he had been wrong. Maybe the Crusaders aren?t good guys and maybe the laws of Sanctic aren?t actually worth following? Jason?s anger toward his mother?s taking and his father doing nothing about it only grew once he decided he had been living a lie. A month after the event at his home Jason stole a TM machine and ran away, hoping to find some answers and his mother. Ten years went by and many laws were broken but Jason still hadn?t found what he was looking for until one night at a resistance rally. Crusaders raided the building where the rally was taking place and the people scattered. As the crowd split Jason recognized the leader of the Crusaders? squad, the very man from that fateful day ten years before. Rather than run away, Jason ran at the man and tackled him to the ground then proceeded to beat the man. The last thing Jason remembers before being captured was being forced to kneel on the ground and looking up at the bloodied face of the Crusader standing before him, mocking Jason for even attempting to assault a Crusader before knocking Jason out with a few punches to the face.
Moves: Bonemerang, Bone Club, Will-O-Wisp, Shadow Bone, Thrash, Fire Punch*
Let me know if there's anything I need to change and feel free to tell me if this sucks :D
Name: Dyke Varston Age: 19 Gender: Male Species: Pyroar
Human appearance:
Dyke bore steriotypical appearance of a lumberjack as a human: roughly six foot tall,muscular frame, short, dark brown hair, and a full beard. He could almost always be found wearing his makeshift bandana that was little more than a scrap of red flannel cloth. His appearance was distinct among his family in that he had beige eyes instead blue and that he lacked freckles.
Pokemon appearance:
Sports no abnormal color patterns. His yellow control crystal is located at the base of his chin and his bandana is tied to his tail, do to the likelihood of his mane setting it ablaze if it were placed somewhere else, such as his neck.
Personality:
Despite his gruff and intimidating exterior, Dyke genuinely cares for those weaker than him, especially his younger siblings, who are easily the people whom he shares the closest bond with, however, for some unspoken reason he is incapable of saying 'no' to them. He is known for holding grudges and having wild mood swings, resulting in him rarely interacting with others for fear of making a enemy out of them. In this isolationism, Dyke focuses more on his work ethic than his relationships with others. Starting in his childhood, Dyke developed a nack for puzzles, especially mazes, and considered the forest to be a massive sprawling maze. He is also quite fond of nature, and some of his longest held grudges come from those who have defiled it.
History:
Dyke was born and raised in a lumberjack family that lived in Ousia forest. As a child he expected to grow up like his parents in terms of career, so he began exploring the forest, trying to learn every tree, every stream, and every path that could possibly lie within the entire portion of the forest he was allowed to enter. He also trained himself in the move cut, so that he could fully understand and partake in the delicate art of felling trees. By adolescence he was capable of felling a full grown tree,could navigate the forest blindfolded, and began taking care of his five younger siblings while his parents were away. Within due time he had become an important asset to the business
One fateful day when Dyke was seventeen, his siblings brought him something disturbing, an injured Pokemon, a Pidgey to be exact. Although he new of the consequences the situation bore, he could not bring himself to say no to them despite the obvious danger they were in. Although they attempted to keep this hidden, that night, the Crusaders swarmed their house. Dyke was arrested of breaking the first law and found guilty.
Upon awakening as a Hylic, Dyke immediately began showing skill as a productive worker, motivated to pay society his debt as well as possible.
Moves
Flamethrower
Noble Roar
Hyper Voice
Sunny Day
Rock Smash
Cut*
Other:
Dyke's control crystal is unusual because of its triangular shape.
Sorry I could not add any pictures. If there are any problems I should know about don't be afraid to tell me.
Name: Jason Gara Age: 22 Gender: M Species: Marowak (Alolan)
Human Appearance: Jason stands at 5 feet and 10 inches tall. He has brown eyes, short hair, colored dark blue, and a light skin tone. Jason is usually found wearing brown cargo pants with black tennis shoes and whatever t-shirt he randomly pulled from his closet that day. He is also typically seen with a black bandana around his neck that he sometimes covers his face with. The bandana has a design that resembles the mouth of a shiny Haunter.
