Help & Advice Thread

Finding A Pokemon-Fan-Girl To date=IMPOSSIBLE

Call me crazy, but i've always had a thing for nerdy or fan girls in general, but despite my great love of all things not sports-related, i've never found a girl who TRULY cares about Pokemon or Dragonball Z or DC Comics as much as i do =( Where i live, nearly EVERY girl here is into guys who are body-builders, athletic, or have TONS Of money...me, well i'm just a skinny runner who loves things people here HATE. Sometimes i even put on a fascade and i lie to girls that i'm on the basketball team or whatever ( even though i'm skinny i've NEVER made the basketball team, the coach here ALWAYS picks the JACKED guys over me ).

Thoughts? Cares? Experience till next levels? (<-that was sarcasm right there, don't take that seriously).

poke-loving-actor, I merged your thread with this one since we like to keep the main page free of threads that won't really generate much debate or discussion and because it seems like you're looking for something more along the lines or advice on your predicament.

And on that topic, I think that there are more nerdy people out there than it seems. Some people are both nerdy and sporty, too, so some of those people you think might not care about games or comics might actually. Of course, not everyone is going to care about the same things or to the same level, but don't be afraid to be honest about what you like and eventually the people who will appreciate that - friends or whoever - will find their way to you.

Sydian said:

Medically speaking, I have no clue what the odd colored last pills do, I just remember them as the "lol you could manipulate your schedule if you take these every other day" pills cause those are what usually initiate your period starting. That being said though, I have had times where I've taken those last four and moved onto the next pack and still not started. That's not often, but it happens, so maybe that's what you're going through.

Click to expand...

DON'T take those pills every other day! They are sugar pills, they do absolutely nothing medically. They are there so that you remember to stay in the routine of taking a pill every day -- if you don't need to do that to remember to start taking the next round, you can just leave them off.

What you CAN do to manipulate your schedule is to just skip the whole week designated for the sugar pills entirely and start on a new pack. When you stop taking the hormones (ie. when you are taking the sugar pills) that is what signals to your body to start your period. If you skip the sugar pills and continue to take the hormonal pills, you will skip your period entirely (useful if you have a big event or a vacation or something and reeeeally don't wanna deal with it).

Sorry, I'm not sure if you were joking, but that was alarming to me, because taking them out of synch like that will get you knocked up, haha. So just in case anyone was confused...

Silais said:

Ah, college woes...

From personal observation I can say that I'm probably one of the most unattractive girls on campus. What's an ugly girl to do when it comes to dating? I doubt any of the guys here would be interested in lowering their standards enough to go out with me; am I going to be one of those women that has to date online exclusively?

Click to expand...

Tough love here -- if you feel that way about yourself, you're most likely signaling that in body language, attitude, etc to other people without even knowing it. People are attracted to a huge, wide variety of people, and I'm sure that there are people who know you who think that you're gorgeous, but insecurity can be a very off-putting thing. My advice? Fake it until you make it. As weird as that sounds, forcing myself to act confident even though I didn't feel confident was the best thing I could have done for myself. When I was super uncomfortable with myself, that was the first thing other people noticed about me. They didn't see any of the positives about me, all that they saw was that I was obviously self-loathing, and I think it's a pretty common (subconscious) reaction to think, "Well that person doesn't like themselves very much... there must be a reason" and keep someone at arm's length.

Also, don't worry. You are really very young (you said college sophomore?) and though it's cliche, you have SO MUCH TIME. You'll find someone. Focus on the things you love to do, hang out with people you like to be around, and try to be as kind and loving to yourself as possible. It will make a difference in the way you feel and the way other people see you, I promise.

poke-loving-actor said:

Call me crazy, but i've always had a thing for nerdy or fan girls in general, but despite my great love of all things not sports-related, i've never found a girl who TRULY cares about Pokemon or Dragonball Z or DC Comics as much as i do =( Where i live, nearly EVERY girl here is into guys who are body-builders, athletic, or have TONS Of money...me, well i'm just a skinny runner who loves things people here HATE. Sometimes i even put on a fascade and i lie to girls that i'm on the basketball team or whatever ( even though i'm skinny i've NEVER made the basketball team, the coach here ALWAYS picks the JACKED guys over me ).