Pokemon Appearance: Looks like your typical Alolan Marowak aside from having a purple flame on the bone as opposed to the standard blue-green. Jason also got to keep his Haunter bandana, though it doesn?t quite fit the same now that his head is shaped differently. His control crystal sits at the base of his neck.
Personality: A bit of a hot head, Jason has always had a bit of a temper and his fuse seems to get shorter as time passes. He doesn?t hesitate to throw himself into conflict and these days even enjoys exchanging blows, sometimes starting fights for the thrill of it. He can also be quite hard headed and once his mind is set one something it can be difficult for people to change his mind.
Underneath this angry exterior however is a somewhat caring soul. All Jason truly wants is to help those that have been wrongfully punished by the Sanctic Crusaders and potentially bring an end to the Crusaders themselves. Though his brash and cocky actions may show otherwise, Jason does have good intentions.
History: Jason has lived most of his life within Oarenin Town. As a child Jason was as devout a follower of Sanctic as he could be, despite not understanding all of the laws, and had even hoped to one day become a Crusader himself. However that all changed when he was twelve. One day Jason?s mother burst into their family?s home and locked the door behind her, a worried look on her face. His father told her to calm down and asked what happened, to which she replied ?I saw one of the creatures?. His father?s face went pale as the man stepped away from his wife and dust filled the room after Crusaders blew the door off with their attacks. Jason tried to fight off one of the invaders but was thrown to the side as he was too small to put up a fight, his father simply stood there doing nothing except hanging his head in shame. Jason watched in horror as his mother was dragged out of the house never to be seen again.
Jason couldn?t understand how simply witnessing a beast was worth dragging someone away. As Jason struggled to comprehend how such an innocent act could be punished so harshly he watched the Crusaders practically tear his village apart looking for more of these ?Hylics? and potential witnesses. Jason began to see that perhaps he had been wrong. Maybe the Crusaders aren?t good guys and maybe the laws of Sanctic aren?t actually worth following? Jason?s anger toward his mother?s taking and his father doing nothing about it only grew once he decided he had been living a lie. A month after the event at his home Jason stole a TM machine and ran away, hoping to find some answers and his mother. Ten years went by and many laws were broken but Jason still hadn?t found what he was looking for until one night at a resistance rally. Crusaders raided the building where the rally was taking place and the people scattered. As the crowd split Jason recognized the leader of the Crusaders? squad, the very man from that fateful day ten years before. Rather than run away, Jason ran at the man and tackled him to the ground then proceeded to beat the man. The last thing Jason remembers before being captured was being forced to kneel on the ground and looking up at the bloodied face of the Crusader standing before him, mocking Jason for even attempting to assault a Crusader before knocking Jason out with a few punches to the face.
Moves: Bonemerang, Bone Club, Will-O-Wisp, Shadow Bone, Thrash, Fire Punch*
Let me know if there's anything I need to change and feel free to tell me if this sucks :D
Just one question - which law did he break? Did he just break all of them during those ten years? Since I see you mention "many laws were broken" From what I'm reading here though, it appeared he broke the Second Law from attending the resistance group rally. If you could clarify or edit that in, that'd be good.
By the way, I like how aggressive he was toward that Crusader. It was quite unique to see someone stick it to them personally.
Human appearance:
Dyke bore steriotypical appearance of a lumberjack as a human: muscular frame, dark brown hair, and a full beard. He could almost always be found wearing his makeshift bandana that was little more than a scrap of flannel cloth.
Pokemon appearance:
Sports no abnormal color patterns. His yellow control crystal is located at the base of his chin and bandana is tied to his tail.
Personality:
Despite his gruff exterior, Dyke genuinely cares for those weaker than him and takes the time to show new Hylics the ropes. He is also smarter than he appears to be.
History:
Dyke was born and raised in a lumberjack family that lived in Ousia forest. By adolescence he had mastered the move cut, knew the forest by heart, and began taking care of his five younger siblings while his parents were away.