Thoughts? Cares? Experience till next levels? (<-that was sarcasm right there, don't take that seriously).

Click to expand...

The only thing i can say to you is BE YOU never change who you are and what you love to make people love you because then they don't really love you they love a person you made who's not you actually....stay as yourself and you will meet the right person at the right time who will love you the way you are ..and never be afraid of trying new hobbies! ;3

best wishes for you ^^

poke-loving-actor said:

Call me crazy, but i've always had a thing for nerdy or fan girls in general, but despite my great love of all things not sports-related, i've never found a girl who TRULY cares about Pokemon or Dragonball Z or DC Comics as much as i do =( Where i live, nearly EVERY girl here is into guys who are body-builders, athletic, or have TONS Of money...me, well i'm just a skinny runner who loves things people here HATE. Sometimes i even put on a fascade and i lie to girls that i'm on the basketball team or whatever ( even though i'm skinny i've NEVER made the basketball team, the coach here ALWAYS picks the JACKED guys over me ).

Thoughts? Cares? Experience till next levels? (<-that was sarcasm right there, don't take that seriously).

Click to expand...

I can't really give advice, but I will say this. Try not to lie. They will come back to haunt you in your future. I swear, stuff I lied about back 5 years ago comes back nowadays. Rarely, but it's happened, and I've had to come clean. >>

So I got into anime last year and during that year I have bought some merch and gotten some as gifts. But the problem is that I'd like to wear and display them in my room but my parents think it's babyish and that I shouldn't even have them. Which is fine, everyone has their own opinion but they've tried talking me into getting rid of the stuff and just puts it down to try to make me not like it anymore. When I'm alone with the objects, I feel like a million bucks. It's all special to me so I don't want to give it all away just because of what they think.

This wouldn't be a problem if I moved out but I can't afford to so I'm stuck. It's easy to just have the stuff around and go "screw you I don't care" but I can't do that. What they say bothers me. I love the stuff and don't feel embarrassed whatsoever but when they come around, I feel like I wanna hide the stuff so they won't see it. An that's stupid.

What would you do? Every other kid I know decorates their room to what they want but I feel like I'm doing what my parents want and I hate it.

Being an Otaku isn't easy..you need to stand and fight for that...hahaha jk,i'm an otaku too and i used to hear the same thing from my family but i never cared..omg,so childish!! when will you grow up?? ..you never get bored of that!!...if you like it you don't have to hide it,i think you need to talk to your parents..tell them you like these stuff and you don't want to throw em away...be clear and nice.

Silais said:

From personal observation I can say that I'm probably one of the most unattractive girls on campus. What's an ugly girl to do when it comes to dating? I doubt any of the guys here would be interested in lowering their standards enough to go out with me; am I going to be one of those women that has to date online exclusively?

Click to expand...

Honestly (I hope I don't come across mean) I see couples, and in my mind I can say that the girl isn't that pretty. But thats brings it to the point. Beauty is in the eye of beholder, someday a guy will see that and maybe you'll hit it off. Because if you have a good personality, thats what people will see, not your physical quirks. Well atleast once they get to know you. Just be you, maybe make a few mind tweaks. I'm freshman/sophmore college age if I actually went, and I haven't dated yet. I never had a normal tean life, and yes that bothers me sometimes, but theres probably going to be something really good instore in the future for you.

Shimmer Mint said:

What would you do? Every other kid I know decorates their room to what they want but I feel like I'm doing what my parents want and I hate it.

Click to expand...

I'm not totally big on the anime side, but I like Pokemon which my parents say I'm to old for. And some quirky stuff like doctor who. I feel somewhat embarressed with parents or out in public. But its who you are. And if its something you truely like you shouldn't feel guilty about it. You just need to help your parents understand that this is you, this is what you like. If they truely love you they'll accept it. If they don't.. Well keep on being you. Ok that sounded better in my head.

I guess I should try this...

Try and do some of the things you haven't gotten around to. My mom actually pushed me to get my first job. I was scared and whatever about it, but when I got hired and started working, it wasn't so bad. I think people can end up with this pre-decisional anxiety - best thing to do is just go through with it anyways without thinking too hard. You seem like a cerebral guy, up in his head a lot. There doesn't have to be a reason for everything, for example this:

Social: I haven't had much of a social life. I made friends sure, online and off. (Though my parents don't think I have offline friends). But even me being friends with them, and them saying we'll hang out or be best buds. I'm never part of their lifes unless I'm just there like in class, outside of that, I'm no one. It's annoying. Ok theres no help for that is there?

Click to expand...

Same here, but what am I going to do, force them to be as I wish? Don't expect so much from people. You can be happy with what you have, you've said it yourself, your life isn't so bad. Somewhere along the line there has to be a place where you find peace.

BlahISuck said:

Try and do some of the things you haven't gotten around to. My mom actually pushed me to get my first job. I was scared and whatever about it, but when I got hired and started working, it wasn't so bad. I think people can end up with this pre-decisional anxiety - best thing to do is just go through with it anyways without thinking too hard. You seem like a cerebral guy, up in his head a lot. There doesn't have to be a reason for everything, for example this:


Same here, but what am I going to do, force them to be as I wish? Don't expect so much from people. You can be happy with what you have, you've said it yourself, your life isn't so bad. Somewhere along the line there has to be a place where you find peace.

Click to expand...

I mean I want to try it. Heck I even did Zip lining this summer and I hate extreme stuff and heights. I feel like I can, and want to give it a go. My mom said she'll help. But I have issues conveying anything properly. Whenever I try talking, I push away and get angry about anything. Makes it hard.
And yeah according to that one test I am "a thinker". Also I took a few mental test and I rayed med/high for quite a few, should I get checked out further for that? My mom says its all in my head.

Yeah, don't think too hard about it. If it's hard to convey your thoughts, slow down and don't beat yourself over it. You'll find that people are more patient than they seem. If you want to do something, just do it your way. It's just a lot worse do not do something you want to do and end up blaming yourself over it.

poke-loving-actor said:

Call me crazy, but i've always had a thing for nerdy or fan girls in general, but despite my great love of all things not sports-related, i've never found a girl who TRULY cares about Pokemon or Dragonball Z or DC Comics as much as i do =( Where i live, nearly EVERY girl here is into guys who are body-builders, athletic, or have TONS Of money...me, well i'm just a skinny runner who loves things people here HATE. Sometimes i even put on a fascade and i lie to girls that i'm on the basketball team or whatever ( even though i'm skinny i've NEVER made the basketball team, the coach here ALWAYS picks the JACKED guys over me ).

Thoughts? Cares? Experience till next levels? (<-that was sarcasm right there, don't take that seriously).

Click to expand...

The first thing I can say is -- don't be so sure that you don't know any nerdy girls! They might be doing the same thing that you are and hiding their interests. I would guess that most people that I know don't realize how into video games I am... I know my friends aren't really interested, so I don't really talk about it. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I had to warn him about it -- "I am a pretty big video game geek. No really. Like, I sometimes have video game marathons where I sit on the couch and eat junk food and don't shower all weekend. Just... a warning."

The other thing you can try to do is go to events or places that surround your interests. I'm not sure where you live, and I'm sure this is easier in a larger city, but you might be able to find groups in your area that get together and battle/trade/etc (I know there are a few in mine). Sometimes, when you can't find someone with the same interests as you, all it means is that you're looking in the wrong place. :)

Shimmer Mint said:

So I got into anime last year and during that year I have bought some merch and gotten some as gifts. But the problem is that I'd like to wear and display them in my room but my parents think it's babyish and that I shouldn't even have them. Which is fine, everyone has their own opinion but they've tried talking me into getting rid of the stuff and just puts it down to try to make me not like it anymore. When I'm alone with the objects, I feel like a million bucks. It's all special to me so I don't want to give it all away just because of what they think.

This wouldn't be a problem if I moved out but I can't afford to so I'm stuck. It's easy to just have the stuff around and go "screw you I don't care" but I can't do that. What they say bothers me. I love the stuff and don't feel embarrassed whatsoever but when they come around, I feel like I wanna hide the stuff so they won't see it. An that's stupid.