One fateful day when Dyke was seventeen, his siblings brought him something disturbing, an injured Pokemon, a Pidgey to be exact. Although he new of the consequences the situation bore, he could not bring himself to say no to his siblings. When his parents learned of this, they fled to Ousia to report this to the Sanctic crusaders. By the time they had returned, Dyke had nursed it back to full health and released it seconds before their arrival. He was immediately arrested add found guilty of breaking the first law.
Upon awakening as a Hylic, Dyke immediately began showing skill as a productive worker, motivated to pay society his debt as well as possible.
Moves
Flamethrower
Noble Roar
Hyper Voice
Sunny Day
Rock Smash
Cut*
Other:
Dyke's control crystal is unusual because of its triangular shape.
You're basically on the cusp of being accepted though. I'd just like a bit more information in his Personality section. If you're having trouble with that, just look at his backstory and think about what elements could correspond to personality traits. (Also, this is really really nitpicky, but could you add spaces after Name, Age, Gender, and Species?)
Okay, thank you for your comments....
I am understanding where i went wrong now!
I am working very hard and very long to improve my grammar but I am happy to be receiving help from all the members of this beautiful absoluteoy wonderful society.
Also I am having problems with 2 points you made.
1. He has problem, he is taking steroids and steroids are VERY BAD
2. His family is his town
Thank you very much for your critical speech about my SU!!
Thank you for your advice. I will do my best to make the corresponding changes. Also, I probably never would have thought of adding those spaces if you hadn't mentioned them.
to which she replied ?I saw one of the creatures?.
Jason couldn?t understand how simply witnessing a beast was worth dragging someone away. As Jason struggled to comprehend how such an innocent act could be punished so harshly
Thank you for your advice. I will do my best to make the corresponding changes. Also, I probably never would have thought of adding those spaces if you hadn't mentioned them.
Name: Dyke Varston Age: 19 Gender: Male Species: Pyroar
Human appearance:
Dyke bore steriotypical appearance of a lumberjack as a human: roughly six foot tall,muscular frame, short, dark brown hair, and a full beard. He could almost always be found wearing his makeshift bandana that was little more than a scrap of red flannel cloth. His appearance was distinct among his family in that he had beige eyes instead blue and that he lacked freckles.
Pokemon appearance:
Sports no abnormal color patterns. His yellow control crystal is located at the base of his chin and his bandana is tied to his tail, do to the likelihood of his mane setting it ablaze if it were placed somewhere else, such as his neck.
Personality:
Despite his gruff and intimidating exterior, Dyke genuinely cares for those weaker than him, especially his younger siblings, who are easily the people whom he shares the closest bond with, however, for some unspoken reason he is incapable of saying 'no' to them. He is known for holding grudges and having wild mood swings, resulting in him rarely interacting with others for fear of making a enemy out of them. In this isolationism, Dyke focuses more on his work ethic than his relationships with others. Starting in his childhood, Dyke developed a nack for puzzles, especially mazes, and considered the forest to be a massive sprawling maze. He is also quite fond of nature, and some of his longest held grudges come from those who have defiled it.
History:
Dyke was born and raised in a lumberjack family that lived in Ousia forest. As a child he expected to grow up like his parents in terms of career, so he began exploring the forest, trying to learn every tree, every stream, and every path that could possibly lie within the entire portion of the forest he was allowed to enter. He also trained himself in the move cut, so that he could fully understand and partake in the delicate art of felling trees. By adolescence he was capable of felling a full grown tree,could navigate the forest blindfolded, and began taking care of his five younger siblings while his parents were away. Within due time he had become an important asset to the business
One fateful day when Dyke was seventeen, his siblings brought him something disturbing, an injured Pokemon, a Pidgey to be exact. Although he new of the consequences the situation bore, he could not bring himself to say no to them despite the obvious danger they were in. Although they attempted to keep this hidden, that night, the Crusaders swarmed their house. Dyke was arrested of breaking the first law and found guilty.
Upon awakening as a Hylic, Dyke immediately began showing skill as a productive worker, motivated to pay society his debt as well as possible.