What would you do? Every other kid I know decorates their room to what they want but I feel like I'm doing what my parents want and I hate it.

Click to expand...

With your parents have you talked about this or do you just argue over it? Sometimes there's just a lot of miscommunication. If you could explain to them that it's just a hobby of yours, could show them that you aren't obsessing over them and that you have other interests (ones that they may accept as more "normal" for you) they might back off. You know, like, a show of maturity on your part may make it easier for them to see that you aren't "babyish."

countryemo said:

I guess I should try this...

Spoiler:

Despite my somewhat wise attitude, I'm lost. I tried getting somewhat help before, but I push everything away.

Job:
A store near us is recently hiring because of strike, and I think I can probably do it. But when I try to say it, I say whatever, eh, no, and turn it down. I want a job, and money would be nice. I think of getting one but I always say negative things instead. My thoughts and dialouge are totally different. Its a temp job, I have no idea what I would want to do it the long run anyways. I jump around a lot, and can't seem to stick to one thinng.

Education:
I didn't care about school that much, causing a total gpa of 2, pretty much. And having to take a 5th year. Thinking about it I do sorta want to go to college, besides not really having the grades or money. I know there is financial aid, and a lot of people use it. But I feel like I can't. My parents never thought of college I don't think. I'm the first one to even graduate from highschool in my intermediate family. I talked to one college more deeply then the rest, and made some what of a plan, but I feel like I can't.

Social: I haven't had much of a social life. I made friends sure, online and off. (Though my parents don't think I have offline friends). But even me being friends with them, and them saying we'll hang out or be best buds. I'm never part of their lifes unless I'm just there like in class, outside of that, I'm no one. It's annoying. Ok theres no help for that is there?

Me: Ok, this ones a big one. I do think of.. offing myself. I don't say my life is bad. But we each individually can handle so much. Me? I'm so weak. One simple thing can and usually pushes me off the edge. I have attempted. I can tell why, I can help myself and talk myself out of it, but it never gets better. Also don't like driving, passed my written test, but I don't think I can go beyond that. I drove a few times, not that good/enjoyable. Bike and bus for me, outcast outcast...

tldr; I'm a mess. Didn't even say everything.

Click to expand...

First, it's not strange to have those thoughts. A lot of people have them even if they don't act on them. I've had them myself and I even went about planning things, but I got help even though it didn't feel at the time like I deserved it because of where I was at. But there's help in a lot of places and it's okay to ask for it.

In general it's okay to ask for help with anything. It sounds like you've got some supportive family, and that's great. I had a similar thing where I didn't like or want to drive (and still don't really) but with some poking and prodding I took my behind-the-wheel test and had someone give me some pointers to get me into the mindset where I felt that, even though I'm not what you'd call a good driver, I feel like I can handle being behind the wheel. Wouldn't have gotten there without help.

On the school side, there are community colleges in lots of places and they're usually really accommodating when it comes to things like financial aid or even just working around whatever your schedule is. Your high school GPA doesn't matter. (I did pretty awful in high school and community college was like a second start for me.) They have counselor who can help you plan out (or even just figure out) what you'd like to do. Even if you're not entirely sure about your goals you can still do quite a lot to get your education going in the right direction and take some time to think about what you'd like to do with it.

I think the best thing you can do is just try something. If it fails, falls apart, you can ask someone for help, for advice or just a second change to do better. If it succeeds, well, that speaks for itself.

Silais said:

I hate posting in this thread, but I figure it's here to give help to those who need it, so I might as well use it.

One of my friends is dating someone she's been with for an entire year, but I don't think he's a very good person. He jokes about her intelligence, laughs at her, and won't even let her hold his hand in public. When he and his friend get together, they rag on her constantly; they were unbelievably cruel today at lunch, and I couldn't believe how rude and nasty they were. She laughed it off for most of our meal but after awhile she got frustrated and we both left. She said that sometimes they get to be a bit much but I find them both to be rude and mean-spirited and I wouldn't take their garbage at all if it were me. I've tried telling her gently and nicely that I don't think they're very good people, but she always makes excuses for them. I don't know what her and her boyfriend act like together when they're alone, but I can't imagine it's much better. She's a really nice person and I think she deserves to be complimented rather than being insulted, even if it's in a "joking" manner.

I want to tell her what I really think, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I just think she deserves better and, from the behavior I've observed, she seems to be in a somewhat abusive or loveless relationship. What should I do?

Click to expand...

I've had to deal with things like this before and there's no easy way to go about it. If your friend can't get out of a bad relationship and is actively resisting people's attempts you've really got an uphill struggle, one that you might not help her win. You have to accept the possibility that you can't fix this for her so you've just got to do whatever makes you feel like you gave it your best shot.

I really don't know what else to say. If you tried to get some of her other friends or family involved she may feel you're ganging up on her and retreat even more. If you try to talk to the boyfriend directly he may try to poison you with your friend. It's just a whole big mess. Definitely do what you can to get across that you're concerned, that her assurances don't reassure you. Maybe get her to talk about, in a general way, what she wants in a relationship. If she's given a good amount of thought to it she'll probably have some ideas about what she thinks a healthy relationship is and maybe she needs to remind herself of those.

Ugh, I'm really sorry you're in this position. I hope it gets better.

Silais said:

I hate posting in this thread, but I figure it's here to give help to those who need it, so I might as well use it.

One of my friends is dating someone she's been with for an entire year, but I don't think he's a very good person. He jokes about her intelligence, laughs at her, and won't even let her hold his hand in public. When he and his friend get together, they rag on her constantly; they were unbelievably cruel today at lunch, and I couldn't believe how rude and nasty they were. She laughed it off for most of our meal but after awhile she got frustrated and we both left. She said that sometimes they get to be a bit much but I find them both to be rude and mean-spirited and I wouldn't take their garbage at all if it were me. I've tried telling her gently and nicely that I don't think they're very good people, but she always makes excuses for them. I don't know what her and her boyfriend act like together when they're alone, but I can't imagine it's much better. She's a really nice person and I think she deserves to be complimented rather than being insulted, even if it's in a "joking" manner.

I want to tell her what I really think, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I just think she deserves better and, from the behavior I've observed, she seems to be in a somewhat abusive or loveless relationship. What should I do?

Click to expand...

First, I just wanted to say good on you for immediately recognizing this behavior for what it is. They clearly do not honor her in the way she deserves. Insulting one's intelligence and ragging on someone constantly, even if it's "just a joke," is a form of emotional abuse.

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do. Talking to her about it will only do so much; the trigger is in her hands and you'll have to have faith that she will realize she deserves better. I definitely suggest saying something to her, but I would be careful with how I framed it. I'm sure you know this already, but don't put any blame on her. If you can, frame it in terms of "I don't like x, I don't like how how treats you, such as by doing x," make it very much your opinion and don't try to invalidate her possible feelings about the situation. Remind her of how much you care about her and just want the best, and definitely make it clear that you'll be there for her regardless of what she does. That's just what I'd do, at least.

Sorry to pop in here during a serious question, cause I have a dumb one. A friend of mine got another friend to trim his hair and she messed up big time so now he looks like...basically a Neo Nazi. Like...it's bad. There's basically nothing left there. Anything that can make hair grow faster? Like certain shampoos and such? He's really upset by this, so I'd like to help him out. :( He says his hair doesn't grow out very quickly, so yeah. I hate using this thread for a silly question but I just don't like when my friends are upset and yeah...

Eat healthy and destress eh? But that's for the long term. It'll be fine within three weeks or so, don't worry :P Maybe he can turn it into a crewcut in a week or two so he doesn't look too neo-Nazi?

Eat healthy and destress eh? But that's for the long term. It'll be fine within three weeks or so, don't worry Maybe he can turn it into a crewcut in a week or two so he doesn't look too neo-Nazi?

Click to expand...

Haha, he doesn't really have any hair to work with right now. He's borderline bald. I don't know how a trim could have gone THAT badly, but it's pretty bad. I'll let him know. :P

There's no quick fix I'm afraid :P Everything I know is about lifestyle changes to prevent balding in your 60's. He could grow to love the new do :P Once I got a perm and style that turned me into a fairy boy, but I ended up being happy with it :D