Moves
Flamethrower
Noble Roar
Hyper Voice
Sunny Day
Rock Smash
Cut*
Other:
Dyke's control crystal is unusual because of its triangular shape.
Sorry I could not add any pictures. If there are any problems I should know about don't be afraid to tell me.
Good changes. I get a much better idea of him as a person. I particularly like the detail with him being more focused on his work ethic than relationships with others.
I've been lurking around this section of the forums for a couple of days before I joined because I wanted to learn how to roleplay -- if any of you would like to offer tips, it would be much appreciated ((:
Human Appearance: Justine was a petite young woman, standing at 5'2", with dark brown eyes and wild chestnut locks that reach mid-shoulder and side-swept bangs. She wore a pair of hoop earrings alongside a simple hoop on her right helix.
Pokemon Appearance: As a Hylic, Justine heavily resembles a normal Mienshao with the exception of the piercings on her ears. The hoop earrings she wore as a human now hang somewhat awkwardly, but most notable is the strange new hoop at the top of her right ear with a shiny maroon control crystal at its center.
Personality: With a loud mouth and a tendency to be very straightforward and blunt, Justine doesn't make good first impressions. Due to the events that led up to and caused her transformation into a Hylic, she has begun to use this to push others away, trying her best to hold her cards close to her chest.
At her core, however, she has a bleeding heart and misses the life she had before her arrest, when she was carefree and happy, if not a bit naive.
History: Justine was born and raised in St. Faspiliere City as the oldest of three siblings. Her family was struggling to make ends meet, as her father had been caught breaking the Second Law by aiding a resistance group in the massacre of Santic churchgoers three years ago. Despite this, however, she and her family were devout Santics.
That all changed when she met Wesley. He was confident and charismatic, and the day he transferred into her class at Faspiliere High, they hit it off. They grew closer and closer until they began a relationship, and on her seventeenth birthday, he gave her a gift that would change her life.
Spoiler:
"Close your eyes," Wesley said. "I don't want you to see what your birthday gift is yet."
Justine crossed her arms. "Why not? It's my birthday; you'd think I deserve to know what my boyfriend got me." Wes chuckled, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. Muttering something about how even on her brithday her boyfriend could always get what he wanted under her breath, Justine shut her eyes, arms still crossed, as Wesley rose from his seat.
Wesley scanned the surrounding area, making sure that nobody was paying attention to the couple. He had picked the quiet cafe out specifically due to its lack of surveillance tech and its somewhat isolated location from the main streets of the city. He reached into his pocket and took out a necklace that featured a gorgeous iridescent gemstone at its center alongside various small diamonds and fastened the clasp to the birthday girl's neck. Wesley took Justine by the hand, prompting her to stand. "Don't open your eyes yet," he whispered, "I have another surprise for you."
Justine was led out of the cafe and onto the main streets, path guided by Wes. Her shoes hit pavement and grass before the hand on her shoulder seemed to disappear into thin air.
"Wes? Wesley?" she called. After waiting for a few seconds, she opened her eyes to see a small crowd surrounding her, and standing before her were two members of the Santic Crusaders, with Wesley just behind them. A nervous chuckle spilled out of her mouth. "I take it these guys aren't here to celebrate with us?"
"You are under arrest for violating the Second Law. Surrender the Thought of Norea at once, or we will be forced to take action," said the officer on her left. Justine furrowed her brows. Thought of Norea? I haven't been to the museum in years -
Justine's eyes grew to the size of saucers as her hand rose to clutch the cold stone that rested on her chest. She quickly took the necklace off, and took a deep breath, exhaling quietly. She met her boyfriend's eyes, trying to read him, trying to find any sense of remorse or reason. "Why?" she asked. The question was an accident. She had meant to keep it in her thoughts, tucked away alongside other things she wanted to ask but didn't want to know the answer to.
The crowd had gone silent as the Crusaders took the necklace from Justine, binding her in heavy cuffs. Wesley's eyes narrowed, gaze growing harder and colder. "Don't tell me you really don't know. Your father and the rest of the rebellion scum killed my family! My parents were humble people that strived to do the right thing! My sister," he cried, voice cracking, "she was only one. She was attending church for the first time." Tears began to run down his cheeks, and Wesley balled his hands into fists, nails digging into his palms. "She's dead now! All because of your father and the rest of the anti-Santics!"
The crowd began whispering among themselves, and Wesley bowed his head for a long moment, wiping his face dry. When he had finished, he raised his head, and Justine felt a chill rush up her spine.
"The only reason I'm alive now is because I was sick that day. And ever since then, I've been hellbent on making all anti-Santics pay, starting with your family. Your family took mine away from me -- it seems only fair that I repay the favor, right?"
The last thing Justine saw before the world went dark was a cold, cruel smile from the boy she thought she knew.
Moves: Stone Edge, Aura Sphere, Bulk Up, U-Turn, Poison Jab, Double Team
Other:
- Wesley got away with the actual theft of the Thought of Norea due to some connections within the museum staff that supported his cause.
- Justine's father, David, is a Nidoking working in the third facility of Arcadia with no knowledge of his daughter's arrest and subsequent transformation.
Spoiler:
"I really appreciate you coming out here to meet me," Wesley said, taking a sip of his coffee. The woman sitting across from him, a friend of a friend, worked for the Museum of the Elect. Even on her day off, she held herself ramrod straight, and he could not note a single hair out of place on the tight bun on her head. "I believe a formal introduction is in order. My name is Wesley Valenciano. It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms…?"
"Lau. Amy Lau. I assure you, the feeling is mutual. However, I am loath to believe that a cafe is the best place to discuss and negotiate, given the topic and circumstances."
"I'm afraid that this is the only place we can properly converse. You'll notice that there is no surveillance tech in place; I made sure of it before deciding on this venue. Now then," he cleared his throat, "let's begin."
"I'm sure this question is one you expected before our meeting, but I'll ask it anyway: What could a 17-year-old boy possibly want with one of the most valuable items in the Lasvion region?" Amy quirked an eyebrow before continuing. "Jaden mentioned some sort of personal vendetta, but even he didn't know much about your motives."
Looking down at his drink, Wesley responded, "Anti-Santics killed my family during a church massacre three years ago. I had a fever, so I was at home when it happened." His fingers tightened around the cup. "I found the daughter of a man involved with the resistance group and charmed her. My plan is to plant the Thought of Norea on her and report her to the Crusaders in order to get her arrested."
Amy was silent for several long moments before speaking again. "Mr. Valenciano, I mean no disrespect, but I must say that this is one of the most boneheaded plans I have ever heard."
Wesley sighed before taking a long swig of his coffee, downing what was left. "Please, Ms. Lau. I've done research on the Thought, and I know that the clasp of the necklace has a tracking device embedded in it. You'd know if I decided to run off with it. Furthermore, the Crusaders will return the necklace to the museum shortly after she is apprehended." He laid his cards on the table, but he was sure she would decline. Fortunately, he thought, I can always go with my contingency plan and rip her emblem off a few times…
"While I maintain my position on this matter, I will speak to other senior staff members. Expect a reply shortly," Amy said, cutting through his thoughts. He had to keep the smile off his face in order to retain his professional attitude. Only when the two had bid each other farewell and gone their separate ways did Wesley allow the twisted smile to creep onto his face.
Two weeks later, his grandmother alerted him to a package he had received in the mail. It was enclosed in a large box, and Wesley had to sift through bubble wrap and styrofoam for what seemed like years before his fingers brushed a velvety surface.
The package, which had no return address, contained a velvet box with the Thought of Norea inside and a folded piece of paper with only the message "Be careful. We're watching," scrawled on it.
EDIT: In addition to expanding on how Wesley managed to get his hands on the Thought of Norea in a little side story, I also made some minor tweaks to Justine's history; the Thought now contains diamonds alongside the center gemstone and some words were added/replaced to help the story flow a little better.
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